I feel like I should explain myself.
I don't often get this, urge,but then again, I don't often let people turn me on in bathrooms then dessert my best friend in order to go with said people to destinations that are unknown to me so, you can understand when I say this is virgin territory to me.
Ciara wasn't at all pleased when I told her that I'm going out with Bo. I mean, it's not like she was farting rainbows over the fact that I even started this whole revenge mission in the first place. But she was bloody livid when I told her I think I might probably be developing feelings for Bo.
"Bo Dennis? Really, Lauren?"
She asks like I'm stupid and reckless, her green eyes angrily darting towards at Bo. "I know you're still messed up after Nadia and that you're afraid of being alone but-her?"
"Cee-"
"No. Lauren." She cuts my explanation off before it even has a chance to fall off my tongue. Her angry eyes all on me now. "I'm tired of you making stupid decisions with your heart then me having to pick up the pieces when it all goes to shit."I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart several times by something really hot and really sharp. Ciara knows me, she knows how careful I am with my everything. And the fact that she'd just think I'm bring stupid right now without even asking for an explanation, it hurts.
Really bad.
My emotions must have shown on my face or something because her look softens a bit before she runs her hand through her hair. Something she always does to calm herself.
"I love you, Lauren. I really do. But if you decide to do this. If you decide to date her," she says pointing at Bo. "To give her of all people your heart when you know she"s a fucking player and you"re just going to end up with a broken heart. When there're a million more deserving people. Then don't expect me to help pick up the pieces. Not this time." She finishes with a shake of her head.
I know I should be angry. Ciara is being controlling and hurtful and she's making me feel like I don't want to be here but at the same time I can't to be anywhere else. And by god, I should be angry at her. I also know I should listen to her.
She's being hurtful and she's being controlling but she's also being truthful.
This thing, between Bo and I, it will most likely not end well for either of us. We're incompatible. I fucked things up before they even really begun with that whole revenge deal. The whole foundation on which this entire thing is built upon is rotten and shaky and when it all comes tumbling down I will probably end up with a thousand broken pieces to piece together.
I know that.
But I also know that Bo makes me feel safe and more alive than I've ever been in my life. And it scares me. I'm not going to lie, the power Bo has over me scares the living daylights out of me. And half the time I'm with her I want to be away from her just so I can remember how to breathe.
But the other half of the time, I'm excited. I'm alive with every single part of me when she touches me. I can feel my own heart beat whenever she puts her lips on mine and blood rushes in me so fast it's dizzying.
And I'm aware of how selfish I'm being. Knowing that one day it's all going to burn right out and I'm going to need Ciara to help me tend the wounds. But I need this. The few days I didn't talk to her I felt her absence so much it was like I was missing a vital body part. I'm addicted to how Bo makes me feel and for as long as I am allowed to, I want to keep this feeling.
"Listen to me." I say, taking her hand in mine. It's something we've always done. When either of us says those three words then we know that we're being as serious as it gets. I lace our fingers together and look her right in the eyes. "I know I'm asking for I need you to trust me on this." I look towards Bo and she has the most concerned look on her face. I hold Ciara's hand even tighter. I might be making either the best or worst decision of my life right now. And although the uncertainty isn't doing flattering things to my mental health, I need to do this. "Please." I add when I see that she's going to say something. "I know her reputation precedes her. And I know this thing is doomed from the start but I need to give it a chance. And I need to know you understand that."
She's quiet for a moment and I just hold my breath. I'm expecting her to either say yes or no or try argue with me some more. But I am certainly not expecting her to jerk her hand away so forcefully as if I'm holding her against her will. She shakes her head and walks away without a word before I even have the time to say anything.
And even if I did have the time to say something, I have nothing to say.
I think I might have just lost my best friend.
...
I don't know what to say to Bo. It's not like I'm keeping silent by choice, I just really have no words to utter. I feel like I should go to Ciara's right now and apologise. Tell her I'm sorry and I can very well get over Bo and we'll pin this up to temporary insanity. I don't do change very well. I don't even like it. Change breeds disorder and since that day when I was six and I had to clean- no, you know what, I don't like to talk about that. I just don't like disorder. And not having Ciara in my life is equivalent to just that.
I'm actually just about to turn to Bo and tell her to drive me straight home when she asks, "are you okay?"
She seems ridiculously uncomfortable asking that. Like she's so far out of her comfort zone they're not even in the same continent anymore. "I'm fine." I lie with what I hope is a straight face. I think I fail cause Bo's eyes narrow a bit.
