Disclaimer- I don't own Negima.

This chapter isn't my best chapter, but I wrote it for a friend who loves Oscar Wilde. Yeah. Basically it.

Enjoy! :)

"Hey, Colonel-han, tell us, did you ever meet anyone cool?" asked Konoka.

"Anyone cool? I've met several 'cool' people," he mused. "What about Shakespeare?"

"Ew," said Asuna, wrinkling her nose. "We just learned about him. I don't wanna hear his name for a while."

"I have an idea!" exclaimed Al, semi-dramatically, a triumphant smile on his face. "Have you ever heard of-"

"Let's assume Asuna hasn't," interrupted Chisame. "Continue."

"Oscar Wilde," finished Al demurely. "I'll tell you a story about the highly unusual way I met him."

"Who?" asked Asuna.

They all sighed a little in their hearts.

"It was a long, long time ago..."

"In a galaxy far, far away..." finished Chisame under her breath. Al did not get the joke and promptly ignored her.

"...And, although I had quite the prominent social status at the time, I was in an underground bar in London..."

Albireo stared at his drink with half-opened eyes. He was getting tired, but the boys would complain if he attempted to leave. He smiled dreamily at the young man who was attempting some sort of awkward courting ritual with him. He was obviously quite inexperienced with this sort of thing, so Al kissed him deeply and he rushed out with a red face and broad smile.

Al relaxed in his chair, catching the eye of another man sitting at a table a feet from him. He winked, and the other man blushed. The British had such a homophobic attitude that everyone in gay bars tended to be very nervous.

The other man fidgeted, toying with the possibility of approaching Al, so Al made it easier by beckoning to him with his finger. The man slowly sidled over to him and slid into the seat next to him.

"Hello, sir," said Al smoothly. "My name is-" He cut off when he recognized this man as one of the leading figures of British society and a well-loved playwright, Oscar Wilde. The things you learned about people.

Apparently Oscar Wilde recognized him too, because he turned red and stuttered, "You're Albireo Imma! I suspected, but..."

"Suspected what?" chuckled Al, taking a dainty sip from a glass.

"There are some very odd rumors flying out there..."

Al shrugged. "Let them fly. I have better thing to do that worry about others' opinions."

"But you're high society!" protested Oscar.

Was he still? He would've thought that England would've forgotten about him by now. Maybe he should return to the Magic World if they hadn't. "That's not my fault. I live how I want to, regardless of my social stature. If I feel like falling in love with a woman, that's what I'll do. If I feel like loving a man I'll love him too. I've lived long enough to earn it." He winced at his choice of wording. That must've sounded ridiculous.

"Lived long enough...? Wait," Something dawned on Oscar. "My grandmother once said that she'd met a man with the same name. Are you the same man?"

"You are a gullible fellow, aren't you?" commented Al, ruffling Oscar's hair. For an established thirty-five year old man this should've been humiliating, but just made him blush. "You'd believe anything."

"You're lying?"

"No, but most wouldn't believe me in this so-called scientific age," scoffed Al. "Probabilistically speaking, I am much older than you."

Oscar sighed. "What it must be like to be able to do what you want."

"It is not worth immortality," replied Al. "But it is a perk. No matter your age, you can do what you want. The consequences can be severe, but is it worth it? Many would argue, yes, it is."

"Worth it?" echoed Oscar.

Al smiled. "To live according to your heart. To follow your own rules. I'm sure Jack the Ripper felt the same way, but what can you do? Even he had that right once, although he abused it and I had to dispose of him."

"You...you killed Jack the Ripper?"

"Hmm...I must be getting drunk. I'm talking quite a lot."

"I envy you," said Oscar frankly. "Tell me your secrets."

"To immortality? Or to being happy?"

"To both!" cried Oscar, only half-joking.

"I am not sure you believe me on the former, but do not fear, it does not matter...as for the latter, I do not think I am happy."

"Not happy," replied Oscar. "It is a tremendous thing to think that you are not happy when you possess the greatest gift, the alchemy that has eluded so many, if you truly are immortal."

"Truly am immortal? Maybe with a well-placed arrow I could die, I do not know. For immortality is nothing more of an uncertainty than anything. Mortals know they will die in the end, it's the getting there that troubles them."

Oscar was beginning to show the wit he was so well-renowned for. "But for the end, there would be no mystery in a mortal's life. We are doomed to repeat the cycle of our ancestor's lives and yet are so preoccupied with bearing enough children to consciously continue it."

"What if you fulfill life's duties by bearing many children, only to outlive each and every one of them, time and time again? Do you truly bear a purpose in life?" Al swirled his glass, certain they were both very drunk.

"What if the purpose in life is not to bear children but to bear happiness? What if it is a lack of that fulfillment that leads to immortality?"

"Then the whole world would be immortal...although it is true that the unhappy become the great philosophers and writers that go down as immortal in history. Is that what you mean?"

"I suppose it has to be. What else could I mean?" slurred Oscar, looking very attractive in his suit. He smelled of cologne, and Al decided he was getting sick of this conversation.

"You could mean that you wish that unhappy people could become immortal, so that you would be flesh and blood forever..." said Al. "I cannot promise you that, but if you'll accompany me upstairs I can promise that you'll live forever in my memory."

Oscar looked very happy with this idea, and followed Al up to his private room, where the deep discussions on human nature ceased, and Al certainly let Oscar go free and do whatever he wanted that night.

"Ew..." said Chisame, her face contorted in a grossed out expression. "Thank you for stopping there."

"I get it!" exclaimed Konoka. "You were the inspiration for the Picture of Dorian Grey, weren't you?"

"The what?" asked Asuna.

"It's a novel Oscar Wilde wrote about forbidden pleasures and a portrait that aged instead of the man who was painted," explained Chisame. "Konoka is saying that Oscar Wilde got it from Albireo, who's immortal and believes in living his life freely, something Wilde couldn't do."

"Oh, I get it," said Asuna, clapping her fist in her hand. "I think..."

"I give up..." sighed Chisame.

Al sipped his tea. "You're right, Chisame. Oscar sent me a letter when it was published that led me to the same conclusion. Although he was also influenced by a college friend of his. I think I just pushed him to write the novel."

"Don't you feel guilty?" accused Chisame. "That novel was what led Oscar Wilde to being jailed and dying destitute."

"He wrote it, not me. If he regretted it he should've kept it to himself."

"Do you like being immortal, Colonel-han?" asked Konoka suddenly.

Al's expression saddened, although his smile remained. "No, I'd have to save that I don't. But it is my lot in life, and what right do I have to complain?"

"A big right," replied Chisame promptly. "A huge right. You didn't ask for any of this shit, so get over yourself and complain once and a while. Drop the refined act and whine your heart out. I'll listen, although I'll whine right back at you. Don't be a martyr, for otaku's sake."

Al blinked in surprise, a major reaction. "Thank you, Chisame-chan. Maybe I'll invite you over so I can do that."

"You could pick someone else...I'm not the most sympathetic ear..." said Chisame, coming to her senses.

"No, it has to be you," proclaimed Al. "I'll let you know when I want to whine all day, okay?"

"Yeah...sure...we gotta go, right Konoka, Asuna?"

"Huh? Oh...sure...yeah." replied Asuna hazily.

"See you!" called Konoka on their way out.

Al laughed loudly, his deep laugh ringing clear as a bell. Mortals were so much fun to mess with...it almost made him wish he was one of them.

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