Didn't we almost have it all
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living
Didn't we almost have it all
The nights we held on till the morning
You know you'll never love that way again
Didn't we almost have it all
-from Didn't We Almost Have It All by Whitney Houston
Peeta
Peeta's eyes fluttered open in the soft light of sunrise. He paused to absorb the way his bedroom, with the large, tree-enshrouded window, received the filtered light of the rising sun. Like the solarium, the floor was a kaleidoscope of patterns that ended just at the edge of the bed. For a moment, he thought he was sleeping in a bower in the forest and not a bed made by human hands.
The even breathing from his right brought him definitively awake. He was not alone any more. He turned, careful not to make any sudden movements to disrupt the sleep of his companion and openly studied her, without fear of discovery.
She slept on her back, her arm resting over her stomach, the other flung lightly over her head, well defined from archery and dancing, graceful and shapely at rest. Her skin was as smooth as olive-tinted marble, and he wanted to run his fingers along her collarbone, down between the valley of her near perfectly-shaped, dark-tipped breasts.
The thin blanket had shifted downwards in her sleep to just barely cover her hips. Now, without the shroud of darkness, he could take pleasure in her rare beauty. Her hair was a tangle of swarming locks that framed her small, angular face. The small lines at the edges of her eyes lay smooth and almost nonexistent. Her long dark lashes rested above the high cheekbones of her face, the sweep of her proud, straight nose rose over her plump lips and pointed, dimpled chin all begged to be kissed.
He felt himself harden at the sight of her, especially as her chest rose and fell in sleep and the outline of her hips under the blanket beckoned to him. It was greedy and unconscionable to disturb her slumber but he found himself lifting the blanket ever so slightly, her one leg bent outward as if it already anticipated him. He moved carefully over her in the bed, praying at each moment that she would stay asleep long enough to allow him to wake her with his hands and his tongue.
He could smell himself on Katniss, just as he wore her on his skin. He found this so intensely arousing, he almost dispensed with his plan, desiring instead to take her straight away. But no, he wanted this. He wanted to wake her this way.
His tongue flicked out, licking her slowly, her skin soft but inert beneath his gentle strokes. He heard her soft moan as she stirred, but she continued to sleep and he smiled because he was responsible for her exhaustion.
His tongue probed further as he shifted her leg so that now both lay bent outwards, her body an open blossom beneath his lips. He tugged gently at the skin before his tongue became an insistent, swirling force of dominance, demanding her response. She moaned again and he could not help but note the way her body was ready for him, though it was still in that twilight between sleep and wakefulness. He slipped two fingers gently inside to feel the unbearable softness of her walls around him, and it was that delicate invasion that caused her to wake completely, with a whimper on her lips. As he licked her clit in time with his fingers, he caught her drowsy, half-coherent stare as her lovely grey eyes fell on him, the exquisite look of desire blazing across her sleep-heavy features. At that moment, she was the most desirable creature in the world and he itched to see her lose herself under the insistence of his mouth on her.
He smoothed back her lips to find the very center of her desire, lowering his mouth over it. Her back bowed off the bed as he sucked, first gently, then more insistently, in time with his thick fingers until he felt her climbing, her fists grasping the blankets as if for dear life. He curved his fingers slightly and the explosion came, rolling through her. She threw her head back and shouted, "Peeta! Oh, god," losing all sense of coherence, moaning and writhing as he quickly pulled himself up, grasping a condom and rolling it over himself, eager to feel her flutter around his cock.
He plunged into her warm, supple body, her tremors cresting over him. He kissed her impossibly soft skin, felt her hands snake up his arms and over his shoulders as she clung to him, her legs like vines around his waist. His strokes were long and pronounced as he sought to make her feel him, to please her the way she pleased him. He wanted to make her come, so many times, she wouldn't dream of being anywhere else again. He wanted her for him alone, and it was that powerful desire to possess her, to have her accept him as hers, that made him cling to her in return.
Katniss showered his neck and shoulders with kisses and the feel of those soft lips on his skin drove him forward. When she captured his earlobe and sucked on it, he felt the sensation all the way to his belly.
"I'm so close!" she burst out, each thrust he made meeting with a cry or moan from her lips. Peeta made to shift his hips but she grasped his bottom with both her hands and hissed in his ear, "Don't change anything!" Her fluttering walls overwhelmed him. As she called out his name, he responded with a long moan of his own as he chased behind her and fell apart, coming in spasms that rocked his entire body.
They breathed hard against each other, struggling to come back to earth. When Peeta could think again, he lifted himself on his forearms to watch her watch him. Slowly, like dawn breaking, she smiled, scooping his heart up out of his chest.
"Good morning," he said.
"Mmmm…" she said slowly, as if relearning how to speak again. "It really was. I could get used to waking up like that."
Peeta chuckled, running a long caress over her hips and thighs before rolling to lay next to her, flicking the used condom into a nearby wastebasket. "I could arrange that," he said, gathering her up into his arms.
"You do that," she answered drowsily, her fingers playing with the smattering of blond curls on his chest.
"Are you hungry?" he asked.
"Famished," she answered, and he could hear the longing in her voice.
"I can make you pancakes. I just have to run out and get a few things."
Katniss buried her head in his chest, clutching him to her before she spoke again. "No, don't move. We'll eat later, or even tomorrow. Maybe we won't ever eat again."
