Chapter Eleven

Escalus Bridge had been the site of many grisly murders and tragic suicides over the years, so with all that scary history, it had naturally become a popular romantic hangout for love-sick teens and psychopaths.

"Is this date romantic enough?" Romeo asked.

Romeo had put an unusual amount of effort into making our "date" authentically romantic. Candles, checkered table cloths, salad forks - the whole deal. It was cliched, but sweet in it's own, corny way. It reminded me of a standard 90's romantic comedy, which I suppose made me Meg Ryan and Romeo Tom Hanks. The bridge was quiet, the stars were bright, and the ocean endless. It was - according to all my extensive knowledge on the subject - the most romantic date imaginable.

I nodded, because my mouth was full of pizza and the next time I opened it, it would be to eat more pizza.

We sat on top of one of the bridge pillars, right next to the edge where the cement dropped off into nothing. Romeo thought the fact that death was about an inch away from where we were sitting somehow heightened the "romance" of the place.

"So this would be a good place to take Mercutio?" they asked, looking hopeful but confused.

"Depends…" I peered over the edge, down into the abyss below us. "Is he afraid of heights?"

"I don't know…" Romeo looked confused. "Should I know?"

I didn't know, so I shrugged. "Might be a good idea to know what scares them? Find out there likes, dislikes, fears, hopes, dreams, goals - you know? Get to know them. Otherwise, what are your conversations going to look like?"

"Hmm. We don't really talk. We just kind of have sex." Romeo smirked.

Oh, yeah, the sex thing. "But you want something more?"

The smirk faded from Romeo's face. "Well, yeah."

"Have you considered maybe your relationship doesn't need to be romantic?" I was probably being too serious, but hey, that was my nature.

Romeo looked surprised at that. "Isn't that what relationships are?"

"Naw," I said flippantly. "Relationships are like candy, I think. They come in all kinds of variations, flavors, types - each one is unique, satisfying in it's own way. But eat too much -"

"And you get a stomach ache -"

"Or a disease," I laughed.

Romeo nodded. "And what about you?"

I smiled. "I don't have much of a sweet tooth."

Romeo laughed.

I suddenly became really curious as to why Romeo had chosen me to teach him about romance. I asked them. They said, "You're the only person who'll talk to me."

Oh, poor Romeo. "I am?"

They nodded.

Then silence. I'm not good with silence in conversations. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I never know what's going to happen next.

I broke the silence in the worst way possible. "Oh, by the way, I told my brother we were dating."

Romeo nearly spit out their pizza, and then nodded. "That's fine, I guess. But we're not dating."

"No, we're not," I confirmed.

"Okay, cool."

Now the silence was truly awkward.

I, not being an expert on not-awkwardness, decided to try to make it less awkward. "But if we were dating, I'd be very flattered and impressed."

Romeo looked pleasantly surprised at that. "Ah, okay. Anything else I can do?"

I thought back to my extensive knowledge of cheesy 90's rom-coms and picked out a few tips. "Chocolate, alcohol and junk food are your friends. Always ask for consent. Sweaters are the most romantic item of clothing. Mistakes are endearing, puns are golden, and you can never go wrong with a sonnet."

To my surprise, Romeo actually took out a pen and paper and wrote my advice down, but the last bit seemed to stump them. "Sonnet? What's a sonnet?"

I quickly explained what a sonnet was.

"So, it's a fancy poem?" Romeo surmised.

Pretentious jerk I was, I was actually offended. "It's more than a fancy poem. It's a very fancy poem. The fancier something is, the more romantic it's considered to be."

Romeo still didn't seem to understand. "Give me an example."

"Urgh. I left my poetry skills in my other pants."

With a few clever words of their own, Romeo talked me into it.

"Alright, well, urm…" I scooted closer to Romeo. "But you have to help me out, okay? Let's see…" Impromptu-poetry wasn't really my thing, but I took Romeo's hand all the same. "If I profane with my unworthiest hand. This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this… Okay, now you go."

Romeo froze, their eyes wide. "Um… My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand. To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. Is that good?"

"Nice." Damn, Romeo was good at this. "Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."

Despite the romantic nature of our words, I didn't feel anything remotely romantic about the fancy hand-holding Romeo and I were doing.

Romeo had a goofy smile on their face. "Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?"

"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."

"What does that mean?" Romeo asked.

"Our hands are making out," I explained.

Romeo gave a curt nod. "Ah, okay."

We both laughed.

I took a bite of pizza and said, "Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."

It took Romeo a few seconds to come up with a reply. "Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take."

That didn't sound quite right to me. "I wouldn't go with that. It's kind of creepy."

"Oh, okay." Romeo shrugged. That's fine. Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged." Romeo's responded were becoming quicker; they were getting the hang of this.

"Then have my lips the sin that they have took."

"Urm. What now?" Romeo asked.

"If this was a movie, we'd kiss."

"Why?"

I didn't know. "That's just what happened in movies."

Romeo excepted this instantly. "Okay, so we kiss - then what?"

"Urm." After a kiss in a movie, two things usually happened: the movie ended (happily) or the sex happened. Since neither of those options seemed at all plausible, I went for the most likely option. "You'd… kiss again."

Romeo stretched their arms out and said in a deeply silly yet dramatic voice, "Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again."

Romeo made a loud, incredibly fake kissing sound.

"Ew." I shuddered childishly.

Long chapter, part 1 of 2.