Disclaimer: All Twilight related material belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Thank you once again to everyone for reading and reviewing! And if you're still here that means you have survived the angst of last chapter. I know it's hard people but we will get through this.

Also in regards to last chapter please feel free to join the line of currently six people who want to slap Jacob and hit Bella upside the head. Hehe you guys crack me up.

Onto Chapter 11!

The Trail

Chapter 11

Nebraska

June 1842

BPOV

It's been three weeks since he left. Two weeks since he rode away without letting me explain, without even looking back. I can't sleep anymore I can barely eat. I feel like part of me is missing. I don't feel whole anymore. There is a constant ache inside of me that never fades. Every time I close my eyes I see his face. He looked so betrayed and it was all my fault. I've lost count of how many times I have cried myself to sleep. Tears running down my face as I face the fact that he might not come back, that I ruined my chance at happiness. But what's the hardest is all the memories of him that I am left with, all the happy times we spent together. I miss him.

~T~

I keep reliving those moments leading up to his…departure. He had told me he would be back and to stay at the tavern. I stood there looking around at the small town. There was a general store across the street, an ammunition store, and this tavern. The barn was a little further down the road. For some reason I expected it to be bigger.

I watched Edward lead the horse towards the barn. He disappeared down a side street when I heard someone call my name.

"Bella?"

I turned around to see Jacob further up the street away from the barn. I smiled at him as he ran up to me.

"You're alive!" he said as he pulled me into a tight hug.

"Yes, I'm alright." I said and started to lean out of his embrace, but his hold seemed to tighten on me.

"Jacob," I tried to get his attention to loosen his hold on me.

He moved his hands to my face. It felt uncomfortable, wrong even. Not like the way it felt when Edward held my face like this.

"Oh Bella," he whispered before without warning my brought my face to his. My hands were against his chest and I tried to push away from him but he held fast. I felt his mouth moving against mine and he moved his hand to the back of my head, holding me to him. I couldn't move, I couldn't escape. I didn't want this. I continued trying to push away but it was futile.

"Edward!" I heard Alice call out and immediately Jacob released his hold on me. I moved away from Jacob and turned around to see Edward. He was staring at me in shock at first but then his face grew hard. Oh no! He saw Jacob kiss me!

Edward turned and started to walk away. "Edward wait!" I called out to him. I had to talk to him. I had to explain.

"Bella." Jacob said, grabbing my arm to stop me from going after Edward.

"Let go of me Jacob." I seethed back at him. He let go immediately and put his hands up.

"What's going on?" I heard Carlisle's voice. I turned to see that the Cullens had all emerged from the tavern.

"Edward and Bella are alive but Edward ran off –" Alice's words were cut off by the loud sounds of a galloping horse.

Oh no! He's leaving! I began to panic. I needed to explain to him. Show him that I still care for him.

"Edward!" Carlisle yelled out to him. Miraculously Edward pulled back hard on the reins and the horse reared up on two legs. Edward stayed on his horse and focused on Carlisle.

"I'll find you again when I'm ready." He said coldly his mouth in a hard line.

I couldn't let him do this. I couldn't let him leave without him giving me a chance to explain. After all we have been through together I deserved that chance.

"Edward, please! Let me explain!" I called out to him desperately, but he spurred the horse on and rode away from me into the sunset. He never looked back.

I ran out into the road as I continued to call out to him. He left. He left me. The tears filled my eyes and spilled over as I spank to my knees in the road. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Come on, Bella." Jacob spoke softly. How dare he! This is his fault! He kissed me! Anger coursed through me. Anger at Jacob, anger at Edward for leaving. I focused on this growing anger and released it on Jacob.

I flinched away from him. "Don't touch me." I spat at him.

He looked taken aback and removed his hand. "Bella, I'm sorry –"

"You're sorry?" I seethed at him rising to my feet. I couldn't believe him! The nerve! "Don't tell me you're sorry Jacob Black. You had no right to touch me, let alone kiss me." Jacob started to back away from me but I advanced towards him feeling my anger fully unleashed.

