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infinite

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"The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

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So, I've been fairly busy lately with school and actually attempting to maintain and proper social life. Finals are approaching, so I've been taking small breaks to actually assemble together a new chapter for you all to enjoy. I've had a lot of people asking for fluffier things, so this chapter will be a small break for the characters.

I've also posted a few new stories, so feel free to check them out if you're into Harry Potter, Avengers or American Horror Story.

Sorry about the wait!

(also, sorry about the language.)

(also, touchy subject coming up.)

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falling stars

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Suki frowned, knocking smartly on the door. She'd been working longer shifts at the gym and it felt nice to have a day off for the first time in forever. She stamped her feet and sighed loudly, watching her breath hang in the cold air.

"I know you're in there!" She called out loudly, waiting for Toph to open the door. "Aang says you missed class today, which you never do. If you don't open up the door then I'm going to come in myself."

She took the correct key from her key ring and easily unlocked the door after waiting fifteen seconds before stepping into the dark apartment. She wasn't overly surprised, knowing Toph's tendency to ignore light switches. "It's almost three in the afternoon. If you're asleep you're going to regret it." Suki paused her march down the hallway, halting for a glass of cold water before continuing on. "Are you sick or something?"

The apartment looked different, like Toph's landlord had finally gotten his nose out of his books and actually fixed the dump up into something that looked surprisingly nice. The smell of fresh paint still clung to the walls, making her bite back a slight laugh. She quietly pushed open Toph's bedroom door before dropping the glass of icy water out of surprise.

It shattered easily, making her shriek out in shock from the cold water splashing at her jean clad legs. Suki could barely see Toph the way she was dwarfed by a larger man, her face pressed against his shoulder and only a shock of messy black hair visible of her friend.

The two woke up instantly, Toph jolting and the man grabbing hold of his bed companion tightly. "Who are you?" He grumbled, words sounding thick with sleep.

"Toph?" Suki called out in a voice that sounds almost squeaky to her own ears. "I'll just go."

.

Toph grinned towards Zuko, her black hair barely brushing against her shoulders. "That would be my friend."

"Is that Sokka's girlfriend?"

She nodded as she got out of the bed, clutching a sheet around her as she shuffled towards her closet. "What was her face like?"

Zuko couldn't help but smile. "Stunned."

"Excellent. I can hold this over her head for a very long time, you know. Usually Suki is all calm and cool, like a cucumber." Toph opened the door slowly before gliding her hand over the hangers, feeling the fabric briefly before selecting a long sleeved dress that Katara had bought for her once. Closing her eyes she dropped the sheet, flinching at the feel of cold air on her bare skin.

She knew her flesh was a testament of her past, ruined and warped with vibrantly visible red burn scars. The branding on her hip still stung, his marking forever staining her skin.

Zuko stood up carefully and walked behind her. "What are you thinking about?"

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She was submerged in a bathtub, the icy water almost burning her.

Her lungs were screaming at her, hair floating all around her as she forced herself to remain within the safety of the water. The slow pounding of her heart was so loud and sluggish it terrified her.

She was done. She could still feel his touch over her chest, over her thighs.

Someone shrieked, hands forcing her up out of the water. "What are you doing?" Her mother howled, striking her hard against her back, making her spit out water and vomit. "You stupid, ungrateful bitch! You do not leave me here alone!"

Tears burned her eyes. "Fuck you." She spat out, the words scorching her tongue. "I want to die."

Her mother roughly grasped Toph's chin, pressing their foreheads together. "We were all born to die."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you have a duty that you will fulfil. I do not care if Kuei fucks you to death, but you will make a profit! You are nothing. You are a blind helpless little girl, nothing more than a tool that we have acquired. Kuei wants you and is quite willing to pay a large sum for your worthless body."

Toph spit in her mother's face. "Go fuck yourself."

.

"Nothing." Toph smiled thinly, turning towards him slightly. "There's broken glass on the floor, isn't there?"

Zuko grimaced as he looked towards the mess of the water and glass on the ground by the doorway. "I'll clean it up. Stay here."

Toph rolled her eyes as she slipped the dress over her head and pulled it on correctly. She heard Zuko skirting around the glass before walking down the hallway. Rolling up her sleeves, she felt her left wrist carefully. Five straight scars were like braille to her touch, marring her wrist. "The broom is in the closet!" She called to him as she yanked the sleeve down to hide them.

