Disclaimer: I don't own HTTYD

A/N: Trigger warnings for self-harm and thoughts of suicide.

Chapter Eleven – The Darkest Time

Three weeks without food. Even though all he had to eat was chum, Toothless wasn't looking forward to this so-called punishment. He wasn't stupid. Hauke could have found some other way to punish him for killing those monsters; it would have undoubtedly been painful, but then it would have been over. This, starving him, was just a way to make him and Hiccup suffer more.

Not that Hiccup would starve; he wouldn't even feel Toothless' hunger. The problem was that Toothless knew he would slip into a most dreaded state; the death-sleep. A deep, deep slumber, when his heart and breathing would slow, he wouldn't move, and even his heart-fires would cool. He would seem to have died, and if he stayed that way for too long, he might truly…

Toothless didn't want to leave Hiccup. Not because of death; if he did pass away then Hiccup would come with him. But the thought of not being there for his other half, falling asleep and not waking up until he was fed again, disturbed him greatly. The only way Toothless could think of to not abandon him completely was if he and Hiccup forged a bond of thoughts as well as emotions.

This proved to be easier said than done. For the first four days, Hiccup and Toothless attempted to connect their minds. No matter how hard he tried, Hiccup just couldn't seem to reach through the heart bind. With little else to do, Toothless would try for hours on end to reach Hiccup, to no avail. He suspected that all Hiccup had gone through had made his mind close off, to protect itself.

Hiccup knew that Toothless would likely fall into this death-like sleep. Toothless explained it to him so he wouldn't panic if one morning he found the dragon would not wake up. Hiccup wasn't looking forward to the ordeal either.

But really, what did he have to look forward to? Less and less, it seemed. When they were first captured, Hiccup had looked forward to escaping. Now that hope had been crushed, he looked forward to seeing Toothless again each night. He knew that Toothless couldn't help it; the death-sleep wasn't something dragons chose to do; but he would miss having his dearest one nuzzle and purr over him when they were reunited. It always felt nice to…to be loved.

Perhaps if Hauke had starved Toothless earlier, then Hiccup would have been more willing to defy him. He'd have snuck his friend scraps of food; and the temptation was there, but Hiccup was afraid. The monsters watched him, they were always watching, and if they ever found out he'd broken the rule and fed Toothless, he was sure to be severely punished. He didn't want to be, not again.

He had a choice to make. Risk more suffering by defying the monsters and feeding Toothless, or obey and hope that the twenty one days went by swiftly. Hiccup hated that he had to even consider letting Toothless starve. He hated Hauke and the monsters for putting them in this terrible position. He hated Onarr for denying them a chance to escape it. Most of all, he hated himself.

The only one he didn't hate was Toothless (well, and the other dragons, of course), and it was so, so hard to choose. In the end, his dragon chose for him; telling him not to risk getting punished for Toothless' sake. *I'll be okay* he tried to reassure Hiccup, *I'll just be asleep. Just…give me water, I'll still be able to swallow.* He'd heard of dragons falling into the death-sleep and having to be made to drink by their flock-mates to keep them alive.

Hiccup was determined to look after Toothless, and asked his other half to rest with his head close to the bars so Hiccup could reach him easily from outside. That way he'd be able to pour water straight into the dragon's mouth even whilst he slept. If protecting Toothless and himself from the monsters meant obeying them, then…then so be it. He'd do anything for his other half.

It was still unnerving to wake on the morning of the fifth day, and realise that Toothless had fallen into the death-sleep. He was unnaturally still, and when Hiccup tried to listen to his heartbeat, it was slow and sluggish. When he was in the galley, Hiccup asked one of the cooks for a cup or something he could use to give his dragon water. She took pity on him and gave him a spare small bowl.

He and Onarr still had seven other dragons to feed. When he had finished feeding all the dragons on his side, Hiccup knelt in front of the bars to their cage and stuck his hand through to stroke Toothless' crown. "You're not supposed to feed him" Onarr warned. Hiccup wasn't speaking to Onarr, and Adulfr wasn't speaking to him. He had a feeling Hauke had told the other thrall to spy on him, because there wasn't a dragon hunter following him around anymore.

Fortunately, there was water left in the trough. Hiccup scooped some up into the bowl, and carefully prised Toothless' mouth open. He poured the water down Toothless' throat and hoped he didn't choke. Much to his relief, the dragon's swallowing reflex kicked in and he gulped the water down. Much to his disappointment, Toothless remained fast asleep. "It's okay, bud. You just rest."

