So…. I know I have been gone for just about ever. (Lots of good excuses why but I won't bore you.) Needless to say I apologize if there are a ton of mistakes. My usual editing process involves a hard copy of the text but I do not have access to a printer so my editing may be subpar. That being said, I hope you enjoy.
Grief is a heavy burden and no one knew that better than Sesshomaru, or so he liked to think to himself. He was plagued by it – a permanent weight on his shoulders that bore down on his otherwise perfect posture.
Before he had saved the soul of that broken little girl he had not known grief. The death of his father had only harden his resolve and solidified his hatred of his half-brother, but it hadn't ever been close to grief.
For her, for that little girl, he had grieved. He walked into the pits of hell to save her and that was before he had loved her as he did now. Now, Kami willing, now he would do anything for her.
Rin had come and gone enough times in his life the feeling of a knife stuck between his ribs was a perpetual sensation. The never ending torrent of memories only ebbed when she was near. This Rin, this reincarnation, had accepted him. She didn't fully understand but she truly loved him.
He now waited, listening carefully, letting his senses take control. He had to know if she was alright. It had been stupid to impregnate her before turning her but he had been impulsive and passionate – two words he rarely used to describe himself. Not that it mattered now because she would make it through, she had to make it. He would deal with their half breed child, he would hide its flaws somehow. They would continue their lives and they would be happy.
The minutes passed slowly and just when things seemed like they might be okay, Sesshomaru caught a scent that made his stomach roll. His one source of solace was bleeding… a lot.
"Rhoda!"
At the sound the midwife yelling his wife's name, Sesshomaru sprang into action and burst through the door, tradition be damned, just as one of the nurses yelled "Get her husband in here quick!"
His wife lay on the cot in the center of the room. A dark substance covered the white linen sheets and dripped down, pooling on the floor beneath the makeshift bed. The stench of her blood filled the air.
Sesshomaru didn't need to get any closer to know that his wife was gone. He tore his eyes away from her still body and looked towards another one of the nurses in the corner of the room who held a bundle in her arms. When she saw him approaching her cautiously, she held out the bundle with both hands, her head bowed.
"I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do." Her soft Australian accent made it difficult for Sesshomaru to understand – he had never quick gotten used to their form of English.
He gingerly accepted the offering and with a trembling hand he pulled back the blanket. It would have been so easy to pretend this beautiful baby boy was just sleeping. He willed himself to ignore the unnatural stillness of the infant and for just a moment enjoy the sight of his and Rin's baby boy. A smile graced his lips for a moment before it was swallowed up by the reality of the situation.
His wife and child were dead and once again he had lost the only thing that mattered to him.
"He is in France. No doubt enjoying the wine and cheese."
Sesshomaru snorted at the remark but did not look up from the folder on his desk. Spread out before him were photos of a middle-aged Asian man with salt and pepper hair. He was tall, slim, and incredibly attractive. Easily mistaken for an older model rather than a Kami.
"And you're sure this is him?"
"Of course, my Lord." Kagura pouted at his lack of trust in her abilities.
"Associates?"
"Of course, my Lord. For a Kami he seems far weaker than you. He surrounds himself with guards, some demon, some from ancient lines of demon slayers. Where he dug them all up, I don't know."
"Hnn," Sesshomaru was listening to what she was saying but couldn't be bothered to dignify her statements with actual answers.
"He has a rather large villa more or less in the middle of nowhere in Southern France. That's where he spends most of his time when he isn't traveling."
"And where does he spend the rest of it." Sesshomaru looked up at the woman standing before him, decked out in her usual blood red. Her short-sleeved dress was floor length with slits up to the thigh on both sides. It was skin tight and the neckline was low enough he swore he'd caught sight of her belly button once or twice when she had walked into his office. She was beautiful, yes, but she also looked like a first class hooker.
"In Japan, a southern private island." Kagura purred as she held his gaze and leaned over the table with the clear intention of making sure her assets were on full display. She knew he would soon end their engagement but that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy it while it lasted.
"Have some dignity." Sesshomaru growled as he snatched up the file and spun around in his chair, clearly dismissing her with his back.
