an: sorry it's been so long! I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. :)

eleven

"It's been awhile since I've been in your study," Emma says.

She steps into the room behind her mother, who walks with grace and poise even when she turns, a smile on her face.

"It has!" the queen gasps. "Well, not much has changed. Let's sit by the balcony. It's refreshingly warm this morning."

Emma settles herself down in one of the plush chairs of her mother's study and she stares out the balcony doorway, at the color of the sky and mountains in the morning glow.

"It's so beautiful here," her mother comments.

This morning, her mother has her hair down and she hasn't applied her makeup or adorned herself in stylish jewelry.

She looks more like her mother now, Emma realizes as she stares back at the woman. She's wearing her robe and she has yet to change out of her nightgown beneath it. Her feet are covered by monkey socks that the boys had given to her years ago on her birthday.

Somehow, without all of the elegant trimmings, her mother still maintains a happy glow- a homey presence. Emma has to smile because of the feeling of warmth that fills her chest.

"Yeah," Emma agrees on a sigh. She looks down at the mug of hot cocoa in her lap and bites on her lip.

"What's wrong?" Her mother asks, clearly worried.

"Nothing." Emma manages to smile. "I just have a lot on my mind."

For a few moments, they stare at one another. Emma hesitates with the words bouncing around her mind and she shakes her head.

"I want you and dad to have more access to Henry," Emma says in a rush. "I want you to help babysit him when I have to be out and I want you to learn what his favorite words are and what he likes and what he hates. I want you to give him way too many presents and celebrate literally everything and-"

Emma pauses. Her mother stares back at her with widened eyes.

"And I want you to be the kind of grandparents he grows up with. I don't want him to feel like his only family is me."

Her mother's shock fades and she smiles, a wobbly thing, as she nods. "We would love that."

Emma smiles in turn. She releases a sigh of relief, as if she had been worried that her mother wouldn't want to spend more time with Henry, or subsequently with her. "Good."

Her mother hesitates and Emma can tell her tentative question comes from a place of honesty. "So does that mean you want to move back?"

Her heart skips a beat and she becomes cautious, almost to a fault. Her jaw falls open and she shakes her head.

"I… I don't know. I just know that I don't want Henry growing up like he has so far." Emma pauses. "I'm thinking about taking more classes. Maybe getting my masters. But I don't know what's the right thing to do."

Because nothing feels right.

Thinking about how insecure she feels about her future and who she is as an individual makes Emma go silent. A lump forms in her throat and she studies her mug in her lap.

"When I was your age, I went through the same thing you are. Not knowing who I was apart from being the princess and only heir to the throne. I felt hopeless and helpless and I hated it." Her mother bites her lip. "I ran away."

Emma's eyes widen.

Her mother nods in the affirmative. "Yes, that's right, me, the girl who has always had her life planned out from the start. I ran away. I went in the middle of the night after getting into a big argument with my stepmother and I rode out into the mountains someplace to think."

"It wasn't too long after my father had passed," her mother says quietly. "I missed him. It felt like I didn't belong in the castle anymore." She shakes her head. "I don't know. It just didn't feel like I belonged. Regina didn't come looking for me. In fact, when I came back, she had no idea that I had been gone."

In this moment, Emma sees vulnerability in her mother. She nervously bites on her lip as she considers the rest of her words and she glances outside at the mountains.

"When I came back, I was dead set on leaving for good." Her mother laughs. "I was going to go as far as I could and then I was going to work at a diner someplace- to feel the struggle of the lesser fortunate- but when I left that night with only a bag around my shoulder, I ran straight into your father instead."

Emma smiles softly. She knows this story, knows how they'd at first argued like cats and dogs, knows that it took a few months of chasing each other around before they finally succumbed to their feelings, but she didn't know that her mother had been on the run.

"There was something about running into him that made me change my mind. I wanted to prove to him that I was more than he thought I was. But, more than that, I wanted to prove to myself that I was brave enough and strong enough to step into my father's place."

Emma takes a deep breath and stares down at her lap.

"Is that why we're meeting?" she asks. "Because you want me to just fall back into my place here?"

"Emma, you belong here," her mother says gently. "It's your home."

Emma looks up at her mother and finds that she can't speak.

"I know the idea of taking the throne one day is daunting," the queen concedes. "But, I know that you're more than ready for it. If you want to do it."

For a few moments, Emma just stares at the queen. She holds her breath and clenches her jaw.

"Mom, I…" Emma hesitates.