"Uh-uh, lazy bug," he chuckled. "You stay right here, and I'll take care of everything." He peppered her forehead and cheeks with kisses before releasing her and getting up. His body felt warm and sticky with the flavor of her and though he would wash up, he wanted the smell of her on him a little longer. When he returned from the bathroom, he felt her eyes on him as he pulled a pair of running pants from his bureau, together with two t-shirts. "For you, when you get up," he said, handing one to her.
Katniss smiled, laying the t-shirt on the pillow next to her. "I don't need it," she said as she got up out of bed and walked, in all her naked glory, towards the bathroom. "I'll stay just like this," she smiled coyly at him as she made to close the door behind her but Peeta stopped her, his body reacting instantly to her nakedness.
"Oh, no you don't," he said, leaning her up against the tiled wall, his hands reaching beneath to grasp her ass and squeeze hard. She let out a ragged breath as he kneaded her buttocks, her pupils darkening in response. The expression of her lust had him toying with the idea of taking her right up against the bathroom wall, breakfast be damned. "If you ever want to eat or leave this house again, you're going to have to cover up that delicious ass. Do you understand?"
She nodded as if in a daze, his hands giving one more squeeze before he released her. He shut the door behind her and sought to clear his head by collecting his discarded clothes. He was interrupted by the simultaneous vibration of his phone in his pants' pocket and a musical chiming of Katniss' phone somewhere in the house. He followed the sound as he swiped the screen of his own phone, freezing when he saw twelve missed calls and several text messages.
"What the hell?" he muttered as he found the source of the sound in Katniss' bag, which lay in a forgotten heap on the floor of the solarium. Peeta scrolled through the messages, his hand beginning to shake as he made his way through each of them.
Gale - Peeta, man, where the fuck are you?
Officer Cartwright - We are attempting to reach Katniss Everdeen and were told she might be with you. Please call me immediately.
Effie - Come home right away!
Repeated messages, from Gale, Haymitch, calls from the police. The time stamp showed that they'd been trying to reach him since midnight. Hours and hours of searching. And what had he been doing? Clearly, not his job. Peeta felt like he was going to be sick.
He scooped up Katniss' bag and strode back to the bedroom, where Katniss was slipping the t-shirt over her head. Her hair was in disarray, her eyes bright, her face luminous and he suddenly didn't want any of this to end. He wished he could just freeze this moment in time and live in it forever. But it just wasn't in the cards for him. Ever. He would always get right to the edge of things, reach out for them, just to watch them slip away. His family. Finnick. And now Katniss.
When she looked up at him, the joy in her grey eyes dimmed immediately when she caught his expression. He handed her the bag with self-loathing; he'd allowed himself to be distracted and this is what had happened.
"You're phone," he said mechanically, masking the fear as he'd always masked everything else, as he always would to the end of his days.
As she rummaged frantically through it, she said, "Peeta, you're scaring me. What happened?"
Helping her collect her things, he spoke as if his soul had been sucked out of him. "Something's happened to Prim."
XXXXX
They drove in silence to Panem University Hospital. Peeta spent most of the drive listening as Officer Cartwright described the event according to witnesses.
Prim had gone out with her friends at about nine o'clock. They'd met up at a club called The Capitol, a popular hangout for local college students. After a few hours of music and dancing, Prim and her friends had decided to join another group of friends at another locale in the downtown area. However, in the parking lot, a man wielding a gun had attempted to abduct Prim by separating her from her companions. Witnesses described him yanking her by the neck, resulting in serious injuries.
Thankfully, Peeta's men had been shadowing her, as they always did, and had been able to stop the abduction from taking place. However, in the melee, Prim received a concussion from a blow to the head when the gunman attempted to take off with her, before he was overpowered by the bodyguards and the police who had arrived soon after at the scene.
"She's in stable condition. She has a concussion so they have to keep her for observation," Peeta said calmly as Katniss' face became harder and harder. She gripped the straps of her bag, twisting them so tightly, the knuckles of her hands turned white from the exertion. Peeta took her hand and held it briefly, releasing it to change the gears as they sped down the freeway to the exit to the hospital.
"She has damage to her neck, too, from being...attacked," Katniss choked out, her impassive face threatening to shatter and he clasped her hand again and squeezed it, trying to give her any comfort he could under the circumstances. But she managed to hold herself together as Peeta parked. A look of dismay came over Katniss' face when she saw the swarm of reporters and photographers crowding the entrance to the hospital. She glanced at Peeta in panic.
"I can try to sneak you in…" he suggested.
"No," her fear turning into grim determination. She fixed her large hat over her head. "Fuck them. I'm going to see my sister."
She stepped out of the car, smoothing and straightening her clothes, which were wrinkled from having lain haphazardly on the floor of Peeta's bedroom all night. They walked briskly, the swarm of photographers descending on them the moment they realized who she was. Peeta was forced to grasp her by the waist and shove his way through the crowds. Questions came at them from all sides:
"Can you confirm the attack on your sister last night?"
"Ms. Everdeen! Can you comment on the police investigation surrounding your sister's attempted abduction?"
"Ms. Everdeen! Look here! Give us something!"
The cacophony of words flung at them became more and more chaotic, each one climbing over the other until nothing made sense any longer.
