Chapter 4 part 2
Sirius was standing on the ledge of the top floor window of the Astronomy tower.
"Fuck Sirius! What the hell were you thinking?" snarled James. "Do you know how freaking stupid this is?"
"Jay hates me," sobbed Sirius.
"I thought you hated him," said James softly.
"I did at first," whimpered Sirius through harsh breaths, sniffling and tears. "But then…you started hanging out more with Lily and…you left me behind…so I started to accept him…and I…I really like him…he…"
"Calm down, Siri, I'm here," said James, "You're not alone, okay? I care, Remi cares, Peter cares, Lily cares, and I'm sure, Jay cares. He just needs some time. He probably didn't know how to react to you. You know a lot of people don't." James laughed nervously, before continuing. "I'm not going to leave because you are my best friend. I'm sorry I neglected you, but I really like Lily, also. and she's been helping me with the assignments. We can all hang out at Three Broomsticks on October 31st. We'll talk about this rationally later okay?"
There was the sound of footsteps rushing up the stairs, Sirius flinched, shifting back a bit, and gasped when he nearly lost his balance.
Turning the corner, Remus, Lily, Jay and Peter rushed on to the scene. Their mouths were open in horror when they saw that Sirius was standing on the window ledge of one of the tallest towers of Hogwarts. The fact that it was top floor did not escape their minds.
"Shit!" said Jay.
Everyone turned towards him. Sirius just laughed a little hysterically, and screamed, "Shit? That's it? That all you have the guts to say? How dare you fucking git?"
Jay fell on his knees. "I'm sorry. Please. I didn't mean it. I…eventually…you shouldn't have feelings for me. I will have to leave eventually. I thought…if I hurt you enough, then you'd distance yourself from me…and eventually get over it."
"How can I get over it? I love you. I've never felt this way before. I've never been in love. You're the only one!" shouted Sirius.
Jay inched forward, making sure that Sirius was preoccupied with his speech and then he grabbed the other boy, wrapping his arms around him.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," murmured Jay. "I know I can't take those words back, but you deserve better. And you need to know that I do love you, but we can't ever be anything. I'm leaving soon, I can't stay. As far as I can tell, I'm not a part of your future. If I exist twice in the future the fabric of time would be disrupted and that can't happen. I'm sorry, Sirius. As much as I love you, we are not meant to be."
"Then, until you leave…can you stay with me…love me?" said Sirius looking up into his eyes.
And Jay melted. How could he not? Sirius looked so vulnerable – fragile even, so small and breakable there in his arms – his eyes were wet and swollen with tears, face red and streaked with saline.
"Yes," breathed Jay. "I will stay here with you until my time to leave comes. Promise me, you will move on then."
"I…I p-promise," whispered Sirius. His eyes though, appeared to deny what he said. They shone brightly in the darkness defiantly. He would not let Jay go without a fight. And Jay knew he would be hard-pressed to leave. He did not think that he would be able, when the time came, to sever his ties with his beloved.
"I love you," said Jay. "I always will, even if I cannot always be by your side. I can't and won't forget you, even when I am far into the future. Even then I will always be with you. I don't and won't care no matter how much has changed from now and until then, I will still love you."
The passion and love that Jay had tried to keep locked within his heart was set free at that moment. He could not and would not bear to hide it from the one he loved more than anything and anyone in the world. Sirius was his precious gem, but eventually they would have to part. For now what they had would have to be enough.
This time, Sirius's tears were those of happiness and not despair.