"You're a brute as well as an idiot."
"Like, you know, love making is…special and…stuff that…yeah…"
"That was not even a sentence."
"Oh. Right. I just thought it'd be romantic…"
"You have a really fucked up idea of romance."
"You should get to do it with the person you love before you die…and I don't want you to die!"
Izaya sighed. The histrionics became more annoying with reiteration.
"Look, I'm not going to die so just drop it."
To Izaya's surprise Shizuo gasped loudly.
"Oh my god, I see it now! The power of love cured you, didn't it! It's amazing!"
"Are you for real…?"
"It is a miracle!"
Nor for the first time Izaya wondered if Shizuo was not technically mentally impaired.
"You make my brain hurt. And you got your stuff on me, as if being in the hospital and having to do this kind of thing with you wasn't bad enough."
"About that, you didn't have to clean it right away…at least wait until I can take a picture…"
"That's it, I'm out of here."
Easier said than done. Izaya found that he hurt in places he did not even know existed and jumping to his feet proved impossible.
"Don't do that, I'll carry you! We should call the priest and tell him about the miracle!"
"Wait a second! I'm naked!"
"Yeah…"
"Stop drooling already!"
"It's okay, they have hospital gowns here. Pretty pink one for you!"
Izaya rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. And will you clean yourself already!"
A smear of semen covered Shizuo's belly and chest.
"How about you lick it off?"
"How about you kill yourself?"
Shizuo was carrying Izaya when something occurred to him. A grand revelation.
"Oh! If the miracle of love saved you does that mean I love you too? I mean, it wouldn't work if it were one-sided! I had no idea I felt this way!"
"You're an absolute nincompoop."
"I see! What is that?"
"I rest my case."
They were passing the maternity ward when Shizuo placed Izaya in a chair.
"I'll be right back."
And true to his word, Shizuo returned in no time. With a baby, even.
"Look, you can take this one to replace Kaiji!"
Izaya nearly fell.
"Take it back! I'll land in jail for kidnapping a minor!"
"Nah, there were many of babies there. They won't miss one!"
"The hell they won't! Put it back!"
"Don't you want to hold it for a bit?"
"NO."
"That's too bad."
Shizuo was a bit sad but he obeyed. By the time they reached their room Shizuo's mind was a bit clearer.
"This means that I'm a man now, right?"
"A stupid man."
"A stupid man is still a man! I feel so mature now."
"Crazy rapist, that's what you are."
Shizuo frowned.
"Hey, that's not a nice thing to say. It's not true either. No rape, you liked it. I mean, I made you come and all. That's got to count for something!"
"You've been watching too much porn. Skewed expectations."
Izaya hated himself for blushing.
"Porn with you would be hot, there'd be money shots. Yeah…but it's wrong! You should do it with the one you love!"
"How did you even get the idea that I loved you?"
"I overheard you talking to someone the other day…it's not like I was spying on you! Okay, maybe a bit-"
"So you're a stalker too?"
"So not! But you were saying…that you loved me…and that it was difficult to say…so I knew that you couldn't confess!"
Izaya's mouth opened without closing. He was about to tell Shizuo that it seems he suffered from hallucinations on top of everything when suddenly he remembered.
"Oh, that! After school?"
"Yeah…"
"I was talking to the drama club! They tried to recruit me and asked me to do some acting in promptu. So I picked something utterly absurd like loving you! If you're going to eavesdrop, stay long enough to understand the context!"
To Izaya's surprise Shizuo teared up on the spot.
"I feel so…so…so violated!"
"You feel violated?"
"Yes! My heart is breaking right now!"
"There's the window, Shizu-chan! Feel free to jump at any time!"
Izaya saw an opening, maybe he could get rid of Shizuo once and for all. As if.
"It's okay! I'll make you love me, then!"
"What the hell!"
"Yes! Bet you sub…sub…"
"Subway?"
"No, not that, sub stuff…when you're thinking stuff down deep but you don't know it cause it's like sub…"
"Subconsciously?"
"That! Like, bet you love me in that sub way! That's why you picked it for the drama club."