Katniss and Peeta pushed their way into the hospital reception area, where hospital security blocked the paps from entering. A young woman shuffling papers at the reception desk froze, staring wide-eyed as Katniss waited for her to acknowledge her.
"I'm Katniss Everdeen," Katniss said impatiently. "I'm here to see Primrose Everdeen. She was admitted last night." Her tone was brusque while the receptionist continued to stare dumbly at her. Peeta realized that they were back in the real world and no longer in the safe cocoon where they'd lived for the last twenty-four hours.
"Ms. Everdeen's sister is in this hospital," Peeta said with cool authority, snapping the woman from her celebrity-induced daze. "We need to see her right away."
"Y-yes sir," she stuttered as she briskly prepared the visitor passes. "Are you...are you related to the…"
"Yes, he is," Katniss snapped, giving the woman a glare so intimidating, Peeta almost felt sorry for her. The receptionist scrambled to prepare the necessary passes and give them directions to Prim's unit.
"Thank you," Peeta said as Katniss tugged him towards the elevators. They didn't say a word as they moved up within the metal bowels of the hospital, the tinny dinging of the panel the only sound as the floors passed. Katniss gripped Peeta's hand, leaning into him. He felt a powerful surge of shame as his arm snaked around her shoulders, squeezing her to his side. He shouldn't have put his phone on vibrate, he should have insisted Katniss answer her phone last night. Rationally, he knew that by the time they'd been called, the crime had been committed but maybe, in the moment, he could have done something more, though what exactly, he could not be sure.
His sense of failure increased with every step he took towards Prim's room. An older woman, almost the spitting image of Prim, stood outside the door and stepped into the corridor as Katniss rushed towards her.
"Ma!" Katniss said as she put her arms around her. All of the pent-up tension that Katniss had held in place through sheer will quaked through her and exploded in an audible sob as she buried her face in the woman's neck.
"Shhhh...she's okay," the older woman said, stroking Katniss' hair. She glanced at Peeta with eyes the same color as Prim's, appraising him before she turned her attention back to her older daughter. "She's just bruised and shaken up but thank god, she's fine."
"Mama, they did this because of me…" Katniss choked out.
"Now stop that! She's waiting for you inside and she can't see you like this." Katniss' mother swiped at the tears on Katniss' cheeks and rubbed her arms. "Chin up, now."
Katniss nodded, wiping her nose as she went into the room. Peeta stood at the door, arms crossed, wearing a stone expression that defied anyone to speak to him. Katniss' mother looked him over. It was clear she'd been here most of the night, from her disheveled appearance and dark circles under her eyes.
"You are Peeta Mellark, Katniss' head of security, aren't you?" she asked.
"Yes ma'am," Peeta said as his phone vibrated, a message from Gale lighting up his screen. He fired off a response, letting him know that they'd arrived at the hospital.
"Well, if it wasn't for those two men you assigned to Prim, I think we would have had a very different night." The expression she wore was one of absolute gratitude.
Peeta nodded, filled with shame again, made worse now by this undeserved thanks from a woman who'd already lost her husband and now almost a daughter. He should have been at his post, focused on apprehending the assailant hours ago. Instead…
"It's my job, ma'am," he said as his phone vibrated again, this time with a phone call from Detective Cartwright. "I have to take this call. It's the investigator on the case."
"Of course," she said, studying him over yet again before slipping inside the room, leaving Peeta to his phone call.
"Mr. Mellark," Detective Cartwright said. "I thought you'd like an update on the assailant."
"You've identified him?" Peeta said rhetorically, the adrenaline coursing through his body. He had a sudden vision of taking the attacker in hand and pummeling his face into the ground.
"Yes. Cato Alexander. Ex-employee for Ms. Everdeen. According to your notes, he was fired two years ago for attempting to sell stolen private photos of Ms. Everdeen to various news outlets."
Peeta's eyes widened slightly. Cato. It seemed almost stupidly obviously, though he had not been the only one to be released from employment because of violations to the confidentiality agreement. Peeta berated himself again. He should have known. Instead he swallowed and asked, "Then it's over? I mean, he got caught red-handed."
"Well, yes, there is that," Officer Cartwright responded. "His van was filled with incriminating equipment. He is being charged with aggravated assault, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted kidnapping, conspiracy to commit murder, and stalking - these are all felony charges and will put him away for a long time."
Peeta let out a deep breath. "Ms. Everdeen will be happy to know that." He stiffened, however, as the charges sank in. "Conspiracy to commit murder?"
Officer Cartwright shuffled papers on her desk, the sound of the sheets floating over the phone. "Yes, Mr. Mellark. From the evidence at the scene and in his van, it was clear that he did not intend to hold Ms. Everdeen hostage for long." She paused to give Peeta a chance to absorb the information before continuing. "However, there is still one further concern and he isn't talking."
"What is that?" Peeta said, sensing that things were about to become complicated.
"Mr. Mellark, Cato Alexander has an accomplice who he is unwilling or unable to identify."
"What do you mean, unable to identify?"
"He is still under interrogation but according to Mr. Alexander, he has employed a professional "hit man" whose identity continues to remain a mystery. He claims that it is because he does not know the identity of the supposed hired gun but that remains to be seen."