Kagura pointedly ignored this obvious lack of interest by coming around to the other side of the desk and sliding into his lap. Sesshomaru stiffened but did not remove her, much to her surprise.
"Are you finally ready to make good on your deal?" Kagura smiled coyly, feeling powerful from her position atop him.
"You have not completed your tasks yet." Sesshomaru replied curly.
"But once I do you will fill me with seed until I bare your first born. You will give me a pup."
Sesshomaru stood, forcing her off of his lap; she stumbled back and into the wall. Before she could protest, Sesshomaru coldly quipped, "And then I shall take your pup and raise it to be proper heir to my throne. You will be its mother in title only unless I deem otherwise."
Kagura hissed and flexed her fingers, flashing the sharpness of her nails as a threat should he attempt to choke her again. "That was not our arrangement."
"The arrangement had changed. Be careful not to push me or you shall not like its further amendments."
Sesshomaru straightened his tie and tucked the folder into his briefcase. Honestly, he was beginning to think Kagura was more trouble than she was worth. Still, the information she had just provided him was beneficial in his quest to rid the world of the evil that had caused his grief in the first place…. Grief. For the briefest instant, a replay of every death of Rin's that he had experienced flashed in his mind's eye, each one numbing him just a little bit more than the last. It was a wonder he felt anything anymore.
Sesshomaru regarded Kagura wearily as he spoke, "I know you have been watching Rin. Don't. She is none of your concern. If I find out you have again, you will most assuredly regret it." He didn't wait for a reply as he grabbed his belongings and flicked off the lights on his way out the door. Let her stay in there in darkness, there was nothing of value in there for her to steal or use as leverage.
The trip back to his penthouse passed by without Sesshomaru's notice as his mind stayed fixed on the task at hand. He continued to study the visage of the Kami that Kagura had provided him.
Once back in his apartment, however, a plan had already begun to form. It was clear that it would be difficult to get close to the Kami at his villa – he needed to be intercepted going to or from the establishment.
Removing his suit jacket and tie, Sesshomaru loosened the first few buttons of his shirt and reclined on his sofa. Gods, it was good to be alone sometimes. He had never gotten used to the constraints of modern fashion, in any time period. No matter the year it seemed as though the wealthy were always swathed in tight garments.
Sesshomaru rubbed his eyes and held the bridge of his nose for a minute. The slim black phone standing upright in its charging station on the coffee table beeped once; the sound interrupted his brooding and brought his eyes up to offending machine. He had a message, presumably from Inuyasha since almost no one knew the number for this phone line.
Leaning forward, Sesshomaru pressed the solitary button on the station and the leaned back as the voice of his brother filled the quiet space. "Hey, yea, it's me. You're a seriously cryptic bastard ya' know? I hardly know what the heck happened the last time I followed you on a crackpot goose chase and now you wanna go kill a Kami?! Jesus! Call me back when you get a chance, Fluffy. I need to knock some sense into you."
The message ended with a click and Sesshomaru curled a lip up in disgust. Honestly, his brother hadn't even a modicum of manners - it was astonishing that they shared any blood relation. Knowing how the conversation would go if he called the foul-mouthed half breed, Sesshomaru was loath to do so, but the fact of the matter was that he needed Inuyasha's help.
Moving forward once more, Sesshomaru grabbed the phone and punched number 1 on the digital dial pad. It immediately began ringing and by the third one, the line clicked on and a voice came through the ear piece, loud and clear.
"Eh? Have you gotten your head out of your ass, yet? If not, call back when you've seen the light."
"Must you always speak as if you grew up in a back alley?" Sesshomaru bit out through gritted teeth. This earned him a scornful laugh and a harsh reminder from his half-brother that indeed he had grown up poor and alone – cruelty and crudeness, not manners, had shaped the majority of his upbringing.
"Keh, and what makes you think we have any power or say against a Kami, hmm?"
Sesshomaru breathed out slowly, hearing the phone crackle as he did, and spoke in a harsh whisper, "The information I have is sound, he is in France and if planned and executed properly, we will be successful and I will have what I want."
