Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.
Indigo – thank you very much. I hoped it would be moving.
Lipamo – thank you also. I've got loads I want to write. So much, I need to write something down as soon as I think of it, so I don't forget.
A/N - another missing scene from The Weekend. After Brody's tears at the end. I know that in season 3 Jess says she hasn't worked since Dana was born or something, but in S1 ep 2 (I think) she is going to work. Think the writers just forgot.
Dana looks at the clock on her bedside table…3am. She groans. She is thirsty, but can't be bothered moving as it is too warm in her room. What seems like forever, but in reality is only a minute or two later, Dana relents as a combination of the heat and her thirst force her to pull herself out of bed.
She is heading towards the kitchen when she hears sobbing from the sitting room. She cautiously approaches and, now standing in the doorway to the sitting room, she sees her dad on the couch, eyes shut and sobbing. He doesn't even realise she is there. She turns around and goes to her mom and dad's room, hand raised to open the door, to wake her mom to come and help him, but then something stops her. The tension is through the roof. She isn't clueless like Chris. She sees. Her mom just can't help dad. She doesn't know what to do and he won't let her in anyway.
She makes up her mind and goes to the linen cupboard and pulls out two blankets. She doesn't think he would want to talk right now. He'd put his guard up and pretend he is ok as soon as he realises she'd seen. Going into the kitchen, as quietly as she can, she gets herself a drink of water and sits, waiting. The house is eerily quiet, as though the house itself is mourning. Her dad's presence is not the comforting one she had missed and mourned for. She misses the happy feelings - the attempted sneaking out of bed on Christmas Eve at the age of 4, only to be caught by him.
She listens carefully for noises outside her door, but it's all quiet, just like it says in "the night before Christmas".
"Shhhh", she says to Pooh bear, before opening her bedroom door. The lamp in the hall is on, but mommy and daddy always leave that on for her at night time in case she needs the toilet. She toddles down the hall towards the sitting room, not seeing the pair of amused eyes that pop out from behind the bathroom door.
"Look at all the lights", Dana says to pooh bear, pointing at the Christmas tree . She's amazed. "They're lovely."
"Yes they are, but someone is supposed to be in bed. Otherwise Father Christmas won't come."
Dana slowly turns around to see her Daddy standing there. As she meets his eyes, she realises he isn't mad and relaxes a little. But then frowning asks ,"shouldn't you be in bed as well then, Daddy?
Brody has to use all the self-control he has to not laugh at that.
Kneeling down to Dana's eye level, he gestures for her to come closer.
"Do you know what Daddy realised?", he asks, whispering.
"No", Dana replies whispering, eyes wide.
"Well Daddy realised we hadn't left out the milk or cookies and thought that he better do that because we don't want Father Christmas going hungry or thirsty, do we?"
"No!", Dana shakes her head seriously this time, pigtails flying about.
Standing up, Brody holds his hand out for Dana, "let's get you back to bed."
"And Pooh bear", Dana says, yawning.
"And Pooh bear", Brody agrees, smiling.
Dana stifles a laugh at the memory, but also has to wipe away tears. She is used to it. She'd learned quickly after he was declared MIA that was how it was going to be. Each happy memory accompanied by tears of that loss and of the never having it again.
Soft snoring catches her attention and she quietly gets up and goes into the sitting room. He's sleeping now, but shivering. Just as well she brought the blankets. She leans over to cover him with one, putting out the light, before cuddling in next to him on the couch and covering herself.
She remembers they used to do this when she was younger. The last Saturday of the month, mom would go out with her friends from work and Dana and Brody would cuddle up on the couch, watching a movie. She wasn't supposed to get too much popcorn and was supposed to be in bed by 9pm. But she and dad always broke those rules and dad would always say he wouldn't tell, if she didn't and she would giggle. She cuddles in closer, wishing they could back to when she was five; when her dad was always there when she needed and was just her dad. Closing her eyes, she drifts off to sleep.
Groggily, Brody wakes up in the darkness of the sitting room. He gives his eyes a few moments to adjust to the darkness. He doesn't remember switching the light off or getting the blanket he can feel, now draped across him.
As he moves to put the light on, he becomes aware of the weight against him. Carefully extracting his arm, Brody switches the light back on to find Dana cuddled against him.
He reaches over and brushes the hair out of her face, taking in how young she still is despite having grown up…without him there. He takes in the fact that she must have been the one to put the blanket over him and switch off the light.
"Shit", he mumbles to himself. "Shit, shit, shit!"
He wonders if he woke her up when he checked in on her. He'd needed to check on her and Chris when he came in, to make sure they were there and ok. To make sure they were real, because everything else is fucked up and so unreal.
He hopes she didn't see him crying and just found him asleep. He'd cried until he physically had no more tears left to give and he must have fallen asleep then.
Dana mumbles something in her sleep and Brody hugs her tighter until she settles back down.
He closes his eyes, but sleep is now evading him. His mind is swimming and too full. Full of Carrie's comforting words and touch. So real, but now out of reach, and he laments the loss, but it's the way it has to be, because she was so close in more ways than one.
He'd been granted a reprieve, but it had come with a price of its own. Tom is alive and he doesn't know what to do with that, how to feel? Relieved that he hadn't killed him or angry that they tricked him? He murdered him or at least he believed he had. What does he know? What if Tom knows what he is supposed to be preparing for? He feels the panic rising in his chest. There's a chance to put all of it onto Tom. He simultaneously agrees with himself and is repulsed. He physically feels sick, feels the bile rising in his throat. Is this who he is now? Tom was one of his best friends, but this is what it has come to. Everything used to be easy, make sense and now almost nothing makes any sense.
Her mum used to say she could sleep through a thunderstorm given how hard it used to be to wake her up in the mornings. Since dad had come home, she has been sleeping lightly. As soon as the light came back on, Dana was on alert, but she doesn't open her eyes. He hasn't moved, but she can practically hear him thinking. She risks opening one eye to glance quickly at him. His eyes seem to be dancing behind their sockets. His breathing is faster, but Dana can tell he hasn't gone back to sleep. It is the sort of breathing when someone is panicking. She notices he is shaking. Dana closes her eyes and does the only thing she can think of to bring him out of whatever it is. She kicks her blanket off of herself.
A soft thump brings Brody out of his thoughts. He sees the blanket Dana had over herself has fallen to the floor. Reaching down to pick it up, he notices his hands are shaking. Shaking with the stress of the lies he's living, of what he is supposed to do and how he's not sure he can or wants to anymore; the confusion of not knowing who he is and wanting to do the right thing, but constantly finding the lines blurred. He puts the blanket back over Dana and switches out the light, not wanting to wake her again.
"Love you dad", Dana mumbles sleepily.
Brody is startled for a second as Dana also, once again, cuddles in closer to him. Is she awake or is she mumbling in her sleep? He can't be sure, but hearing those words bring tears of their own. All the confusion about who he is, who he should be, answered with one word. Just one…Dad! He reciprocates the cuddle and the words.
"Love you, Dana."