Peter's star performance on his first day left Assumpta in no doubt that she could safely leave him with Niamh and go up to see Leo the following day. He was still in Dublin, staying at an apartment owned by his parents, and Assumpta arranged to meet him there a midday. He'd offered to cook and generally been very friendly on the phone, which made her feel heart-wrenchingly guilty, and more than a little incredulous. If someone had treated her like that, she wouldn't be that nice to them afterwards.
In an attempt to give herself time to calm her nerves, she took a slower route, taking a main road into the city rather than the highway. As she went over what she was going to say to Leo for about the tenth time in her head, she suddenly realised that the traffic had slowed to a crawl, and soon afterwards it stopped altogether.
After five minutes of waiting and cursing, she heard the distant sound of sirens and decided to turn on the radio. It informed her that there had been a big accident on the road she was travelling and that all city-bound traffic was unable to move. "Yeah, I can see that!" she cried and slapped the steering wheel angrily. Typical, she thought. OK, maybe I can see the point of mobile phones now...
Another few minutes went by, and no cars moved. Assumpta was stuck in the middle lane, so she couldn't even escape onto a side street. Finally, she noticed a man in a car to her left was talking on the phone. She waited until she saw him hang up, then she knocked on his window, shoved a pound into his hand and asked if she could borrow his phone.
Fifteen minutes later, Leo was stepping into the passenger side of the van.
"You didn't have to come, Leo, I would have got to your place eventually!"
"Yeah, well, there's nothing worse than being stuck in traffic at lunch time." He handed her a sandwich.
"Ah, so this is what you were cooking, was it?"
"No, there's fettucine carbonara waiting when we finally get there."
"Aw. Thankyou."
This man is so nice, she thought. Why couldn't I have just left it alone? Why couldn't I just be friends with him?
"So, Assumpta," said Leo, as he swallowed the first bite of his sandwich. "I don't know what you've come to talk to me about, but there's something I want to say first."
He was looking straight ahead, and he seemed not to even hear her faint protest.
"I know, Assumpta, OK? About Father Clifford. I don't expect you to admit it, that's OK, I imagine it must be very difficult for you. I'm sorry for freaking out and leaving, and I'm also sorry for pushing forward so fast when we were in London - I realise now that you came to me for help, and I should have noticed that all was not as it seemed and taken the time to find out what was wrong before I asked you to marry me. But I want you to know that even if I had known the truth then, it would not have changed my decision."
He turned to look at her now, and the sincerity was in his eyes. Hers showed utter shock.
"I love you, Assumpta. I've never been able to get over you, and you know what? I don't want to. You can't help how you feel, and it must be awful loving someone who can never love you back, but you thought being with me would help you get over it, and I think you were right - it did help, didn't it, it was good - I mean, until it got bad, but that only happened after we went to Ballyk. That was the problem, wasn't it, being near him - Assumpta, you've got to get away from there, as long as you're there he's only hurting you, and there's no point -"
"Leo."
"There's no point waiting around for something that's never going to happen. I hate to see you hurt, Assumpta -"
"Leo!"
"- and I want to do what I can to take that hurt away."
"Leo, will you listen to me, please!"
"I know you don't love me. But I don't care."
Assumpta put her face in her hands. "Oh, God, I do love you as a friend, Leo, I think you're a wonderful man, and I've been absolutely horrible to you, I used you, and then I just spat you out and threw you away and I'm so sorry, I can't tell you how sorry I am."
She put her hand on his. He tried to take it in both of his hands but she pulled away. "Leo, you don't want to -"
"Yes I do. I want to be with you and I don't care -"
"Shutup!"
"I won't shutup!" He smiled.
She looked into his eyes and took a deep breath. "Leo, Peter has left the priesthood."
The smile faded.
"I came here to tell you that - I'm so sorry."
His eyes still on hers, his hand fumbled behind him for the door handle. She tried desperately to remember all the things she'd been planning to say to him, but her mind had gone completely blank. Leo finally found the door handle and fairly flung himself out of the car. Assumpta recovered herself and jumped out her door calling his name, but she was talking to his rapidly retreating back - he was already several cars away. She stepped back and forth a couple of times, trying to decide whether to go after him or not, when all of a sudden car engines all around began roaring into life and the traffic finally started to move. Assumpta got back into the van and turned the ignition key.
...
"So how did you get to be so good you're running rings around Niamh already?" chuckled Padraig. "You're in trouble, Niamh."
"I am not!"
"I have no idea what I'm doing, Niamh, don't worry. I just know about customer service because I worked in a cafe when I was at university."
"Oh, so that's why you can make coffee!"
The phone began to ring. Peter rushed to answer it.
