Chapter Eleven- Great Sexpectations
She had come a long way, that's all Hanna could think of as she sat in her treatment session listening to one of the members talk about their success with the first stage of the program. Not quite finished with the program, but was proud enough to let herself realize that she was more than capable of addressing and dealing with her bulimia. The single fact that she was able to call it what it truly was in her heart, that alone was a big enough step for her. There had been countless times where she replayed over and over in her head the act of her forcing her finger down her throat and what she felt at that exact moment, she could remember those times where she ate and ate until she felt like her stomach would explode and how she would cry hysterically at the fact that she wasn't strong enough to resist, now that she thought back on those times she knew that she couldn't bare to be that girl again not when she had had a glimpse of what she could be. Feeling her heart cry out to other members who felt her same emotions when they described completing the action, and what it felt like, she for once in her life felt safe to not that this wasn't a battle that only she fought, there were others just like her wanting to know what inside themselves could make them turn so dark. Gripping on tight to his hand, Hanna was relieved to know that Lucas was with her and was very supportive of her progress whether it be good or bad, all he did was support and be there for her, and that alone was extraordinary in her eyes. Once the meeting was over they walked down the hall hand in hand on their way out to the car.
"So congratulations, you have moved on to the next stage" Lucas smiled as he twirled her around in front of him
"Thank you. Who would have ever thought that I'd actually like be into this program. I have to admit that I didn't give it a chance at first but hearing what Lucy, Dale, and everyone else went through in those meetings, it just helps me know that I'm not alone" Hanna said "Is that stupid?" she asked as she leaned up against the passenger side of Lucas's car before he trapped her within arms so that he could lean in and kiss her softly
"Nothing you feel is stupid, its completely valid" Lucas smiled "I wish you'd stop thinking like that, your so much more than you give yourself credit for" he said rubbing his nose up against hers
"Why do you believe I can do no wrong?" Hanna asked as there eyes locked on each other
"I don't know, I like to believe the best in people" Lucas smiled making her laugh at his politically correct answer before she pulled his face towards her to kiss him. Laughing and kissing each other the two were caught up in their own little world acting as if they were newlyweds of dating before they were ripped from their fantasy world by the loud rocking of a van off in the corner of the parking lot. Looking over, they couldn't help but laugh at how wrong it seemed to have sex in a parking lot.
"And that just killed the mood" Hanna said as she got in the car while Lucas walked over to his side and got in before turning on the engine to pull out of the parking lot
"I guess the bed is not as traditional anymore" Lucas said
"Would you consider bed or somewhere else?" Hanna asked catching Lucas off guard with the question
"Uh, I don't know. I really haven't thought about it" Lucas laughed
"C'mon, every guy thinks about it" Hanna replied
"I don't know. I guess wherever" Lucas said "I mean I would exactly want to in a parking lot, but if the mood is right then you can't really control it" he said
"But what if the mood hits in the parking lot?" Hanna asked
"Are we seriously talking about this? I feel like whatever answer I give is going to make me look like a pig" Lucas laughed
"This is your chance to tell you sexual fantasies without being penalized" Hanna said
"Okay, yes. I would love to have sex in a parking lot" Lucas replied
"Wow! You envied the couple getting it on in the van, interesting" Hanna laughed
"No, I did not. Look I respect whatever the girl wants to do or wherever the girl chooses to do it at" Lucas smiled
"So what exactly do you expect from sex?" Hanna asked
"Expect? Where are all these questions coming from?" Lucas asked
"We should talk about sex. You were clearly interested in having sex with Reese, and I guess a part of me wonders were you that eager to just do it all ready or were you into the thought of having sex" Hanna said
"Why do I feel like Reese is going to be a reoccurring theme with us? It was a pact and nothing more" Lucas said
"I know there was nothing more. I'm talking about just the sex part, the part where you get your kicks" Hanna said