Giving Toothless water became part of the routine. It was the same thing every day, had been for five weeks now. It felt as if this was the way things had always been and always would be. Hiccup still tried to get past this block in his mind and connect with Toothless…but all he managed to do was blank out, feeling his body move but not quite being in it. Still, these trances were almost preferable.

Hiccup felt empty and numb, more so with each passing day. He missed Toothless so much it hurt; his best friend's body was still there, but in all other respects he was gone. Even the heart bind felt dulled. His emotions were all over the place; sometimes when he blanked out, he'd feel tears running down his face, crying out of nowhere. When he had to 'train' the other dragons, he'd be irritable and impatient, even angry; lashing out at victims who didn't deserve it because he couldn't fight back against the monsters who did.

When he realised how he was treating them, Hiccup felt terrible. He begged their forgiveness, berating himself for being so mean. It wasn't their fault; it was all him, and he hated himself for it. He didn't help them escape; he didn't know why they bothered letting him live when they could just kill him. But he couldn't even ask them why, because he never got to spend time alone with them.

He was so lonely. Toothless had been his only true friend on this wretched ship; now he had no-one. Hiccup had tried to apologise to Adulfr, but the youth wouldn't hear it. He had no-one but himself to blame for their failure to escape, but it hurt less to blame Onarr, and they weren't speaking to each other.

Hiccup only found relief when he retreated into his own mind, when life felt unreal, but it was bittersweet, because when he was aware he would realise all over again how low he had sunk. The ale he drank tasted bitter, but it was all he had. More and more, he wasn't hungry, but then he'd remember that Toothless was starving because of him and force himself to eat it all, because how could he be so ungrateful?

Toothless was growing weaker, and so was he. Hiccup could barely get to sleep, especially as the warmth of Toothless' heart-fire banked and leeched away. He'd lie awake for hours, missing his other half, missing his friends and family, missing his home. A pall of exhaustion and despair hung over him every waking moment, and his eyes were dulled.

All this went on for just seven days. Seven days after Toothless was lost to the death-sleep…something frightening happened. Hiccup was gutting fish that morning, like always, when it occurred to him…as if for the first time…how sharp the filleting knife was. How close it was…to…his wrist. His veins. He could just…it would be so easy. One quick slash, and –

Hiccup nearly dropped the knife in his shock. What was wrong with him? To be so tempted by a quick death unnerved him…because it made sense. But there were too many people around; they'd save his life when he didn't want them to, and Hauke would find out, and he'd be punished for damaging Hauke's property. That's all he was now. Not a person, just property.

Later, when he was swabbing the deck…Hiccup realised how simple it would be to run to the side, heave himself over it and drop into the ice cold embrace of the ocean. He'd sink down and down, breathe out and let the water flood in, let the blackness surround him… "OI!" Hiccup jumped out of his skin at the hunter's shout. "Sorry, sir" he apologised reflexively, getting back to the chore at hand.

And yet, when he was in the makeshift fighting ring, he thought…if he timed it right, he could get skewered through the heart by one of Topaz' spines, or have his neck and head crushed beneath Libon's heavy claws… "No!" he cried out at the terrible thoughts in his mind. Both dragons stopped baiting each other and turned to stare at him. Hiccup cringed, feeling foolish to have shouted aloud.

"What's the matter?" Hauke demanded, scowling.

"I'm sorry, master. I…I don't feel so good" Hiccup confessed. It wasn't a lie; he was sick. He must be, in the head, to be having these thoughts.

Hauke rolled his eyes impatiently. "Tell the dragons to keep fighting and go to the sick bay" he ordered. Hiccup obeyed. The surgeon asked what was wrong with him. Hiccup had no intention of telling the man what was really going on, so he made out he was seasick. The surgeon advised him to stay below deck where he wouldn't feel the rocking of the ship in the swell.

In an effort to stave off the loneliness, Hiccup still talked to Toothless each night when he couldn't sleep, part of him hoping that somehow, the dragon could still hear him. "I don't know what's wrong with me, bud" he murmured sadly as he gave Toothless a drink. "All day I've been wanting to…I'm so sick of this, I just want to…to…!" He choked back a scream of frustration and despair. "Why did this have to happen? Why did I have to go to Myrkr? Why did Hauke have to take us away? Why did I have to lose everything?!"

He hurled the bowl in his hands at the bars of the cage; it struck them and shattered into pieces. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no." Hiccup panicked. He was surely going to be punished for breaking it. Or…or maybe he could hide the pieces and pretend he'd lost it. Yes. That might work. He reached out to pick the largest piece up, only to wince and pull his hand back. That piece was really…sharp.

