a/n: HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Hey guys, I'm really, really REALLLLLY sorry about the delay on updating but I had major writer's block for the longest time. It was until like, a few days ago when some ideas came pouring down on me. But this chapter… it's not very long and I apologize for that now. I'll try to work on Chapter 12 over the winter break but there are no promises so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy Chapter 11!

Thanks to: tomboy2012, milkamoo,Carla, Emmajfjch, CheekyBrunette, T-Bone14, freakycutiecarlos, Robin-n-Hoodie, Lito-Arumi, Hikari no Kasai, Anonymous Skrtle, bluestring, NoctePluvia for reviewing. You guys are the best!

Disclaimer: I don't own BTR *sigh*

Chapter 11: A.N.T

I sat frozen in place as Dr. Thomason and Mama Knight waited for me to move.

"Carlos Garcia?" My heart was beating so loudly in my chest that I was sure that Mrs. Knight could hear it. The sound continuously rung out in my ears: thump thump, thump thump, thump thump. I could've sworn that every single vessel in my heart would explode. As Dr. Thomason seemed to turn and walk away, Mrs. Knight stood abruptly. "Wait!" she called. "He's right here." With that she grabbed my hand, pulled me out of my seat, and we followed the young doctor.

Once we were in the hallway Mama Knight let go of my hand. I suddenly started to become less aware of my surroundings, yet more aware. Does that even make sense? Wow, I must sound crazy... I actually probably am.

The sound of both the woman's heels echoed loudly in my mind, meshing with my heartbeat. Thump, click. Soon after the ticking and tocking of a clock entered my ears. Thump, click, tick, tock. Then the sounds of a vending machine being used. Thump, click, tick, tock, whirr. Then as we passed a room with an open door I heard a beep from the heart monitor. Thump, click, tick, tock, whirr, beep. Soon it all became a jumbled mess.

Thumpclickticktockwhirrbeep. Thumpclickticktockwhirrbeep.
I kept hearing it, and every time it got faster and louder until it sounded like some completely and utterly scratched and destroyed CD that had been played. I shut my eyes while continuing to walk. It was all too much and I could feel a migraine coming on. Plus the pain from my arm didn't make it any better. I opened my eyes and the sounds keep repeating in my ears- thumpclickticktockwhirrbeep. No matter how much I tried to tune them out, they still stayed embedded into my mind.

With every numb step I took, the jumbled sounds got louder. ThumpclickticktocKWHIRRBEEP, THUMPCLICKTICKTOCKWHIRRBEEP- SLAM!

I looked up in surprise when suddenly all the sounds were interrupted by Dr. Thomason's office door slamming shut. She continued to walk in without hesitation and with confidence while I stood awkwardly by the doorway. She took a seat on one side of her desk and gestured for Mrs. Knight and I to do the same- which we did. For a few moments nobody said anything.

"So? What happened?" she asked, wanting to get straight to the point. I however, stayed quiet and shrugged. "You don't know?" She asked for clarification. I shrugged again and she let out a loud sigh. "Carlos this isn't something to be taken lightly. It would be in everyone's best interest if you spoke up and told me what was wrong," she pleaded. Inside I knew she was right, but I didn't want to admit it so I shrugged again causing Dr. Thomason so rub her temples thoroughly. "Mrs. Knight, do you mind stepping out a few minutes- so I can speak to Carlos alone?" Mrs. Knight nodded rapidly and stood up just as fast. "Of course. I have a phone call to make anyway. I'll meet you outside when you're finished sweetie." I sighed. I knew that she was going to call Logan. She was going to call him to let him know what was going on and to tell him not to worry or anything. And even though she said that, he'd freak out and as soon as I step into his view he'll go crazy and start asking me a whole truckload of questions which I'll be forced to answer. Then I'll have to try to calm him down for at least ten minutes. Nonetheless I nodded and she ruffled up my hair before walking out and closing the door behind her.

As soon as the door shut with a soft 'click' Dr. Thomason stood and also left the room. I was confused. But she entered again a few minutes later with some medical equipment. OH.

