Girl On The Move
Chapter Eleven
Dear Courtney,
Well, I guess I have a lot of explaining to do to you, baby girl. I'm sorry that I won't be there for you. I'm sorry I won't get to see you grow up like I hoped I could have. I made a mistake, Courtney. I made a stupid, stupid mistake. I wish I had never done what I did. I think you're too young to know right now, but one day I will explain everything to you.
They say that I am allowed to send one letter a week and I've decided I have no one else to send my letters to. I hope you don't mind and I hope I don't hurt you by sending these letters. If it's not too much, I want you to write me back, Courtney. I know you're only young and things are very confusing for you, but I want you to know that I am still your father, I'm still your daddy and I will always be here for you.
Love, Daddy.
Dear Courtney,
My big girl today. First grade, what a shock. It's a very life changing day, am I right? You're going to be making new friends and meeting new people. I know you wish you were with all your old friends from Kindergarten today, but I promise you that you have nothing to worry about. You'll fit right in, baby girl. I promise.
Love, Daddy.
Dear Courtney,
I heard you lost another tooth today. That's almost all of your adult teeth now, isn't it? Wow. You really aren't my baby girl anymore, are you? No. You will always be my baby girl. No matter how old you are or how big you get, my baby girl is who you always will be.
Love, Daddy.
Dear Courtney,
Wow. Today is your tenth birthday. Double digits already, baby girl. You're growing up so fast. I wish I was there with you. I hope you got everything you wanted, darling. I hope you had a lovely party with all of your friends and I hope your mother spoilt you rotten like you deserve.
Love, Daddy.
Dear Courtney,
I was hoping to see you today. It was Grandma's funeral and I was allowed to attend with one of the officers on the ward. I thought that your mother would have taken you to say goodbye to her. I know you only met a few times and you may not even remember her, but it would have been nice. And I would have gotten to see my baby girl again. I've been missing you extra much recently. My cell mate said it's what usually happens to people when they've been away from someone they love dearly for this long. I hope to see you soon, Courtney.
Love, Daddy.
Dear Courtney,
Another move, huh? Well, baby girl, do expect a lot of it. I know you're probably used to it now, but I still feel it's my job to reassure you that it won't always be this way. I know it won't. One day you'll wake up in the same place each and every day. I promise you it will be okay in the end.
Love, Daddy.
Dear Courtney,
Today is your sixteenth birthday. You're not my baby girl anymore, are you? You're growing into a fine young woman. I wish I was there to give you your first car. I wish I was there to teach you how to drive. Maybe one day, huh, darling?
Love, Daddy.
Dear Courtney,
Five years to the day. 1826 days and I'll be able to see you again. I wonder what you look like now. I hope you still have your perfect brown curls and my dark eyes. And I pray that you still have your little cute freckles on your nose will forever remain on your perfect little face. I only have one photo of you, Courtney...Your third birthday. You dressed up in that little pink Princess outfit. Your mother took three hours to curl your hair because it just kept falling straight again. That's the best memory I think I have of the three of us. We were a family back then, weren't we? But I guess we'll never be a family again...Almost back to you, baby girl.
Love, Daddy.
That was the one that he sent me last. It was then 1823 days until he was going to see me. That made me feel...uncertain. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to meet him. After spending most of my life in jail, why would I want to meet him? I know he's still my father, but by the time I would see him I would be even more grown up.
I knew what I had to do next. After lying in bed and staring at my ceiling for three hours, I finally came to a conclusion; I wanted to write a letter back to him. He deserved to know something about me. He was still my father, after all, and he spent time to write me short letters each week.
'And this, guys, is how that letter went;
Dear...
You always end your letters with 'daddy' and I guess that's what I used to call you when I was younger. Now, though, at almost seventeen years of age and no real memory of who you are, I don't feel as if daddy fits the bill.