Hiccup paused. Stared at the sharp edge. He reached out and carefully picked it up in his left hand. Slowly, Hiccup pressed the tip of his finger against the edge. It drew blood. He sucked on his finger and wondered. Why not? A voice in his head seemed to whisper. He had nothing left to lose. Everyone who would miss him was already in mourning. By the time they found him, he'd be gone.

Moving as if in a trance, Hiccup returned to Toothless' side and leaned against the dragon's shoulder. He tugged down his right sleeve, put the sharp edge to his bared wrist. All he had to do was slice it sideways, and it would all be over. "Come on" he whispered, "Just do it. Quick and simple." He swallowed hard and shut his eyes tight. "I won't suffer anymore. I'll still have Toothless…"

Hiccup's eyes snapped open. Why not? That was why. If he killed himself, he'd also be killing Toothless. There was no way that Hiccup could bring himself to end the life of the most perfect, precious creature in the world. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He couldn't even end his own miserable life without killing his best friend. Just because he wanted to die, it didn't mean his other half did.

The sharp piece was still cutting into his skin. It hurt…but strangely, the pain felt…good. How could that be? Hiccup was hurt enough by the monsters, he shouldn't want to feel more pain…but maybe he deserved to. Besides, it would be under his control. A way to keep his sanity even as everything else was eroded away. Maybe Toothless would feel the pain. Maybe he'd wake up and take care of him again.

Hiccup turned his arm over, and drew in a deep breath. He let it out in a hiss as he drew the sharp edge quickly over his forearm, making a shallow cut. Blood trickled down his arm and dripped onto the floor. Instinctively he dropped the sharp piece and clapped his hand over the wound to stem it.

Hiccup focused on the sharp, hot pain. It distracted him from the numbness in his chest and his mind; at least he was feeling something. Toothless didn't so much as twitch or whimper. He probably couldn't feel anything in the death-sleep. A tiny part of Hiccup was disappointed, but mostly he was glad that he could cause himself pain without also hurting his beloved one.

It had been a long day, and he was tired…The cut became a little too painful; Hiccup was not a masochist, after all. He eased Toothless' mouth open and wiped some of the dragon's saliva onto the cut to soothe it. When the cut began to scab over, Hiccup looked over at the far wall. He'd been keeping track of the days he'd been enslaved with a piece of chalk he'd scrounged. There were ten nights left, including this one, before Toothless would be fed again. Ten nights. He looked down at the cut on his arm. "One."

Hiccup hid the broken pieces beneath his blanket and told the cook who had given him the bowl that he'd lost it. When she asked him how, he couldn't think of an answer; he always had been a terrible liar. He confessed that he'd broken it and apologised, begging her not to tell Hauke. She relented and gave him another one, but sternly told him not to break this one too. He promised not to.

He cut again the next night. It scared him that he was so willing to hurt himself, but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to stop. The cuts on his right arm were counting down the nights until Toothless would come back. One cut wasn't enough; his right arm and his shins were soon littered with them. He was careful to only cut where the scabs and scars would be hidden by his clothes.

One night, after a particularly long day, Hiccup was exhausted. He was too tired to cut much, but he still felt the need to make just one. The seventh cut of his ten-cut countdown. He'd already lain down; he cut and grit his teeth against the pain, watching his blood well from it with a sort of vague, detached interest. His eyelids fluttered. Just a bit more…a little longer…and he'd clean it up…

Adulfr couldn't get to sleep. He tossed and turned in his bunk, but to no avail. He couldn't stop thinking about how he still wanted to talk to Hiccup, ask him about the dragons he'd conquered…trained…and how he did it. Part of him was still cross that Hiccup had rejected him; but he'd seen Hiccup over the last few days, and the man was clearly suffering from melancholia. He'd seen it before.

Hiccup had tried to apologise, and he was still the most interesting person aboard ship. More interesting than the rest of the riff-raff, anyway. Finally Adulfr gave up, and got out of bed. He'd sneak down to Hiccup's cell and demand that the man talk to him, never mind if he was too tired! He ought to consider himself lucky that Adulfr was even bothering to speak to him.

With an oil lamp in hand, Adulfr made his way down to the lowest deck. He approached the bars of Hiccup's cell, raising the lamp to illuminate the sleeping dragon and man. "Hiccup. Psst, Hiccup!" he whispered as loudly as he dared, "Wake up!" The young man didn't move. Adulfr moved to unlock the cage door with a key he'd snatched. When the light shifted, something caught his eye.

