The first day of Pen missing was the hardest for Derek. He ransacked his and her apartment as well as her office at the BAU looking for something that would tell him where she was. But nothing was found. That night Hotch and Rossi found Derek drunk of his ass at the bar. They sat down beside him and ordered a couple of beers more. The three of them sat in silence for a while.
"I can't find her" Derek said trying not to fall apart.
"I know. She's gone underground and we all know Pen, she's not gonna be found" Hotch stated and took a sip from his beer.
"I can't lose her. I love her"
"Derek, she will come back when she is ready. You got to trust your faith in her for that" Rossi said and looked over with a worried look at Hotch. They knew Derek was going to break with Pen gone. The whole team knew that Pen meant everything to Derek. She was the one that kept him from going crazy during the cases and in his life.
"lets get you home" Hotch said and rose from his chair as Rossi rose from his.
"my home left with Pen. It's just an empty dark house now" Derek said and sighed.
"come on" Rossi said and led Derek out from the bar. They got Derek home safe and helped him into bed. As they left they could swear that they could hear him cry.
Two months went by and Derek was a wreck. The team saw that he wasn't sleeping. He snapped at people and he secluded himself. They even tried to help him by flying in him mom but not even that helped. Finally Hotch was forced to order him to go the a psychologist. Hotch was prepared for a fight but Derek just gave in and reported in at the psychologist office that afternoon.
After a few weeks they saw how Derek started to live again. They saw how he started to smile again. He started to go out with the team again for drinks and having fun. But in the back of everyone's mind was the fact that the anniversary of Pen's parents death was coming up. They were all afraid of how Derek would act.
The day before the anniversary, Derek walked into Hotch's office and asked for a couple of days of.
"Are you going to California?" Hotch asked.
"yes, I have to know" Derek answered.
"And if she is there, what are you going to say?"
"I don't know..I..." Derek tried to answer.
"ok, be careful and if you see her, please remind her that we miss her and want her back"
"sure" Derek said and left the office. He drove home and packed a bag and took the next flight of to California. The whole way there his mind went over different scenarios of how if would be to see her and talk to her if she showed up.
He got of the plane and drove straight to the hotel and went to bed. The next morning he woke up early and went to the cemetery. He walked around for a while until he found the plot. He looked around but there was no Pen anywhere. He sat down on a bench right next to the grave. Hour and hour went by but still no Pen. When the sun started to set Derek finally gave up. She wasn't going to come. He looked at the grave. This was his chance and it had to see her but it had been taken from him. H could feel tears rolling down his face.
"I want you to know that I love your daughter" he said to Pen's parents grave. "I would have given my life for her. She was the one for me. I wanted to marry her and have babies with her. I would have given her everything. I knew you are looking out for her wherever she is. Please keep her safe. I love her" Derek said and turned to leave and there she stood, beautiful as ever. The woman he loved and craved. She had tears on her face and a nervous smile.
"I love you too"