"Hello, Fitzgerald's."
"Oh hi, ehm, how's it going there?"
"It's fine here, how's it going there?"
"Well, yeah, not so good."
"Ah. Tell me."
"Well, I thought I'd broken his heart already, but apparently I hadn't yet."
"Oh dear."
"Yeah. Anyway, he ran off, and I've been looking everywhere for him - I just spent two hours sitting outside his apartment waiting for him, but he hasn't come back."
"Is he alright?"
"I'd say no..."
"Are you alright?"
"Apart from being wracked with guilt, yeah, no worries."
"It's not your fault."
"Anyway, I don't think I'm gonna be able to get back tonight, not unless I find him soon - I just don't wanna leave things like this, you know, I feel like I owe him some kind of proper explanation. Anyway, I haven't given him the annulment papers yet."
"OK, yeah. Have you got somewhere to stay?"
"I was thinking of calling a college friend. She knows him too, so I can ask her to keep an eye on him."
"OK."
"So the pub's going OK, then?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
"Can I speak to Niamh for a minute?"
"Assumpta," said Niamh brusquely when she came to the phone. "You'd better not fire me!"
"What?"
"Mr Perfect here has everything under control, he laps up every instruction I give him and then does it better than I can -"
"Oh, surely not."
"- and when Kieran started crying he comforted him as well, got him to stop almost instantly."
"Niamh, I'm not going to fire you and neither is Kieran. You're in charge, anyway - if Peter's getting in your way, just tell him to go!"
"He's not getting in my way, I'm getting in his way!"
"Are there enough customers there for two of you?"
"At the moment, yes, but -"
"Well the second there isn't, just tell him to go, he won't mind. I can't afford to pay two of you if there's not enough sales."
"Oh. So I am still your number one staff member then?"
"Yes, now will you just listen, for God's sake! I can't get back tonight..."
...
In actual fact, Niamh far preferred to give herself the night off rather than Peter - they'd both been there since Assumpta left that morning and Niamh decided that, while Peter's newbie energy might keep him going until close, she'd much rather have the night off. Besides, Ambrose was wanting his dinner.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm fine!"
"If there are any problems, anything at all, just call me - Assumpta will kill me if anything goes wrong."
"No she won't - look, there's barely any customers now anyway, I'll be fine."
"I'll look after him," said Brendan.
"Ooh, doesn't that give you a deep sense of foreboding?" chuckled Padraig.
Niamh left, and Peter, who had recently finished cleaning absolutely all the tables, set about cleaning the bar.
"What are you cleaning now for?" asked Padraig. "It's only eight o'clock!"
"Well, it's as good a time as any."
"No it's not, it'll get all dirty again by the time you close!"
"And you intend to make a mess, do you, Padraig?"
"Can I have another, please, Father?" asked Donal. Liam kicked him. "What?"
"You called him 'Father' again."
"Ah yes, you'll burn in hell for that," joked Padraig.
Donal looked mortified.
"Don't listen to him, Donal," said Peter reassuringly as he placed Donal's drink in front of him. As he did so, a hush fell in the bar. Peter looked up. Standing in the doorway was Leo.
"Good evening, Father," said Leo icily, stepping into the bar. "She's left you in charge, has she? She never left me in charge."
"Err, well, actually Niamh's in charge, but -"
"So how are you, Father?"
"Is he going to burn in hell?" whispered Donal, as Liam dragged him over to stand behind Padraig.
"No," said Padraig. "He's employing what is known as irony."
"Cat got your tongue, Father?" Leo continued.
"I'm fine, thanks, Leo, would you like a drink? On me."
"Oh yeah, thankyou, I'd like to throw it in your face."
"OK," said Peter nervously and began to pour a pint.
"Nah, not beer, I want something more expensive than beer - a pint of Redbreast whiskey, please. The bottle at the back there - that's the most expensive she's got."
"Leo, what do you hope to achieve here?" asked Brendan.
Leo did not reply.
"Peter, don't give him that!"
"It's fine, Brendan."
"What's going on?" hissed Donal.
The bottle was empty before the pint glass was full, but neither Peter nor Leo seemed to mind. Peter passed the glass over the bar. Leo threw the whiskey in his face, then, as an afterthought, threw the glass too.
"Ay!" Brendan and Padraig were on their feet.
The glass bounced off Peter's chest and shattered on the floor. "Did that make you feel better?" he asked.
"No." Leo seemed to be getting angrier by the minute. "Would you step outside, please, Father?"
"Leo, this is not going to achieve anything," said Brendan warningly.
"Shutup! This is between me and him, it's got nothing to do with you!"