He suddenly stopped and something seemed to snap within him. "You're right Bella I'm not sorry."

My mouth fell open in shock.

"I'm not sorry for what I feel for you. I'm not sorry that you're safe with me again. And I'm not sorry that I kissed you." He crossed his arms over his chest looking smug. "You seemed to have enjoyed it too." He smirked at me.

"How dare you!" I yelled at him and brought my arm back to hit him but I was stopped by a stronger hand.

"I think you two need to take a break from each other." Emmett said releasing my hand and stepping in between us.

"You'll thank me one day Bella. I saved you from making a mistake with the likes of Masen." He gestured down the road to where Edward had disappeared. "He's scum Bella. You can't listen to any of his lies. Although I'm sure he tried to manipulate you and take advantage of you."

"He would never! Edward is a gentleman! Which is more than I can say about you!" I yelled back at Jacob trying to get around Emmett.

"I won't have you talking bad about my friend, Jacob. I think you need to go back inside." Emmett said firmly.

Jacob ignored Emmett. "A gentleman you say?" He laughed mockingly. "I must say Bella I'm surprised. I would have thought you would have seen his savage ways. He is no different than them! Given the chance he would have ravaged you!" Jacob yelled back at me.

I lunged for Jacob wanting to hurt him. But Emmett stopped me. I continued to struggle against him but he picked me up and carried me inside of the inn.

"I'll deal with Jacob. Go with Alice and Rose." Without another word Emmett walked back outside.

I was still seething with anger. He doesn't even know Edward! He doesn't know what he has been through. How he had to survive. Edward has such a kind and gentle heart he would never hurt me. But he did a small voice whispered in my head. He left you.

My anger drained out of me and was once again replaced with sadness and an overwhelming sense of abandonment.

"Bella?" I heard Alice call out gently. I looked up to see Rosalie and Alice descending the stairs. They came over to me and hugged me. I couldn't stop the tears from trailing down my face.

"You mustn't blame Jacob." Rosalie said softly.

"To hell I won't blame him!" I raised my voice at Rose.

Alice exchanged a glance with Rose before Rose spoke again. "Billy's dead, Bella."

I froze. "What?" I asked disbelievingly.

"When we were attacked by Indians Billy was shot with an arrow. There was nothing Carlisle could do. Jacob hasn't been the same since."

My frown deepened. I didn't want to pity Jacob but I couldn't stop the guilty feeling from spreading over me. I shouldn't have started that fight with him.

"How about you go rest?" Alice suggested softly, rubbing soothing circles on my back. I felt panicked again.

"No, I want to wait for Edward. What if he comes back?"

Alice and Rose once again exchanged a look. "He won't be back tonight Bella." Rose spoke again.

"He promised he would be at my wedding though. And that's only a few weeks away." Alice smiled at me, trying to cheer me up. "He just needs this time right now."

I nodded feeling broken and exhausted.

Alice and Rose led me upstairs to my room. I couldn't sleep. I missed his warm embrace, the safety I felt each night in his arms. I didn't even try to wipe the tears as they fell down my face. I let them run their course. I learned a long time ago that tears don't change anything. They wouldn't bring my mother back, they wouldn't heal my father, and now they wouldn't bring him back to me.

I closed my eyes and waited for the morning to come.

~T~

Days seemed to run together. Nights were endless. As we crossed Nebraska the lush green trees faded away and became flat prairies. I missed the green. I missed the trees and the shade they provided, the protection I used to feel within them. Now the dust was heavier on the roads and all seemed barren. I felt that I too was barren. My green forest had disappeared and all that remained was the flat yellow plains.

I was a shell of who I used to be. Alice had tried to cheer me up in the beginning but I think she finally realized nothing could bring up my spirits but him.

Jacob and I had been avoiding each other ever since our fight. I sometimes would catch him glancing over at me, looking apologetic. A part of me wanted to accept his apology and just accept that he was acting out because of the death of his father. I knew what it was like to lose a parent, it's hard and emotionally draining. But then the other part of me didn't want to give him that excuse. He kissed me without permission and he insulted…Edward.

