AN: Happy 2017! This chapter is pretty graphic in termsof details of a rape exam. So trigger warning for that, for sure. Enjoy!
Stef was getting a headache. And she knew it was from stress. She felt like she was in the middle of a tragic movie. She was hoping and praying it was a horrible dream. That she'd open her eyes and Lena would be peering over her kissing her forehead asking if she was ok. She would even take it being the middle of the night and being woken by Frankie's cries from a nightmare of her own. But as she sat next to her daughters hospital bed dabbing the sweat of off her forehead with a cool cloth, she knew this was a nightmare, but it was real. There was no waking up from this one.
Stef took a deep breath in and closed her eyes and exhaled loudly enough that it caught the attention of Dr. Roth.
"Stef? You ok?" Dr. Roth asked searching her eyes for truths.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine thanks." Stef smiled sadly back.
"Ok. we're done with the pictures and everything else here. So we're going to move onto the vaginal exam, ok? Then after that we will get her right in for scans and X-rays and hopefully get you guys out of here quickly."
"Ok. What should I do? Should I wake her?"
"Normally I would say no. But given the circumstances, yes. I don't want her to wake up in the middle of this exam and not know what's going on."
"Ok. Can you explain to me quickly what this exactly entails, the details that you didn't tell Callie? I just want to know what to expect."
"Of course. So, we're going to help Callie sit up just a bit so we can get her in the stirrups. I'm going to use the blacklight quickly to look for any evidence of semen that might have been left around her vaginal opening and thighs. And we'll see if Callie is going to need any external stitches from any tearing that might have occurred. I don't really know how much vaginal trauma she suffered from the rape until I examine her, unfortunately. Then we will do a normal vaginal exam - just like when you go to the gynecologist. I'll use a camera to get a look internally and see what kind of internal issues we're dealing with and take photos of that as evidence. We'll swab internally as well, and try so scrape any liquids that we might find on the vaginal wall. The scraping will be uncomfortable, and might be painful at times, unfortunately. This is going to be difficult. She's going to feel uncomfortable with anyone touching her, and become anxious especially when I have to insert the speculum. So we will just be patient and calm. We will go at her pace, but also try to get it done as soon as possible. After that stuff is all done, we're going to rush her to the scans. When she's back, while we're waiting on the results, we will give her the standard medications that are part of the rape kit. Everything to prevent any STDs, pregnancy. You probably know about all of this."
Stef exhaled and quickly closed her eyes rubbing her forehead. She was familiar with a rape kit and what it entailed. She couldn't even count how many women she'd had to take statements from after they'd been raped. She'd even held the hands of some during the exam, when they didn't want to be alone, but felt like they had no one to call. But those were strangers. Her heart broke for them, but it was work. This was her child. Her baby. She would've done anything, absolutely anything to have prevented this.
"Ok. Why don't you try to wake Callie, while Amanda and I set everything up."
Stef nodded, and stood from her stool, getting closer to the side of Callie's hospital bed. She softly took the wet cloth from her head, and bent down to lay a series of soft kissed to her daughters forehead. She leaned her forehead onto Callie's and softly started whispering.
"Callie, my love. It's time to wake up honey" she murmured softly while pecking the bridge of her daughters nose and stroking the side of her head. She smiled when she saw Callie's eyes blink open staring directly into her own. She slowly backed her head away, "hi lovebug. Dr. Roth and Amanda are ready to do the last part of the exam, ok? Then you can do your X-rays and we can hopefully go home pretty soon. Ok? You ready?"
Callie didn't say anything. She just bit her lower lip and nodded while closing her eyes while a tear escaped down her cheek.
Stef didn't want to placate her with lies that everything was ok. It wasn't ok. It was far from ok. And her teenage daughter wasn't stupid. So instead she placed a final kiss to her forehead and reached for her hand, gripping it tightly.
Dr. Roth rolled on her stool closer to the end of the bed and pulled out the stirrups from the bed. "Ok. Callie. I'm going to have your mom help you sit up and scoot you down the bed, and we're going to have you rest your feet in the stirrups, ok? This part is going to be pretty similar to the exam they do when you go to the gynecologist. But there might be parts that feel pretty sore, so we'll do our best to make this as quick and painless as possible. If it gets to be too much or you need a break, just let me know, ok?"
Callie just nodded. While Stef went to help her sit up. "Ok babe. I'm going to help you up. You just stay put, don't move. Try to keep your arm still, alright?"
Stef reached around her daughter's back and braced her pulling her forward with all her strength. She made it seem pretty effortless. She then reached her other arm under her daughters knees and was able to scoot her down closer to the edge of the bed. Dr. Roth and Amanda both reached for one of Callie's legs and helped lift them into the stirrups.
