Ok, I'm going to finish this story, within the next two weeks (tentatively)
Stems and Seeds
September came and went, without the relief I so desperately was hoping for; my heart was no longer a part of me. I had failed what I had set out to accomplish I was just another cashier without a diploma, without a hope of changing the world. I had lost my love and all I had left was my hate. Was going to waste more of my life?
I was always pondering this question, and the hazy memories of Jimmy and Whatsername began to resurface. Feeling nostalgic I went into my closet, and pulled out the black sweatshirt that was Jesus' tunic. A small almost empty bag fell out of one of the pockets. It was dope, the last bag I had bought, with only stems and seeds left in it. It was oddly comforting to see, like and friend had come back, and scared me. Still with out a second thought I tucked the little bag into my pocket and went on my way.
It was late now and I really didn't have any sense of direction, and for the first time in months I wished I was using again.
"What's the matter" a familiar voice asked from behind me.
"Jimmy?" I said recognizing the voice.
"The one and only, and what the hell's your name" he asked. "What's your pleasure, what's your pain? Did you think love was going to change the world? I think you dreamed a little too much, but hey I guess you do too?"
"You're not real and what are you talking about anyway?" I said defiantely.
"You're back on a crutch" Jimmy smirked. "Does it make you feel safe, just carrying it? Go on use it, rise again Jesus, it's been more than three days"
"You aren't real, you are a part of me" I shouted
"You're wrong there, we may be fucked up but we're not the same, and mom and Brad are the ones you can blame."
I took off running still Jimmy's voice echoed in my head. Finally I had reached the pier with no where else to run I reached into my pocket and withdrew the small Ziploc.
Standing over the edge of the bay I looked at my reflection in the water. Jimmy was looking back at me with a gun to his head. I understood then, and with no thought I dropped the bag into the water just as Jimmy pulled the trigger.
"By the way my name's James" I said and turned to leave.
I wish I could say that after Jimmy's death I felt whole and complete but I didn't. I was smoking cigarettes every chance I could get and living off coffee. I had no answers and my work was suffering. Then I got a letter that changed everything.
Jesus,
I made it, I got a rock n' band and a girlfriend, Still no kids, funny considering you'd assume that I'd have one in LA and NY. Look though I've stayed clean, haven't drank or smoked a thing in a while and I had my agent track you to this job. I hope you are turning your life around and I am sorry for setting you on the path I did.
-Tunney
Great, I thought, Tunney gets his dream and I'm stuck here representing nothing, but do I. I thought to the biblical counterpart to my former alias. The real Jesus wasn't a rock star, he took others burdens from them, I finally had solution to my problem; I had to go home. Jimmy's words echoed on last time in my mind faintly as I turned toward the door.
"Go, fucking just go. I don't care"
So I went.