My heart ached even when I would think his name. I couldn't even bring myself to say it anymore. There was a hole inside of me, like he took a part of me with him when he left. So although I missed Jacob's friendship I couldn't bring myself to forgive him.

'That's the Platte River ahead!" I heard Carlisle call out from the front of the line. All the wagons stopped and the men began to discuss what the best course of action would be.

I stood by Alice and Rose as they too began to talk about what would be done. They asked for my opinion but I only nodded to agree with whatever they said. I didn't care. It was hard to care about anything anymore.

Carlisle came back toward us.

"So the river's too deep to ford through it so we're going to caulk the wheels and float across." He said as we nodded.

"Emmett, Jasper, Jacob, and I are going to take the wheels off. I want you ladies to make sure everything is tied securely in the wagon. Try to make the weight as balanced as possible. We don't want any of the wagons to tip."

Not much later all the wagons were across except for Jacob's. I was sitting in the back of his wagon, holding all our things secure. The others had made it across safely along with all the animals and supplies. It was just us who had to cross. To say I was nervous was an understatement.

"You alright back there, Bella?" Jacob called out to me.

"Yes." I called back shakily. I didn't feel secure in the back of the wagon. I felt every little bump of the current against the wagon. But I held fast to our supplies.

There was another slight bump of the current and a dresser to my far left moved. The drawers began to slide open. I knew that it was Billy's old dresser and had all of his things in it. Although Jacob and I were still not on good terms I couldn't let Billy's things fall into the water and become lost. I respected Jacob enough to want to help keep his father's things.

I leaned towards the dresser but it was just out of reach. I would have to let go of the side of the wagon to get to it.

Just do it Bella. I encouraged myself. I slowly let go of my grip of the wagon and quickly lunged towards the dresser, pushing the drawer back in firmly. I smiled triumphantly. I was moving back towards my safe spot when the wagon jerked slightly. The movement caused me to lose my balance. I frantically reached out trying to grab hold of something but it was too late, I was already falling backwards into the river.

I fell into the water and immediately felt a sharp pain to the back of my head. I inhaled a gulp of water at the pain. I tried to kick to get back to the surface but my clothes were weighing me down. Everything was becoming darker and the pain was growing sharper and more pronounced at the back of my head. Then there was only complete darkness.

~T~

I felt hard pressure against my chest that bordered on being painful. I could hear voices but couldn't make them out. There was only the sharp pain at the back of my head. I tried to take a deep breath but I couldn't. I started coughing and felt water come out of my mouth. I leaned to the side. Coughing up the water onto the ground.

"It's alright Bella. Good, get it out." I heard Carlisle's soothing voice as I felt someone rubbing small circles on my back. I opened my eyes and laid back down.

"Oh thank God!" I heard Esme exclaim. I heard the others make similar exclamations but I couldn't seem to focus on any of them. The pain on the back of my head was almost blinding.

"What happened?" I mumbled. I remembered falling into the water and the pain but that was it.

"You fell into the water and Jacob jumped in and saved you." Carlisle said. I glanced around at the others and saw that Jacob's clothes were wet.

"Thank you." I said.

Jacob nodded at me. "I'm just glad you're alright."

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" Carlisle asked gently.

I showed him my head. I must have hit my head against some rocks because there was a gash there. Carlisle bandaged me up and ordered me to lie in the back of the wagon until we stopped for the night.

That night I was talking with Alice, well I was more listening than talking. Alice was telling me about her upcoming wedding on July 4th. She wanted to have it at Independence Rock which we would reach in two weeks.

I tried to be happy for her but I still felt an overwhelming sadness. They had love and I had lost mine. Alice stopped reassuring me about his arrival at the wedding. I think she could tell in my face that I didn't want to get my hopes up. Disappointment when he wouldn't come would be so much worse. I wouldn't be strong enough to handle that.