He raised it again and looked harder at Hiccup. There was a sluggishly bleeding cut on his arm, but it must have nicked a vein, because it was still flowing. Blood trickled from his arm onto the deck, there was a bloodied piece of ceramic next to his fingertips, and his skin was deathly pale. Adulfr swore and scrambled to unlock the cage. He dropped down beside Hiccup and put a hand to his chest.

He was still breathing. His heart was beating, but erratically. "Come on, Hiccup, wake up" Adulfr said urgently, lightly slapping Hiccup's cheek to try and rouse him. Hiccup groaned slightly, but stayed unconscious. Adulfr tried to remember what he ought to do. There'd always been someone else to do this stuff! He had to staunch the wound, of course. He looked around for something to use.

Spotting the blanket, he grabbed it and tore off a strip, binding it around the cut in a makeshift tourniquet. Tossing the blanket aside, Adulfr seized the oil lamp and stood up. "I'll be right back" he declared, hoping Hiccup would stay alive.

Adulfr went straight to the sick bay; there was a small cabin in one corner where the surgeon slept. He wasted no time in going in and clapping a hand over the man's mouth and nose. The surgeon jerked awake at once. "Shh" Adulfr warned, before removing his hand. Coughing, the surgeon sat up in bed.

"Master Adulfr? What is wrong…" he yawned, "and can it wait till morning?"

"No, it can't. Hiccup's dying."

"What?"

"He was cut and he's been bleeding for who knows how long. He's still alive but you need to help, I don't know what I'm doing!"

"Yes…yes, of course. I'm coming."

The surgeon gathered what he'd need and they returned to the cages. "I see what you mean" the surgeon grimaced when he saw his late-night patient. "By Thor; it's not just one cut, it's seven" he realised as he inspected the wound. Adulfr looked closer and saw the six thin white scars lined up across Hiccup's arm. One of them was scored across another four, like a tally mark.

He picked up the piece of bloodied ceramic. He did this to himself Adulfr realised. The notion unsettled him. He knew that Hiccup was miserable…but he was a thrall, it wasn't supposed to be all fun and games. To find out that Hiccup had been so despairing that he caused himself pain was oddly chilling.

The surgeon uncorked a vial of the Night Fury's saliva that he'd been experimenting with. He'd mixed the sticky spit into a sort of gel, which he applied to the wound, and tied a fresh tourniquet with a bandage instead of a strip of tattered wool. "Is he going to be alright?" Adulfr demanded.

"Yes; the wound has already stopped bleeding. He just needs to rest. I don't know what he was thinking, cutting himself…everyone knows the cure for seasickness isn't blood-letting" the surgeon tsked, shaking his head.

He's melancholic, you idiot. "Thank you for coming down here so late."

"No problem at all, I – agh!" The surgeon yelped as Adulfr grabbed him by the collar and glared fiercely at him.

"And if you tell anyone you and I were down here, or that Hiccup's been cutting himself, I will put that amputation saw you have to really good use."

"…My lips are sealed."

They cleared up the evidence and left, Adulfr locking the cage behind him. No-one but Hiccup would ever know anyone was there.

Toothless was frantic. For twelve days now he'd been trapped in his own mind, in the death-sleep, forced to abandon the one he loved most. Unbeknownst to Hiccup, even though Toothless' emotions weren't affecting him, his were affecting Toothless. He felt his other half's misery and loneliness and anger and sorrow. It burned him up inside that there was nothing he could do to help.

He felt it when Hiccup was hurt, every night. His body just wouldn't react, not even if the threat was so great it could kill him. Like now. Hiccup was dying, he could feel it, they were dying. Toothless could not let his beloved one die. He roared in frustration; he should be waking up! His other half needed him!

"Toothless?"

The dragon whirled. Standing behind him was Hiccup, not as he was now but as he'd been. The small, skinny fledgling he had first met and befriended and shared the sky with. Only this younger Hiccup was dressed in the slave-clothes his older self had to wear, and Toothless knew that this was his Hiccup, not a memory or a nightmare come to torment him. *Hiccup!* he roared in delight.

Before they knew it, Toothless had bowled Hiccup over and was licking him, whimpering. *Love you love you love you love you love you!*

"I love you too! Oh, Toothless, I missed you so much" Hiccup cried, wrapping fragile arms around the dragons head and clinging tight. Toothless purred.

*I missed you too. I hated being stuck here in my own head; but I could hear you, Hiccup. I could still feel what you felt…what's wrong?* he whined, feeling Hiccup let go and shuffle away from him. The boy stared at him in something close to horror, eyes wide.

"You could feel it? I didn't…I thought…I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was hurting you too!"

