Shun Goku WTF! Chapter 11, a Sailor Moon + Street Fighter Crossover fanfic

Well now, it's time for Gouki to have a little fun.

Dan: (Priest Robes, kneeling in front of a shrine to the Inner Senshi) Namu...Amida...Butsu...

Usagi: (T0T) That's not nice!

Rei: (angry) GET THE HELL OUT OF THOSE SHRINE ROBES!!!!

Dan: Okay (Strips down)

Rei: (0///o\\\0) NOT IN HERE!!!!

Minako & Makoto: (Camera at ready) Smile for the Camera!

Dan: (Doing Muscle pose) YOYUSSUU!

Kyugan: What fools these mortals be...

Halibel: Teenagers...oi...

Round 11.

"How can this have happened?" Pluto fretted, pacing in front of the silent gates of time with a growing sense of panic "When did it happen? Why didn't I feel it happen? Why Didn't I predict this?!"

The woman's demands grew more and more insistent, even as she tried, fruitlessly, to open the giant marble doors by hand, only for it to prove as futile as when she'd first been sealed in with them millennia ago. And just as it had been millennia ago, the gates refused to acknowledge her, no matter how hard she ordered, threatened, pleaded and begged.

But unlike last time, when she'd been a mere stripling, a shaken princess who'd watched her friends die around her en masse, unable to do anything but observe, Pluto had her years of experience to guide her, to temper her will and strengthen her nerves.

Which is why she was currently trying to pry the damnable gates open with her garnet rod, rather than beating her hands bloody against them in a hysterical hissy fit.

"I HAVE to get them open again!" she insisted, straining as she put her whole body into levering the staff into a barely noticeable gap between the doors "Without the gates I am as blind as any mortal…and those recent irregularities to crystal Tokyo were growing more frequent by the second!"

Not that Pluto was powerless without the gates. Oh no, aside from Super Sailor Moon, she was undoubtedly the most powerful senshi on earth, and unlike the princess, she could access her full power at will, rather than waiting for her aura to align itself with her talisman. Amazing what having a millennia to train and prepare oneself could do, isn't it?

She grunted, eyes widening as she saw the telltale light of the time stream inside the crack, gritting her teeth in a manic grin as she doubled her efforts to pry the gates open, back straining as she leant further and further back.

There was a noise akin to a ruler reverberating on a desk, followed immediately by a decidedly un-lady-like curse, and Pluto was hurled across the chamber to land in an undignified heap against the far wall, her ass in the air, her fuku trailing over her face as she glared at the vibrating form of her garnet rod.

This was going to take a while…

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"MOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK!" Sailor Moon cried out, sending her strongest attack right at Gouki, only to scream as the maned Neko leapt right into her face, kicking off it and knocking the blonde on her rump "Owie!"

"BURNING MANDALA!" Sailor Mars yelled, sending several fireballs rocketing towards the feline menace, only for one well-timed Shakunetsu to snuff them out, the girl rolling out of the way just in time to avoid being barbecued. Venus attempted to follow her comrades' attempts up with a 'Love Me Chain', but Gouki easily ducked under the restraining attack and delivered a glare that caused the girl to back off sheepishly.

Off to the side, Chibi-Usa and Hotaru were watching the battle in awe, the future daughter of Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen wondering how on earth a Mau, an admittedly buff looking one, could take down the sailor senshi with apparently little difficulty. True they weren't using their super forms, this was merely a spar after all, but he had actually taken Jupiter's thunder Dragon head on, charging through it and somehow managing to throw the tall senshi with her own ponytail.

Hotaru, on the other hand, was marveling at the ability of her new friend/pet, though she knew better than to refer to the maned Neko as either. While she was quite certain that Dan and Gouki's story was true, a cat transforming into a naked man in your bedroom does wonders for your sense of belief, she had nonetheless wondered what they'd been like as humans. Martial artists were a strange, enigmatic group to a girl that had spent most of her life sheltered, in some shape or form, from harm as a result of her poor condition. Hopefully, with said condition apparently cleared up, the girl could look into her new friends' lives as more than just a casual observer.

"Mataku…" Dan muttered, watching as Gouki chased the senshi around the temple's backyard like something out of a Loony Toons sketch, Moon clinging desperately to Mars, who was carrying her leader bridal style, far too concerned with running the hell away to chastise the blonde "That guy has no clue how to go about teaching kids."