"No, I don't crave sex where I just do it with anyone. I can control my hormones, in fact I thought the prospects of me having sex would happen much later in life seeing as I'm not ranked high on the totem poll at school" Lucas replied "And you? What is your whole sexual preference?" he asked
"I kind of always figured it was up to the guy, like he would just grab and throw you down then make mad passionate love" Hanna said
"I think that would be constituted as rape if it happens like that" Lucas replied
"You know what I mean, like how they are in the movies" Hanna said
"You mentioned before that you wanted to have sex and Sean didn't, is that still the same?" Lucas asked
"I can't really say that I would wait, but I think I'm more than ready at this point. For Sean and I, it felt like it was all about me trying to convince him. I felt like I was literally researching every means possible to get him to finally agree to have sex" Hanna said
"What kind of research?" Lucas asked "Like sex toys and all that?" he asked
"Just random stuff to get him in the mood" Hanna said
"Okay, that makes me a little nervous" Lucas laughed "Are you still interested in the things you've researched for when you finally are able to implement them?" he asked her
"Some things were excessive but I think there were a few things I would like to try" Hanna laughed "This is starting to sound awkward now. Its like one big reveal conversation going on, what's your fantasy type of thing" she said
"Hey, you started it" Lucas said "But I think its cool that we can talk about it and feel secure about what we want from each other" he said
"And what exactly do we want from each other?" Hanna asked
"I just want you to feel comfortable and know that I'm happy with you. I'm more than happy to wait, and will continue to wait" Lucas said grabbing on to her hand to place a kiss on it before flashing his usual million dollar smile that made her weak in the knees
"Yeah, I'm happy that we're not about sex or expect it this early from each other. All right, so consider this our sex talk. We both are comfortable with where we stand when it comes to sex" Hanna declared
"Whenever the time is right" Lucas smiled
"Whenever the time is right" Hanna said trying to convince herself that he truly meant that and wasn't secretly wanting to have sex. Sometimes she felt as if she needed to get some sort a device where she could read his thoughts and know what he was thinking that way she wouldn't have to second guess everything she felt. He was the first guy that ever truly made her nervous and could impact her emotions just by the flash of a smile.
Walking along the abandoned road, each of the girls carried their flashlights close as they checked for the address that was written down on the small piece of paper that Spencer carried in her hands. Being a Hasting had a few perks in Rosewood, and with Spencer's mom being a judge, Spencer was able to get access to confidential hospital and police records that documented the accident and Jenna's statement that were all in the file. The girls found it to be interesting that Toby was indeed alive but nothing stated how severe the accident was. On a loose piece of paper in the file there was an address that Emily had researched to find that it was an old abandoned hospital that was shut down twenty years ago. Figuring that Toby was probably stowed away at this address they each decided that it would be best to go to the source and see what he knew about the night Alison had disappeared, they knew that Toby wouldn't exactly open up to anyone except Emily, so in a desperate plea they wanted Emily to come across that she had searched high and low to find Toby to make things right so he would open up about that night like he had intended to the night of Homecoming. In her statement, Jenna had said that Toby liked to ride his bike out on an abandoned road on the outskirts of Rosewood, she said that he always viewed it as him finally leaving Rosewood then after hours or so returning home in hopes that things would be different, of course none of the girls truly understood the sentimental value of riding on abandoned roads, but since it was so warped to them they thought they'd be able to get some clue as to Toby's whereabouts and if the location of this hospital was one of the stops he had made that night. On the drive over, they all seemed okay but once night fell upon them it all became so surreal as to why they were out here in the first place. Splitting up into two pairs with Spencer and Aria together while Hanna and Emily were together.