She sat down next to me in the seat that had been taken up by Mrs. Knight less than 10 minutes ago. "Give me your arm," she told me shortly. I did so and watched as she began to work on it.

"Ah," I winced as she cleaned my cut. It burned really badly, more so than usual... I guessed it was because it wasn't cleaned right away and was probably becoming infected. But it gave me a sort of sick contentment, knowing that I was like a normal human in some ways- the natural hatred of the rubbing alcohol or 'stupid stingy stuff.' "Sorry," she replied as she finished up with the cleansing.

"So," she started, as she began to stitch my arm up. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" I bit my lip in order to keep from sighing loudly. "I guess... I know you didn't want to see me with the exception of our weekly visits and I wasn't expecting to see you because I was doing so well but-" I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "But it got hard for me again. It got hard and it got REAL. My friend Logan- one of the ones I told you about- before we were friends again he said some hurtful things to me." "Such as?" she inquired, not looking up from her work. "He told me that I was the reason my Mom killed herself. And what makes it worse is that he's the only one who knows that I blame myself. I got upset and just went into a blind frenzy and just did the first thing that came to mind. Just before I was about to do it though I stopped. I stopped because I was wondering if it was really worth it but then I realized that it didn't matter because the pain... the emotional pain was just too strong and... and I cut myself again. I know that I shouldn't have. I know that and it's a big regret of mine but I couldn't see it at the time. I'm sorry." By now she had stopped stitching and was wrapping my arm in gauze. I'm honestly beginning to get tired of the stupid white gauze. I had stopped looking at her. I only did so when she told me too.

"There is nothing to be sorry about Carlos. You were in a blind rage. But that's no reason to cut yourself. That's not helping anyone; if anything, it's hurting you and everyone that cares about you. We've got to get rid of these A.N.T's. Do you remember what that stands for?" I nodded. "Automatic Negative Thoughts," I recited. She nodded as well. "Yeah. And you know that those aren't good. If you're feeling angry, just count to ten in your head, and calm down. Then weigh the pros and cons of the situation and think about if it's really worth it. And if you're thinking pessimistically or negatively then think of something positive that would be better than any other outcome, OK? You're better than this Carlos, I know you are. You're honestly better than a lot of other patients I've had and I see a lot of potential in you. In a matter a months I can see you walking out of Dr. Crestman's office and never having to look back. So work on getting there, OK?" I nodded again. "You, Dr. Crestman and I will work together on getting you back to 100% Carlos. Now get out of here," she said with a smile. I smiled softly back as she wrote something on a white piece of paper.

"Here," she said. "This is a prescription. Give it to Mrs. Knight and get her to take it to a pharmacy or drug store as soon as possible. Take it twice a day- one in the morning and one before bed." I nodded and reached for the knob. "And Carlos?" Dr. Thomason called out. "Yeah?" I asked, turning back around to face her, looking into her soft green eyes. "It's alright to ask for help. And not just from me and Dr. Crestsman. Asking Mrs. Knight or your friends is perfectly fine. They're probably the best people to ask actually, since they know you better than anyone else. But that's just something to take into consideration okay?" I nodded once again and she gave me a large smile. "Bye Carlos." I smiled too. "Bye Dr. Thomason." And with that, I was out the door.

I met up with Mrs. Knight back in the waiting room and gave her the prescription. "She said to bring it to a drug store or pharmacy as soon as possible," I told her. She nodded her head as she stood. "... Are you OK?" she inquired cautiously. "Yeah," I replied immediately. "Dr. Thomason and I had a talk and it really helped," I said honestly. She smiled widely. "That's great honey. Are you ready to go?" "Yup!" She laughed and we walked to the parking lot and into the car.

I had barely stepped foot into the Palm Woods when Logan came out of nowhere and attacked and drowned me in questions.

