Chapter 2: Bleeding Love
I opened the door to the apartment as fast as possible, dropping my bag on the floor and going for my room. I ignored Alice's stares as I shut the door behind me and jumped on my bed letting the tears fall.
"Bella?" Alice called from the kitchen. I didn't answer. I felt the door creak open, and moments later the weight of the bed shift, as Alice rested her little head on my shoulder. Both of us were facing the ceiling.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly. I shook my head. She nodded in understanding, and just lay there, not bothering to move. I couldn't take this depression anymore. I knew deep inside that I needed Edward with all my being, but I didn't want him near at the same time. I sighed in frustration.
"He came over today." I finally told Alice.
"I knew he would…he's an idiot." Alice said with an edge to her high pitched voice. I nodded in agreement.
"Alice I don't know if I can take this anymore. It's so confusing. All we do is fight, and break up, but then we make up, and it's amazing, because he's so sweet, and loving and thoughtful. I just wish that he could actually like me you know? I just wish that he knew me, like actually took his time to know me. Even though we were together on and off for like a year now, still…..it's like he never really liked me, I mean I don't know if he even knew me. Ugh I keep repeating the same thing! I'm rambling!" I covered my face.
"I think he knows you better than you know yourself, he really likes you Bella. So just make up already, we all know you will. You guys can't stay apart for more than a week, tops."
"No Ali. Not this time, I'm tired of always running back to him. I knew dating a player was a bad idea. He hasn't changed."
"Yes he has Bella, we all see it. You say he's blind to your personality and actions, but I think you're blind to him as well; you haven't been paying enough attention to notice the changes. He's just too afraid to admit that he might actually settle down, that's the only reason he always fights with you and then makes up. To feel like he's not really settling down yet. Plus the make up sex you guys have must be good from all the loud screams and moans." She giggled. I felt my face turn pink, she was right though…..like that one time in the bar, we were in the bathroom and-
Stop! Look at what you're doing to yourself! I mentally slapped myself.
"Well, if he really liked me then he wouldn't be afraid to settle down." I finally decided.
"You have your fears to don't you?" Alice retorted.
"Not helping." I rolled my eyes.
"I don't know what to tell you. Just ignore him." Alice concluded with a sigh. I knew very well that she didn't want that to happen, after all that was her cousin.
"You can't ignore him, he's Edward." I fought back.
"Yeah…" She finally agreed.
"Some times I feel like I forced him into the relationship." I said in a sad and small voice. Alice shook her head.
"He asked you out. He really likes you. I know my cousin." She disagreed.
"Maybe he'll stop coming back to me." I sighed. It made me sad to know he can get over me so easily. I loved him, I knew I did, and it still hurt that we were apart.
"I doubt it." Alice snorted.
"Alice, he'll find someone else." I said sadly. Alice caught that.
"It hurts you, doesn't it?" She said softly.
"Of course it does. He really is a great guy, just those few negatives….you know?"
"Bella, do you love him?" Alice said as she propped up on her elbow. I stared at her. Her piercing blue eyes reading me like an open book. She knew the answer.
"I did." I sighed.
"You do." She corrected.
"But I won't anymore."
"How are you so sure?" She challenged. I didn't want to answer her. This was not a discussion I needed.
It's getting hectic in here It's getting chaotic I'm rockin' and rollin' No stoppin' We goin' 'til it's over
Do you like the way I rock it? Boy I think it's so chaotic
Saved by the bell. I thought to myself. I looked at Alice, as she jumped off my bed and went to answer her phone.
"Jasper?" She said into the receiver. She gave me an apologetic smile and I nodded my head to assure her that it was fine. It was more than fine, I needed time alone. She walked away, her voice fading into the living room. "No babe! I said the other cookies!" I smiled as Alice scowled at him. I knew her rant wouldn't last long.
I sighed and looked back up at the ceiling. I had met Edward a long time ago in my senior year.
It was my first day of school, since I had moved back with my dad and my brother Emmett. It was senior year. Emmett introduced me to Rosalie his girlfriend, and his best friend Jasper. Jasper was dating Alice whom also met me that day. Alice's cousin, and Jasper's long time best friend, Edward had walked in to the cafeteria. I remember thinking how gorgeous he was. He looked at our table and when his eyes met mine he started to smile. I turned around not bothering to look at him again, mostly out of embarrassment.
"Oh boy." I heard Alice mumble. Emmett had left to the lunch line. I sat still and shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what was wrong with Alice.
"Hello." I heard a voice say from behind me. My knees started buckling. His voice was so velvet, and soft, yet hot too. I turned to see him standing right behind me, staring down at me. I blushed and mumbled a 'hi'. Everyone was stiff at the table.