"What you want? She's here, dude. She's herself, maybe for the only time ever, Rin is Rin again. Are you seriously going to let this pass you by?"
"As I have said before that is none of your concern." Sesshomaru waved a hand dismissively even though Inuyasha was not around to see it.
"The hell it isn't! I don't kn-" Inuyasha began only to get cut off by his elder brother.
"I called you to discuss plans for France. I have neither the time nor the interest to simper and sigh over useless drivel."
"Damn it, Sesshy!" Inuyasha huffed, his exasperation evident, "You can't just go messing with the Kamis, you know!"
"Do not act like you have forgotten what I have lost, little brother."
"Then let me remind you of what you're losing now." Inuyasha tartly countered.
There was complete silence for a minute as both felt the weight of those words. Loss – it was an idea both were painfully familiar with.
After a few minutes, breaking the silence, Sesshomaru murmured, "How are things?"
"Pfft, things? Can you not even ask me straight? Well, I'm planning to check up on things in the next few days. Things, being Rin, of course."
"I trust you will let me know-" This time it was Inuyasha's turn to cut him off.
"Oh no. I'm not telling you nothing about her unless it's like life or death. If you want to know about her so badly then why don't you go check up on her yourself, hmm?"
When no response came, Inuyasha snorted, "Yea, I thought so. Later, Fluffy." The line went dead but Sesshomaru did not lower the phone immediately.
Why was everything so damn confusing? He wasn't supposed to ever be unsure – it was his duty and birthright to always know what to do, what was best. Yet, it seemed whenever Rin was concerned, he could never have a single coherent, logic based thought.
As he finally lowered the phone from his ear, a profound wave of sadness crashed into the Great Lord's chest. He sucked in a breath and was glad no one was there to see him in such a weakened state. It had not been so long ago that he'd held her close and tasted the sweetness of her lips. But now, she seemed as distance as the stars, winking in and out of his sight. Had he ever had her in the first place?
A memory tugged at the corner of his mind. Sometimes it was easy to forget the good times he had had with all of the Rin's. But assuredly there were good times. A stolen moment here and there, a long night in each other's arms. Yes, they existed too – precious gifts he kept locked away for moments when he felt as though he would break under the weight of his past, present and future obligations.
"How can you just sit there and let them treat us like that?!"
"Arguing will not sooth their egos. It is obvious they know they are inferior." Sesshomaru said softly as he held his lover's hands in his own.
"I don't care. They disrespected you! They used me to tarnish your name."
Sesshomaru growled loudly and pulled Rin against him. "Never say that. You are never a disgrace, never a thing with which I am brought down. You are strength Rin. You are mine."
After a moment, Rin sighed and relaxed against her husband. "You are right, my love. I should not let them get to me. After all, I have a great gift, not unique, but great nonetheless."
"Hn?"
Rin pulled back and looked up at her stoic Lord with bright eyes. "It's what everyone gets - a lifetime to learn, to grow, to live. Perhaps I'll be lucky enough to spend it all with you."
"Don't go Jason Waterfalls... "
"Chasing waterfalls. Jesus. It's 'don't go chasing waterfalls'."
Maya looked over her psychology textbook and rolled her eyes. "You are so prissy lately. I thought quitting a stressful job was supposed to lighten the load, not make you even more of a pain in the ass."
Run sniffed, offended, and turned to face her housemate. "I'm perfectly pleasant. Thank you very much."
"Oh please. You're in major pining mode for your ex-boss mode. Need I remind you, EX-boss? No reason you can't get some of that sweet ass now that you don't work there."
Rin sighed and turned back to her uneaten meal. The food had grown cold in the hour she had been staring at it. She had no appetite unfortunately but knew that if she didn't eat she'd probably get sick. "Cause he would totally want me see me again after I made such a fool of myself and hallucinated who knows what in his office."
"Seemed like he was tripping along with you," Maya murmured as she went back to reading.
Rin did her best to ignore Maya though she couldn't deny that her words struck home. Rin had spent the past few weeks in a limbo of sorts. She couldn't remember with any clarity what had triggered her sexual aggression towards her boss but knew something must have caused it. It was so weird that everything was so damn hazy...