"They're not kids you know." Usa pointed out defensively "Even if Moon acts like one more often than not," she amended with embarrassment "they've all fought off really strong opponents ever since they awoke to their powers two years ago."

"And Gouki's been battling strong opponents since he could WALK." Dan muttered, earning a look of alarm from Hotaru "Or at least that's what the guy's always going on about. I mean I'm all for honing one's skills and all that, but this guy's a fanatic."

Usa blinked, only to look up as Venus ran past, the tail ends of her precious blonde hair smoking from a near miss with a Shakunetsu Hadouken, a terrified Mercury on her tail, as her ice attacks didn't mean squat to the fiery sphere of death currently chasing them down. "How long did he say this training thing was gonna last?"

"Till he got bored." Dan and Hotaru replied together, even as Moon's screams for 'Mamo-chan!' tore through the air, Mars having dumped her leader on the ground in order to better defend herself.

"WEAK!" Gouki barked, glaring down at the tangled mess that had once been the Sailor Senshi "You're so weak I'm surprised you've lasted as long as you have! I don't know what kind of foes you've been going up against, but clearly you haven't been taking things seriously!"

"Hey! We did our best!" Jupiter shot back, out of all of them she was the least winded, and was glaring stubbornly at the maned Neko, refusing to admit she'd been thrown like a rag doll by something that barely came over her ankles.

"Then your best wasn't good enough." Gouki muttered, leveling a glare at all the scouts, rather than just one "Out of all of you, the green one is the only one with any idea of self defense, just how on earth have you been fighting this long?"

"We usually just use our magic." Mercury replied helpfully, raising a hand politely in the air, as if she were addressing a teacher and not a homicidal maniac in the form of an admittedly handsome tomcat "Most of our foes are Youma or powered with dark energy, and our magic is specially tuned…"

"In other words you hurl a few spells and pray to whatever Kami that's listening that your target doesn't have the sense to DODGE?" Gouki growled, earning a startled 'meep!' from the bluenette, who promptly lowered her eyes and hid behind Jupiter for safety.

"HEY! We've been doing a good enough job on our own!" Mars snapped, unwilling to take smack from someone that had injured Phobos and Deimos "And is it our fault the idiot Youma don't think much outside of 'kill', 'fight', 'rape', 'drain energy'?!"

"And just what would you have done if you came up against an opponent that was IMMUNE to all forms of magical assault?" Gouki asked with fake sweetness, earning a startled look from the group "The gift might be rare, but there are more than enough people, and monsters, out there that possess it some shape or form."

Far away, at all girl's academy, a little redhead girl with her hair done up with little bells sneezed, causing her to mess up her picture of their homeroom teacher, which earned her the mockery of the class rep, a pretty little blonde that, for some reason, had lily buds blooming behind her.

Needless to say, the resulting catfight threw the whole lesson plan out of whack.

"Yo, ease up man." Dan called out, padding over to the maned Neko with a disapproving look in his eyes "So they aren't the best fighters out there, hell now I think of it you don't see many magical girls throwing punches around." He smiled apologetically at the girls "But those attacks of theirs look like they pack quite a wallop if they managed to hit." He nodded at the damaged courtyard, which was littered with melting frost, scorched and cracked tiles and a few burning leaves.

"IF being the main issue here." Gouki muttered, shaking his head in disgust "Five on one and not one of them thought to gang up on me. I even limited myself to fighting on the ground, a REAL opponent wouldn't be so accommodating."

"So start 'em off with the basics." Dan insisted, nodding towards the senshi, who were slowly picking themselves off the ground, wincing as their backs popped audibly "I mean even I know that's how you build your strength."

"Feh," Gouki spat, glaring at the pink Neko in disgust, as he actually had a decent point for once "There's nothing like actual battle experience against stronger foes for forcing sluggards to develop or die."

"But these girls AREN'T martial artists." Dan pointed out "Hell if what Luna-san said was right, then their major enemies are already finished, all we gotta do is power 'em up before the ice-age rolls around." He smirked at the maned Neko "Can't do that if we put 'em in hospital."