"Wow, Callie. I'd say you have a pretty strong mom. Hercules over here" she smiled when she saw Callie crack a smile.
"Ok, Stef. Why don't you help Callie lay back down now" Dr. Roth said while she saw Stef lovingly stack a few pillows under Callie's head to make her more comfortable with her legs now raised. Stef then stood at Callie's side, leaning over the bed, holding onto her hand with both of her own, turning her back to Dr. Roth, and giving Callie her full attention.
"Ok, Callie. I'm going to move the sheet up, so I can see better. You just focus on your mom there, and I'll let you know what I'm going to do before I do anything."
"Ok" Callie whispered out, with a hint of fear.
"Callie, babe. You don't have to be afraid, ok? I'm right here and no one else is going to hurt you. We just want to make sure you're ok and then it'll all be over." Stef assured her.
"I want to go home, Mom. I want to see Mama." Callie almost whined.
"You and me both. Soon, I promise".
"Callie I'm going to use the blacklight now to look for any semen on your thighs or near your vaginal opening. You might feel my fingers quickly, and feel a swab. That's all we're doing right now."
Stef turned her head towards Dr. Roth quickly to see her turn on the blacklight, and Amanda pull out some swabs. But quickly looked back to Callie to see her painfully staring towards her feet trying to watch and see what they were doing. "Hey. Focus on me, love. Let's talk about something else. What food should we request from chef Mama? We should go all out on the comfort food I think. Mac & Cheese, mashed potatoes, mmmm how about some grilled cheese and tomato soup. That's always been a favorite of yours."
Stef kept rattling off food suggestions for a few minutes while Callie stared directly in her eyes, trying to will the time away. Stef stopped quickly when she saw a whimper leave her daughters lips.
"I'm sorry Callie" Dr. Roth spoke up knowing she had touched a sensitive area, answering Stef's unspoken question of what's wrong. "There's some liquids around your vaginal entrance, so I need to swab them. I'm sorry. Just bare with me for a second ok? I'm going to tell you exactly what to expect as we go. Take a deep breath right now. That's it. Ok. You're going to feel my left hand in a second. I'm going to use my left hand to help separate the area around your opening. Ok? here it is" Dr. Roth spoke softly as Callie then felt her hand in her most intimate and violated of places. Stef could only take deep breaths alongside her daughter and squeezed Callie's hand back that was tightening it's grip.
"Callie, Amanda is going to get closer to hold the blacklight, but she isn't going to touch you, ok? She's going to hold the blacklight right now, ok there it is. And she's going to hand me a swab that with my right hand, I'm going to bring to your vaginal opening and swab whatever liquid is here. Ok you're going to fill a light pressure in a second from the swab. Ok here it is, one, two, three, ok. All done."
Stef bent forward and kissing her daughters head, leaving her lips for a few seconds. "You're doing great sweetheart. I'm so proud of you."
"Callie, I'm going to use my hands to spread your thighs apart a bit more, ok? And then I'm going to start to very slowly use the speculum. It's going to probably hurt a bit, I know you're very sore. But unfortunately without it, I can't see what's going on internally. So we will go as slow and gently as possible. Just keep squeezing your moms hand there"
Callie didn't say anything, but silently nodded to her mom, letting her know she was agreeing to this. But her eyes held so much panic and fear. But the minute Callie felt the tip of the speculum about to enter her, that was the end of the calm.
"NO! Stop. Please don't. Please stop."
Stef immediately leaned in closer to Callie, bringing her face right in front of her daughters, while reaching to grip both of her hands. "Callie. My love. They have to. They have to. Because we have to know that you're safe and ok."
Callie was at this point hysterical, even though Dr. Roth had moved the speculum away. She was now nearly hyperventilating, tears streaming down her cheeks, clawing at her moms hands.
"No. Mom. No. Please help me."
"Callie, honey. Listen to me. Listen. They have to do this. This is how I can help you. I have to know you're ok. If we didn't do this, I'd be a really really really bad mom. We have to make sure you're healthy and not hurt. You're here, with me. You're safe my love. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you. I promise you. Dr. Roth isn't going to hurt you, she's trying to help you."
"I can't" Callie croaked out.
"You can. You can my love. You're the strongest person I know. This is hard. Really really hard. I know that. But I know you can do it. Because you, Callie Foster can overcome any obstacle that is put in your path. This is just another obstacle. But after this, it's over."
Callie took a shaky breath in. Choking on the fresh air she was inhaling.
"What can I do to make this easier? How can I make you feel better? Do you want Dad to come in? We can call Mama? What will make it better"
"Why can't I remember them?! Why can't I remember their faces?" Callie cried out.
Stef, ever the cop, new Callie was talking about what happened and was calm, but not letting the opportunity for information to pass. "They? Cal, there was more than one person?"