"You're not a very good liar."
"I'm not lying."
"Yes you are." She counters. Giving me this look that makes her eyes look like two endless pools of softness and I realize I can't do it. No matter how much I want to, I can't give her up. Not even for Ciara. "And if you want to talk about it..." she adds. Making it sound like it's my choice. And that just seals the deal for me. There's no going back now.
I have to see if this will lead to anything.
"Ciara's never going to talk to me again." I don't mean to say it out loud. It just comes out all on its own. Like diarrhea of the mouth or something. I've most probably lost my best friend and there's nothing I can do about it because the one thing that's making me lose her, is the first thing in my life I've ever recklessly craved for.
Bo.
It's cute how she fumbles with her words. Asking if I want her to hug me. And although I feel like the most selfish person on earth when I'm in her arms. I hold her just a little tighter and do my best to make it last as long as possible.
...
It's like I blink and everything goes to shit.
One moment, Bo and I are dancing and I am pleasantly drunk, forgetting about my best friendless state. And the next moment, Bo is pissed as all actual hells and Nadia is storming away and I feel like I might have lost her before I even had her to begin with.
I don't think I've ever tried so hard to make another human being see my side of things. Even though my side was a little fucked up. It was still there and I needed her to see it and for a moment, I thought she couldn't.
And it shattered my heart to a million tiny pieces that logged themselves in my chest and hurt so bad I could feel it with every part of me. "I think it's best if I took a cab home." I say, recalling that she's my ride and she'll probably not want to be anywhere near me tonight. I just keep fucking things up left right and center. Classic Lauren. "I'm really sorry Bo."
I'm ready to walk away from her. Not because I want to because that's the last thing I want. But because she needs me to. Or atleast I think she does until she tells me to get in the car and gives me her jacket and lets me explain why I did what I did.
"No more lies?" She asks, her voice vulnerable.
"None. Promise."
And I know an apology doesn't make everything better but she's letting me cook for her so I guess that's a start.
...
It's been such a long time since I cooked for anyone other than myself in my house. Honestly the last time I tried cooking for company it was the night I broke up with Nadia and we all know how that turned out.
"Uh- welcome to my house. I'm sorry it's such a mess." I say, standing aside to let Bo get in. This is strange for me. I usually don't let girls into my house until at least after two months of dating. But Bo and I aren't even together and here I am, ready to cook for her.
Madness I tell you.
She chuckles a bit as she walks in. "I don't know what mess you're talking about. This is the cleanest house I've ever seen."
It's really not. But it was sweet of her to say so and it makes me smile. I was rather hoping Ciara had left at least one voicemail or something. I know she needs space and I've made my decision but..i don't know. I'm not ready to lose her.
"Would you like a drink?" I ask to cover both my disappointment and nerves.
"No." Bo says, right behind me. So close I can feel her breath on my neck and it makes me swallow hard. It's been hours since she last touched me and with the insanity that was tonight, I was expecting for it to be hours more. So this, this came from nowhere and it makes me swallow hard.
"No?" My voice comes out low and raspy as I feel her fingers gently pushing my hair to the side and her lips landing right on my shoulders.
"No." She confirms. Her fingers slowly moving up my back to push down one of my dress straps. "I've had enough drinks tonight. Besides, I have something better in mind." My body feels like it's made of extra delicate glass. Like one more touch from her and I'll shatter into pieces and it scares me that I actually want that.
I move away from her touch, "I-I should start dinner. Please make yourself comfortable." I think I vaguely point at the seats before rushing to the kitchen.
...
I literally need to support myself on the kitchen counter because my legs can't do it anymore. This is what I was saying. I'm craving her. She's in the next room and I'm craving her. My body feels like I actually honest to god need her. But my mind can't handle it. This unraveling of my senses that she's able to do by the simplest of touches-it goes against my very nature.
I've said this once, I've said it a million times, I. love. order. I love careful meticulous constructions of my day. I love it when things around me are like they should be. Ever since that day when I had to clean-never mind. Point is, i like things to be as they should be and this rapid beating of my heart whenever Bo is near me, isn't as things should be. But even so, I want it. I want her even though I know I'm most probably going to lose myself in the process.
I'm willing to pay that price.
"God!" I run a frustrated hand through my hair. Deciding to start on the food before I drive myself insane.