*You mean when they hurt you? It's okay, it's not your fault…* Toothless trailed off when Hiccup shook his head. The sky darkened to echo his growing distress. "It wasn't the monsters." He tugged down his sleeves, rolled up his his trousers. He showed Toothless all the cuts on his body. "I did this."

Toothless stared at the cuts, trying to grasp what Hiccup was telling him. "I felt empty" Hiccup sniffled, "I know it was wrong, but I couldn't stop…I wanted t-to…to die" he confessed. Toothless moved to comfort him, but Hiccup's next words froze him in his tracks. "You shouldn't have heart bound to me."

*What?* Toothless wilted. He'd been afraid of this, that Hiccup would –

"I don't blame you" Hiccup added hastily, lest his other half get the wrong idea. "But I…I worked it out. I was supposed to die then. Who am I kidding? I should've just died as a baby or in a raid…the gods are angry that I cheated death and they're punishing me for it, but they shouldn't be punishing you, too! You shouldn't have tied your life to mine; someone so…worthless…useless…"

Hiccup burst into tears. Toothless marched over and, before Hiccup could protest, scooped the boy up in his forepaws and wings. He sat back on his haunches and cradled his smaller self against his chest, tucking his head down to lick at the scars on his arms and rocking him. Hiccup couldn't help but nestle into the embrace, after being starved of affection for so long.

*Hiccup, listen to me* Toothless insisted, peering down at his boy's tearful face. He licked away the tears and said, *None of that is true. You're not worthless. You're worth everything to me. You're not useless. Look at what you've done! It was your plan that destroyed the mad Queen. You freed my whole flock from her. You brought us and your tribe together in peace; that's never been done before! And that's nothing compared to what you've done for me.*

"Done for you? What about everything I've done to you? I shot you down! I…was gonna…" He couldn't bring himself to say it, and pressed his hand to Toothless' chest to feel his heartbeat thumping steady and strong.

*But you didn't. You spared me. Hiccup, you saved me. I would have starved to death in this cove if you hadn't come with food.*

"But – no – I'm the reason you were stuck in the cove to begin with! You lost your flight because of me. I maimed you for life."

*By mistake. You fixed it, you gave me my flight back; with the bonus of the best flying companion I could ask for* Toothless crooned with an affectionate nuzzle. *And so much more than that. You gave me a name, a home, a family; everything that she took away from me.*

Hiccup struggled to think of something, anything, to convince Toothless he wasn't worthy of all this love and praise. "I'm the one who got us enslaved. I went to Myrkr alone just because I was too hung up on my own problems to think about the consequences" he insisted. It was all his fault. He deserved it.

*We went to Myrkr alone. We both made mistakes, but that doesn't mean we deserved this. You weren't meant to die then, Hiccup. Think about it. If you were 'supposed' to die, then why did the heart bind work?*

He hadn't thought of that. "I'm selfish" he tried to insist, resolve wavering.

*So am I* Toothless shrugged, *I heart bound to you to keep you with me.*

"It's not the same. You were trying to save me! You're not selfish."

*I was. Look* said Toothless, raising his head. Hiccup followed his gaze and flinched, for instead of the cove lake, he saw the Red Death's nest. *Don't be scared. It's just a memory. My memory* explained Toothless. Hiccup realised then that it was from the same angle as when his dragon had first taken him and Astrid to the Nest. He was seeing the event from Toothless' point of view.

*You know that the mad Queen devoured any subject who didn't give a great enough tribute* Toothless went on, as they watched that poor Gronckle meet an untimely end. The view flickered and shifted to something else, a dragon's eye view of Berk in the middle of a raid. *And you know that I never stole food. Did you ever wonder how I survived?* he asked.

Hiccup frowned, because it hadn't really occurred to him. "I…I thought you just got fish."

*Sometimes I did, but other times…* Another memory began to show, this one of dragons flying back to the nest as Toothless watched from above and behind. *I picked out the most tired or injured dragon carrying prey, and took it from them.* In his memory, Toothless dived at a Spike-Tail clutching a dead sheep in her claws. *I was always fresh to the fight…they never stood a chance.*

*It was every dragon for themselves, back then* he remarked, as they saw his memory of knocking the Spike-Tail aside with a blast and swooping down to catch the sheep. He looked down at Hiccup; Hiccup could see the age in his eyes. *Those dragons died because of me. And you know what the worst part is? I told myself it was the right thing. That it didn't matter if they were killed because they were weak; that I had to stay alive to defend my flock-mates from humans in the raids. I wasn't just selfish, I was cruel* he confessed.

