Chapter 11 "Mara Vangert"

((Jean))

she stays silent for a few minutes she new what I was asking her why instead of running away from that camp she staid she had both the power and the ability to run why dint she "fear" I raze and eye brow "of what?" "another live being lost cause of me" now I was even more loss "in that camp they take 'precautions' just incase you want to run they put a live on your back" I say nothing she picked up a pebble from the ground taking it in her hand "so many life's have been wasted on me" she rolled the pebble around in her hand "my mom my dad my brother all gave up there lives for me and for what?" she clench the pebble in her hand "I'm just a disappointment" as she said that she threw the pebble angrily "they gave up there lives for nothing" I look over at her tears were forming in her eyes but none of them drop "I have lost to many people I cared about I don't want to lose any one else" still no tears dropped one they were refusing to drop or two she some how was keeping them in "I'm afraid that someone else will lose there live cause of me" her eyes darted of to me for a second she clench the paper that I had forgotten about in her hand she was about to say something that I wasan't gonna like "if you ever think I'm in some trouble that I'm not gonna get out of I don't want you to do anything" it hits me almost like a slap to the face Marcos memory strikes me painfully how could she even ask me that "I know you lost some friends in the attack on trost" for the first time a few tears dribble down her cheeks she opens her hand handing the paper to me it both made me smile and at the same time brought sad memory's it was a picture not sure wend it was taken but it was wend we were in trainig Marco,Nina,Thomas every one was there "they would have made great soldiers but the difference between them and me is" a few more tears fell down her cheeks "I'm not someone worth dying for" "don't say that" she stood up in both anger and desperation "it's true Jean" I stand up too "every were I went someone gave up there live for me worst part was they gave up there live for someone that dint exist they gave up there lives for a disgrace for nothing" her voice was razing a little and I dint want her to wake up any one "the worst part about coming here is that I made you fall in love with someone that dint exist" tears were streaming down her face "and were ever I go I'll be hated" I grabbed her wrist she looked at me more tears streaming down her face "there's a difference between anger and hate" her lower lip quivered she looked away from me I put my hand on her cheek making her look back at me "and you dint make me fall in love with someone that dint exist Harmony was only a part of you and if I learned to love a part of you I can learn to love the rest" she looked at me stunned I wiped away a few tears with my thumb "your not worthless don't ever think that" I pull her face closer to mind "I want you to come back tomorrow I want you to come back from the tribunal" she said nothing I kissed her softly but this time I could feel I was kissing a different person I new it was not Harmony she was only a part of her but I dint care I loved her I pull away are foreheads still touching "can you do that?" my voice was barely a whisper she gulped "I'll what I can" I tiny smile forms on my face I pull her close hugging her tightly

I wake up to find that I was still out side laying againts one of post of the porch it must be around 3:00am or something I smile wend I see she had fallen asleep on my chest her fingers lase with mind gently moving some air of her face and kiss her fore head she yawns curling up I smile again but then I notice a blanket had been throw over us it must have been Krista hopefully she keep quiet about this cause I would not hear the end of it from the guys I look over to the door almost getting a heart attack wend I do Levi was leaning againts the door frame "ummmm" I could feel my self blushing he just shook his head softly before walking back was he the one who brought the blanket? almost like he could hear my thoughts he calls from inside "yes!" I wait a few minutes before taking her in my arms and standing I was hoping to get inside with out making a sound but the wooden floor of the cabin decided it wanted to play a song I keep trying to walk silently for few more minutes but I literally was getting no were I on top of that the room they were keeping her in was at the end of the hall "seriously!" I mumbled I take a deep breath and dart of to her room I open the door laying her in bed but then I run into the problem that her arms were rapped around my neck and she wouldn't let go "come on!" I whisper after a few more tries I release her of my neck she curled up I throw a blanket over her and walk out goin back to bed I wasan't sure what could happende tomorrow I don't think commander Erwin,Major Hanji or Levi could do anything other than ask for her custody and hope that with everything she said yesterday Darius Zackley would grant them the custody I sight closing my eyes hoping that I could get some sleep

((Mara))

I wake up to find my self in bed I sight knowing what day it was I sit up staring at blue blanket that was over me I stand doing a braid on my hair as usual sitting down next to the window I stare at my own reflection it would be the first time in six years that I would see the wall again wonder how much has change or wonder how much have I change not in my appearance cause I only change as naturally as every one else but in who I was I was already born different my eye color was the first hint having a blue and purple eye wasan't something any one usually saw but my family dint care my mother said that my eyes were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen wend I first open them she also said I had some amazing lungs I could hold my breath for a long time witch freaked her out on some of my tantrums wend I refuse to breath cause I wanted something but my dad quickly figured out had good lungs so the fun of seeing her spooked dint last long then came the day I found out about my shrikes I was only six I screamed at my brother Rian who was bothering me ended up slamming him againts a wall that day I ran away it was the first time I ever felt fear that someone was gonna lose there live cause of me I saw myself as a monster but my brother himself was the one who found me he wasan't afraid of me but I was afraid of my self with the help of him my parents and two friends that I trusted enough to tell them about the shrikes I learned how to control it one of them was Luke my brothers best friend we hand know him since we were little he became a soldier later on he got into the survey corps every time he would return to the walls he would always bring me a different flower and wend he was out side the wall every moth he would send letters telling us of the things he had seen but then the letters suddenly stop months went by with no word of him even if I was young I understood what had happende but my brother dint he always had some hope that he would come back but all of that hope faded away wend the only thing they brought back of him was his jacket nothing else I remember another soldier coming up to me handing me a flower saying "he asked me to give you this and that he was sorry he couldn't give it to you himself" I looked up at her but she walked away before I could say anything I dint know her name but I new who she was I read about her in one of Luke's letter it was true she was beautiful my brother he dint speak for days until he said he wanted to join the survey corps my parents dint oppose neither did I sometimes I feared that he wouldn't come back but them the colossal titan came I remembered being in the life boats a kid that was sitting next to a girl with a scarf stood up his hand's were full of bruises and he said "I'm gonna kill every fucking one every fucking" Eren Jeager that was the first time a cross paths with him I dint think the second time would be to kidnapped him but know I had a chance a chance to change every thing