I noticed that Alice had stopped talking and was looking to my right. I glanced over and saw Jacob standing there.

"I think I need to go tell Jasper something." Alice said, completely obvious that she was trying to give us some time alone.

I narrowed my eyes slightly at her. It's not like I could avoid Jacob. Carlisle had given me strict orders to not move around much. My head needed to heal.

"Hey," Jacob said softly.

I glanced over at him and then stared back into the fire. I heard him move to sit down beside me. I refused to look.

"Look I know we haven't really been on good terms lately –"

I huffed.

"Okay, good terms is putting it nicely but I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You really scared me today. I don't know what I would've done if I'd lost you."

I continued to look into the fire. I didn't want to feel this guilt. I didn't want to trust him again. I clung to my anger at him. It was easier to blame him for what had happened than to think that maybe I didn't fight hard enough or that I didn't show Edward how I felt, how I still feel.

"Please, look at me Bella." Jacob said earnestly.

The guilt won out and I turned to look at him. He smiled at me sadly.

"I know I can't say anything that I haven't already said before. But I hope that in your heart you can forgive me one day. I miss you Bella. I miss our friendship." His voice became choked up with emotion.

I felt my own walls falling down. The anger towards him crumbling but I still tried to cling to it.

"I thank you for saving me today Jacob."

He looked up at me hopeful.

"But it doesn't change anything."

He sighed and looked down at his hands. "What can I do? What can I do to get you to forgive me?" He asked desperately.

I turned back towards the fire. "I just need time." I couldn't forgive him yet. But I did miss him. I missed our simple friendship.

"Just know that I'm here." He touched my shoulder gently. "I'll always be here." Without another word he got up and walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

~T~

The trail was difficult over the next week and a half. I realized I didn't particularly enjoy Nebraska. The flat grasslands, the stifling heat, it was all very dreary. My head healed but I began to feel aches over the rest of my body. I didn't want to complain to anyone. I was sure the rest of the group was feeling similar distress from the hard traveling.

We stopped at Fort Lamarie in Wyoming. Alice dragged Rosalie and I into the General Store to help her buy items for her wedding. She always had so much energy but now that her wedding was so close she could hardly contain herself. I wished I could have some of her energy. I was so tired all the time. Jacob had inquired into my health but I had brushed it off to not sleeping well. Which, truth be told, I had not been sleeping well either.

The hardest day to travel was the first of July. We had reached Deep Rut Hill in Wyoming. We were told at Fort Lamarie that it would be one of the most difficult hills to cross. We had to put the wagons in single file and ease them down slowly. Only one wagon wheel was broken and we were lucky that we had a replacement. It was after that hill that I began to feel blinding headaches. I finally got the courage to tell Carlisle about them and he gave me some medicine. He told me to let me know if they got worse.

It was two days before Alice's wedding that we reached Independence Rock. I was shocked to see that there were other wagons already there. Jasper told me that many people stopped at Independence Rock to celebrate the fourth. He smirked at me when he said that Alice would be glad of the bigger audience for their nuptials.

As we approached the other wagons I began to feel a sharp pain in my stomach. I was sitting on the wagon bench with Jacob, too tired to walk much anymore. I clutched my stomach as the pain worsened.

"Are you alright?" Jacob asked.

I gritted my teeth against the pain. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Bella?"

His voice was fading in and out. My vision was becoming blurred. My body was so weak yet the pain was becoming worse all over my body. I felt my body begin to slump when I felt warm hands wrap around my arms pulling me back up. A hand touched my forehead.

"Bella, you're burning up!"

I couldn't open my eyes. I was so tired. I wanted the darkness to come. To make the pain go away. A voice called out to me again.

"Stay with me Bella. Stay with.."

The voice faded away completely and I succumbed to the darkness.

Yes I know some more angst but it will get better. Have some faith people. So what's happening to Bella? Have you forgiven Jacob? And most importantly where the hell is Edward?

See ya next Sunday! REVIEW! (please)