Hiccup felt a sharp tangled flare of bitter guilt, a brief echo of Toothless' old regret. "No" he denied. The idea of Toothless being cruel made no sense. "It wasn't your fault. You said it yourself, the Red Death was controlling you!"

*Not completely. She blanked our minds, made us want to serve her, but she couldn't control everything we did.* He gave a brief shudder at the thought. *I knew exactly what I was doing, Hiccup. It was only after you snapped me out of her mind snare that I realised how wrong it was.*

"But you're not like that now! You weren't in your right mind. Toothless, you are a good, kind, amazing person…whatever you did back then doesn't matter. Not to me" Hiccup said firmly. As far as he was concerned, that was the end of it.

*Are you sure about that?*

"Positive."

*Well, if that's true for me, then why isn't it true for you?*

"…I, uh…" Hiccup searched for a way out, but Toothless had him cornered. He had done all those things. And if he was meant to die in Myrkr, then why did the heart bind work? He'd be a hypocrite if he insisted Toothless forgive himself when he … "You're saying I should forgive myself. I want to, but…I don't know if I can just…and it won't make a difference anyway. We're still enslaved. Our lives are ruined" he sighed glumly.

*For now.*

"What do you mean?"

*We're heart bound. You'll live as long as I do, and if we're both careful, that could be for centuries. And I don't think you'll be ageing like a human anymore. I mean, look at me. I'm sixty and I still look young for my age* he preened.

"You still act young for your age."

*My point is, we have more time than you think. I know you're scared of the monsters, Hiccup, but they are just human. They can't keep their guard up forever. Another chance to escape will come, and when it does, we'll be out of there quicker than you can say plasma blast* Toothless teased, nuzzling him.

Hiccup giggled. "I never thought of it like that" he confessed. The hunters had begun to seem invincible, always one step ahead…but Toothless was right. They were still human, and no-one was undefeatable. Not even Hauke. "But…even if you're right, and I'm ageing slowly, no-one else will be. They…by the time we go back, they might be old." Some of them, like his father, might even be dead.

*I know, and I don't think there's anything we can do about that* Toothless said ruefully, *but they'll be so happy to see you that it won't matter. We can go anywhere you want, Hiccup. We'll be free, and you'll never suffer like this again. Until that happens, can you be the brave human I know you are?*

Hiccup smiled for the first time in almost three weeks. Hope flared to life like a heart-fire of his own in his chest. "Yeah, bud. Anything for you."

*And please, don't hurt yourself again* Toothless begged.

"I won't. Never again, I promise."

*Good. As for wanting to die…* Toothless whined at the thought and nuzzled him tenderly. *I don't want you to, obviously, but if you ever start to feel that way again, tell me. And if…if you really can't take it anymore, we'll become stars together. You won't be alone* he declared, gazing down at Hiccup with wide, adoring eyes. Hiccup felt overwhelmed by his other half's promise and love.

He yawned, suddenly exhausted. "Thanks, Toothless. You always know just…what to…say…" Hiccup's eyes drifted shut. The dragon purred and carefully laid down, still cradling his other half in his forepaws. *You're welcome, Hiccup* he said as he closed his eyes and rested his head over Hiccup's small form.

The next morning, Hiccup woke feeling better rested than he had for weeks. He also felt light-headed…but his heart had lightened too. Just a little bit. He didn't feel happy, exactly, but he didn't feel empty either. He didn't want to die, anymore. He didn't want to hurt himself. He was sorry he'd ever wanted to.

When he sat up, his head spun. Gasping, Hiccup steadied himself and panted. Suddenly he remembered – last night, he had cut himself and…he must have fallen asleep, or passed out or something. Had he lost more blood than he thought? Worried, Hiccup looked down at his right arm to check the wound. Instead he saw a bandage, which made his eyes widen in alarm.

They knew. At once, his fear of the monsters came rushing back. Hiccup's heart thudded in his chest and he cringed. They knew he'd been cutting himself, Hauke was going to be angry at him damaging the man's property, they were gonna punish him – he didn't want to have his eye gouged out!

Panicking, Hiccup searched for the sharp broken piece. It wasn't there. All the pieces of the broken bowl were gone, and the blanket – someone had moved it, laid it next to him. It covered a bloodstain, his blood. He felt more confused and uneasy by the minute. The rattling of the pulley-cage startled him; he hastily tugged his sleeve down over the bandage and spread the blanket out again. Then he waited for the hunter to come and take him out for another day of being treated like dirt. I'm not worthless like they think he tried to tell himself.