"Leo," said Peter, as calmly as he could manage. "Why don't you sit down. I'll buy you a beer, and we'll send this lot away. Let's talk."
"Either you step outside now -"
"I will not step outside."
"Either you step outside, or I will drag you right across those beer taps - and I don't think Assumpta would want fighting in her bar, do you?"
Peter silently walked around the bar.
"Peter, don't..." Brendan pleaded.
"It's fine, Brendan," said Peter as he came to face Leo. "Let me handle this."
"After you, Father," said Leo, gesturing towards the door. The two men went through it, followed closely by Brendan, Padraig, Liam and Donal.
"Donal, go and get the doctor; Liam, the gard," said Brendan grimly. "Padraig, with me."
"Leo," said Peter as they walked across the bridge. "You can do whatever you want to me, but this is not up to us; it's Assumpta's decision."
"You think I don't know that?" Leo turned to face him. "It's her decision, yes, but what about yours? I have been picking up after you for the last three months. I didn't even know I was doing it, but I was. I dunno what you did to her, but you hurt her bad, and I had to pick up the pieces, and then we come back here, and, what, you change your mind? More exciting to fuck another man's wife, is that it?"
"NO! No, I haven't - we haven't done that -"
"I don't believe you."
Peter heard a loud thud and staggered backwards, his left cheek erupting in pain.
"Now gentlemen, gentlemen, come on now, this is a public road!" called Ambrose, striding over. "And if you're going to disturb the peace, then you are breaking the law."
"I'd say that was assault, Ambrose," said Brendan, going over to Peter, who told him to stay back.
"Thankyou, Gard, we won't be needing you!" called Leo loudly, "But you are welcome to stay and watch - I want to show you who your former priest really is."
Peter looked around. A small crowd was gathering as the townsfolk head the commotion and came out to see what was happening. Peter spotted Kathleen peering at him from the far side of the bridge. Doc Ryan and Donal ran past her, followed by Niamh, who was pressing Kieran into Brian's arms. Peter felt a warm wetness on his lip and realised that his nose was bleeding.
"How did it start, then?" Leo demanded.
Peter didn't respond, so Leo hit him again, square on the nose this time. Big drops of blood spilled onto Peter's shirt.
"Or should I say, when?" Leo was yelling now. "When? That's the big question, isn't it?"
"Two weeks ago. Less. Well after you left."
"Oh - so me leaving, that invalidated the marriage, did it? After that it didn't exist anymore? It's just that I'm having trouble understanding this, Father, I mean, you're a Catholic priest, you hold the hands of newlywed couples and say, 'What God has joined together, man must not separate'! Or do you not believe that, do you lie?"
"You were married in a registry office. God wasn't involved."
"Oh, that's convenient, isn't it? That's very convenient for you! So the second I move out you can swoop straight in and steal my wife with your conscience clean, and then, just to make it all completely hunky dory, you resign from the priesthood! Did you tell them why?" He indicated the still growing crowd. "Did you tell them why you left?"
"I wanted to, I tried -"
"Have you been lying to your parishioners, Father?" He threw a left hook at Peter's right eye, then with his right fist punched him hard in the stomach. Winded, Peter staggered backwards as Brendan, Ambrose and Michael rushed forward. He held up his hand to them. "Stop! Stay back!" he gasped.
"Aren't you going to hit me back, Father? Are you going to stand there and play the martyr? Cos you can't have the moral high ground, you know, that's all mine."
"I know, that's why I'm letting you hit me! Stay back, Brendan!"
Brendan stopped in his tracks.
"Well, it is quite enjoyable!" Leo's fist collided with Peter's stomach again. He doubled up, gasping for breath, again holding up his hand to stop the others from coming.
"When he goes for the stomach, clench the muscles, Father!" called Liam. "Much better that way!"
"Listen, Leo," gasped Peter. "Let me explain. Just let me talk to you. And if I say anything that you don't like, you can punch me again, but just let me talk."
Leo said nothing, so Peter continued. "I fell in love with Assumpta three years ago. Finally admitted it to myself about 18 months ago. I dunno when it happened for her. But we could never act on our feelings and we could never tell each other how we felt, because I was a priest. I always assumed that it was much stronger on my side anyway. I've since found out that she always assumed the reverse. What happened three months ago was I went on retreat, to renew my vocation, to try and forget about her. I had no idea how much I hurt her when I did that. I'll never forgive myself for that.
"I guess she went to London for the same reason I went on retreat: to get over it. She found you, she married you. But it didn't change how she felt. It didn't change how I felt, either. I stood where you're standing now, and believe me, I did want to punch you. But I didn't. I didn't tell her how I felt, I didn't do anything. Your marriage failed of its own accord, because it never should have happened in the first place."