Peeta's moment of relief at the apprehension of Katniss' stalker dissipated. Unfortunately, he had heard of hits taken out on targets in which the assassin was largely unknown to the person seeking their services. Every meeting and business transaction was done by proxy - indicating the person involved was part of a larger crime ring. No one was ever identified and identities were aggressively concealed. He knew they were back to square one, playing a game of chicken until this person made their move and he had to suppress the urge to punch the wall.
"Well, he's committed, I'll give him that much," Peeta hissed.
"Unfortunately, Mr. Alexander was quite thorough. He had sinister intentions last night, Mr. Mellark. Until the accomplice is identified, we cannot ensure Ms. Everdeen's safety. We will keep you posted if we develop any further leads in the case."
"Thank you," Peeta said as he disconnected the call. He began to make calculations, reviewing the events of the last few months. Every single one could have easily been attributed to Cato. Why employ an accomplice, and add that element of uncertainty? He thought about Priim and understanding dawned on him so quickly, he felt sick to his stomach stomach and had to lean against the wall to steady himself. Cato had likely hired the assassin, not as a fail-safe or even to limit his own exposure - he'd exposed himself already when he went after Prim. No, he had hired this mysterious person because it was part of his grand plan to destroy Katniss completely. It would have been his crowning achievement - kidnap and murder the sister, giving Katniss the worst possible suffering before a hit man would take her out for good.
It was diabolical and sickening. Everyone who knew anything about Katniss Everdeen could see that her sister was the most important person in the world to her. If someone wanted to inflict the maximum amount of damage on Katniss, all they had to do was go after Prim.
"Sick motherfucker!" Peeta hissed, his rage turning his stomach even more until he thought he might vomit on the floor. If the accomplice had any sense, he would abandon his plans against Katniss and disappear now that Cato was captured, but it would depend entirely on who the assassin was.
When Peeta was sure he was in complete control of himself again, he pressed open the door of the room where Katniss sat holding her sister's hand, speaking quietly to her while her mother looked on. The slight movement of the door opening drew Prim's eyes to him. She smiled weakly in greeting.
"Peeta," she whispered. She wore a neck-brace that held her head in line with her neck. It kept her stiff and did not look entirely comfortable but Prim's expression gave none of that away. Like Katniss, she was determined to be strong for her mother and sister. Peeta moved closer to the bed where Katniss sat perched like a hawk, taking in every movement her sister made. When Peeta approached, she glanced at him gratefully before turning her full attention on her sister again.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, feeling his chest clench. Prim looked pale and tired, in complete contrast to her usual vivacity. It made Peeta feel even worse than he had when he first found out. Even now, with the weight of Prim's injuries on his conscience, he couldn't help sensing, with every pore and nerve ending, Katniss' proximity and became even more disgusted with his distraction He moved discreetly away from her and gave Prim his most heart-felt smile.
"A little beat up," she whispered, then swallowed in pain.
"Hey, don't talk," Peeta whispered. "When will she be discharged?" he asked Katniss.
"Today," Katniss said in a voice gruff with unshed tears. Peeta wanted to hold on to her, to comfort her, but he kept his place. "She's coming home with me. I'm bringing mom too." She looked up at him again and there was such naked need in her face that he almost gave in and put his arms around her but he couldn't do it. Part of it was out of respect for her mother, who he'd already caught observing them discretely, her mother's sixth sense surely piqued by the disheveled appearance of the two of them together. Peeta retreated inside of himself, desperate to recover some sense of professionalism, some way to gain control of a situation that had completely disarmed him. His anxiety threatened to carry him away, and he struggled internally to reign it in.
"You better get ready to be spoiled," he joked hesitantly, which brought a tired smile to Prim's lips.
"She'll eat it up, won't you, little duck?" her mother said gently, stroking Prim's hair on the other side of the bed. Peeta felt numb. The gesture was so comforting and sweet and was also something his own mother would never have given, and it made Peeta want to grovel for forgiveness.
Peeta wanted to apologize. He wanted to say something that would convey to her how very sorry he was that he'd been off his watch, that his actions had somehow allowed this to happen. But the words died in his throat as Prim's eyes fluttered closed. Mrs. Everdeen signaled to both him and Katniss, and they all quietly left the room.
As they moved towards the waiting room, Peeta took a quick survey of the hospital ward. It was closed and secured but he felt uneasy leaving Prim alone. To his relief, Gale and Thresh sat in the waiting room, reading the magazines available there. At the sight of Peeta, Katniss, and Mrs. Everdeen, they rose respectfully.
"Who's on right now?" Peeta asked. Gale looked him up and down, his eyes doing nothing to hide his condemnation.
"We are," Gale cocked his head towards Thresh. "We made the executive decision to stick to our schedule. We'll stay until discharge, which should be this afternoon." Peeta nodded curtly, drinking in Gale's continued glare like a thirsty man brought to water, filling his soul with bile reserved only for himself.
"Good. I'll come with Brutus and change out with you."
"You can't do that," Katniss blurted out, "I...I need you to stay here, with me. I'm not leaving my sister." Peeta steeled himself against the agonized look in Katniss' eyes, reminding himself to stay in control.
"Katniss…" he said gently. "I need to go to the police station...check on the house…. get things ready for Prim, right?" He saw the strain in her eyes - the lost sleep and the stress of seeing her sister harmed - and resisted again the urge to hold on to her. "You'll be safe here with Gale and Thresh, and the hospital has its own security...I'll come back when Prim is discharged and get you all home myself. Is that okay?"
