Just Like Asthma
Stories of Seth, Ryan and Sophie through the eyes of the parents that love them
AN: And I am neither for or against the use of genetically modified foods or the methods used by the farming and meat packing industries. I can not state any of the statements in this fic about the subject as fact.
Dedicated to Tara who's suggestion helped me come up with the idea for this story.
Please blame lack of sleep for the wackiness of this fic.
Enjoy.
Girlfriends
Sandy Cohen stretched out on the couch and turned on the news, taking in the beautiful Saturday morning and feeling positively… bored.
Kirsten and Julie were out taking a prenatal yogalates / lamas class and lunch afterwards to which he wasn't invited. Not that he particularly minded. But he had hoped he would have been able to spend his free time with the boys. No such luck, they were out doing 'Seth-Ryan' time at the pier and had left before he'd gotten up for the day. He considered going down and joining them but thought better of it. Far be it from him to disrupt brotherly bonding, especially with events of the last couple of months and the coming of their baby sister.
So now he was at a home, which he really couldn't call his home (not that he didn't appreciate Julie's offer or anything) and not entirely sure what to do with himself.
He was considering taking a nap when he heard the sound of someone coming down the steps.
"Hey, Mr. C"
"Oh, hey, Summer, I didn't know you were here"
"Yeah, well, I'd usually be out shopping on a day like this, but Taylor's in France and Cohen's having 'dork time' with Atwood so I have a several hours to kill and nothing to kill it with"
Sandy sighed "Same here"
There was a slightly awkward silence before Summer gestured towards the television with an angry expression, apparently disgruntled with their report on local farming techniques.
"They can't be serious. Genetically modified food? They could be potentially dangerous and people have no idea what kind of chemicals they are putting into their bodies when they eat that stuff. Did you know they put scorpion DNA in tomato plants to ward off insects? I mean, gross, that's a strange virus or genetic disease just waiting to happen. And the media makes it sound like a sin to promote organic produce"
Sandy tried not to sound too surprised as he responded
"I get what you're saying, and it could possibly be harmful, but these methods are also allowing more crops to be produced, which results in more people fed. And with the number of people going hungry in the world, we need all of the help we can get"
"The end doesn't justify the means. And the abuse doesn't just stop with produce. Think about the bovine and poultry industry. Millions of cows and chickens are fattened to life threatening proportions, leading miserable lives, cooped up in some barn until they are deemed ready enough to be viciously slaughtered. And all so we can have our steak and cheese subs and our chicken dinners. We're killing innocent animals so we can eventually kill ourselves"
"Ok" Sandy seceded "Point made."
His stomach growled.
"Speaking of food… I'm kind of hungry"
"Yeah" Summer frowned "Me too."
"Just try it"
Sandy stared at the square on his plate and raised an eyebrow at the girl in front of him
"I don't know…"
"Don't be such a baby Cohen - I mean, Mr. C"
"You can call me Sandy if it means I don't have to eat this thing"
"You don't even know if you like it"
"Yeah, and I'd like to keep it that way, thanks"
Summer sighed "Now I know which side of the family Seth gets his whining from"
Sandy scowled before taking a small bite of the pastry
It tasted like … Strawberry Heaven
"Whoa, this is pretty good"
"Told ya" Summer replied smiling "Here. Try it with this stuff"
Sand squeezed the goo on the square and ate another piece. He resisted the urge to stuff the entire thing in his mouth as he chewed enthusiastically.
"I gotta tell Kirsten to buy these things the next time we go shopping. What are they called again?"
"Toaster Strudel" Summer answered, licking the filling of her own pastry off her fingers
Sandy finished the treat and brushed the remaining crumbs off his shirt
"Do they come in blueberry?"
"Now spread your feet a little farther apart"
Summer complied
"That's it… put one hand here and the other hand, here"
Summer's face was set in a determined frown
"Ok. Now what?"
"Now don't look down. Look at your target. Atta girl. Swing and follow through"
Summer gently swung the golf club, sending the ball rolling across the back lawn into the plastic bowl currently serving as their hole.