Her mother is quick, smiling as she reaches a hand out to touch Emma's arm. "Do you know that woman you helped? She has a job now. A well paying one. Just because you took a moment to be kind to her and extend a helping hand." Her mother squeezes her arm. "I think you're ready. You just need to be willing. And I'm not going to force you to do anything, but..."

Emma watches as her mother withdraws her hand. She sits up and forward in her chair. "Your father and I have decided that we need to step down from our positions. We realized we haven't had any time for our marriage and now that things are changing around here, we think now is a good time."

Somehow, she'd known this was coming.

Emma takes a deep breath. "Now? With the wedding-"

"No, not quite now. We'll wait until the wedding madness dies down and then make an announcement." Her mother smiles hopefully.

"And you want me to…" Emma sighs. "Right."

Emma gnaws on her lip and settles her hot chocolate down on a table as she stands up. She paces toward the balcony and stares out at the town below, thinking of all of the people she's seen in the streets and in shops, who she's met and who she's run into.

"There's nothing that says you have to," her mother reminds her. "But the people love you and-"

Emma folds her arms to her chest and she squeezes her forearm. "I left because I didn't know who I was and I was scared and pregnant-" She shakes her head. "I still have no idea where I really belong."

Her mother frowns. She stands up and joins her at the balcony door. Her fingers settle on the stone wall and she's quiet for a few moments.

"Do you think it has to do with what happened between you and Killian?" her mother finally asks. "You once told me you thought you would spend the rest of your life living here with him at your side and you'd be happy."

Emma feels tears burning behind her eyes and she drops her gaze to her toes. "I didn't think we'd ever be here together again."

"It's a good thing," Mary Margaret says warmly. She settles a hand on Emma's back and rubs a circle.

Emma laughs to herself and shakes her head. "Not really."

"Why?"

"Because…" Emma stops. She scans the world outside of the castle. "He set unrealistic expectations when we were younger and then did a complete one eighty and now he wants to be friends again and I…" She bites on her tongue. "I want to. More than anything. But if we're friends like we were back then, I'm going to fall for him and I can't do that with Henry in the mix."

Her mother's soothing circles continue for a moment before she pulls her hand away. "That's reasonable."

Emma laughs. "Last night at the party we played Party Bingo."

Her mother chuckles and her eyes widen. "Really?"

Emma nods. "Yeah. He won and wanted to go for a walk, but I didn't think I could handle that. So when I left I went to go apologize and I ended up asking if he wanted to go camping…" Emma grimaces. "He didn't want to and I feel stupid for even asking. He's going through so much right now- a breakup and his hand and- maybe this is why he left us when Liam died. Maybe he didn't want me trying to smother him."

"You're not smothering him," her mother says, practically rolling her eyes. "I'm sure he's just as confused. I mean, you did refuse to go for a walk with him and then went after him anyway."

Emma's heart races and she feels sick to her stomach as she stares at her mother.

The queen wraps her robe closer and crosses her arms. "I think you need to stop acting like you're teenagers and be honest about what you want."

"I don't know what I want," Emma responds.

Her mom bumps shoulders with her playfully. "I think you'll be happier if you were friends again."

Emma cracks a smile- she can't help it- and rolls her eyes as she forces a serious look on her face. "Fine. I'll… go see him this afternoon."

"That's my girl."

/

Killian takes his lunch breaks sitting on the edge of the dock with his feet hanging over the water.

He has half a sandwich prepared by one of the chefs in the kitchen of the castle. They'd offered him more, but he still doesn't quite understand their kindness towards him and won't take it for granted. He's not particularly hungry anyway.

He listens to music through his headphones and tries to settle the war going on in his heart and mind. He wants to talk to someone about what's going on in his life, but he doesn't have an outlet.

"Don't be so consumed, Killian," his internal Liam scolds him. "You've got a job. You've got a place to lie your head at night. That's enough for now."

Killian stares at the ducks in the water and tosses them pieces off his sandwich as he kicks his legs out.

In an instant, he's interrupted when someone drops down beside him, their legs falling in line with his. He looks up, completely shocked to find Emma staring out at the water, her hands brushing dirt from the dock onto her jeans.

Killian yanks the earbuds from his ears and wraps the cord around his phone. He settles it between his legs and turns to look at the princess.

She's staring out at the water, not at him, and her chest rises and falls quickly at first, as if her coming to him happened all at once.

"What were you listening to?" she wonders, finally daring to look at him.

Killian holds open his mouth and looks down between his legs at the device. "Erm… just some music."