"I just need to see this asshole with my own eyes," Katniss said with sudden fury. Gale raised his eyebrows, exchanging a look with Peeta before he tried again.
"They won't let you…" he said but she interrupted before he could finish.
"Mom," Katniss cut him off, her mouth a line of grim determination. "You're staying here. When Prim is home, we'll send for a few of your things. I'll go to the police station with Peeta."
"Katniss, please," Peeta pleaded. "They're still questioning him. They won't let anybody near him. Stay here with your family. I'll go sort a few things out, okay?"
"Yeah, Katniss. You're just going to get yourself arrested if you try to go to the police station now, in the state you're in," Gale said.
"Listen to him," her mother interjected. "I'll stay with you. I can always go by the house later and get a few things…"
"No!" Katniss snapped, "Nobody is going anywhere alone!" Peeta knew she was close to hysterics. He glanced at her mother, who gave him a knowing look before she nodded, pulling her daughter into an embrace.
"There's a cafe downstairs. We can go get some coffee now, okay?" Mrs. Everdeen said in a soothing voice. Katniss's bravado suddenly drained away and she nodded like a child would. She appeared so miserable, Peeta was tempted to just stay with her. But he had something important to attend to and he had to do it alone. Her proximity confused his thoughts, making him jittery in a way that was not entirely unpleasant but did not help his concentration. He gave her a small, encouraging smile before her mother led her away.
"It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Everdeen," he called out, knowing Katniss was in good hands.
"Likewise. And thank you," Mrs. Everdeen responded.
Peeta nodded, feeling sick inside, knowing he'd done nothing to earn those thanks.
XXXXX
Peeta drove with quiet determination to Darius Flint's office, calling ahead so his friend would meet him outside the building.
"I'm sorry to hear about your client," he said as he shook Peeta's hand. "It's all over the news."
"Yeah," Peeta said as he ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the curls. "Kind of came out of left field. And yet…" Peeta could tell Darius already knew his thoughts by his vigorously nodding head.
"Right, it's always obvious in hindsight. You would never have guessed the little shit would go from love letters to American Psycho without escalation. That's a credit to you, Peet. You probably didn't give the fucker a chance to do anything else." Peeta shook his head, praise too much for someone who'd failed as bad as he had.
"I should have seen this coming, Darius. It's psychology 101," Peeta responded, relieved that he could at least unburden himself somewhat of the enormous guilt he was carrying. "I can deal with getting outsmarted by Special Ops or some pissed off Taliban but not by some ten cent stalker. It's pretty fucked up."
"Yeah, well, it does hurt the pride a bit," Darius said, a little too dismissively for Peeta's liking. "So, what can I help you with?"
Peeta pulled out notes he'd made while he was stuck in traffic. He'd scribbled everything he could remember about the events of the last several months on a notepad he kept in the car. "Well, the guy's got an accomplice. He paid someone to go after Katniss."
"You mean a hit man?" Darius said incredulously. "So he goes for the sister, who he thinks is a sitting duck, with no protection and sends a gun after the Superstar because he knows he can't get to her." Darius shook his head. "That's straight out of a B movie."
"Yeah, and not a very good one either," Peeta responded.
"So, you should be off the hook. Your guy's botched things up so badly, you can pretty much bet the other guy's not going to come after your client now."
Peeta shook his head. "I'm not so sure. Remember, my client was his primary objective. He went after the sister out of pure revenge." His stomach clenched at his own words, trying to maintain his veneer of professional indifference before Darius. He began pacing compulsively as he spoke. "He was trying to hit her where it hurt the most by going after that girl. So, his secondary objective might not have been successful but that's no guarantee that Katniss is safe. I'm not leaving it to chance and neither are the police. Now, I've been reviewing things and wondering if there was an instance where the assassin would have tried to make a move and couldn't. I'm coming up blank, except for one incident."
"Which one is that?" Darius asked, causing Peeta to stop as he answered.
"I need to know the identity of the driver that was detained the day of Katniss' interview. I need a copy of that police report."
Darius frowned. "You already asked me for this and I told you, I tried using some of my connections but the docket is open on this case. If I go snooping around and get caught, I could be charged with interfering with a police investigation and lose more than just my job."
"The police aren't going to give me any names, Darius and I can't wait for them," Peeta said angrily. "Katniss has a gala the day after tomorrow, which I'm going to try to talk her out of attending because it's very public. She's going on tour soon, where she'll be in front of thousands of people. She might as well paint a target on her back because she'll be completely exposed. But I know her and she won't cancel anything. She's too goddamn stubborn to do that." He looked his friend directly in the eye. "I need to know who this guy is. I just need to follow this lead."
It was Darius' turn to pace as he rubbed his face, his mind lost in thought. Peeta watched him, crossing his fingers in desperate hopes that his friend would be able to help him with this.
When he'd paced several more times, Darius stopped in front of Peeta. "I'll get that intel for you. But you are going to name your first born after me, you got that?"
Peeta smiled, relieved, before clapping his hand on the burly, red-headed man's shoulder. "I'll give you my firstborn, if that's what it takes!"
Darius' eyes went wide as he shook his head. "No way! I've got three of my own. I'm good," he chuckled before he became serious again. "One thing you said was true - your client might not have anything to worry about or she might be in mortal danger. It really depends on who this guy is so don't take any stupid risks, okay?"