Much to his surprise, it wasn't a hunter who came to the cell, but the surgeon. "Drink this" he said, holding a tankard through the bars to him. Bewildered, Hiccup reached out and took it. Just water, but it settled the queasiness in his stomach. "I offered to fetch you this morning. Don't forget to drink plenty."

Who else knows? Hiccup couldn't help but wonder. He didn't know what to do. The surgeon moved to unlock the cage. Hiccup got to his feet, and the world spun even more than when he sat up. He groaned and stumbled, grabbing onto the bars for support. "Careful" the surgeon admonished, "You can't move too suddenly. You lost quite a bit of blood last night."

"Please, sir – I know it wasn't allowed but please, please don't" –

"Easy, lad. Nobody else knows. If anyone asks, you cut yourself gutting fish, okay?" the man advised. Hiccup could hardly believe it. The surgeon wasn't going to tell Hauke? He found it hard to believe the man had been down to the dragon cages last night, which begged the question – who had found him bleeding out? And why were they keeping it a secret?

Three days later, Hiccup was finally allowed to feed Toothless, with proper fish, as a reward for being so obedient. He went slowly at first, tearing off chunks of fish and washing them down with water. Hiccup fed him again in the evening. "Wake up soon, bud" he murmured. Toothless' ear-flap twitched. Hiccup stared, hardly daring to hope. Toothless sniffed. Gave a thin whimper. Twitched again.

Hiccup reached between the bars and laid his hand on the dragon's muzzle. Toothless sniffed again, and then – at last – those beautiful clear green eyes blinked open. He crooned. *Hiccup.* Unable to stop smiling, Hiccup lay on his stomach to meet Toothless' gaze. "Hey, bud" he whispered, "Welcome back."

There were still lots of fish left. Hiccup slipped them through the bars next to Toothless and poured fresh water into the trough. "I still have chores to do" he said resignedly, "but I'll be back soon. I promise. Eat up; but not too fast, you don't wanna upset your stomach" he cautioned. Toothless rolled his eyes and raised his head, sniffing at the fish beside him. He licked one up and gulped.

Hiccup left. Missing him already, Toothless ate the fish one at a time, even if he wanted to swallow them all down in one go. Then he began to stretch after his long sleep, yawning widely. Across from him, Blaze remarked *You're awake. We thought you were gonna die.*

*It will take a lot more than starving to get the best of me* Toothless boasted. Still, he felt very weak and achy. He could tell that Hiccup had taken good care of him, as much as he could. Let him drink, and from what he could tell, cleaned up the mess when his body relieved itself. All that whilst having to do all these other boring chores and feeling so miserable that he hurt himself, tried to die.

Toothless whimpered at the thought. His poor, beloved Hiccup; to think that the monsters had almost succeeded in breaking him! Toothless would never forget the pain in Hiccup's voice when he claimed he'd be better off dead. He must never, ever let his dearest one feel that way again. It was a wrongness.

As he stretched each limb in turn, and shifted about, trying to ease the stiffness in his…everything…Toothless' tail brushed against something, and it rustled. Curious, he nudged it closer with his tail. It was a rolled up piece of parchment. He wondered what it was for. Hiccup will know.

When Hiccup came back, the first thing he did was throw his arms around the dragon's neck and hold on tight. "Oh, I missed you so much! Never go anywhere again" he insisted, rubbing his face against Toothless' scales. His other half nuzzled him back and purred. *I don't plan to. Somebody left something for you* he remarked. Hiccup climbed right over him to grab the scroll.

He unfurled it and they looked at it together. It was covered in those strange marks that humans loved to put all over parchment. "Stay awake" Hiccup read aloud, "and burn this. Can you make fire, yet?" he asked Toothless.

The dragon stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. *I was already going to stay awake. I've just been asleep for three weeks. And what do you want to burn it for?* he asked, snorting incredulously at the oddness of humans, even his own.

"Because that's what it says on…oh! Right, you can't read!" Hiccup chuckled. Toothless made a bemused noise. "Toothless, these markings are words."

*They're lines* the dragon insisted, but doubtfully.

"Yes, they're lines that make words. It's how we humans talk to each other without having to speak" Hiccup explained. Toothless peered hard at the words, struggling to understand. Finally it clicked. *You can draw sounds?*

"That's one way of putting it. I think I know who left this note, and it says to burn it, so…" He held it pinched between two fingers as Toothless breathed a tiny puff of flame onto it. The parchment caught fire in seconds; Hiccup hastily tossed it in the empty food trough. "Eh. I'll clean that out later." He kept his mind occupied by giving Toothless a thorough rub-down.