"Oh, that's brilliant, thankyou for trivialising my pain! 'It never should have happened in the first place'!"
"I'm sorry, Leo, I'm really sorry. If it'll make you feel a little bit better to hit me a few more times, then be my guest. I know you hold the moral high ground and I haven't got a leg to stand on."
"I want you to hit me back is what I want. I want you to be a man and fight me properly."
"Why?"
"I dunno, I'd appreciate a little physical pain right now."
"Well isn't the whole point of fights like that that the man who wins the fight gets the girl? I can't think of anything more stupid, given that her decision has nothing to do with us."
"Oh, I don't think so. I think her decision has everything to do with you."
"She decided against you well before she decided in favour of me."
"Ah, now I have trouble believing that - two weeks, you said?"
"Yes."
"And when did you resign your post?"
"I made my decision the same day."
"You see, if you really love her as much as you say, why wait so long? Clearly you don't care about rules like thou shalt not commit adultery and thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's posessions, so why would you give a damn about your own vows?"
"You can think what you like, but I do believe in all of those things and I have not broken my vows."
"Bullshit. You know how sexy she is. And she's in love with you, I bet she throws herself at you. She threw herself at me. So many times." He stepped forward and looked Peter in the eye. "Do you know how to make her scream, Father? Cos I do."
Before either of them knew what was happening, Peter had let out a roar and punched Leo fair in the mouth; he jumped back, cradling his hand in pain, to see Leo lying speadeagled on the ground, out cold, surrounded by several onlookers. "Where's the doctor?" one of them was saying.
Peter rushed forward. "Leo, are you alright?" Leo came round as Michael knelt down next to him. He tried to sit up, cradling his nose. "Did he do that?" He looked at Peter. "You couldn't have done that, not on your own."
"Are you alright, Peter?" asked Brendan, holding out a handkerchief. He and Padraig had stepped in front of Peter to form a shield between him and Leo.
"Leo MacGarvey, I am arresting you for assault and breach of the peace!" Ambrose dragged Leo to his feet roughly.
"Oh no, Ambrose, don't arrest him!" cried Peter.
"We can talk about this back at the Garda station." Ambrose said. "Make way, please, everyone, please return to your homes!"
"Peter, where does it hurt?" said Michael, appearing at Peter's side.
"I think you should be more worried about him, Michael - he was unconscious!"
"I had a look, and I don't think he's concussed. Anyway, he only took one punch - you took five, I was counting."
"I hope they made him feel better," said Peter weakly.
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Four."
"Good. Do you hear any ringing in your ears?"
Peter, Michael, Brendan, Padraig, Ambrose and Leo walked together to the Garda house. Liam and Donal walked listlessly behind, not really sure what to make of things. Peter tried not to look at the faces of the onlookers they passed. Ambrose kept calling to them to get out of the way and go home.
As the lights of Fitzgerald's came into view, a thought occurred to Peter. "Oh God! I didn't lock the bar!" He ran off in the direction of Fitzgerald's, holding his side as he went.
"Peter, don't run!" called Michael. "You need to take it easy!"
Niamh caught up with Peter as he reached the door. "I'll do it, Peter, I'll close the bar and lock up." She took the keys from him. "Are you alright?"
"Ah, bit dizzy. Maybe you were right, Michael!" He leaned against the door frame, the world spinning around him.
"Come on, Peter," said Michael, grabbing his arm gently. "How's this hand - that's bruised too, can you move your fingers?"
"He's got the key to the door..." sang Leo softly. "Never been...with a woman like that before... Never will again."
"Alright, everyone, I'm going to have to limit the numbers here," said Ambrose, stepping onto the front stoop of the Garda house, "to those people directly involved. Leo, Peter and Dr Ryan, come inside, the rest of you please go home."
"Let me know if you want a witness, Ambrose," said Brendan. He patted Peter on the shoulder and left.
"How's the dizziness now, Peter?" asked Michael as they walked into the house and down the stairs.
"It's fine, it's gone now."
"OK. You sit in the kitchen now, and make yourself a cup of tea." He switched the kettle on.
"I think I need a beer, actually," said Peter.
"Well, no more than one. I'm just going to check on Leo now, I'll be back soon."
Peter stared morosely at the fridge. The pain in his cheek, eye, nose and jaw finally convinced him to get up and look in the freezer. He found a large plastic bag of frozen chips, and lifted it to his face. Then he put a bag of frozen peas on top of his head for his headache. He opened the fridge. No beer. He sat down, threw the bag of chips on the table and buried his face in it, his arms hanging listlessly at his sides.