Peeta shrugged, unconcerned. "You mean besides standing in front of an audience of ten thousand with nothing but your leather boots to protect you? I deal with stupid risks every day."
Darius' guffaw drowned out the last of Peeta's words. "Oh, man, that's a beautiful visual. Thanks for that. My productivity is going to be shot for the rest of the day." Darius shook his head, laughter still rumbling in his chest. "I'll do the best I can. I want Katniss Everdeen to have a long life together with her leather boots."
With that parting, Peeta took off for the compound to check on things before Katniss and her family came home. He envied Darius, who would have the serenity to contemplate Katniss' legs while Peeta's mind spun with every possible scenario, his nightmares coming to life as he wrestled with how to best protect Katniss. He'd dreamed that night, after they'd been together, of losing her forever. To wake and find that, not only was she safe, but in his bed, comforting him, made him want to shout out with gratitude and happiness.
But now that she was in more danger than ever, he could not indulge himself in her any longer. He had to keep his focus, her safety being his only priority. He would have to distance himself from her because he feared any distraction could cost her her life. And at that point, if something happened to her, it would be better if the assassin took him out too, because deep down inside, it wasn't just his conscience he was protecting. He couldn't imagine how he'd move forward without her.
XXXXX
After securing the premises and checking in with his staff, Peeta and Brutus returned to the hospital, where they met Mrs. Everdeen at the discharge desk. They wound their way to the employee entrance of the hospital where a nurse had been kind enough to redirect Katniss and Prim to fool the paps into thinking they were still inside. Peeta settled Katniss, Mrs. Everdeen, and Prim into the back of a car while he took the seat next to Thresh. Gale, who had refused to leave, took a separate car with Brutus and followed them back home.
Peeta cast surreptitious glances into the rearview mirror, gauging Katniss' physical condition. She was exhausted, shocked, emotionally drained, and was visibly shaking. He worried that she might be close to a breakdown. Her distraught face trembled under the pressure of her grief, and he knew that she was holding it in for the sake of her mother and her sister. It gutted Peeta to see her in that way and made him feel even worse about himself. He would never forgive himself for this.
There were a handful of paps on hand as they wound their way up the driveway - most fully expecting her to be at the hospital. Peeta was sure, now that she'd been seen, they would descend in full force onto the house. Katniss glared at them murderously from behind her sunglasses and Peeta became truly afraid that, if one came within striking distance, Peeta would be defending the pap from Katniss and not the other way around.
As they drove around the front, Katniss barely waited for the car to be shut off before she was out of her seat, easing her sister from the back. Madge and Johanna, who had arrived as soon as they knew of the attack, unfolded the wheelchair Katniss had sent to be purchased and seated Prim inside. She would be settled in the ground floor guest suite with her mother, so she wouldn't have to manage the stairs. Peeta hung back, securing the car before performing his rounds yet again, as much to ensure that his doubled precautions were being enacted as to calm his own nerves. He felt the exhaustion catch up to him all of a sudden and had to lean against the garden trellis to catch his breath.
He finally returned to his dependence long after it had become dark, sitting down for the first time since that afternoon. Normally, he could find a way to relax, when he wasn't home, as long as he was alone. But after a day like today, he longed for the solitude of his canopied pond, watching the light of the moon glint off of the still surface. His nerves refused to unravel for him, and he felt complete exhaustion and iron tension at the same time. He considered running or working out but was too tired to follow through and decided on a long, hot shower instead.
The burning flow of water battered his clenched muscles until they slowly relaxed. When he felt like he'd finally unwound enough, he searched for something quick to eat, settling on a sandwich. Peeta couldn't stand the thoughts that had been running through his head all afternoon and decided to turn on the television, flipping aimlessly through the channels. He finally managed to relax enough until he felt himself dozing off when a knock on the door woke him.
Katniss stood before him, not unlike a few days ago, in her pajamas and robe, but there was more worry in her eyes this time. Just like that day, she didn't say a word, stepping inside to press the door closed. She walked resolutely in the direction of his bedroom, pausing only to look over her shoulder and ask, "Are you coming?" Her tone was impatient yet with a trace of something else, something plaintive like longing, calling out to him to follow her.
"Yes," he answered, following her as if he were connected to her by invisible ropes that only she controlled. The room was dark. No one had pulled the curtains open, and it was difficult to see except for the dim light of the corridor.
"Katniss…" he tried again but she shushed him with a sudden kiss.
"I don't want to be alone," she interjected, letting the robe fall to the ground, removing all of her clothes, and tossing everything into a pile at the foot of the bed. Peeta backed away, recalling his determination to keep things cool and professional until he got the situation under control. But his body was already betraying him. He couldn't help but feel a twitch in his pants at the sight of her now naked body before him.
"I need you," she said with a trembling voice, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. She was biting her lip, trying her best not to cry. It was all it took to destroy his resolve. He pulled her to him, running his hand over her dark hair and naked back.
"It's going to be okay," he whispered into her hair.
It was all the permission she needed to fall apart. He held her as sobs rocked her body, whispering into her ear. Every tear, every fit of suffering was an accusation against him. He should have been able to stop this somehow - that was the only thought that he could hold in his mind. He would have done anything, absolutely anything, to spare her this suffering and it made him more and more upset with himself until he couldn't bear himself any longer. By this time, Katniss had worn herself out and he picked her up, carrying her to his bed. Pulling back the blankets, he tucked her in, fully intending on letting her sleep in his room while he retired to the sofa but she tugged at him, silently imploring him to come to her.