Dr. Roth understood that while Callie was distracted in the conversation she could probably utilize the distraction to insert the speculum. Not wanting to do something so invasive without her knowing she quietly whispered, "Callie, I'm going to start again, now".
Callie heard her, and turned away from Stef to nod her head towards the Doctor before slamming her head back onto the pillows in frustration.
The minute Callie felt the pressure of the speculum she took a calming breath, trying to remind herself where she was.
Reading her mind, Stef smoothed her thumb over Callie's forehead and grabbed her hand. "You're not there, Cal. You're here with me. It's going to be ok now. You're ok."
Turning her head on the pillow her eyes looked up to Stef, as tears started to silently roll down her cheeks. "I didn't want it Mom. I didn't want it. They said I did, but I didn't. I said no. I didn't want it."
Stef's eyes bugged out of her head, horrified Callie would even consider they thought this was her fault. She crouched down so she was level with Callie, "Oh my god. Callie. Honey. I know that. Of course you didn't want it. I know that. None of this was your fault love. I know that. We all know that."
Callie closed her eyes and took a deep breath, praying this would be over soon. Stef stayed crouching, and soothingly traced her forehead and brought her hand up to kiss. Taking a deep breath and catching the tear that slid down her own cheek when she digested the news that her daughter had potentially been raped by more than one person. How the hell would she ever tell Mike that one?
From the moment Callie was born, Mike become a nervous wreck about anything and everything relating to Callie. He would worry that she wasn't breathing in her crib at night, he was scared she would bump herself on the table as she was beginning to walk, that her food wasn't in small enough pieces and she would choke. At first, Stef found it endearing, that he cared so much and was so concerned. But there came a point, where his worries were relentless.
Since Callie had been born, Stef had been working less shifts, and had been doing more around the precinct then time out on the streets. It was a double edged sword. She hated not being out on the street, but Callie was only 18 months and she wanted to spend as much time with her now before she started school as possible. She and Mike also agreed, while Callie was so young, they didn't want both of her parents out there on the beat. So even when Stef went out on the street, they made sure Mike was off of work.
Stef was sitting at her desk working on some paper work when her phone rang. Answering it, she discovered it was Angela, the woman who ran a home daycare that they left Callie at when Stef worked her shifts. Angela understood, that while Stef worried about Callie, she was reasonable and didn't over react. She just handled every situation calmly as it came to her, she would never dare call Mike.
"Hey Angela, everything ok?" Stef asked.
"Hey Stef. Your girl's got a bit of a fever and getting a cold. I don't have any other kids here today, so she can stay, I don't mind. But she keeps saying 'ma ma, ma ma' so I figured you'd want to know" Angela explained as Stef could hear Callie calling for her through the phone.
"Yeah, thanks. I'll come get her now. She was sick like this a week ago too, so I want to take her to the doctor to check her out."
Stef left the precinct after giving everyone strict instructions not to tell Mike that Callie was sick. Everyone knew how protective Mike got, so they didn't need to be told twice.
Stef walked into Angela's house "Hello?!", walking to find Angela sitting on the couch holding a sad looking Callie cradling her blanket close to her. The moment Callie heard her mothers voice, her head perked up and her big brown eyes started scanning the room for the owner of the voice. As soon as Stef came into sight Callie started babbling 'ma ma ma ma ma'.
Stef couldn't help but to smile at hearing Callie call for her, even though she knew she didn't feel well. "Hi my love. I hear you're not feeling well buggaboo". Giving Callie a kiss on her forehead, she could feel that she was burning up, but before she could say anything Callie sneezed loudly and then started to cry before burrowing her face in the crook of her mothers neck.
"Oh no my love. Did you scare yourself with your sneeze? Shh you're ok honey. Come on let's go, we're going to go see the Doctor". Stef thanked Angela while cradling Callie close to her chest. They made it to the doctor to be told Callie had a double ear and sinus infection and had been given antibiotics and ear drops. The doctor warned Callie would be pretty unhappy for the next couple of days. 'Great' Stef thought to herself 'how am I going to tell Mike this one'.
Mike walked into the house that night after his shift and was met with Callie's whimpers and hearing his wife's soothingly try to shush her. When he entered the kitchen he saw Callie in her footie pajamas curled into Stef's neck, as she stood at the stove warming some milk.
Mike dropped his bag by the kitchen table before walking over to his wife, placing his hand lovingly on his daughters back. Stef smiled softly at him, before planting a kiss to her daughters head. "Don't go into super Daddy freakout mode. She will be fine. But she's sick". Stef watched Mike's eyes get wide, and she quickly cut him off before he could speak "I said no super Daddy freak out mode. Just relax, she's going to be fine, just a little unhappy for a few days. But nothing we can't handle, right Callie bug?"