"Hey."Bo's voice startles me just as I open the fridge and I glare at her with my hand on my chest. I really don't know how much more of this extreme reactions my heart can handle today.
"Bo. You scared me."
"I got bored." She shrugs. Crossing her arms and leaning on the door, a small smile playing on her lips. "I'm sorry for startling you."
"It's okay." I feel bad. I shouldn't have left her alone with no entertainment. My mind is just all over the place right now and it isn't working right.
"Can I help with anything?" She asks politely and I pretend to look around even though I have zero idea what I'll be cooking. I don't think it'll do either of us any good knowing I've just been thinking of her since I walked into this kitchen.
"No." I force a smile. "I've got it covered."
"Oh come on," she licks her lips, looking me right in the eyes. "I'm great with my hands you know." Actually, I don't really know if we're still talking about her helping me make dinner anymore. I look anywhere but at her. Trying to keep the little control that I'm yet to let her have on me. For every step she takes forward I take one back, my breath getting faster with each step I take until my back hits something hard and I can practically hear my heart beat in my ears.
She's right in front of me now. Her eyes the darkest I've ever seen them. And when she wets her lips again, her eyes seemingly measuring the distance between my eyes and lips, I almost lose it. "Bo. Please." It comes out without my consent. I don't even really know what I'm asking of her.
"Please what." Her voice is low, throaty. Her index finger moves to my lips. Making a slow journey down till she it's between my breasts only to be replaced by her lips. I gasp. I can't even breathe right anymore. "Please what, Lauren?"
"Don't touch me." It's the first thing I think of. The only thing I can think of that will get my breathing back in order. I don't know how to function when her hands are on me. She has too much power over me and I don't know how the hell to get it back.
She takes a step back. The look in her face something so close to animalistic,uncontrolled. And knowing it's all for me doesn't do much to help my situation. "Fine." She says after a few seconds. "I won't lay a finger on you. But anything else is fair game." She moves to my fridge. Picking out things as I just stand there trying to catch my breath.
Every second with Bo is like a roller coaster of feelings and it feels like I literally just started living and I don't know the ropes yet. I went from hating her while simultaneously missing her this morning. To being aroused by her in a restaurant bathroom to scared she'll leave me and back to aroused again. I never know what's coming next and it's equal parts frightening and exhilarating.
"Come on." She grabs my hand, leading me towards the living room before I even get a chance to ask what's going on.
"Bo, what are we doing?"
"I don't know about you, but I am going to have dinner."
...
"I want the dress of you." Bo says, sitting on the couch and setting the stuff she took from my fridge on the table. Her legs are crossed and her eyes are equal parts impatient and aroused. I really have no idea what's going on.
"What?" I ask for confirmation purposes and also to confirm that I can still talk. That I haven't lost that particular ability cause heaven knows I haven't been using it all that much tonight.
"The dress," she motions with her hand like I'm wasting time, " I want it off you."
"No." It comes out even before I think it through but that's no problem. I wanted to say no. Who the hell does she think she is? She can't just tell me to take my clothes off and expect me to do it. "No." I repeat.
"Now. Lauren." She says, like she hasn't heard a word I said and I take a step back from her. Trying to gain my control back because it seems the amount of it she has over me is getting to her head.
"I said-" the words aren't even halfway out of my mouth before she's standing right in front of me. And before I can tell what's going on, I hear a ripping sound and gasp almost involuntarily escapes me. "What the- that was a two hundred dollar dress!"
"And these are really expensive pants and I'm wearing no underwear and you're ruining them with how wet you're making me." She pushes me to the couch and follows immediately after, her legs straddling my now half dressed body, her hands on the arm rest above my head, her whole body hovering over me. "Fuck, I've missed you."
I instantly forget I'm pissed as fuck that she just ruined a dress I really loved. A certain unfamiliar warmth spreads through me and I bite my lip to hide my smile. She already knows how her body affects me. No use showing her the power of her words too. "You've been with me the whole night." I say after I have my smile under control.
"I don't care, I haven't had my lips on you in too long." She says, said lips moving to the point between my breasts and my back arches by it's own volition at how warm her tongue is. "You taste amazing." she whispers like it's a secret. Her hand moving the now useless dress even lower. her mouth following course and my hand moves to her head. Not to push her away. But to urge her on.
I want her there. And it arouses me just as much as it scares me. But this time, this time I won't run.