"I agree with Hibiki-san!" Moon called out enthusiastically, her eyes large and filled with grateful sparkles as she eyed the pink savior with gratitude. She'd never liked fighting to begin with, and if there WAS an easier way to go about this training, as it seemed Luna and Artemis weren't backing down this time, she'd take it over having to dodge fireballs all day. She got enough of those whenever she annoyed Rei too much.

Gouki snorted, looking over the blonde leader of the senshi with disdain, causing her to use Mars as a shield, much to the raven-haired senshi's ire. "Do as you will." Gouki muttered, turning his back on them with a flick of his tail "But as soon as they've grasped the 'basics', as you put it, I won't have you interfering in my handling again."

"Yes sir!" Dan replied mockingly, pulling off a salute that earned giggles from the group, including a bemused Luna, even as Gouki cleared the temple walls with a single leap, heading off to scout around for the one they'd designated as Pluto.

If she really was some guardian of time, then it was possible they could use these so called 'Time Gates' to rectify their current situation, or at the very least see exactly how long they had until the second ice age set in.

That, and Gouki wanted to have a word with the woman personally, as it was quite clear that she'd predicted the coming of the ice age, and yet had done absolutely nothing to prevent it. To the master of fists, this stunk heavily of ulterior motives.

"Right then." Dan muttered, clearing his throat once he was certain that Gouki had flown the coop, "Well from the looks of things I'd say Gouki already drove home the fact that, for all the firepower you girls got, it's useless if your opponent can see it coming."

The senshi, who had reverted back to civilian form for now, flinched at the memory of how easily they'd been thrashed by a Mau, and Luna and Artemis' smug grins weren't making them feel any better about themselves.

"Now I may not be in the same league as Gouki." Dan admitted, idly wondering of just WHO was in said league, and making a mental note to avoid anyone that WAS like the plague in the future "But before I got stuck like this I used to run up against plenty of strong fighters, like the Emperor of Muay-Thai, Sagat."

"No way!" Makoto gaped, the tall brunette's eyes widening in surprise as she stared at the pink Neko in abject, if understandable disbelief "You actually went up against that guy?! He's like a walking mountain!"

"Hits like one too." Dan muttered, recalling the last match he'd had with the scarred fighter in Thailand, where he'd left Sakura to finish his duel with the man "But enough about that, you girls need to train if we wanna prevent the big freeze, and as the master of Saikyo-Ryu, it's my duty to help those in need!"

"Saikyo-ryu?" Rei repeated, the fiery tempered priestess quirking an eyebrow at the pink furball with barely contained disbelief "Bit presumptuous don't you think?" she commented wryly, earning a righteous glare from Dan.

"Urusei! So it ain't all that well known!" Dan shot back defensively, instictively hissing at the priestess in his anger "It's still the culmination of all my years as a Street Fighter! And our following is growing by the day!"

"Come to think of it…" Ami realized, the bluenette rifling through her book bag and pulling out a pink flyer "This was shoved through our letterbox a few days ago…" she sweatdropped guiltily at the look she recieved "I never got round to throwing it away."

"Saikyo-Ryu TV correspondence course?" Makoto read, sweat dropping at the overly dramatic writing and phrases "Learn to kick butt and take names in your spare time? One month free trial, 10,000 Yen per Video?" she turned to Dan in disbelief "You ran this racket?"

"IT'S not a racket!" Dan hissed, his fur standing on end, making him look like very much like an angry ball of cotton candy, much to Chibi-Usa and Hotaru's amusement "Check the back! It's endorsed by the World Martial Arts Federation!"

"Hey he's right!" Minako noted, the excited blonde pointing at the official stamp on the back of the admittedly gaudy flyer, which contained the usual 'practice responsibly' notice from the self-same board "Wow, who knew?"

"Anyways." Dan muttered, shaking his head in annoyance as they continued to get off topic "I already agreed to make Hotaru-chan my pupil, so I guess having a few more couldn't hurt." He suddenly grew serious, pointing a claw at the group and causing them to back away, lest he start hurling fireballs too "BUT! Only if you call me Dan-sensei!"

The group stared at the pink Neko, beads of sweat dripping down their heads as they muttered their assent, honestly unnerved by the intensity in his stare.