"I'm going back to bed," Rin announced, pushing her plate away with a sigh.
Maya dropped her textbook into her lap and whined loudly, "You've been sleeping for weeks, Rin. If it's not to go to class, all you do is hide away in your room. Why are you letting this bring you down? I know you just got out of a long relationship and a horribly embarrassing day at work-"Maya paused and then upon thinking over her words amended, "Okay so things are kinda sucking for you right now."
Rin nodded and muttered under her breath something to the effect of "thanks for reminding me."
As she shuffled off to her room, Maya yelled after her, "Don't think you're off the hook! I'll drag you out of there sooner rather than later!"
In bed, Rin wasn't surprised when she began to drift off to sleep as soon as she closed her eyes. She had been exhausted for weeks and it seemed like the only time she was at peace was in her dreams.
"Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever that's so hard to bear"
Peggy Lee crooned softly in the background as Rin spun in slow circles in the middle of a small living room. With every turn her calves brushed against the couch making her stockings catch for a brief moment before she was turned again.
With his arms around her waist and her face pressed against his chest, there was little room to see. Also, it probably didn't help that her blonde curls were in her face, further obstructing her view.
"Love?" she murmured into his shirt. She hadn't really expected him to hear her but miraculously he did.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. Not really. I just wish we could stay like this forever." She felt him tense slightly at her words and tried pulled back to look up at him but his embrace only tightened, keeping her firmly against him. Knowing that that meant he was trying to hide whatever emotion had flickered across his usually stoic face, she didn't try to move away again. It was enough to be in his arms. His long silver hair tickled her nose and she scrunched it up, trying not to sneeze and ruin the moment.
She closed her eyes for a long moment, but when she opened them again, the scene had changed – she had changed as well.
Looking down at the small hands of a child, no older than 10, Rin's eyes slowly adjusted in the dim light. When her toes, wriggling in the soft grass beneath them, were finally clear she looked around to figure out where she was.
It was a small clearing surrounded by trees. Off in the distance, though not so far as to be unreachable, was a beautiful castle. It looked like something out of a Japanese scroll.
A rustle from behind caused her to turn sharply, shivering partly from the cool breeze and partly out of fear of what lay in the darkness.
"You shouldn't have come alone." A low voice cut through the air like a knife.
"I'm sorry, my Lord. I couldn't sleep."
"Do you know what could have happened to you if someone else had found you?" This time the voice was closer but she still couldn't see the speaker.
"I'm sorry!" Her lips trembled as she fought to hold back tears. He was angry with good reason but he would be even more so if she cried. Crying was a weakness and she didn't want to remind him that all she was, was a weak human.
Surprisingly gentle hands wrapped around her upper arms and turned her until she faced a solid wall of white fabric. Slowly, she looked up until she saw startlingly bright eyes staring back at her. His amber eyes seemed to glow in the dark and no matter how hard she tried she could not look away.
"Do not cry." It wasn't so much a command as it was a request.
Rin sniffled and nodded her head, her face red with shame.
"You must be strong. There are many enemies who would try to use you as a weapon against me."
"I would not allow it, my Lord!" Rin huffed, finding her inner fire again. "I would rather die."
His eyes seemed to warm but his mouth turned down with disapproval. "Hn, a fine sentiment but not a course of action that I would prefer."
She couldn't help but smile at that and was delighted when he stood up, took her hand, and slowly began to lead them back to their home – the beautiful castle in the trees.
Rin continued to dream, shifting from scene to scene, moving through time and space, as if seeing through the eyes a many young women. The only constant seemed to be the man that all the dreams centered around. A beautiful stoic man with long silver-white hair and brilliant amber eyes who just so happened to bear a striking resemblance to her former boss.
When Rin finally woke up, she rolled over in bed only to find that she had gone to sleep with all of her notebooks. Her psychology notebook was opened and something on the pages caught her eye – most of the sheets were filled with the same image: a crescent moon.
Flopping onto her back again, Rin vigorously rubbed her eyes, trying to blot out the image. That man in the forest, the one who looked just like Mr. Tashio, had had a purple crescent moon on his forehead… hadn't he?