"Are you OK? What happened? What did you do? Did you have surgery? Are you in any pain? Does your head hurt? What about you stomach? Are you dizzy? Nauseous? Were you prescribed anything? Do you-"

"Logan!" The smart brunette snapped his mouth shut instantly. "I'm fine, OK?" He shook his head rapidly. "B-but you were at the HOSPITAL and Mrs. Knight told me that your arm... it..." He faded as he put the pieces together in his head. I could practically see the gears turning in his head as be figured it out. Suddenly his eyes brightened and he brought them back up to me. "You cut yourself again didn't you?" He asked, bringing his once very loud voice down to a soft, low whisper. I looked down but nodded my head.

"I know you told me not to but..." I started, unsure of how to continue. "But what I said that day... it caused you to cut again didn't it?" I continued to look away. I didn't want him to feel guilty. But when I looked back up at him I could tell that the guilt had already settled into his brain. "Didn't I?" He demanded again. "Well... I wouldn't say... look Logan. Yes, what you said to me was hurtful it made me feel terrible and all the emotion that I still had pent up just burst when you said that to me. But it wasn't what you said, it was the memories that came with it. It just made me feel upset enough that... that I felt like cutting was my only option. But now I know it's not. And I'm going to stop keeping things to myself. I'm going to talk to you, and Mrs. Knight and Stephanie so you guys can help me, OK? Don't feel bad. It's not your fault. If it's anyone's its mine. I should have more self-control than that. All I want to do is put all of this behind me and forget about it. You should too."

"But I still feel bad though. You wouldn't have had those memories if it weren't for me saying that." He admitted, looking upset. "Yeah, well I don't blame you. So you shouldn't blame yourself, alright?" He didn't say anything. "Alright?" I asked again, louder. "Alright," he replied, not at all convincingly. "Alright?" I inquired again, this time tickling his stomach, making him laugh. "Alright, alright. I won't blame myself." I smiled. "Good. Now c'mon, I'm in the mood for ice-cream."

JAMES POV

"Kendall I don't know about this. It's a little extreme, don't you think?" Kendall and I were alone in the apartment at the kitchen table eating a late lunch that each consisted of a large order of chilly cheese fries. Everything was going fine until Kendall got one of his infamous plans. And this one was against Carlos.

"Why not?" He inquired after swallowing a forkful of fries. "It's perfect, not extreme." I looked at him with doubtful eyes. I'm not mad at Carlos anymore. Well that's not completely true because the pants that he ruined were expensive and a gift from my Mom. But still, he got me new pants and I guess it was an accident. But even so, Kendall's temper allows him to hold grudges even longer than my Mom and I combined. That's a long grudge.

But this was just cruel. I didn't feel that Carlos deserved this. I just think that Kendall is angry. About what? I have absolutely no idea whatsoever. But it must be bad for him to want to do THAT to Carlos.

"...It's mean. And I don't think that he deserves that." I did my best to avoid his eyes but I didn't miss the disbelief in his eyes. "Are you serious?" He asked incredulously. I nodded hesitantly and he let out a scoff. "Who's side are you even on?" I could tell from his voice that he was getting angry but I took the chance and looked up. "That's the thing Kendall... I don't want to be on sides anymore. I want things to be the way they were before. I'm tired of this." It's true. I was done with this and I didn't want to have to deal with it anymore. It's annoying and stressful and I'm always feeling as if I'm on edge. I just want to be relaxed again. I want us all to be friends again.

"James," Kendall said, his eyes softening. "Come on. He did you wrong and now we're giving him what's always been coming to him. Besides, have I ever steered you in the wrong direction?" I sighed as he smirked smugly. "...No..." He smiled widely. "Great, now here's the plan..."

a.n: Yeah… I know. It wasn't very good. And I'm so very sorry for that but… just ugh. The next chapter will be a million times better than this one I promise. I'll try to update as soon as I can but things have been so hectic with school and family life it's just… ugh. But as I said I'll write a much better chapter. I hope you all have a happy holiday and winter break.

P.S. I'm gonna spend a lot of mine listening to 'Epic,' by BTR, if you haven't already you should check it out too!

Later peepz!