"Right, first things first…" Dan muttered, pacing towards Luna and Artemis, who looked at him in confusion "Did you give Gouki any tips about changing to human form? 'cause the only way I know of…" he shivered "Let's just say it's not an option I'm willing to explore right now."

"I'm afraid that outside of Serena Ascending," Luna replied, the long-suffering advisor shaking her head at the possibility of THAT occurring anytime in the forseeable future "there's no way for Mau to assume their human forms."

"Well, except for this supposed method of yours." Artemis noted, Minako's advisor and friend looking over at his fellow male with interest in his eyes "I mean, it can't be that bad right? At least you were human for a while."

"Oh yeah," Dan muttered, recalling the frigid, night-time breeze around his danglies as he hung desperately to Hotaru's window, praying to whatever deity cared no-one spotted him and called the cops "All too human…"

"So how DO you return to human form?" Ami asked inquisitively, looking over the pink Mau in confusion "I mean, Luna and Artemis have been trying to for months, but all they manage to do is exhaust their magical power."

"Yeah," Artemis agreed, recalling his and Luna's numerous failed attempts thus far with less than fond memories, looking over his fellow Mau with interest "Even if it's only for a few minutes, it'd still make us a lot more useful in a fight than we are now."

"Well…" Dan muttered, looking decidedly uncomfortable at the prospect, some part of him instinctively knowing that something was about to go wrong "Hotaru-chan and I discovered it by accident one night…" he nodded to the purple-eyed girl for emphasis "She gave me a hug before she went to bed, and the next thing I know there's smoke everywhere and I've got my normal body back, opposable thumbs and all."

The group, sans Hotaru, gaped at the pink Mau in disbelief, the two advisor's jaws dropping at the sheer…ABSURDITY of the pink feline's statement. "All she did was HUG you?" Luna stammered, looking him over in disbelief "That's all?"

"I think so?" Dan muttered, looking over at Hotaru for emphasis, receiving a nod for his trouble "I mean I didn't feel anything weird, all she did was give me a hug and the next thing I know I'm back to my old self."

"That's all?" Usagi wondered, looking absolutely bamboozled by the prospect "She didn't wave her pen around or-mrphrgle?!"

Dan blinked at the sight of Rei stuffing an extra-large marshmallow into the blonde's mouth, silencing her before she spilled the beans about Hotaru's past self. He was so shocked, in fact, that he didn't see Minako sneaking up from behind, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"So other than the time-limit," Artemis muttered, drawing his fellow Mau's attention back to himself, a little skeptical about the whole thing if he was completely honest with himself "there doesn't seem to be any downsides to this method?"

"Oh no problem at all." Dan muttered, shivering slightly once more at the memory of almost getting caught by the Outers in Hotaru's bedroom "That is if you don't mind being hauled in for indecent expo-WHA-?!"

"Indecent what now?" Minako asked, smiling down at the struggling Mau as he fought to escape her embrace, a panicked expression on his face "Aw c'mon Hibiki-san, no need to-!"

POOF!

The collective Senshi yelped as pink smoke filled Rei's room, coughing and waving their hands desperately to get rid of it, blinking as a loud thud, followed by a gasp from Minako caught their attention, their eyes widening at the sight before them.

"Why me?" Dan muttered, his head resting on Minako's breasts, the girl kneeling with her arms around his neck as he sat on the floor, both hands covering his junk as the senshi slowly turned violet from shock, their screams filling the air a few seconds later "Why always me?"

On the other side of town, Chiba Mamoru felt a sudden feeling of…inadequacy, as if someone, somewhere, had undermined his manhood.

But that was impossible, as he was slated to become the future ruler of earth, with the beautiful Sailor Moon as his bride, a love that had endured millennia culminating in a kingdom that would last forever.

Of course, the fact that he'd be the ONLY male alive after the great freeze hadn't escaped his notice either, nor the fact that he'd be living in a castle with five beautiful women and two lesbians.

He purposefully excluded Saturn and Pluto from his thoughts as, hotties or not, the former was still his daughter's best friend and there were some lines you just didn't cross, and the latter was older than modern civilization…and quite a few ancient civilizations.