"I know."

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"You're a survivor." The nurse informed her quietly as she smoothed the blankets out. "I've seen your medical records, and you've survived a lot."

Toph lay still, resenting the constant shrill beeping of the heart monitor.

The nurse continued on. "This is your chance, you know. You're free from that house. The world is your own to master." It sounded like the nurse was trying to give her a sympathetic smile which Toph scowled out. "You can do anything you want."

"I don't want to live."

Toph could hear how the woman recoiled from her words, how detached they sounded. Part of her relished the feeling of making this stranger hurt, the way she hurts. The other part of her simply didn't care anymore.

"We are all born owing a death." A large but soft hand took her own hand carefully. "But, I think life owes you a bit more right now."

"That makes no sense."

"Make life worth living. Go to school and learn something. Find your passion, do anything. Take up knitting, for God's sake! You have your entire life in front of you."

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Zuko cautiously sat next to her on the couch, flicking through the channels lazily. The heat inside the apartment was broken still, leaving the two bundled in the mass of blankets that Toph owned and drinking from oversized mugs bagged tea that he had made. "Why do you own a television, anyways?"

She snorted. "Just because I'm blind I can't watch?"

"That's exactly what I meant."

"It came with the place. I like listening to it sometimes. It made the apartment feel less empty, to be honest." She wrinkled her nose. "What are you looking for?"

Zuko shrugged. "A movie, maybe?"

She felt for the end table to set her emptied mug on. "Channel thirty should have a marathon of horror movies, I think." She listened as the noise of the television turned from various snippets of bouncy pop songs to quick flashes of conversations before settling on a dramatic music that made her tense with anticipation. "Which one is this?"

"I have no idea. An old one, I think." Someone screamed, making them both jump. "Really old." He chuckled.

Zuko slipped his arm around her without thinking, pulling Toph closer to his side. "There's something walking through the house. Fuck-" he faltered, his body jolting slightly and the music rose to a high pitch. "The thing has the creepiest face ever."

Toph poked him. "Are you afraid of a movie?"

"Of course." He replied blandly. "Aren't you?"

"I'm not afraid of anything." She informs him coolly.

It's a lie of course. They both can see through the façade easily, because the both remember. Fear flickering across her face in the moonlight, her hands grasping matches. She remembers cowering in her bathroom, curling up on the cold tiled floor. "You'll never have to be afraid." Zuko states quietly. "Not again."

"Of course not. Why would I be afraid?" She tucked her knees to her chest. "I'm bulletproof."

Bulletproof, but not fireproof.

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This part of the hospital is different from the rest, she decides as she sits in the plastic chair. The air tastes smoky to her, which makes sense seeing as she is sitting inside the burn ward. "She'll be here in a moment, Miss." The male attendant informs her cheerfully, his words reeking of cigarettes. "You should be aware of the damage that the fire did to her. She won't look the same."

"It's a good thing I'm blind then." She replies calmly, inwardly seething.

He departs awkwardly; leaving her in an empty room that she imagines is made up of mirrors. The entire space would be constantly warped, her mother's face transformed into a collage of ugliness. Satisfaction is a bitterly sweet thing, she understands.

The doors open quietly, air whooshing in. A wheelchair is pushed closer to where she sits, the wheels making almost no sound. "Mother." She greets as the nurse sets up the broken woman across from Toph.

"You… you." The voice sounds like its being strained. "fire."

"Would you leave us?" Toph smiles sweetly towards the nurse. "It's been a while since I've seen my mother, after all." She broke into a harsh laugh. "Get it? Seen my mother?"

The nurse left quickly.

"Well. Just us then." Toph let the smile melt away. "I've discovered that sometimes it is easier pretending that you're insane. It makes people leave you alone."

"The… matches."

"Yes, yes." She rolled her eyes. "Anyways. I'm here to cut ties, or whatever I'm supposed to be doing. You see, I got some surprisingly good advice when I was recovering." She halted, giving a razor sharp smile towards her mother as she lifted her wrist up towards her, conveniently flipping her off. "The second recovery."

Her mother struggled to speak, unintelligible words being spit out weakly.

