It was his last day at Pearson Specter Litt, soon to be Pearson Litt. He had thought about how his last day of work would be a couple of months ago, and this is was as far as possible from his expectations.
He always thought he'd be older, leaving the firm because he was just too weary or had perhaps started a family. Most importantly his last day would have Donna in it. They would be married or about to, and they'd leave that firm just like they came; together. They'd sit in his office one last time looking over the New York skyline, drinking a glass of Macallan 25, reminiscing about their days there.
How invincible they were.
How he had realized he was in love with her one late night when she was helping him with a case, eating from that Shitty Thai food place she loved and filling him with the energy he needed to go on.
How she had broken his trust and how they got through it.
How she had broken his heart on that couch when she admitted she was involved with Stephen Huntley.
How he had broken hers with countless nameless figures.
How he had told her he loved her, then messed it up.
How she had told him she loved him, and left him.
How they got through it.
But he was wrong.
So it was no surprise when he walked into the firm that morning with the gloomiest mood he'd ever been in. He wordlessly nodded at Gretchen, who now knew better than to bother him. He wished Mike could do the same.
"So, last day huh?" Mike said delicately. It was his as well.
Harvey nodded, barely looking up.
"Bittersweet yeah?" he added, as Harvey nodded again, this time looking at him.
"I wanted to thank you" Mike started, before Harvey stopped him.
"Mike, we don't have to go through that again" he said, tired, as Mike nodded silently.
"Well I'm going to wrap up a case so I'll see you later?" he added hopefully.
"Sure" Harvey made the effort to response.
Mike walked towards the door stopping one last time.
"Are you ok?" he asked him.
Harvey felt a knot form in his throat.
"I'm fine kid" he managed to say, suddenly submerged with emotions.
Mike walked away, leaving his friend alone.
Donna could barely get out of bed that morning. It was that day. That day she dreaded for the last month. His last day.
She started crying, her pillow soaked with her tears, as she realized how she never thought he'd leave the firm, not when she's there. She remembered how mad she was when she found out he had decided to step down, how hurt she was that he didn't consult her.
But she understood.
She understood that talking about it would make it a thousand times more painful and that she probably would have begged him to stay.
She told him she was proud of him for putting the firm first.
And then he said those words that melted her heart, seemingly reading her mind.
Don't even think about leaving. I did this for you, it's all for you, he said. She didn't get the opportunity to ask what it meant, Louis had walked in, angry for not being consulted on the matter.
The explanation got lost along with all the hidden meaning of words and conversations buried in the back of their minds. She used to push him to talk about things, but not anymore. Not after pushing him for an answer drove them apart, not when she's afraid of the words that would be exchanged.
But as she got out of bed that morning, Donna decided not to allow that again. She was going to confront him about the words she had said back at the hospital, she was going to explain.
How, she still hadn't decided.
She walked into the firm with reddened eyes and a slightly hunched posture. She was met with pairs of apologetic and pitying eyes.
She was the widow, the one he left behind.
It didn't help that Rachel wore that same expression in her eyes when she approached her that morning.
"Hey Donn" she said quietly, offering her a small smile. "How you holding up?" she asked.
"I'm fine Rach" she said, her tone flat.
"Jessica wants to see you in her office" she told her then, as Donna nodded.
She knew what it would be about, she just wasn't sure she could hear it. She walked into her office, to find her seated on the couch, a drink in her hand.
"Isn't it too early for this?" Donna tried to joke, as Jessica smiled softly.
"This is no ordinary day" she explained, trying to read Donna's face. "Why don't you have a seat Donna?" she suggested, pointing to the space next to her.
She did as she was told.
"I wanted to ask you – "she started before Donna cut her.
"Look Jessica I'm sorry but I'm sick of hearing this question" Donna said a bit too agitated. She was sick of the constant reminder of him leaving. Not that she had forgotten.
"You don't know what I was going to say" Jessica said rationally, in a slightly more delicate tone than usual.
"You were going to ask how I was holding up, if I'm ok" Donna recited those words she had heard a few minutes ago.
"I know you're not" Jessica said matter-of-factly, as she met Donna's eyes. "I wanted to ask you if there's anything I could do to help" she explained.
Donna's relief was mixed with tears forming in her eyes.
"I'm sorry I just – I want to talk to him but he doesn't want to listen" Donna explained, a tear streaming down her right cheek.
"If there's one person he always listens to it's you, Donna" Jessica argued while Donna remembered his words.