MILF didn't even BEGIN to cover that one…

"Am I cursed or something?" Dan muttered, sitting Indian style at the back of Rei's room, his back to the rest as Luna and Artemis tried to comfort him, Diana perched on his head adorably in an attempt to lighten his mood. Behind them the girls, with the exception of Rei, chattered animatedly amongst themselves, sending covert looks towards his back every now and again, their looks ranging from shy embarrassment on behalf of Ami to hunger on behalf of Minako and Makoto, the only two that had yet to find a man in their lives.

"Sorry." Rei muttered, walking into the room with a pair of oversized priest robes in her arms, making a point to look anywhere but directly at Dan as she came in "This is a temple, so this is about the only spare clothes we have lying around."

"Better than nothing." Dan muttered accepting the bundle and looking round for a place to get changed, slipping into Rei's bathroom as Minako opened the door, shivering at the blonde's grin as he slipped past.

"Did you see his face?" the blonde giggled, looking round at the others in excited amusement, a slight blush to her features and a unnerving glint in her shining blue eyes eyes "For an old guy he's pretty stacked too!"

"He's bigger than sempai!" Makoto squealed, covering her cheeks at the memory of the Saikyo fighter's build, not to mention the sneak peak she'd glimpsed of his 'package' "I don't think they're even in the same weight class!"

"Girls really!" Ami pleaded, her face lighting up like a lantern at their lewd comments, though she had to admit that Hibiki-san's back would put a lot of the medical textbooks to shame. All those well defined muscles, barely visible beneath his skin, not to mention those perfectly carved cheeks.

"Mamo-chan's better." Usagi kept muttering to herself, refusing to be tempted by the sight of the older man's goods. After all, she had Mamoru, AKA Tuxedo Kamen/Endymion waiting for her? What could a pink Mau that turned into a guy that looked barely younger than her father offer against that? She promptly turned scarlet as several scenes from one of Rei's saucier manga flitted through her mind, detailing exactly WHAT the Street Fighter could offer.

"In any case." Rei coughed, shooting Minako and Makoto a warning glare, making a mental note to scour the patch of floor Dan had been sitting on with holy water later as she turned to address the group "I think we can all agree that there are definite disadvantages to this method of transformation."

"You won't hear ME disagreeing." Dan muttered, sidling awkwardly out of the bathroom, unused to the cumbersome blue Hakama, tucking the white Uwagi in haphazardly as he sat down cross-legged on a cushion, idly scratching Diana under her chin as she leapt onto his knee.

"So let me get this straight." Rei demanded as they resumed their seats, her eyes narrowed in suspicion "You transform every time you get hugged?" she continued with a scowl at his uncertain nod "And you can't do anything about the…naked part?"

"Do I look like I can just wave a hand and summon clothes out of thin air?" Dan muttered, shooting the girl a deadpan stare for her suspicion, earning a sweatdop from the priestess as she realized the absurdity of the statement "I'm a martial artist, not a miracle worker."

"I don't mind!" Minako chirped, grinning cheekily at the former Neko, earning a dark look from Rei and a shocked expression from the advisors "Heck if Artemis turns out like that it'd be pretty cool!"

"Regardless!" Rei cut in, as Artemis turned an interesting shade of magenta from mortification "We can't have you running around like some sort of flasher every time you feel the need to walk on two legs, the temple's image would be ruined!"

"Screw the temple! I'm worried about ruining the name of Saikyo-ryu!" Dan countered, slapping his hand on the table for emphasis, before blinking "Speaking of which, might as well make the most of this…you got a dojo or something in here?"

"Eh?" Rei stammered, caught off guard by the statement, as it had honestly come out of left field "No…but the main hall should be large enough, Grandpa teaches self defense classes in there sometimes…"

"Yosha!" Dan cheered, rising to his feet with a grunt, earning looks of confusion as he tightened the belt of his Hakama "Then let's get started! The rebirth of the Saikyo-ryu begins now!"

And so the Senshi prep for their induction into the Saikyo-Ryu!

Will they survive? Will they become masters of combat?

Rei: WHY IN THE HELL IS THE UNIFORM PINK?!?!?

Chibi-Usa: (^o^) I THINK IT ROCKS!

USAGI: You would...-_-!

Omake Time!

Pretty Shotokan Fighter Hotaru VII

"Look!" Rei snarled, slappin a hand on the table, startling her fellow Senshi out of their daze as she looked them all in the eye "We gotta do something about this 'Dosei' chick! She's muscling in on our turf!"