"Don't get worked up, mother. It makes you sound pathetic. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that I came very close to dying three times. You were there for the first time, remember? Remember the bathtub and the ice cold water, and how I tried to drown myself? I do. Then there was a fire. I thought about the irony of it. I couldn't die drowning myself, so I would die in flames. It burned so much, but I'm sure you understand that pain quite a bit, don't you?" She leaned forward, fury burning in her bones. "Then I tried to slit my wrists, and finally escape. The hospital however caught me and fixed me up." Her expression softened slightly. "The nurse told me to live, however. To do anything I wanted, and live my life."

"You… matches."

"So, I've decided that I'm going to live out of sheer spite. Because you, you fucking waste, are nothing. You're a charred piece of flesh destined to die in this ward. You are simply nothing at all to me, and you never will amount to anything." Toph grinned at the way her words hung in the air, filling the space with her hate. "Father is dead. I had him buried in an unmarked grave, so nothing will ever spare you. You're trapped inside a useless body, and for the first time you will understand exactly how it feels to be me. Father won't be able to protect your from the legal matters."

"W-what?"

"It is looked kindly upon when you sell your underage daughter to a grown man and promote in her rape." Her rage flared. "They saw the scars you and father left on me with the belt. You are so fucked, and you won't be able to protect yourself. I hope you burn in hell." Toph stood up suddenly, pushing the chair backwards. "If you haven't already."

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He fell asleep with the movie still playing on, his arms tight around her and keeping her next to him. Toph grinned at his habit, remembering the night before when he refused to release her. She hummed lightly, running her hand though her soft hair.

He stirred, making her flinch. "Toph?" He half whispered, rubbing his forehead against her neck.

"Yeah?"

There was a long pause. "You tried to kill yourself, didn't you?"

Her heart paused. "What?"

He shifted his position. "I saw the scars on your wrists last night. And this morning."

Toph began to pull out of his grip but he only grabbed her more tightly around the waist and forced her closer to him. "The burn scars? Those were from the fire."

Zuko sighed loudly. "The other scars."

"Let me go."

"No."

Her voice became hard. "Get off of me."

"I'm not letting you go." Zuko trapped her arms to her sides. "I just want to know when you did it."

Toph swore at him briefly before forcing the words together. "I did it a little before I was to be released from the hospital from the burns." She paused briefly before continuing on with the story. "I was supposed to go into protective custody, but I was done. Kuei was out there, still. I was tired. So fucking tired."

"So you decided to try and kill yourself."

"Yeah."

"Please don't do it again."

"I won't." She promises, but yet it sounds like a lie to herself.

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"Goodnight." She tells the nurse quietly as she slips down the hallway towards her room, her fingers pressed against the wall as the grope for the door signs marked with braille. She shuts the door carefully behind her and moves towards the bed where a razor that the boy next door had traded her in turn of a hundred dollars in cold cash.

She doesn't bother crying or getting angry or even feeling anything. She just calmly takes the razor and drags it across her skin for sheer relief.

Someone knocks at her door quietly. "Go away!"

"Toph? Are you alright?" the nurse calls to her.

She slashes her wrist again and again.

The door opens slowly. "What are you doing?" The nurse breathes horrified. What her blood most look like, staining the bed sheets and her clothing like this. Toph did another neat cut. It stung and burned, making her gasp in relief.

"We're all born owing a death." Toph moans, tipping sideways. The nurse's voice becomes shrill, crying out for help and for her to hold on but can't she see that she is already slipping away?

.

He's a horrible dancer, she discovers. Music is flowing from the stereo they purchased together, Ramones filling the cold air. "Am I dancing with a tree?" She asks him sarcastically as she grabs his arms tightly. "This is horrible."

"I don't dance." He informs her but it sounds like he might be trying to bite back a smile. "You do, apparently."

Poison Heart is loud and desperate, making her twist her hips and grin at him. "Just move with the music. Stop looking, start hearing."

He does eventually stop looking, his hands gentle at her waist and moving with her slowly despite the fast paced song. "I didn't peg you for a Ramones fan."

She shrugged. "I didn't think I could get you to dance."

"Are you happy?"

Toph smiled at him. "Of course I am. Now shut up and dance."

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(is she happy? can she be happy?)