"Katniss…" he begged, as if she would be the one to give him strength. He felt all of his good intentions crashing to the ground, and he knew he could no more deny her than he could deny himself air to breathe. She tugged at his pants and he straightened to obey her silent petition, removing his clothes before slipping in beside her. But instead of sleep, he found her mouth on his neck and chest, her hands capturing his cock, making it harden instantly. He felt that it was wrong somehow, that he was taking advantage of her and pulled away but she clung tightly to him.
"Are you sure, Katniss?" he groaned as she stroked him, bringing him to attention with a few swift brushes of her hand.
"Yes. I need you," she said brokenly.
He nodded, reaching back to rummage in the small drawer of his end table to pull out the small pouch. He peered at the square, silver packaging, handing it to her. "Hasn't expired yet," he whispered, to which her tear-splotched face split into a small smile as she pulled it open and rolled it onto him. She tugged him over her, widening her legs and guiding him inside of her, her eyes locked on his as if daring him to deny her but Peeta couldn't turn away if his life depended on it. It surprised him, the limitless nature of his desire for her, how even after such harrowing circumstances, he would still find in himself the need to get lost in her. It frightened him as much as anything had in his life.
He sank into her with smooth fluidity. She was ready for him, her warm depths drawing him in, trapping and caressing him as he moved, at first slowly, testing her, giving her a chance to withdraw. He felt like he was invading her private grief, even though she had willingly opened herself to him, first with her tears and then with her body. Even so, he felt unworthy of her, and sought from her a confirmation, in word or action, that she sincerely wanted him this way.
She gave him this by pulling him down to kiss her, wrapping her legs around his waist. For her size, she was surprisingly strong and Peeta would have found himself in some difficulty to pull himself away from her, even if that was what he wanted. Which he didn't. He wanted to drown in her, suffocate in depths so dark, he'd lose the ability to see and breath and think. He felt a bolt of fear again at how much he wanted from Katniss - as if the concept of everything were quantifiable. He would even take this - her grief, her guilt and her agony - and make them all his also.
As he plunged deeper into her, she clung harder, her legs dropping to either side of him to leverage her upward strokes, her hips rising to meet his. There was so much fury in her answering thrusts that Peeta felt himself swiftly approach his limit. As he kissed her, he brought his hand between them and rubbed her, tight concentric circles that promised she would have her pleasure also. He felt her walls begin to tighten around him and closed his eyes to savor the sensation of her around him, tweaking her nipples as he sank more slowly into her, drawing out both of their pleasure. Katniss moaned, silently begging him to let her finish. With a decisive sweep of her clit, she stiffened beneath him as the explosion of her body took over.
She gasped, "Peeta!" then louder, "Peeta!"
The sound of his name on her lips pushed him over the edge, as his body convulsed with its own release. He pushed on, trying to give her every last bit of himself until he collapsed into a heap of exhaustion over her, his mouth seeking hers out to kiss her, in gratitude, and shame. He silently begged her forgiveness and just as wordlessly, she gave it. As she kissed him back with equal fervor, it came to him in frightening clarity that he loved her, utterly and completely. The revelation crashed through him like a tidal wave upon a rocky shore. He was at her mercy in every way and the realization of his unequivocal defeat at her hands was not as surprising as it should have been but was just as terrifying all the same.
Peeta held onto her as they came down from their high and the exhaustion finally caught up with her. As he stroked her arms and legs, his hands warming her skin, he watched her eyes flutter closed as she drifted off to sleep. He felt an unbearable tenderness towards her - she was so small, after all, and a person who didn't know her could not be blamed for thinking her delicate, almost waif-like. Peeta wanted to run his finger along her jaw-line, the proud column of her neck and the smooth sweetness of her collarbone.
He wanted to protect her so badly and he no longer felt like he was any good at doing that. He was miserable over his failure, and, in addition to all the other feelings he could usually kept hidden under his cool professionalism - self-hatred, anger, and disappointment. He didn't deserve someone like her and though everything inside of him shattered loudly, like an exploding china cabinet, he made his decision. As much as he was sure he loved her, he also knew that he couldn't continue to take from her. He was no good for her, was barely able to protect her, and it was better they both understood that now before things got further out of hand than they already were.
As he carefully untangled himself, he was sure he'd be able to slip out quietly without waking her. However, seated at the edge of the bed, he felt Katniss' hand on his shoulder.
"You have to be as tired as I am," she said with a voice raspy from sleep.
"Yeah, but after what happened last night, I can't just stay in bed. It would be worse than unprofessional. It would be negligence," he answered. "I'm going to check on things one more time."
"I know," Katniss agreed drowsily. "I probably should check on Prim."
"No, she has to be asleep by now and you need your rest too," he said, turning to stroke her skin and pulling his hand back as if burned. He had to remember his resolve and not be drawn in again.
But Katniss was not stupid. As he withdrew his hand, she captured it and held it to her face. He was certain it was more in challenge than for any comfort. She watched him as he slowly pulled away.