"So how exactly are we suppose to greet Toby if we find him? How are you doing and are you the jackass that's been threatening us. I really don't see him opening up after that" Hanna said
"Believe me seeing Toby is going to be nerve racking for me more than anyone" Emily sighed in frustration while Hanna couldn't help but feel for Emily as she did have the biggest task of trying to get Toby to confide in her once again
"Does Maya know that your going to see Toby?" Hanna asked her
"No, I told her we were all doing some bonding trip that we use to do with Alison every year. I really hate lying to her" Emily said "Did you tell Lucas about tramping through the outskirts in search for a possible stalker?" she asked
"That statement in itself is something I wouldn't tell him. I told him it was a girls night out, but I do hope we find Toby or whatever so I can at least snuggle with him" Hanna said as Emily couldn't help but laugh at how attached Hanna seemed to Lucas, it was a complete turn around from Sean
"Snuggle, so I take it you two are active now?" Emily asked
"No, we are not active. We're perfectly happy just sleeping with each other" Hanna said proudly realizing that it still sounded bad "Okay, lets forget I said that" she said
"Do you ever think we'll be done with A? the more we get sucked into this world, the more I feel like we get caught up in a mess we can't find our way out of" Emily said
"It does tend to feel like that. Believe me, I wish that we could take back what happened that night because then we could be normal and not have to be out at night time looking for abandoned hospitals" Hanna said
"The funny thing is that A did bring us all back together, makes me wonder if we would have continued not talking if it hadn't been for A" Emily said
"Who knows. I would love to lie and say that we would have found our way back to each other but it was three years, and lot happened in those three years. Our secrets developed and here we are" Hanna said
"You always know how to sink reality in" Emily said
"Hey, reality helps kill the mirage" Hanna said as they began to meet up with Spencer and Aria
"Anything?" Aria asked
"No, nothing" Hanna replied as they all just looked at each other like what were they suppose to do now before Emily had shines a light on a white trespassing sign
"This looks like something was once here or property of some sort" Emily said as they all walked further down the passageway and saw an old beat up white shack
"Could this be it?" Aria asked confused as Spencer double checked the address
"There is no way that can even be considered a hospital" Hanna said "It looks like it needs a hospital than it being a hospital" she said as Spencer walked past the gates over towards the front of the shack with the rest of the girl close behind. Dusting off an old address box, Spencer quickly recognized the address
"This is it. This is the hospital" Spencer said looking over at the girls as they each ventured out to look over the house
"Spencer there is no way Toby is in here. Nothing could survive here" Aria said
"Then what? There has got to be a reason why that address was in the file" Hanna said
"What if this was a hideout house or something for Toby" Emily suggested
"Well he picked a good place to hideout because I sure as hell wouldn't peg him to live here, but then again this is Toby, we're talking about" Hanna said
"So another dead end, nothing" Spencer said frustrated
Since getting together with Hanna, Lucas had spent possibly every second of the day with her, but he loved that it wasn't about them being boyfriend and girlfriend, it was just fun being around her and bickering about stuff in which he got to see her passion and her desire for the things she cared about. Though she was off away with her friends, he did miss her like crazy but he did miss hanging out with Alton. Alton was unlike any person he had ever known so it was always memorable whenever the two hung out because Alton always made you feel a little bit sure that your on track to not being as desperate as one may think. Holding their beloved event that they always had once a month ever since they were little kids with whatever game console Lucas had, they had a marathon game night. It always went the same way where Alton would be somewhat competitive match in the beginning but it soon faded once Lucas started beating him silly.
"And I think I'm Wii burned out" Lucas declared as he flopped back on his bed
"Are you serious? We've gone into the morning with marathon games" Alton protested "Your getting weak my friend" he said
"Al, I'm beating you. I think I can only handle so many non competitive games" Lucas laughed
"I'm getting better, you have to admit that" Alton said
"Yes, I do have to give you that" Lucas lied just wanting to make his friend happy "So that talk with Mr. Smith wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. We're actually working on my project" he mentioned
"Really? Will you be done in time?" Alton asked
"Hopefully, Hanna won't accept not completing the project, it's a must in her book" Lucas smiled "Sorry, I know you hate hearing about her every second of the day" he quickly apologized
"I live vicariously through you. I just want the favor returned for when Mona and I finally make our relationship official" Alton said
"What exactly do you see in Mona? She's pure evil" Lucas said