"And you are?" He asked. I looked at him once over, thinking to myself how beautiful he was for a guy. His dark bronze hair was all messy, and his green eyes were bright with curiosity, and wonder. His perfect face, and body. I smiled.
"Bella." I held out my hand towards him. He shook it a bit confused at first, while everyone on the table started to snicker. I shrugged and turned back to my meal. I felt the whole table's eyes on my as I turned my back to the boy. They were all puzzled. I took a bite from my sandwich.
"I'm Edward." I heard him say. I nodded and continued to bite my sandwich, not looking at him. I heard him let out a frustrated breath. "You want to go make out?" He asked suddenly. I started to cough out my food, and choked on it. Was he crazy? He just met me! Alice started to pat my back. I took a sip of water and turned back to look at him surprised.
"So? You want to go?" He asked. Everyone in the table looked at me expectantly.
"Are you kidding me?! You just met me!" I yelled, earning stares from the cafeteria.
"I know. You're hot. You want to go or not? I don't have all day." He said impatiently. I snorted. Who does this guy think he is?
"Not!" I yelled. He looked at me like if I had three heads.
"Ha, funny, now seriously." He said with his eyes wide. Everyone was looking at us now, and Emmett was back at the table, staring us, looking ready to pounce on this Edward guy.
"I don't think so." I said as I turned around.
"Are you serious?" He asked as he grabbed my shoulder. I shrugged him off.
"Piss off! I don't want to make out with you." I said staring intently at him.
"Lesbo." He muttered. That's when I lost it.
"What did you say?"
"Lesbo!" He yelled. Everyone in the cafeteria snickered. I felt my face get red.
"No! On the contrary, the reason I won't make out with you is because I don't like girls! You slutty bitch!" I yelled at him as everyone on the table started to burst out in laughter. He looked like he wanted to stick his head in a hole. I was surprised with myself on how I was acting. I never did anything like that, but he really did piss me off.
"My sister has a good head on her shoulders." Emmett laughed as he ruffled my hair. Edward turned around and walked out of the cafeteria leaving me standing up still red as a tomato.
I will never forget that day. It was the first time I met him. Edward tried to talk to me a week later. I, of course, melted at anything he would do, but I never let him see that. I refused to be one of those girls he would just randomly grab. After a couple years I moved out of the house with Alice and we all headed for Seattle to start College. We were all enrolled in the same school together. Edward and I turned into really good friends, and he stopped playing girls for a little while before my birthday. Last year, when I turned 20, Edward asked me out. Everyone in our group told me to go for it; that it was worth a try, that maybe he changed. I accepted after a while when he kept coming back to me.
He was so sweet, and such a good boyfriend. I truly did like him a lot. Things went great, but we would fight every once in a while. We would break up and then two days later we were making out and back together. Everything about him was intoxicating, and I was a complete love struck puppy. I would do anything he would ask me to in a blink of an eye. It didn't matter what the request was. I knew everything about him, even if he didn't know all about me. I knew he didn't really pay attention to me as much as I did to him, but he would do little things to let me know he cared. We went on and off for a whole year, and he never pressured me into sex. One night, after he rented a boat for our one year anniversary, not to mention days after my birthday, I gave myself to him.
I figured I was 21, in love, and it was time to give myself in. I was Edward's first, and he was mine. It was really nice, and romantic on the boat. But now I'm still 21, and I broke up with him months before our 2nd year anniversary. Anyway, ever since I gave myself to him, we've been going at it, wilder and wilder every time.
I shook my head to take away the memories. It was over. I'm not going back to him this time. He really messed up three days ago at that bar. He got too drunk and was all over this girl, grinding with her like there was no tomorrow. I felt tears escape my eyes as the memory of what I witnessed hit me. Sorry just wasn't good enough this time. It was over.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter to get a look inside Bella's head. Ok, review, and tell me what you think, what you like, what you expect, any questions...i really don't care, just review, if you want flame me. haha. ok, well yea, thank you all for reviewing, here are the lyrics. I TOLD YOU FAST UPDATES!
Closed off from love I didn't need the pain Once or twice was enough And it was all in vain Time starts to pass Before you know it you're frozen
Ooooh...
But something happened For the very first time with you My heart melted into the ground Found something true And everyone's looking 'round Thinking I'm going crazy
Chorus: But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open
Oooh, oooh...
Trying hard not to hear But they talk so loud Their piercing sounds fill my ears Try to fill me with doubt Yet I know that their goal Is to keep me from falling
Hey, yeah!
But nothing's greater Than the rush that comes with your embrace And in this world of loneliness I see your face Yet everyone around me Thinks that I'm going crazy Maybe, maybe
Chorus: But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open
And it's draining all of me Oh they find it hard to believe I'll be wearing these scars For everyone to see
I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love