10. What doesn't break you makes you stronger.
(Scarecrow)
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"Dean!"
Dean breaks the habit of a lifetime and doesn't even twitch. He's flat on his back, face impassive and about as deeply asleep as Sam has ever seen him.
It's been three days since Rockford and the… thing that happened in the asylum. That little incident when Sam tried to kill his brother. When Sam would have killed his brother if Dean's gun had been loaded. That little incident has been eating Sam up from the inside out ever since. He really needs to talk about it, but that particular conversation is so far off the menu it's still back on the farm.
They haven't moved far. One motel swap and they've drifted to a halt. Dean seems tired, tired and quiet, hiding behind a carefully constructed wall that is so blank Sam can't even make out the brickwork, let alone what's behind it.
So they've eaten, or rather they've bought food and pushed it around a little and most of it is sitting on the table or residing in the trash can. Sam has done a lot of research about ghost possessions and deep-seated psychological triggers and still hasn't found a good enough excuse for shooting his brother, even it was only with rock salt.
Dean has had a few beers and stared at the lopsided TV and mainly he's been flat out on his back, asleep. It's unnerving; Dean doesn't sleep much and when he does he usually lies on his front. Sam bites his lip in a guilty manner and figures maybe his brother's chest is still sore. He daren't ask, but that rock salt must've packed quite a punch.
It seems Dean is still kind of tired because he doesn't move when Sam calls him again, so in the end Sam picks up his brother's cell and finds himself talking to their father.
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John's orders send them in the direction of Burkitsville, Indiana. It's the orders that cause all the trouble and they act like a spark, igniting an explosion that fractures the brothers' delicate relationship.
Sam steps away from the Impala and does something he's wanted to do ever since Dean pulled him out of that burning apartment. He stands alone, an independent adult who can make his own decisions and act on them.
In turn, Dean calls Sam something he's been wanting to call him since long before Stanford. Selfish. And then he drives away, because there's only so many times a man can stomach being left behind and Dean has reached his limit.
So Sam heads on foot for the bus to California, the red glow of the Impala's tail lights receding fast behind him as Dean powers her towards Burkitsville.
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It is twenty-four hours before they speak again and twenty-four hours is a lot of thinking time, even when you're working a case or spending time with a fellow hitchhiker.
Sam gradually comes to realize that doing things your own way and working to your own agenda doesn't always feel like it's the right thing to do, especially when it means your big brother is hunting by himself. The initial feelings of euphoria and freedom drift away and turn into a nagging certainty that he should be in Burkitsville and that California can wait.
Dean has, in his turn, had plenty of time to reflect on Rockford and the last few months. With a few lonely hours to himself, he's come to the conclusion that Sam didn't really want to kill him; that was all Dr Ellison's psychotic influence. But it seems that Sam does have some real issues with his brother and Dean knows he's guilty of reassuming the older sibling role, even though adult Sam has managed perfectly well by himself for years.
Internal musings aside, it turns out that Dean is facing a Norse god and a small town full of people who are only too happy to sacrifice passing strangers to keep the town prosperous. The good thing about being up against such a hefty adversary is that he really needs Sam's input, even if it's only on the end of a 'phone, and to the relief of them both it's a good enough excuse for the brothers to start communicating again.
Now it's a funny thing, but words spoken into the ether are so much easier than those that require eye contact and body language. Dean even goes so far as to say he's proud of Sam standing up to their father and doing his own thing, something he would probably never say face to face. As they end the call, suddenly everything is okay again between them, or as okay as they can be with Dean hunting alone and Sam heading for California.
Sam is still with fellow hitchhiker, Meg. He finds her strangely compelling, right up until the point when he's worried himself sick for hours about Dean not answering his cell. Suddenly she's just a part of the bus station and he's heading for a stolen car and his brother, because family is, after all, more important than a personal mission of revenge or a transient free spirit you've only known for a short while.
.
Sam turns up in time to save the day, or at least in time to save his brother and fellow sacrifice Emily. They torch the sacred apple tree and end the Norse god's rule and see Emily safely on her way to another life.
"What made you change your mind?" Dean is trying to be casual, but Sam knows how important the answer is to his brother.
"I didn't. I still wanna find Dad. And you're still a pain in the ass. But, Jess and Mom… they're both gone. Dad is God knows where. You and me. We're all that's left. So, if we're gonna see this through, we're gonna do it together."
It's the truth and it's sincere and it's what Dean needs to hear. Of course, he acts like a smart-ass about it, because it's much too close to being a chick-flick moment. But Sam doesn't mind, because he's made his own decision to come back this time and perhaps that's all he ever needed to do to make things right in his own head.
They drive for a while in comfortable silence until Sam points out that it's been a couple of days since they actually stopped and slept.
"Yeah," says Dean. "Next motel." It's the tiny slur in his voice that turns a spotlight on all the loose ends that have been floating around in Sam's mind.
He nods in the direction of the multi-coloured bruise on Dean's forehead. "What happened?"
Dean runs his fingers lightly over the bump. "Nothin' much," he says easily. "Sheriff butt-stroked me."
Three hours, thinks Sam. Three hours I tried to call him before I stole a car. "How'd he get the drop on you?" he asks casually.
Dean looks a bit shifty, which means he's embarrassed, and mutters something about the community college.
Sam is adding things up in his head and his brows knit in a scowl at the result. First, there's the travelling time from the college to the root cellar, then there's a time lapse when Dean was in the root cellar with Emily… and didn't seem to have made much attempt to escape. Then there's the hours in the orchard, when his brother failed dismally to get loose from his bindings despite the fact he had an innocent to save. Sam realizes with a sick slide in his stomach that Dean wouldn't have made it through the hunt alive if Sam hadn't turned up in the nick of time.
Sam looks at his brother's forehead again and speaks carefully, as though he's not hanging on the answer at all. "That concussion causing you much trouble?"
"Had worse." Dean keeps his eyes focused on the road and goes a bit pink around the ears, so Sam knows he's guessed right and needs to dole out pills as soon as they get settled in the motel. He'll be waking up a few times too, to make sure Dean hasn't decided to pull the ultimate evasive maneuver and slip into a coma.
A few minutes later, Dean spots a motel and they pull up with an almost tangible sense of relief. Sam opens his door, puts a leg out onto the parking lot and then pauses.
"I don't want to kill you, Dean."
Dean tilts his head back and looks directly at him and Sam is reminded why his brother won't make eye contact when he's got something to hide.
"I know you don't, Sammy."
Sam thinks he's never seen anyone look quite so sad.
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I always felt that the end of 'Scarecrow' finally put the brothers in a position where they could start to work together properly, although of course there are so many trials ahead for them.
Do you want more or shall we leave it there?
Thanks for taking the time to read, and thanks so much to reviewers:
Ngregory763, cmr2014, monMona, iwokeuponthewrongsideoflife, Kathy, DearHart, waitingforAslan, Blossom9, hollyhobbit101 and guest.