"I thought you thought Alison was pure evil?" Alton asked
"Well Mona is doing a hell of a job trying to compete for that spot. So what is it? What's the Mona appeal?" Lucas asked
"I just think she's sexy as hell" Alton said
"And?" Lucas asked
"She's extremely sexy at night" Alton replied not thinking he needed to add anything else to the statement "I imagine my first time or my many times and I just see her" he said
"That's disgusting in a perverted way" Lucas said
"I know I'll never have a shot with her but she's like my real life Jenna Jameson, where she's so unattainable but that only increases the fantasy" Alton said with the biggest of smiles on his face "Remind me to show you my folder, found some awesome stuff on the internet that will help you see my perspective. I think I put it under your bed if you wanted to take a quick glance at what your missing out on what I think is a pretty good time" he laughed
"So is this a sexual crush?" Lucas asked ignoring what Alton thought was a good time
"No, its love" Alton replied as Lucas couldn't help but laugh
"How is it love when you just professed that you see your first time with her because she's your Jenna" Lucas said
"So? Hanna was your Jenna Jameson" Alton pointed out
"No, Hanna was my first crush. Big difference in that" Lucas said
"Speaking of all this sex talk. I bought you something, for your new manhood" Alton said pulling out a dvd out of his backpack before handing it to Lucas with a note that said watch me, repeatedly on it
"What is this?" Lucas asked
"Porn. I got a bootleg from a friend and its supposed to be good" Alton said
"And you thought I'd want this?" Lucas asked "Why did you possibly think I would want this?" he asked him
"Because you have to man up. Your dating one of the most popular girls, who happens to be up for the plucking when it comes to all of the guys in our class" Alton said "Hanna is going to expect certain things and when you guys finally start to, you have to be ready to" he said
"That's stupid. Hanna isn't sex obsessed" Lucas said
"Every girl that's popular is sex obsessed. Its like on the top things they care about, its makeup, fashion, and sex" Alton said
"And you think my girlfriend cares about this stuff?" Lucas asked as he looked at the title of the dvd movie "Hard Cowboys" he read the title of the movie
"Its unlike any of the after night flicks we've watched. This will prep you and make you a sex God in her eyes" Alton praised as Lucas threw the dvd on top of the entertainment set
"Yeah, well I'm not about to jerk off to porn. That's weird and its just weird. There's no connection to the women who are bouncing everywhere" Lucas said realizing that what he said sounded so wrong "Connection as in emotional" he quickly added
"No you meant the other hi-speed connection" Alton laughed "It never hurts to learn a few things because lets say you and Hanna decide its time, do you want to disappoint her? I guarantee you there is a guy in Rosewood High who is more than willing to do the service she is seeking" he said
"Well she said she had been researching, but that could have been about health issues or something like risk of pregnancy or anything of that sort" Lucas said
"If she was researching that she wouldn't be trying to have sex because she'd scare herself out of it. It's like wanting a child but you watch birthing videos in 3D" Alton reasoned "If she's researching its because she's narrowing down what she feels is the perfect sexual experience" he said
"No. I refuse to jump to that automatic conclusion just yet" Lucas shook his head in disbelief
"Dude, she's researching, that's all you need to know that you need to be studying" Alton said
"And you think Hard Cowboys is going to teach me all that I need to know?" Lucas laughed
"It'll at least you headed in the right direction" Alton said
"Yeah, well I think I'm going to believe that she's not ready and wants to wait, like we discussed" Lucas said standing by there conversation earlier "We talked about it" he said
"Okay, don't say I didn't warn you" Alton said
By the time Hanna had made it in from the Toby search it would have been too late to go over to Lucas's house. She didn't have time to miss sleeping next to Lucas because by the time she got in her bed, she immediately went to sleep like she hadn't slept in days or something. When morning had come, she realized she had enough time to go over to his house and at least have some of her snuggle time with him, so she hurriedly got dress and made her way over to his house. Climbing the grapevine, she had learned the anatomy of the grapevine so that she would avoid the spots where she would get hung up in on the climb up, happy that he left the door cracked she immediately let herself in to see that he wasn't in the room. Figuring that he was probably downstairs eating his usual bowl of cereal with his mom, Hanna got comfortable upstairs before she heard his cell phone vibrating. Scanning the room to see where the vibration was coming from, she finally found his cell phone on his entertainment set. Checking the phone she couldn't figure out who was calling him so she just made a mental note to tell him that he had a missed call, well on her way to sit back down she quickly glanced over a dvd with a yellow post it attached to it saying watch repeatedly. Picking up the dvd she became alarmed by what she read as the title of the movie.