They ended up curled together, talking quietly about what Hiccup had gone through whilst Toothless was lost in the death-sleep. He let the dragon lick his scars and stroked his smooth black scales, and they whispered and crooned promises and apologies and endearments to each other. At last, a light flickered into view. Footsteps approached their cell, and they looked up warily.

Adulfr stepped in front of the bars. "You're going to tell me about the dragons you've conquered, thrall, and I don't care how tired you are" he insisted imperiously. Toothless growled, indignant, but Hiccup put a hand on his snout. Adulfr sat down cross-legged and stared at them expectantly.

"I'm sorry" said Hiccup, "I shouldn't have brushed you off before. I was angry and I took it out on you, but you hadn't done anything. So, truce?" he offered, holding a hand out to shake.

For a moment the teen hesitated, but then he reached through the bars and shook Hiccup's hand. "I'll tell you about the dragons I've trained; on one condition."

"I won't tell anyone about this."

"I figured. What I mean is, I'll tell you so long as you don't treat me like a thrall. Treat me like…a friend."

The teen seemed to blush, though it was hard to tell in this light, and looked away. "I don't really…have any friends."

"Well, you do now" Hiccup declared. He knew it was foolish; that he was too trusting. It had cost him so much with Onarr…but Adulfr had kept his cutting a secret (he'd long since worked out the guy must have found him that night), and now he was risking his father's wrath to come down here so late and talk to Hiccup about dragons, to learn from him. Besides, he felt sorry for Adulfr.

"If you insist. Now, tell me about the dragons you've trained, friend."

Hiccup had to bite back a chuckle; Adulfr really wasn't any good at normal, friendly conversation. "Well, there's Toothless, obviously. Um…there's Sharpshot, a Terrible Terror I trained to shoot really accurate fire blasts. And we trained a load of Terrors to carry messages for us between islands; we call it T-mail" he explained. He hoped the little guy was okay.

"Oh, and there's Torch – oh hush you" he admonished Toothless, who had started growling at the mention of the Fire-Spinner hatchling. Hiccup scratched him under the skin and his growls melted into purrs of bliss.

"Torch was this Typhoomerang hatchling we found in the woods on Berk" he explained to Adulfr, "I took him home with me. I thought Toothless was jealous, but it turned out he was trying to warn me that Torch's mother was looking for him. His very large, very angry mother. First rule of dragon training; the trust and communication has to go both ways. You have to learn to understand your dragon, and listen to them, because sometimes they know better than you."

Adulfr nodded, seeming interested. "But those are little dragons. Haven't you mastered…I mean, trained – any large ones?"

"Um…there's the Screaming Death, I suppose. I didn't train that dragon, but we did fight him" Hiccup explained, putting an arm around Toothless' neck.

"What's a…Screaming Death?"

"You've heard of Whispering Deaths, right? A Screaming Death only hatches every hundred years. Three times the size of a normal Whispering Death, with bright red eyes, that isn't repelled by sunlight or…by anything, really."

Adulfr's eyes were wide and amazed. "If my father ever caught one of those dragons, he'd be thrilled. And you fought it? Did you kill it?"

"No. I haven't killed a dragon since the Red Death, and that doesn't really count, cos Toothless is the one who made the shot. No, we drove the Screaming Death away, but he kept coming back. He was destroying whole islands. But then I found out he was searching everywhere for the Whispering Death who had laid his egg. The whole time, he was just a big baby looking for his mother."

Adulfr grinned. "What? So you told him where his mummy was and they flew off to live happily ever after?"

"Pretty much!" Hiccup yawned. "Sorry. It's been a long day." Toothless nudged him; he smiled and nuzzled the dragon back. Adulfr felt an odd tightness in his chest, watching them. He saw how relaxed Hiccup was in the dragon's paws, how the dragon was careful and gentle with him. Nobody ever held Adulfr like that. His mother used to, but not anymore. He wouldn't let her, anymore.

"You really care about your dragon, don't you?"

"More than anything. And I know he feels the same way."

"…He sort of reminds me of Skadi. They're both black. Well, she has fur, and he has scales…but you know what I mean."

"Who's Skadi?"

"My pet wolf. I mean, she's not really a pet…father won't let me keep her. But she's my friend. I tamed her" Adulfr said proudly. Hiccup yawned again. Adulfr yawned as well. "Maybe I'll tell you about her…next time." He picked up the lamp and got to his feet. When he looked up, he realised that Hiccup had fallen asleep. Toothless looked at him with intelligent eyes. "Goodnight" said Adulfr.