"I'm so sorry," he said as he left the bed and quickly got dressed. He couldn't look at her. If he did, he would break in half, give up his resolve completely, and crawl right back between the sheets and to her side again. In his grief-addled brain, he knew this thing between them could ultimately result in her being hurt, and he'd visit this agony onto himself before seeing anything happen to her. He would not be able to endure that.
"I don't understand what's happening," she said helplessly as she sat up, watching him pull his t-shirt on. He didn't answer, continuing to dress as if she hadn't spoken.
"Would you stop for a minute?" Katniss snapped angrily, dragging a blanket around her as she stepped out of bed. She placed a hand on his to still the flurry of movement. "Talk to me. Don't just get up and run away."
"I...can't...this…" he stuttered. Though he could be so good with words, he felt like a bumbling idiot. "I can't protect you like this," he said, his heart practically pounding between each syllable he uttered. "I need to be objective and focused and I've lost that with you." He looked at her finally, taking in her increasingly pained expression. "I can't take care of you if I can't look at you and see a client. Right now, I'm emotionally compromised."
She stared at him for a moment, the fire in her eyes brightening, becoming more intense with each passing moment. Without warning, she said, "You're stupid."
"What?" he said, the abruptness of her speech having caught him by surprise and he felt aggrieved by her words. "You don't have to insult me."
"Yes, I do," she said, the color rising beneath her cheeks. "I can be pretty emotionally clueless sometimes but I know I didn't misread you," she said, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You appeared...happy, maybe even a little bit ecstatic when you were with me. And you seem to be doing a good job with your work."
"I'm not doing a good job at all! What happened to Prim - I should have been able to anticipate that and I didn't!" His fists clenched and unclenched uncontrollably, and he could feel himself losing control. The fear rolled through him again. "Revenge 101 - hurt your target as deeply as possible by attacking those closest to her. Textbook fucking revenge, and I dropped the ball because I wasn't focused. I was too busy…"
"Too busy fucking me? Is that what you mean?" she spat.
Peeta looked at her, aghast. "Katniss…" he said, suddenly realizing that her anger was of such proportions, she appeared to grow in physical stature, becoming more and more terrifying with each moment that passed.
"So, because you can't hold down a job and fuck me at the same time, you just decide to ditch me? Is that your brilliant solution to the problem?!"
Peeta took a step back from her fury. "You need someone who can do his job!" he shouted. "And stop referring to what we do as just fucking! I was never just fucking you!"
"Well, the way you're acting, you might as well have been a hit and run!" Katniss had been closing the space between them, and she now stood almost nose to nose with Peeta, her hands clenched into knuckle-white fists on her hips. "You are an arrogant, stupid man, Peeta Mellark! You think that if you eat in a certain order or dress in a certain way, that you will suddenly have control of the entire universe. Well, here's a news flash for you - you can't control everything!"
Peeta felt the color drain from his face. "I never said…" he began but she wasn't listening to him any longer.
"It's not your fault Finnick died, just like it's not your fault that Prim got hurt."
He flinched as if slapped, stunned into speechlessness before he recovered, her face still just inches from his.
"You don't know what you're talking about," he said with his own mounting fury. But her words had hit the mark with each pronouncement she made and it was difficult to deny the truth. "My job was to keep you and your sister safe. I got distracted and she was almost killed. I can't let that happen again. If you were even remotely serious about your safety, you would just go ahead and fire me!" he said, his voice having risen until he was nearly shouting at the end. He turned with the pretence of searching for something, as much as to gain distance from Katniss as to calm down.
"Oh no you don't," Katniss said, following him so that he was forced to look at her again. "You would love it if I did that so you can just slink off to your lonely little pond and paint your self-pity all by yourself because that's easier than risking your life by actually living it." She bowed her head to catch his gaze, which had fallen downcast onto the floor. "If you want to leave and get another job, you're going to have to give your notice like any other employee. I have no grounds for firing you, and I'm not giving you an easy out."
Peeta studied her determined face, the urge to kiss her blinding every other thought in his mind and his self-loathing immediately kicked in again. Of course, how could anyone think under such circumstances? He had never once met a person who befuddled his mind so completely, he was afraid he'd never be able to think straight again.
"Well, then I'm giving you my notice. When Boggs comes back, I'll appraise him of the changes I've made and the situation with the assassin, which I believe will be resolved by then, and turn the position over to him. You don't need two heads of security." Peeta felt numb as he took the few short steps to the bedroom door, unable to resist glancing back at Katniss as he opened it.
She stood speechless, staring at him in complete bafflement, as if she were rooted to the ground. Her disheveled hair, white blanket wrapped around her like a tunic, and wild expression of anger made her look like a Greek goddess, ready to unleash her displeasure in a magnificent display of divine power. He never loved her more than at that moment. She held herself so still, he wondered if she had entered into a state of shock. However, when he closed the door behind him, he heard the clatter of something heavy being thrown against it, with so much force, it was enough to rattle the door in it's frame.
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A million thanks to my wonderful betas, bubblegum1425, solasvioletta, katnissdoesnotfollowback and peetabreadgirl. Special shoutout to bubblegum1425 for really taking the time to let me chat her to death about this fic even though she is beginning her residency and moving into an important phase of her life. I appreciate her so much!
Two more parts and an epilogue! I'm looking forward to your comments and will be responding to them as soon as I can! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your generosity in reviewing.