"Hard Cowboys?" Hanna read to herself "Watch repeatedly" she said before she quickly heard the door open before she tossed it aside. Surprised to see Hanna in his room, Lucas walked over pulling her into a warm embrace immediately liked he had spent days away from her
"Missed you last night" Lucas said as he kissed her neck before looking at her not letting her go out of his embrace
"Yeah, we got in a little late. I didn't want to disturb you" Hanna said
"Oh, well I tried waiting up but I eventually fell asleep" Lucas said
"I'm sorry I didn't text you, I was just tired" Hanna said
"No that's fine, perfectly understandable" Lucas smiled "So what's on your schedule today? I was hoping we could go down to the lake and go swimming or something" he suggested but all Hanna kept thinking about was the dvd she saw before he came in
"Oh, that sounds good, but I promised Emily that we'd hang out" Hanna said
"Okay, well I guess I'll just call Alton up and go pick up some movies" Lucas said as once again Hanna had a flash back to the porno dvd
"What kind of movies?" Hanna asked quickly
"Probably something gritty, and jaw dropping. You know something I haven't seen before" Lucas smiled as Hanna was secretly freaking out
"You shouldn't watch something that excites you because then nothing else will measure up after that" Hanna suggested
" I want to get what I paid for, and enjoyment is what I aim for when I rent" Lucas said "
"Shouldn't you be reading more brochures or something educational instead of movies?" Hanna asked
"I'm brochure out. Plus I think watching a movie will relieve me a bit and take away some of this tension I have built up, I was hoping you'd be able to but since you have plans with Emily" Lucas said
"But I thought you'd wait for me, you know, so you don't have to put all your hopes in a movie" Hanna reasoned
"Since your going to be hanging out with your friends, watching a movie is going to take my mind off of you, then we can just hang out tonight" Lucas said as Hanna became more and more freaked out by the minute thinking about her boyfriend pleasuring himself all afternoon long all because she wouldn't
"Yeah, I think I should go" Hanna said quickly walking over to the window "I'll call you tonight" she said making her quick exit out as he stood there speechless as to her immediate exit
Rushing immediately over to Emily's house, all Hanna kept thinking about was scenes from Hard Cowboys and just imaging raw images of women being all bouncy and oiled to where she felt like she was going to throw up at the image. In her mind she knew it was normal for boys to watch porn, in fact the whole time she was trying to get Sean in the mood for sex, she had honestly hoped he was watching porn, but Lucas, she never picture him doing that. Maybe he did want sex from her, maybe he felt like he had to pleasure himself through porn because she wasn't going to, a range of emotions went through her head and she couldn't narrow down one single thought that made sense at the moment not with Hard Cowboys fresh in her head. Greeting Emily's parents as she entered the house, Emily came downstairs surprised to see Hanna but knew if she had made a bee line over to her house it had to be serious. The girls made their polite conversation with Emily's parents, but once they had fulfilled their civilized young women talk they wasted no time heading up to Emily's room. Closing the door behind her, Emily took a seat on her bed while Hanna paced the floor, and just by that alone she knew this was going to be interesting.