I always listen to you
"And he's never been easy at that so you just have to…make him" she continued, offering her a smile. Donna weakly smiled back, as she tasted her salty tears.
"It's stupid but I just never thought he'd leave here, not –" she started before stopping herself.
"Not without you" Jessica said rather than asked. Donna nodded, a questioning look in her eyes.
"I'm going to tell you a story you probably don't know" Jessica explained. "When Harvey came back here to get a job after working at the D.A's office, he had a condition. That you come with him" Jessica narrated as Donna's mouth dropped open.
"I told him that associates don't get secretaries. He said that it wasn't about him, it was about you" she continued.
"I- I don't understand" Donna said, tears streaming down her face.
"He wouldn't come here without you Donna" Jessica clarified. "I told him that you must be very special. He assured me that you were" she concluded with a tender smile. Jessica remembered how she knew then that Donna would be a big part of Harvey.
Donna reached for the box of tissues, as she couldn't control her tears anymore.
"This doesn't help" she joked, her laughter mixed with tears.
Jessica smiled affectionately.
"I just thought you should know" she said. "And let me offer you some unsolicited advice. I told Harvey when you left him that you and him are as close as two can be without actually being together" she started, Donna surprised by her honesty. "But what I didn't tell him was that you could. You should be together Donna. It didn't work out between me and Jeff because it wasn't a relationship based on honesty. But you two – I've never known any couple with that amount of trust, loyalty, honesty, affection. Maybe you're professional relationship ends today, but that doesn't mean there's nothing left. Together you're it. You should just tell him" she explained.
"Tell him what?" Donna asked, as Jessica quirked an eyebrow.
"I thought you're Donna, and you're supposed to know everything" she teased, as a small smile appeared on Donna's face.
"Tell him that you're in love with him Donna" she said, intensively looking into her eyes.
Donna held her gaze before she nodded silently, wiping away the last traces of tears from her cheeks.
"Thank you Jessica" Donna said honestly, standing up.
Jessica nodded, watching her walk away.
Harvey had finished his work but couldn't get himself to leave. So he put on one of his dad's records, pouring himself a glass of whiskey and staring at the skyline. Jessica had insisted that he and Mike pass by her office at 5 before leaving, something he dreaded doing. He knew that most of the employees would be there, and he was expected to make a speech.
He wondered now what he would say if he saw Donna's reflection in the glass window, just like he used to. He closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath before he heard the sound of heels.
He opened his eyes expecting to see red hair. He was shocked to see Scottie instead, walking towards him. He turned around to face her.
"Scottie, what are you doing here?" he asked not too harshly.
She smiled apologetically at him.
"So it really is true huh? You're leaving" she stated with sadness that her eyes conveyed.
"Stop gloating Dana" he joked, as she laughed softly. "The world of law will not be the same without you Harvey" she offered sincerely, as he took a sip from his drink, before leaving it on the table nearby.
"Thanks Scottie" he said.
"Have you told her?" she asked then, a sad smile dancing on her lips. He pretended not to understand.
"We never worked out not because you have issues; which you clearly do, but because you're in love with Donna" she said straightforwardly. He's surprised by her words.
"You know I'm sick of people talking to me about it as if they know what is going on" Harvey said a bit angry.
"It's tragic how neither of you can see it, when everyone around you does" Scottie said. "Maybe you're right and I don't know what is going on between you two, but we were together. And I was in love with you. I still am, and-"she choked on her words, tears forming in her eyes.
Harvey felt bad for her; he had never meant to hurt her.
"I thought everything was ok but then one day I saw it. The way you looked at her. I got it then. You loved her, and it was killing you. You won't get over her, Harvey, you can't" she continued, as Harvey listened to her every word. "You confided in me, you tried to show me emotions, but all I could see is how madly you and Donna were in love with each other – and I couldn't stand by and watch it. So I left" she said, finally explaining the real reason behind her going back to London.
"I'm sorry" he said, not knowing what else to say.
Dana smiled sadly.
"Maybe you are. But you would be a thousand times sorrier if you let her go. You were never a man of regrets, don't become one" she said. He nodded silently.
He watched her take a step close to him, her hands cupping both sides of his face, her thumb caressing his jaw.
"Good luck Harvey" she whispered, planting a long kiss on the corner of his mouth.
Donna had decided to confront Harvey in his office. But then she saw someone in there, making her stop dead in her tracks. It was Scottie. She had her back to her, and she could see Harvey listening to her as she said something. She then watched the petite woman caress his face, kissing him. She felt her heart shatter, her eyes immediately filling with tears, catching his before she stormed into the bathroom.