"Hey, I did it! Alright" Summer gave Sandy a high five
"Not bad for a rookie. We'll make a golfer out of you yet" Sandy praised
"Actually, I've had a little practice. My Dad used to take me to the golf course when I was small, but I was more interested in driving the little cart around"
Sandy chuckled
"I've tried to teach each member of the family how to golf. Seth didn't have the coordination, Ryan didn't have the patience and Kirsten, well you don't want to see my wife with a nine iron"
Summer laughed
"I can picture it"
Sandy picked up the abandoned golf club
"So do you want to call it quits for today?"
Sandy was surprised when the girl yanked the club from his hands
"No way. I'm on a roll. Let's see if I can hit it into the neighbor's yard"
"So you see, she's obviously still in love with him"
Sandy really couldn't tell just how obvious it was seeing as most of it was written in French.
"You think so?"
"Well yeah, duh, Mr. C. Look at what she said last Tuesday. 'Today I passed by a clothing shop window and saw a display advertising wife beaters and I couldn't help but think of my blonde brooding sex god. I still haven't gotten up the courage to call him yet or send back the scrap book I stole from him. Actually, it was my scrapbook to begin with because I was the one who made it for him blah, blah, blah, blah. What does that tell you?"
"That Taylor Townsend is a lot crazier than we all thought"
He felt guilty for letting his curiosity get the better of him, but he had to admit he was having fun. Even if he was learning more about Taylor and Ryan's relationship than he wanted, or needed, to know. He was making Summer scroll over the raunchy parts anyway.
Summer sucked her teeth
"I can't blame her, though. He may be a brooder, but the whole bad boy thing is pretty hot"
Sandy stared at her and her face turned red as she realized who she was talking to
"Please, don't tell Seth I said that. He's already insecure enough without thinking I'm after Atwood. Just, erase it from your mind"
"Don't worry Summer. I'm not going to repeat that statement to anyone. Ever"
Then he'd have to admit he was reading Taylor Townsend's blog and gossiping over it like a school girl.
Summer clicked the link to the next page and Sandy craned his neck to get a better view at picture of Ryan and Taylor at her birthday party.
Summer frowned "It sucks the two of them couldn't work it out. I know Atwood tried"
Sandy nodded in agreement "He even tried to learn French"
Summer cringed at the memory "And that mustache? I was two seconds away from shaving it off while he slept"
Sandy snorted "You're not the only one"
"Oh, well." Summer closed her lap top and lifted herself off the armchair she was seated in "They'll get back together eventually"
Sandy got off his own chair "Yeah? How can you be so sure?
Summer shrugged "Because I know Atwood and Townsend makes him happy. I give them six months, tops. I'm even willing to bet on it"
Sandy shook his head "I'm not going to bet on my child's love life"
Summer shrugged again "Whatever, I'd win anyway"
"G-R-E-G-A-R-I-O-U-S, gregarious" Sandy spelled out each letter as he place them on the board
He gave a mock glare at his competition but all he got was a smug smile in return
She placed her own tiles down, following his second 'g'.
"G-U-L-L-I-B-L-E, gullible and a triple letter score. Roberts is in the lead, beat that" She crowed
Sandy raised his eyebrows at the new word on the board before crossing his arms over his chest
"Gullible is not a word"
Summer stopped plucking new letters from the scattered pile and stared at him incredulously
"What the hell do you mean it's not a word?"
"Summer, language" Sandy reminded
"Sorry. What do you mean it's not a word…sir?"
Sandy barely held his composure
"G-U-L-L-I-B-L-E - that's not a word"
Summer was steaming
"Are you trying to tell me you've never heard of the world gullible? I don't believe that"
"If you think you're so smart than look it up and prove it to me"
Summer snatched up the official scrabble dictionary angrily before looking at Sandy 's face and realizing the joke
"Hey!" she squawked punching him lightly on the shoulder "Not funny, Mr. Cohen"
"Really?" Sandy replied rubbing his arm even though it didn't hurt "I though it was"
Summer put her hands on her hips, and smiled mischievously "You do realize I have rage black outs, right?"
Sandy leaned back on his side of the couch and smirked "Summer, you rage black out on me and you're grounded"
"Are you sure it's in here?"