"But she's doing a better job than WE ever did..." Ami pointed out, only to hide behind Makoto with a startled 'Meep!' as Rei's burning glare rounded on her, the pirestesses hair flying behind her in a pillar of fire.

"Problem is, we can't find her." Rei muttered, biting her nail as she calmed down, at least enough that she wasn't traumatizing small children that might be watching (or hiding in the closet, because their 'mother' didn't want them butting in on senshi meetings) "She always leaps in, kicks ass, then leaves."

"Even Umino's got nothing on her." Usagi muttered, idly playing with a straw held between her lips "Well...except a couple of cheese-cake photos that he's been selling around campus when the Teachers aren't looking."

"Little perv..." Rei growled, recalling the bespectacled nerd with less than approving memories. She still recalled the Tuxedo Umino incident after all, even if it had been wiped from the blockhead's memory courtesy of a well timed mallet to the noggin.

"I remember he had a couple of you guys too." Minako pointed out, grinning as she reached into her blouse, pulling out several candid shots of the senshi, taken from DECIDEDLY flattering angles "He does good work."

"MINAKO!" Rei snapped, even as the meeting deteriorated into a shrieking fest, as the rest of the senshi tried to grab their pictures from the laughing blonde, who was taunting them that she had 'Better ones' stashed away somewhere 'I'm going to kill that little perv!'

"Hmm?" Umino Guiro wondered, looking up from developing the latest roll of film of Dosei-chan pictures in his personal black-room "Why do I sense that things are about to really heat up later?"

"Never mind." A voice snapped from the shadows, an elaborate cane coming out to rap the bespectacled nerd over the head, as a cape rustled in the shadows "Are the pictures I gave you ready yet?"

"Sheesh...slave driver..." Umino muttered, rubbing his aching head as he moved to the desk, where several manilla envelopes lay "Here, all the senshi's latest 'cheese cake' photos from their latest battles..." He held the envelopes out "Edited of course, just like you asked."

"You do good work," the shadowy client noted, pulling the pictures out and perusing them in the dim light of the room, looking over the various, questionable pictures with a hint of perverse joy "VERY good work."

"Hey, I'm good at what I do." Umino replied, returning to developing the new film, a wry smirk on his face "Still, YOU'RE something else too, I'd have never expected YOU of all people to take pictures like THAT and circulate them."

"There are many ways to express ones love." the client quoted, his face hidden in shadows as a cloak billowed around him dramatically as he turned his back on the teen "And now, I take my lea-!"

"Hold it right there!"

The shadowy client spun, his cane at the ready, only to gape as a set of purple clad thights wrapped around his face, flipping him into the air before driving him head first into the unforgiving ground of the room. HARD.

"Perverse purveyors of Photography!" a familliar, busom figure announced, standing over the dazed, concussed client to point at the cowering Umino, who was backing up against the wallin a vain attempt to stay hidden "You shall no longer be allowed to practice your perverse pleasures! Prepare yourselves!"

The next day...

"Hey! I hear that Umino got beat up for selling dirty photos!" Usagi exclaimed, walking alongside Ami and Makoto as the tri made their way home from school "Naru-chan said she was going to visit him in hospital."

"Poor Umino-kun..." Ami sighed, shaking her head, though internally she was feeling MOST vindicated, as she hadn't liked those upskirt shots any moe than the others "Will he be alright?"

"Naru-chan said he's suffered enough, so she won't hurt him any more." Usagi countered dismissively, earning a sweatdrop from the other two, who wondered just WHAT the nerd's girlfriend considered 'Nursing' "But not only that! Mamo-chan cancelled our big date!"

"I heard he was in an accident." Makoto noted, wincing as Usagi railed on about the unfairness of life and how she should never have dated such an irresponsible, heartless jerk "Least that's what Rei said."

Lying in a full body cast, Chiba Mamoru, futrue King Endymion and masked crime fighter Tuxedo Kamen, glared at Umino Guiro, who was happily eating apples that his beloved Osaka Naru was feeding him.

The Reborn Prince honestly felt like he'd been gypped in some shape or form.

R&R or Dosei Chan will be upset!