"Lucas is into porn" Hanna stated
"Aren't all boys. I know Ben was" Emily replied
"No, I think this is different. On this dvd it said watch repeatedly like he needed to satisfy an urge or something. Why else would he have to watch repeatedly?" Hanna asked
"What did he say?" Emily asked
"I'm not about to talk to him about why he needs to abuse little Lucas repeatedly" Hanna said as Emily couldn't help but laughed just as the door opened and in walked Spencer and Aria with coffee in hand. Taking their usual seats in Emily's room, Hanna began to wonder why it felt like a Toby meeting was about to take place
"What's going on?" Spencer asked as she picked at her muffin while Emily leaned over to grab a piece for herself
"Lucas is into porn" Emily updated them
"Aren't all guys" Aria said
"Not my boyfriend" Hanna replied quickly "He can't be" she said
"Why?" Spencer asked
"Because he's suppose to be unlike all the other guys and appreciate a girls needs" Hanna said
"Did you want to have sex with Sean?" Emily asked her
"That was different" Hanna said
"How?" Spencer asked
"Because I was trying to make the relationship work, now I'm glad I didn't give it up" Hanna said
"So what's the big deal with Lucas looking at porn?" Spencer asked
"Because if Lucas is watching porn after I'm sure you told him that you wanted to wait, that means Lucas wants to and will eventually want to have sex with Hanna" Aria spoke nervously not wanting to over step the thin line that she was all ready on with Hanna
"I thought you two talked about it?" Emily asked
"We did, and he said he was fine with waiting. But what if while he's waiting, he's secretly expecting me to be some sex pro" Hanna said
"Like Jenna Jameson" Emily smiled finding it funny that there was such a thing as a sex pro
"Is that like your lesbian crush?" Spencer asked
"No, I just thought Jenna Jameson when I heard sex pro for some reason" Emily replied trying to play off her enthusiasm that she knew of someone current other than what her parents wanted her to know about Hollywood
"Well this is going to be shocking, coming from me and all. What if you actually watched a tape?" Spencer asked
"For what?" Aria asked confused as to how that would help the now crisis
"Because then Hanna will see how stupid these women look. Half the time what they fake that turns them on really doesn't, and the dialogue horrible" Spencer said
"Have you watched one?" Emily asked with the hugest smile on her face at the prospect of Spencer Hasting spending late hours watching skin flicks
"I have seen one, but its not as bad as you think" Spencer said
"So what just use the porn video as a teaching tool or something?" Hanna asked
"No, use it as a tool to realize that its pure fiction what's on these tapes. Its to create a fantasy that will probably never happen, its sensationalized like everything is in film" Spencer said
"And count on Spencer to give the traditional educated yet political view" Aria laughed
"Maybe Spencer is right, maybe I'm freaking out over nothing. Maybe he's watching because he's a guy and that's what they do, it could have nothing to do with me" Hanna reasoned with herself
"Your worrying for nothing" Emily reassured her friend
After going to the movie store, Lucas had called up Alton and Reese to come over to watch movies. While cleaning up his room he stumbled upon the dvd Alton had given him last night, and the thought did run across his mind to watch just to see what exactly made porn the excellent teacher for first timers, but he knew he couldn't or at least feel comfortable with his parents in the house. Deciding to finally just throw the dvd away, Lucas just wanted to get the whole sex topic off his brain because there was no need to even worry. Though he would be lying if the thought didn't cross his mind that Hanna was researching, I mean what exactly did she need to research when it comes to sex, all in all it was a pretty simple concept he thought. Just as he got lost in thought his cell phone began to ring, looking over at the phone he quickly saw that it was Hanna calling.
"Hey" Lucas said answering the phone
"Are you busy?" Hanna asked
"No, I was just cleaning up" Lucas replied
"You made a mess" Hanna shaking her head in disbelief that he got that turned on by the video that he just couldn't control himself "Do you feel better?" she asked not knowing what to ask after hearing that he simply couldn't control himself
"Yeah, I mean I try to stay neat, but what's the point" Lucas sighed as he took a seat on the edge of his bed "What's up? Are things all right?" he asked
"Yeah, things are fine. I was just calling to see if I left my folder over at your house. I was suppose to bring it over so Emily and I could study" Hanna said
"Uh, where did you leave it?" Lucas asked getting up to scan the room for her folder
"I think its under your bed. I remember looking through it when we were reading your brochures" Hanna said
