WAIGE - I'M DROWNING - ONE SHOT
Hi everyone, as usual, here is my one shot about today's episode. I kind of have mixed feelings about it so it was very hard finding inspiration on this one. But a few days ago I was watching at Waige interactions in season 2 and god I miss the relationship Walter and Paige had back then. It was pure and simple, and they were honest to each other.
On a side note, I started a long running story named Gravity, if you haven't done it yet well go check it out! :)
PAIGE POV.
I was exhausted after today's case. These emotional outburst with my mother always drained all my energy. I am so conflicted about keeping her in my life or not. I know that asking her not to contact us ever again would hurt Ralph, he wouldn't understand. But would he understand it if she keeps disappearing for weeks like this? Besides, after she was seen on TV, I was pretty confident that she would have to hide again from those nasty people she dealt with in the past. She's like a poison, and she has no excuses for all the bad she did.
And yet, I couldn't help but panic when she faked having a heart attack, because no matter what, your mother stays you mother.
I even used her own words talking about Walter. The metaphor about learning how to swim thing. And what a stupid thing to say. It was a lame excuse for my mother, and it was even lamer of me to use it about Walter. After all, wasn't my job helping him? If I decided to stop it in order to see how he manages to deal with things on his own, maybe then I'm no use to Scorpion anymore?
I was starting to feel bad so when I spotted Walter working at his desk, I decided to go talk to him.
As soon as I approached, he stopped what he was doing and looked at me with concerned eyes.
« Hey, are you ok? You look really tired. »
« I am. »
He kept staring at me, like he did every time he was genuinely worried for me. I realized I missed talking with him for no reasons. I missed our late nights just staring at the stars with Ralph, sharing details about our lives we didn't already know about each other. Just being close, being ourselves around each other. These days all our conversations were fights over nothing. Well, not exactly nothing but… it wasn't worth it. It led us nowhere to fight all the time.
« Walter I'm sorry. »
Walter POV.
I had no idea what she was talking about. I wasn't mad at her now, she didn't do anything wrong during the mission today. Actually if someone had to apologize between the two of us, it would rather be me. I kept disappointing her for the past months, and I still didn't figure a proper way to make it up to her.
« Why? I mean… what exactly are you referring to? »
Paige bit her lip, like when she was nervous because she wanted to have an honest talk. She may refer to me as an android, there is still a thing or two I can pick up about people.
« A lot of things actually. I don't even know where to start. »
« Well I'm right here and I won't go anywhere so take your time. »
« So first I'm sorry that when my mother told me that you escaped and you weren't going to come back for us I believed her for a few seconds… »
« You know I would never do this right? I mean it Paige this is really important that you know this. »
She looked at me and I could see that her eyes were wet. She was probably exhausted so it made her more emotional, but I still couldn't stand her looking like this. So I stood up and proactively wrapped my arms around her. I don't know what got me, we hadn't exactly been close these past weeks, adding that to the fact that I'm not the biggest fan of physical contact, but it felt natural with her. She had her arms against my chest, gripping my shirt and I could feel her trying to control her sobs.
« That's okay Paige, it can happen to anyone to doubt in these situations. You don't have to be sorry. »
« There isn't just that. I'm sorry for… for hurting you all this time. I know I did. You told me when you were in space. I never meant to… »
« I know Paige. »
At this she took a step back and whipped her tears to stare at me.
« You do? »
« Yeah I… I remembered. »
« And you're not… mad at me? »
I was mad at her first. But it was at the same time she was also mad at me about Tim so… well I couldn't let her know. Then I had time to sleep on it. Tim was gone so she couldn't wave him in front of me anymore and besides I was never able to stay mad at Paige very long. And I think it was the same for her.
« I wanted to be but I can. Although I think that this deserve a proper talk, now isn't the right time. You're too on the edge. »
She nodded and I saw she was finally calming down.
« Walter there is one more thing I'm sorry for. »
« Oh yeah? What is it? »
I saw her take a deep breath before starting.
« Today my mother told me that she kind of threw me in the deep end so I could learn how to swim. I convinced myself that she made sense for a few minutes, and that was what I was doing by giving you space and not intervening too much with this agents. But that's not true. I never learnt how to swim. In fact I'm an emotional mess, I keep doing poor choices, I don't know I… »
Paige POV.
« You're drowning. » Walter finished for me. « I feel this way too when it comes to social interactions. Or… the situation with you. I'm drowning here. And I want to get to the surface and finally be able to breath but I just keep swallowing water. »
I was starting to cry again. Of course I failed him, and I was clouding the issue by expecting more and more from him when he had no idea how to deal with his emotions.
« I'm so sorry Walter. »
« I know, you already told me that. I'm sorry too you know. We could have both saved each other, but we got it all wrong and now look where we are. »
I regretted so much calling him an android when Cabe was shot. In fact he could feel so much. I reduced the distance between us and pressed my palm to his cheek. He closed his eyes and all I wanted to do now was to kiss him and never leave him again. But before I could, he pulled out.
« Hey Paige, it's better not to do anything rushed now okay? »
I was frustrated, that even after an honest talk like this he still managed to push me away. And I think he saw my disappointment because he took my hands in his and pressed them to his chest.
« It's not that I don't want it. But we both had a very emotional day and we're not thinking straight. We still have a lot to talk about, and you're still with Tim. If we do this I want to make things right. »
I think my heart melted at this. The cloud covering the image of my future was finally going away as I got back the hope that Walter and I were actually going somewhere. And there was no way he would pretend nothing happen this time. Because for the first time in a long time, I was reaching the surface and I think it wouldn't be long before I could breath again.
Sorry for the short post, I had 9 hours straight of social sciences today at school and as interesting as it was, I'm washed out. Still, see you next week!