Emma smiles. "Yeah?" She squints when the sun gets in her eyes. "Who?"

Killian shrugs. "Who do you think?"

Emma laughs. "Your obsession with them is going to always confuse me."

He chuckles and his heart starts racing a little faster with her at his side. He looks down at the water, where the ducks are quacking, and thinks back on their last conversation.

"I'd go camping with you," he says. "You know I would. I just don't have much time off. There's this… Water Festival coming up apparently?" He scrunches up his face and Emma seems just as confused. "I don't know when they started it but it's apparently a tradition now."

Emma hums curiously. "Interesting."

"Aye," Killian tilts his head to the side. "I'm supposed to take the ship out with passengers and we're going to have a party. I've gone from scrubbing the decks to waiting on guests. I think that's an upgrade, isn't it?"

Emma laughs. "Yeah. I think it is."

She stares at him with a smile on her lips and he can't help but mirror her. She drops her gaze after a moment and they both turn forward facing.

As good as it is to have her at his side, not ready to run, this is in some ways more painful than it's ever been between them.

"I don't know how to talk to you," Emma confesses after they sit there in silence. "I think I forgot."

Killian sighs. "No, I think there's just been a lot we need to catch up on."

He turns to look at her and Emma's eyes fall to her lap. She seems nervous.

"Yeah," Emma breathes out. She turns to him and nods her head. "Well, I graduated from college. A few months ago, actually. I started blogging." She nibbles on her lip. "I wanted to open my own business, but… being princess of a small country doesn't exactly make that easy."

Killian furrows his brow. "What kind of business?"

Emma shakes her head. "It wasn't a business exactly. It was more like a nonprofit to benefit single mothers."

His heart swells at the idea and he turns more toward Emma, but she just sighs heavily and puts her face in her hands. "I have a whole business plan and everything-"

"That's bloody brilliant, Emma," Killian tells her.

She turns to him with a disbelieving knit to her brow. "Yeah?"

"Aye," Killian laughs. "What's holding you back?"

Emma stares down at the water. "Well… I'm not sure where I want to start. And at the back of my mind, I've wanted to come back here, but… I don't know. My mom talked to me this morning and it sounds like she wants me to stay and take the throne, so I have to focus on that. Not what I want to do."

Killian gives Emma a look. "Emma, you've got to be kidding me. You're the most headstrong person I've ever met. If you want to do something, you do it." He holds her gaze and for a heartbeat, he remembers the day she'd told him bluntly that she liked him and she wanted to go on a date. "Regardless of what you think your parents want you to do, I think you should still pursue this."

"It's a lot of work." Emma laments.

"Says the college graduate who happens to have been raising a toddler at the time all by herself."

The princess gives him a look and he laughs. "Emma, I'll always support you. I don't know what you want me to tell you."

She searches his face. "How are you?"

He swallows thickly and turns his gaze away from her. Instead, he stares at his lap, and sucks in a heavy breath.

"I'm surviving."

"Don't do that," Emma groans.

"Don't do what?"

Emma lifts an eyebrow. "That. You always do that. You could be dying and you'd still brush it under the rug as if it was nothing."

Killian laughs under his breath. He looks ahead of him.

"Okay, well… I'm not sure how I'm coping with my hand. I've been going to therapy. Doc is awfully optimistic about my future." He tilts his head to the side and thinks of the life he'd left behind. "I'm not angry with her. I'm just… I feel a bit lost. I don't really feel at home here but I can't go back."

"I know how that feels," Emma sighs.

He knows she's talking about him and it hurts, so he doesn't look at her. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Emma, I'm sorry-"

"No, stop apologizing," she cuts him off when his eyes meet hers. "I'm sorry."

Killian narrows his eyes at her. "For what?"

Emma takes a breath. "For not trying harder. For forcing you away from me instead of being your friend when you needed me." She shifts closer to him on the dock and seems more vulnerable than he's seen her. "I want to be your friend."

Killian wraps his arm around her and she immediately settles her head against his shoulder, her hair just beneath his nose when he turns his cheek to rest against her.

"Maybe this time we won't screw it up," Emma whispers.

Killian smiles a little and moves away from her.

He's probably going to be late coming back from lunch, but he can't find that he minds when he's spending that time with her. He lifts his phone from between his legs and offers the earbud to her.

"Care to listen?"

Emma rolls her eyes and shoves his shoulder. "I need to make you a new playlist."

She looks out at the water for a second and then back at him. After a few moments, she grabs one of the earbuds and leans in close.

"Fine."