"Oh, okay" Lucas said as he got on his knees to look under the floor to find her pink folder. Just as he picked it up to put on the bed papers fell out of the folder back onto the floor, reaching down to pick up the papers he quickly saw that it countless printed out papers on sexual fetishes. Seeing this made him freak out like crazy, he never knew exactly what she was researching but now it made sense
"Did you find it?" Hanna asked
"Yeah, I found all ninety - nine positions worth of them" Lucas said as he flipped through the pages to see the chart of different sexual positions
"Cool. We need it for class" Hanna said "I'll just get it tonight then, I was really hoping to add to my research" she sighed
"What more did you need to add? It was ninety nine" Lucas said in disbelief
"Oh, there's more. I just haven't got what I need yet, but I'll probably just narrow it down" Hanna replied
"How many are you researching?" Lucas asked
"I don't know, I want something that at least gets me excited, I hate boring" Hanna said "I figure if I have to suffer through doing it then I should at least have fun while I'm doing it" she said
"Well ninety-nine gives you a good starting point" Lucas said
"Did you read the thing about the rabbits? That sounds interesting, I was thinking about doing that one" Hanna said
"Rabbits? Isn't that unsanitary?" Lucas asked confused how rabbits were considered fun to have during foreplay or sex for that matter
"Yeah, I just always thought it'd be interesting to do it on a rabbit" Hanna said
"Its interesting all right" Lucas said
"Oh, well I have to go. I'll see you tonight. Maybe you could look over a few that interest you and you could help me. You know since your waiting for me" Hanna laughed "See you later" she said before she hung up the phone leaving Lucas speechless before Alton and Reese made their way inside his room to see Lucas look like he had seen a ghost or something
"What's wrong with you?" Reese asked
"I think I'm going to regret asking this but I have no other choice" Lucas said realizing that this was his only option as he laid his eyes on Alton "I need you to teach me everything you know about you know" he said not wanting to come out with the topic with Reese in the room
"You know, what?" Alton asked
"You know" Lucas said eyeing him like he was suppose to know before Alton quickly caught on
"Oh" Alton said finally catching on "Yeah, you need to go home" he said quickly pushing Reese out the room as she began to protest
"What?" Reese ranted as Lucas quickly walked over to his entertainment set to pull out the Hard Cowboys to put in the dvd player while Alton was able to successfully get rid of Reese before walking over towards Lucas
"Are you sure?" Alton asked
"She's into rabbits" Lucas replied sadly like a pathtic school boy "I guess Bugs Bunny rocked her world as a kid" he said
"Oh, that's freaky" Alton said to himself at the thought of Hanna and rabbits in a round of foreplay "Giddy up cowboy" he said before he grabbed the dvd remote controller to hit the play button as they both took a seat on the edge of Lucas's bed. Five minutes into nothing but overly exaggerate moaning and groaning, Lucas looked over to see Alton's face plastered with the biggest of smiles that he'd ever seen. This was a new feat in their friendship, not one that he cared to look back on proudly. Before he could lower his head in shame the power quickly turned off, he didn't know whether to be happy or sad that just as the big finish was coming for the man, it came for his power in his house.
"Thank you God" Lucas prayed
"Aw, we were getting to the good part" Alton protested "Your parents pick a fine time not to pay the electric bill" he said
Even though she managed to talk it over with her friends, Hanna still worried that a piece of Lucas expected her to be like Jenna Jameson, she was popular and there was the belief that she was having sex, so it had to go hand in hand that those who were on the outside looking in probably thought the popular kids were sex Gods. On her way home she just kept thinking that maybe that's how sex was going to be for her regardless of the timing she was going to do it, that there was always going to be a certain expectation a girl was going to have to live up to, especially a girl like her. Making her way towards his house, she looked up at his window to see that his light was still turned on, maybe he was still practicing or maybe he wasn't, she said second guessing herself all the way over to the grapevine, but luckily she managed to text him and tell him that she was on her way over. There was no way of avoiding it, she need to confront this and possibly brush up on what she needed to know for when the time was right whether it be with Lucas or just any guy in her future, guys had needs and she needed to accept that. Coming into his room she quickly noticed the candles that he had around the room lit like it was once before with Reese when they were planning to consummate their sexual status that night. Just as she was quickly beginning to freak out over the fact that he suddenly went from watching porn to thinking he was going to get some tonight, Lucas made his way inside the room.