She gave him a glare that would put Ryan to shame
"Sorry. Bad question"
They slowly made their way through the debris
"Well, what does it look like?" Sandy asked
"White fur, black spots, big floppy ears and he's not an 'It' he's a he Mr. C and his name is Pancakes"
"Summer, I'm sure your rabbit's fine"
She shot him another look
"Well, I'm not. He's missing and I haven't seen him for two days and you lost the game so you have to help me look for him"
"Only because you cheat at scrabble" Sandy huffed
The girl's eyes narrowed at the challenge "Tell me how I cheated and you can leave"
Sandy scowled but shut his mouth and helped Seth's girlfriend dig through what used to be her room
"I just can't see how I could have lost him"
"It might have to do with this" Sandy grumbled, tossing yet another empty box of toaster strudel over his shoulder
He laughed "You know, for someone so earth conscious, your room certainly isn't environmentally friendly. And I'm pretty sure Toaster Strudel isn't organic"
"Doesn't Mrs. Cohen drive an SUV?"
Sandy raised his hands in front of him, defeated "Truce"
He picked through a pile of funny smelling clothing and after removing one of Seth's old shirts shouted
"Found him"
Summer immediately came to Sandy 's side and plucked the rabbit from its nest of clothes
"Pancakes, I was worried." She held him up for Sandy 's inspection
"Does he look any fatter to you?"
Sandy shrugged
"Now I have to find his cage" the girl murmured peering around the room for anything resembling the bunny's home
Ready to get out of the room, Sandy suggested
"Stick him on your bed, I doubt he'll get lost again"
"Good thinking" She gently placed the rabbit on the comforter and Sandy piled pillows around the animal in a makeshift pen.
"There" Sandy grinned glad to be done with that particular task "That should hold Flapjacks for a little while"
He walked out the bedroom door with Summer trailing behind him
"His name is Pancakes, Mr. Cohen. Though Flapjacks is a pretty cute name for a rabbit…"
Summer held up the Teen Magazine
"Ok, next question. If you were to have your ideal first date with the perfect guy would it be: A) dinner and a movie, B) dancing at one of your favorite night spots, or C) a romantic picnic for two in the park
Sandy looked around again to make sure nobody was coming in before considering the question
"Does this night spot come with a karaoke bar?"
"hmm…" Summer chewed on the end of her pen "It doesn't say…"
"Ok. Dinner and a movie then"
Summer marked the appropriate box
"Alright. When you look into your man's eyes, does he…?"
The front door opened
"- Hey we're back!" Seth and Ryan walked into the living room "What are you guys doing?"
"Nothing" Sandy lied hastily
"Reading a magazine" Summer responded effortlessly still scanning the contents of the page lazily "How'd your brother time go?"
"Crappy. Ryan was no fun because he was too busy brooding over Taylor the whole time"
Ryan flushed
"'Was not. I told you, Seth I'm over Taylor. I'm gonna go up stairs now 'cause, I've got a… research paper I need to finish"
Summer snuck a pointed look at Sandy and made the cash sign with her fingers
Seth looked from his father to his girlfriend
"What'd you two do all day?'
"Nothing, just hung out" Sandy shrugged
Seth scratched his head
"Together? Ok weirdoes. Summer, Brief Case Or No Brief Case is coming on in a few. You coming upstairs to watch?"
Summer shook her head
"Cohen, we're not watching anything until that room is clean"
"Summer, come on"
"No. I almost lost Pancakes today. I'll meet you upstairs and you'd better have proper cleaning supplies when you get up there. Catch ya later, Mr. C"
When Summer was out of sight, Seth dropped miserably onto the couch
"Dad what did you do? You spend one afternoon with my girlfriend and now she has it in her head that I can do manual labor"
Sandy chuckled "If you really want to distract her, you could try saying you never really got 'The Golden Girls', I wouldn't recommend it though." He shook his head "You'd better just do what she says, that girlfriend of yours has a mean temper. "
Sandy stood up to leave and passing by Seth, ruffled his son's hair affectionately
"You did good, Son"
He left a baffled Seth in his wake.
Let's just say that Sandy's 'Golden Girls' technique worked at distracting Summer and they never did clean up the mess in their room. Pancakes got lost again and eventually, Taylor came back and saved Summer and Seth from themselves.
Thanks for reading.