Well, if you haven't guessed already, it's Courtney. I guess I should start with an apology of not answering these letters previously. There was a complication where mom decided to hide them all away from me. I found the one you sent on Saturday and, well, she handed over the rest, too. I've read through them all over the past few days and...They make me feel weird inside. I've never felt this way before and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. It does hurt to know that you were never around for me, but I now know you wanted to be...I grew up to believe that you wanted nothing to do with me, but now I know that you missed me just as much as I missed you. I would try and kid myself that I never needed you, but every girl needs a father in her life...
As mentioned before, I'm almost seventeen now and yes, I do look more or less the way you described me. Brunette hair-deadly straight-dark eyes and seven little freckles over the bridge of my nose. I guess I got them from you as me and mom look nothing alike. As you also know, I've just moved to Manhattan and already school is looking up. My GPA is far above average despite the constant moving of schools. I don't have many friends but I never do wherever I go. But I do have one friend. Duncan. I really like him. He's helped me through a lot since I moved here.
I guess you'd want to know a few personal details, but I am unsure of what to tell you. I move around a lot so I never have friends to hang out with or even a job to stay on top of. I am a complete book worm which is why my grades are so good. I complete all my homework on time and I pass most of my time babysitting Casey when mom's at work. The only one thing I have is my blog.
But what about you? You spend all of your letters asking about me and how I am, but you hardly ever mention yourself to me. I have no idea who you are anymore. I don't know what you look like, what your personality is, how close we were when I was younger. I have no memories of you except a very hazy one of a Christmas morning one year.
Love, Courtney.'
I clutched onto Duncan's hand even tighter as I pushed the white envelope into the post box a few minutes walk away from the apartment buildings. I wasn't holding his hand because there was something going on between us like so many people had suggested, it was because I needed reassurance that I was doing the right thing. Duncan had agreed to come with me for moral support and comfort. I refused to let him and mom read over my letter, but that was for personal reasons. If they wanted to read it, they could read it on my blog where I had also posted it for help. It always helped me to get my thoughts out of my head and into the world.
Duncan didn't stick around me for too long once we got back to my apartment. He was still grounded as far as I knew, so it was pretty understandable. I was unaware of how he did manage to keep sneaking out and was able to still have the use of his laptop, but I had learnt how sneaky Duncan could be when he wanted to.
The first thing I did was log onto my blog and read Duncan's update. He always read mine, but I felt as if I never read his. So, when I found out he had posted one just second before I logged on, I was quite content to read it.
'Miss Girl On The Move conquered her fears today. And I'm very happy that I could be there with her as she did it. Prince Charming strikes again, right ,Court?'
I smiled. I genuinely smiled. I hadn't smiled since Saturday morning before I had got the letter. Duncan had that ability, you see; he could make me smile with most of the things he said and did. He was a great friend, always there to comfort me and cheer me up when I needed it. I was very glad I met him.
A/N: Aww.
I know it was short, but shove them DxC fluffiness in there and it's all good, right? haha!
Sorry for the mini-wait between updates, though ya'll shouldn't be complaining, I haven't updated SYBF in almost a month! EEP!
Thank you to;
ThatSuperHotSexyBookWorm: At least you got your books in the end! But speaking of books, PLEASE HURRY UP AND READ CITY OF BONES! I'M IN DESPERATE NEED OF SOMEONE TO FANGIRL WITH! Life As We Know It is sooo funny! haha! Thank you :D
DxCfanlover: Good and reassuring? Possibly...haha, depends how you see it XD I always laugh at the box! It's totally something my own mother would do! haha! Umm...I know her name is Sharla, but I don't know if it had been mentioned yet or not...It might be the next chapter, actually XD Oh, moms...How do you read three books at the same time? I have to read one and finish it before I can start another, otherwise I get far too confused! haha! Thanks :D
Coderrafan4: WHAT? NO INTERNET? THAT'S INSANE! I tend to start crying when my internet goes out for more than a minute...I may be a slight internet addict XD hahaha! Thank you :D
I love you gals! You are awesome!
Thanks for reading, please review (:
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Love, ChloeRhiannonX