"You're here" Lucas said nervously "How was Emily's?" he asked her
"It was interesting. How was the movie?" Hanna asked scared to hear his answer
"Informative" Lucas replied "Are you hungry? We have leftovers, so if you want something to eat" he told her
"No, I'm good. What's all this?" Hanna asked
"The electric went out in the house" Lucas said as he walked over to take a seat on the bed
"That was convenient" Hanna said knowing that Lucas was lying through his teeth
"Yeah, I was actually thankful at one part in the day, but that's another story" Lucas replied "You want to sit or are you going to stand?" he asked
"Lucas, we can't have sex" Hanna quickly replied unable to hold it in anymore feeling like she was going to burst at any second "I know that I may seem like I want to because of my previous relationship with Sean, but I think that was a screwed up version of me that wanted to have sex. I've just learned to appreciate my body and myself for that matter, and I don't think right now is the time for me to add a whole new pressure of measuring up to your sexual fantasies" she said "Its too much and I promise you I will disappoint you" she added
"What are you talking about?" Lucas asked confused
"You want to have sex. I saw the Hard Cowboys and now the room full of candles" Hanna replied "I'm sorry, but I can't, not now" she cried as Lucas got up to walk over to the lamp that was on bedside table
"Hey, hey, look at this" Lucas said as he attempted to turn on his light before bending over to show her that the lamp was plugged in "Power is out, no tricks" he said as he walked over to her to pull her into a hug, lightly kissing her forehead
"I thought you wanted to have sex" Hanna said relieved that he was actually telling the truth as she burried her face in his chest "I feel like an idiot" she replied before he lead her over to the bed so that they could sit down
"The video was Alton's.." Lucas said before Hanna cut him off
"Enough said" Hanna replied quickly "Its all starting to make sense about Hard Cowboys" she laughed to herself
"But I watched it though because I know that you've been researching the different sexual positions. I guess a part of me wanted to be perfect for you as well" Lucas said as he played with her fingers so that it gave him an excuse to hang his head down "And I don't think I can be that guy for you" he said
"Sexual positions?" Hanna asked
"In your folder, I found the chart and the comment about the whole rabbits" Lucas told her "Not quite sure why you want to have sex on a rabbit but I'm not into that and I can't even pretend that turns me on" he said
"Lucas?" Hanna said confusedly "I don't have sex chart in my folder nor a sexual desire to have sex on a rabbit, how is that even possible?" she said
"It was in your folder" Lucas said as Hanna leaned over to look under the bed to grab her folder to show Lucas what she was talking about
"Oral presentation on things we find interesting about our world today" Hanna read her assignment paper to him before showing him her list of topics she found on the internet "I wanted to know what was interesting so I found this list, ninety-nine interesting things to talk about" she said
"Then who's folder was under my bed?" Lucas asked
"I'm pretty sure that it's the same person who brought over Hard Cowboys" Hanna laughed "Yeah, I think we're both looking bad in this one" she continued to laugh as Lucas couldn't help but join in on the laughter
"Even after we clearly talked about it too" Lucas said
"We're horrible, I mean really horrible at communicating the big topics" Hanna laughed
"Yeah, we gotta work on that" Lucas smiled "I don't want to cause you any stress, I know how hard its been for you dealing with even talking about your bulimia, so the last thing I want to do is make you feel like you have to measure up to anything" he told her continuing to play with her fingers
"I'm learning a lot about myself through this treatment, but you mean a lot to me, and although right now I'm not ready, I hope my first time will be with you" Hanna said softly as she leaned into kiss him softly on the lips
"If and when we decide to have sex, being with you makes it memorable enough for me" Lucas smiled
"You wearing a cowboy hat could make things interesting though" Hanna joked as the two laughed "Plus we haven't even had our first official date really to just jump into sex" she said
"I think we can change that" Lucas smiled as he got up to grab his ipod from his desk before putting one earbud in his ear as he extended his hand out to her
"What are you doing?" Hanna asked
"Well we don't have a home cooked meal, or the cheesecake that signifies our first date that I promised you that show you that its real, but this is something I'd definitely want to do with you on our first date, and since we don't have power this will have to do" Lucas said as she placed an earbud in her ear as she smiled at his song choice
"Island in the Sun. Weezer" Hanna smiled "Interesting choice" she said
"I just hit shuffle and that's what came up" Lucas laughed as he pulled her in as they swayed to the music
"No, I like it. Its fitting" Hanna smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck as she smiled at him. Swaying to the music, the two just enjoyed each other company like they always seemed to. She thought times before that she had perfect nights where things were just right, but nothing could top this, not by a long shot, and she'd never thought the boy she'd least expected would manage to be the one to steal her heart away