My want for Bo is stronger than my fear of losing my well crafted order.
She's worth it.
Suddenly, the warmth is gone and my eyes snap open to find Bo's shinning eyes looking at me. "You promised me dinner." she says as an explanation. Taking something from the table. It takes a few seconds to feel something cold on my navel and I gasp. I'm just about to ask what it is when I feel the warmth coming back ten fold. She keeps kissing my stomach and even before I register that, her hands snake into my underwear.
"You remember what to do if I do anything you don't like, right?" Is she asking me a question? She sounds like she's asking me a question.
"What?" I manage to croak out, my hips involuntarily moving to get more contact with her hands. I feel like I'm never going to be okay until she touches me.
"This is all for you. I want you to always remember that, okay?" I nod although she might as well be speaking Russian because I'm only getting half of what she's saying. "You can tell me to stop at any time."
"Please don't." I say a little too desperate even to my own ear. "I need you."
Her concerned look is gone as soon as my words sink in, her dark brown eyes turning almost black. Her lips lift in a slow smirk that has me clenching my thighs. Which turns out to be a mistake because a smack lands on them. "Don't you dare." She says sternly before softening up. "Open." She whispers and I just look at her. Wanting so desperately for her to touch me. I don't even know what it is she's asking of me but if it'll get her to touch me I'll do it.
I'll do anything.
"I want your legs wide, Lauren. I want to see you."
my face heats up. "I don't-"
"No. The only word you're allowed to say is either no. Or stop. Nothing else."
I take deep breaths. Feeling my craving for this settling on tongue so surely I can actually taste it as I swallow. I want this with all of me. I'll probably hate myself for it later but for now, in this moment, I want it.
Bad.
So I do as I'm told and I finally what I want. Bo's hands on me. And the very first touch sets me ablaze. It's like my being is on fire and every single part of me is hot.
"You're so very wet." She whispers in my ear, her fingers not really giving me what I want but giving me more than I'm ready for both at the same time. "I want to taste you, Lauren." She says right into my ear, "may I?"
I nod without thinking.
I feel her lips kissing me right below my ear, "watch." She says before pulling away and I open my eyes to see her lick her fingers one by one. Her eyes on me. I feel like someone is plucking strings inside me and I am coming undone by the second. Something wonderful is humming right beneath my skin. I don't know what it is, but I love it.
"You taste amazing." She licks her lips, smirking at me. I get this feeling like I want to know how she tastes too. I've never kissed her on the lips. Not once. I've never thought to before but right now, I want to know how she and I taste together. If we'll be sweet or spicy.
My hands are slow creatures as I move them to cup her face. I want her to know what I'm doing. Her eyes widen just for a second before I connect our lips. Salty sweet. That's what she and I together taste like. Although the sweet might be from the honey she licked off me.
I pull her even closer, licking her lower lip. Asking for permission to explore further. I'm starting to think she'll pull away when she finally pulls me closer to her kisses me so fiercely it steals the air right out of me.
I'm just about to try and make it even more when she suddenly pulls away and moves from me as if burnt. Her eyes wild and frantic. "What-what was that?" She asks, running her finger through her hair and only managing to mess it up even more.
Her eyes are still dark with arousal. Her lips are a tad swollen. Her buttons open. She looks unraveled. And to think I did that.
"Well-" I open my mouth to make a joke but she cuts me off.
"Fuck. Fuck Lauren, you should not have done that. I'm not your fucking girlfriend!"
It's like a bucket of really really cold water has been poured on me. I'm not feeling hot anymore. I feel cold and ridiculously confused.
"I need to get out of here." She says more to herself than me. Everything inside of me freaks the entire fuck out.
"What?" I ask, trying to find my ruined dress to preserve my modesty because suddenly it feels dirty to let her see me. "Why? Was it something I did or-"
"Yes it was something you did! We're not in a relationship Lauren. You don't just go around shoving your tongue in people's mouths and making them f-" she pauses and shakes her head. "Fuck this. I have to go."
"Bo, can we please just talk about this."
"No, Lauren. There's nothing to talk about." Is all she says before storming to the door and leaving.
sorry for taking so long with this chapter. This month has been crazy. Idk if there're people still reading. But if there are, thank you for being so patient.
That very last part kind of made my life miserable but I finally got it how I wanted it.
Next chapter will start at the kiss and why Bo reacted how she did. We're finally going to unveil one of Bo's secrets.
Thanks for reading.