"What's wrong?" Mike asked while reaching for his daughter, so Stef could pour the warmed milk into Callie's bottle. "Double ear and sinus infection. If it happens again, we've got to look into getting tubes in her ears." Before Mike could say anything else Callie started to reach for Stef from Mike's arms. "Ok why don't you go change while I try to get her down. She just had her medicine so hopefully she will be able to sleep."
Mike changed and then stood at the doorway to Callie's room, while he watched his wife rock Callie while she drank some of her milk. Stef softly singing to her and wiping her dripping nose. Mike watched as Callie drifted to sleep and slowly walked into the room, taking the bottle from his sleeping daughters hands while Stef moved to put her in her crib. Mike plugged in the baby monitor and the dehumidifier and both parents left their daughter hoping she'd sleep through the night. Their wish didn't come true, when in the middle of the night Callie's piercing cries came through the baby monitor. Rolling out of bed Mike groggily said "I've got her, I've got her".
On a normal night when Callie got up in the middle of the night, Mike would just rock her back to sleep. But when Callie was sick, Mike was off his game. Not a minute later Callie's piercing screams entered Stef's bedroom and immediately she was alert "She wants you babe".
Sitting up in bed, Mike walked to her side and gave her Callie. "Oh no my love. You're soaked, come on love let's get out of these pajamas, that's got to feel yucky". Unzipping Callie's pajamas she saw Callie grabbing at her ears. "Mike can you get her ear drops from the kitchen? And bring in the tylenol and a cup of water for her". Mike walked to grab what was requested while Stef lifted Callie out of her pajamas and brought her towards her chest. Stef leaned back against the headrest while Callie nestled her head into the crook of Stef's neck, and Stef could feel her warm congested breath onto her neck. Stef rubbed circles onto her daughters bare back, while Callie's cries settled. Mike walked back in and breathed a sigh of relief hearing the calm that had taken over the room.
Not wanting to disturb her now calmed child, she whispered to Mike "fill the dropper with the ear drops and you can give them to her like this. Here put three drops in this one" Mike got the drops in Callie's right ear that was exposed from her position on Stef's chest, the minute Callie felt the cold liquid she whimpered, not liking the blocked sensation the ear drops provided. "I know love, you don't like how it feels. But it'll be gone in a minute and it's going to make you feel much better" Stef promised while she stroked her daughters short brown hair. After a few minutes she used her hand, to turn Callie's head away from her neck, so that her daughter was now looking into her father's eyes and he could get to her other ear to put the drops in.
"Hey cutie pie" he smiled to her. Stef couldn't help to smile either. It was no secret the two of them were having issues, and Stef knew the root of those issues, but hadn't yet shared that secret with Mike yet. But regardless of their marital woes, he was a devoted and loving father.
"Let me put these drops in your ear, so this ear can feel better like the other one. Ready? 1…2….3.. shhh there you go peanut. All done" Mike leaned forward to plant a kiss on Callie's forehead. Mike used his finger to gently rub his daughters lips and coaxed her to open her mouth so he could give her some fever reducer. "Here little lady, this is going to make you feel so much better. Swallow Callie. That's it, good girl honey. Here have some water you little furnace".
Stef softly laid Callie down in the middle of the bed between where she and Mike slept and quickly changed Callie's diaper. Callie quickly rolled over onto her stomach and curled herself up into a fetal position.
"Looks like we've got a visitor tonight babe" Mike whispered as he shut off the lights and crawled into bed turning to his side to face his daughter, mirroring Stef who was doing the same. "Yeah, so don't go and squish her big guy, I'm kind of attached to her".
Mike could only chuckle, "Yeah I kind of like her too. She's sort of like the best thing to ever happen to me".
Stef brought her eyes from her daughter who was still awake, but staring at her, to Mike where her smile now reached her eyes. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me too. I didn't know it was possible to love something this much."
Stef then looked back to her daughter when she felt little fingers cling to her arm. "Mama mama" Callie whispered reaching her hands out signaling her desire to be held by her mom.
"Come here my little love nugget" Stef whispered as she picked Callie up and rested her so their chests were flush with each other. Callie quickly burrowing her face back into her hiding spot in the crook of Stef's neck. Stef used her fingers to tickle her daughters back and her other hand soothingly stroked the back of her head. "I'm sorry you don't feel good my little love. But the medicine Daddy gave you is going to help. Shhhh close your eyes and go to sleep my baby… shhhh" Stef continued to soothingly whisper to her daughter until she had gotten her to go to sleep. Content knowing her daughter was taking comfort within her arms, she was happy to sleep with her on top of her all night if it helped her.
When Stef's eyes had closed and she had almost joined her daughter in sleep, she felt Mike's hand rest on top of hers on their daughters back while he whispered, "You're a wonderful mom Stef".