He decided to follow her, but was intercepted midway by Jessica.
"You should come to my office Harvey, everyone's waiting" she said, leading him by the arm.
He walked inside Jessica's office, where countless numbers of people stood, clapping. The sound of their claps seemed to be far away, as he could only focus on one thing: how she wasn't there. Jessica did a toast to new beginnings, Mike made Louis cry with his words, and then he saw her. She slipped between the crowds and stood near Rachel, her eyes red, avoiding his.
"Harvey, would you care to say a word" Jessica encouraged, as he snapped back to the reality surrounding him. He nodded, a tie forming in his throat, making it hard to talk.
He took a deep breath.
"A lot of you are wondering the reason behind my decision to step down" he started. Only a handful of people knew the reason. "My father once said to me, you have to know when to leave a party, and I believe now is the right time. I genuinely leave here with good memories, and I wanted to thank you for making it such an amazing experience" he explained. His eyes drifted to Donna now.
"When I first came to Pearson Specter Litt, well it was actually Gordon Schmidt Van Dyke then; this place changes names too many goddamn times" he joked, as everyone laughed. "Point is, when I first came here, I wasn't the person I am today. And I never had thought that this place would turn into my home. I've known successes, failures, happiness, heartbreak, backstabbing, friendship and love" he enumerated, his eyes catching Donna's, as everyone noticed the exchange. Donna had tears in her eyes. "And I can with no hesitation call you all my twisted fucked up family" he said, making everyone laugh again. "Jessica, you've been a great mentor, a friend, some sort of mother to me" he said as Jessica interrupted him.
"Don't you dare call me old Harvey" she said with a big smile, that he tried to reciprocate.
"Louis" he said, as Louis looked up at him with teary eyes. "We may have our differences and disagreements, but know that I always have your back" he said as Louis tears started flowing.
"And last but certainly not least, Donna" he said, the knot in his throat tightening, as a silence fell in the room and they held each other's gaze. "I can't even begin to say or express what –" he said choking, realizing he wouldn't be able to do it without crying. So he stopped, raising his glass to everyone, and mouthing an inaudible thank you.
She walked out of the room in a hurry, heading to the bathroom again. He watched her leaving from the corner of his eyes, as he worked the room one last time, offering forced jokes and smiles at his soon to be ex co-workers.
He watched her coming back, standing outside Jessica's office, Rachel comforting her. He felt the need to hold her, to hear her tell him that everything is going to be ok.
"You're a fucking asshole" she told him when he approached her.
"What-?" he said, not expecting this. She walked away again.
He decided to call it a day, taking his suitcase and glancing at his office. He walked to Donna's desk to find that she too was getting ready to go home. He made sure they reached the elevator together.
"Donna" he whispered as they stood side by side.
"Just – don't" she said, angry.
"What did I do?" he asked, not understanding why she was mad at him.
She didn't answer, her grip tightening around the handle of her purse.
"You don't get to do that" he said, getting pissed himself.
She felt a wave of anger submerging her, as her body started shaking. She pulled the alarm of the elevator, stopping it in a halt.
"What the-" Harvey said, leaning on the wall behind him to lessen the sudden impact.
"YOU don't get to do that!" she shouted. "You don't get to refuse to listen to me, make ME feel bad about words that I DIDN'T even mean" she continued, tears forming in her eyes. "And then I come today to talk to you about it, to tell you that I believe the exact opposite – " she said, not able to continue. "But you were waiting for an opportunity to hook up with Scottie!" she laughed hysterically.
"What are you even-?" he said, before she stopped him again.
"No Harvey, I saw what I saw. And then you make that speech and you - I just thought that after that night things would be different. I was clearly wrong" she said, unable to hold her tears in. "So I'm going to go to dinner with Mitchell tonight, because I've wasted too much time crying over you Harvey" she concluded, hitting the stop button as the elevator started moving again.
"You've got this all wrong Donna" he said, his hand reaching for her arm. She got away from his grip, the elevator reaching the ground floor.
"Just let me go Harvey" she whispered, leaving the building in tears.
I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know
Every day,
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
- Nothing lasts forever by Maroon 5
A.N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Still angsty but I promise they WILL talk about it, soon. (next chapter)
Let me know if you enjoyed reading this.
Your reviews for the last chapter made me update so quickly, although I should be preparing for my interview tomorrow, so keep'em coming :)
Drop your review!
-G