Chapter Eleven

I do not own Twilight, no copyright infringement intended.

Alec POV

I stand over her, watching her sob pitifully. She asks if I think she's dumb, but I don't say what I'm really thinking—that she's a strange creature spawned from a bizarre coven. I even bite my tongue and don't mock her for her diet. My self-control leaves me very impressed with myself.

When I grow tired of the snot and the tears, I hold out the t-shirt.

"I thought you might need a change of clothes."

"Thanks." Her voice is thick and nasal, and her eyes are puffy.

A quick glance tells me that they're the same brown color as they were before. Yet another thing that makes her less vampire and more human. Not that you could mistake her humanity with all the various bodily fluids she's got smeared across her face.

If it wouldn't jeopardize my mission, I'd take out my phone, take a photo, and send it to Jane for our mutual amusement. The fall from grace of Renesmee Cullen—brought about by me. I struggle to hide my smile.

"So are you going to turn around?"

It's then that she reminds me that she wants to get changed—and that underneath the elite Volturi Guard there's still a teenage boy. As I'm turning the other way, I forget about being Master of the Universe, and I find myself thinking of breasts.

What do Ness's breasts look like? They're obviously not very big, but then I wonder whether I'm really bothered by that. On the few occasions that I've handled breasts, I've often felt at a loss at what to do with them. I'm not really the touchy feely type.

I picture them in a white cotton bra like the one I procured for her the other day. Then that familiar something begins to creep over me—the awkward feeling where I'm not sure whether I feel aroused or sick. Once again, the legacy from my human years prevents me from having a human moment. I guess I should be thankful for it—after all, I'm on a mission and don't want to be distracted from my objective.

When I'm told I can turn around, I can't help having a brief look at her chest and revisiting my mental picture, but I quickly push it away. Ness is giving me a strange look; then her face drops and she sits back down on the dirty factory floor, propping herself up against a crumbling brick wall.

I sit by her, making sure I don't get too close. I should make small talk, I realize.

"So, you drink animal blood. What's the story behind that?"

We chat a little about banal subjects—the Cullen morality, her status as a hybrid—which seems to be a touchy subject, and my human life. Luckily, I manage to get off the subject quite quickly as she takes me back to times I'd rather forget. Plus I don't want to give her too much information, risk catching myself in a lie, or inadvertently expose the truth.

When she shows a brief interest in the castle I lived in, I get a glimmer of hope that her enthusiasm might mean an easy ticket to visit to a certain underground castle in Volterra, Italy, but I'm swiftly disappointed.

It's then that she realizes that she left her purse behind. To hide my amusement, I have to leap up onto the catwalk and look out of the window to let her know that morning is coming. I make a note not to look directly at Felix, who I can see silently and motionlessly hanging from the ceiling like a large gothic Spiderman—it's a laughable sight.

Once my moment of amusement has passed, I go back to my seated position and try to reassure her. Making more small talk, I ask about her background. Though I already know a great deal, and Aro will be able to find out whatever he wants to know himself once I bring Ness home, I wonder if I can find out anything of tactical advantage in the meantime.

Ness sighs deeply. "I'm not really in the mood to tell you, but I could show you."

"Show me?"

She lifts her hand and brings it in closer to me. I know what she's doing—Aro has briefed me about the nature of her talent. It's a one way connection; she can only show me what's in her mind, and she can't read anything from mine. To do this, I know she has got to make contact with me.

I panic. Her hand comes closer and I briefly imagine what it will be like when her skin touches mine. Her hand will be warm against my cold cheek, or maybe it will be my jaw. It's an intimate gesture and part of me wants to feel her touch and rub my cheek against her fingers while I bask in it.

Another part of me recoils as I remember another palm against my face—this time leaving a sickening ache and breaking the skin. The feeling of total helplessness and anger bubbles up, and I can't bear it anymore. I grab her wrist.

"What are you doing?"

She gives a slight explanation that she has a talent, and how "a picture can say a thousand words."

It's her ability to take this contact for granted that decides for me. For her, because she's had such a carefree upbringing, this action is commonplace—easy.

Why would I want this aberration to touch me? I shouldn't. Touching equals pain more than it results in pleasure. I don't want her hands on me.

"No, matter. I'm not that interested." I take myself away from her and saunter toward the far end of the factory, hoping that she'll take it as nonchalance rather than a desperate need for breathing space. "You should get some sleep. We're going 'shopping' for real tomorrow night."

I face the opposite way while I regain my composure, and I distract myself by trying to spot Demetri's hiding place. Eventually I find him, and only then do I turn around to see if Ness is asleep.

In the same place as we were sitting earlier, Ness has rolled up her old shirt and is using it as a pillow. She has no other covers and I can see her shivering.

Something inside of me cracks and a memory from my human life springs to mind. My chest constricts and I have to close my eyes through the pain. I tell myself that Ness is not Jane and that was a long time ago.

Still, I do the only thing I can in the circumstances. I walk over to where she's curled up, remove my coat, and lay it over her.

Ness isn't asleep and she looks up. "Thanks."

I can't say anything as I'm too overwhelmed. I grit my teeth and wander away, holding back scenes from my past that I wished I couldn't recall. Curling up in a corner of my own, I spend the rest of the day until Ness wakes up wishing I was back in Italy with my sister.

~X~

Nessie POV

I don't sleep very well that night, but when I do wake up, I give Alec his coat back immediately, dusting it off as best as I can.

To say that I'm surprised he gave it to me is an understatement. Trying to figure him out is impossible—sometimes, he's awful, rude, and just an ass, and then he goes and does something kind and unexpected.

What wouldn't I give to have inherited my father's mind reading ability?

"We'll get you a coat of your own for tonight, and a sleeping bag. Maybe even a tent."

For a split second, I wonder how I'm going to pay, but it doesn't take me long to realize that we're going to steal them. A night on a factory floor has erased my morality when it comes to taking a few essentials, though my conscience still doesn't feel any better about my actions of the previous day.

We wait until it's dark until we run to a nearby town. Alec doesn't seem to be in the mood for conversation today, and so I follow him without saying a word.

I remember his stare when we were talking about his human life, and the way he refuses to allow me to touch him in any way. Something bad obviously happened in his past—other than the fact he was transformed into a vampire.

Feeling guilty, I wonder if there is anything I can do or anything I can say to help him, or whether I'm best leaving him alone.

Why am I even considering taking up supernatural counseling? Vampires are frozen in time, and you can only change them in exceptional circumstances, right? It's not as if I have much in the way of experience of pain other than what happened with Jacob. I've had a privileged, protected upbringing—what would I understand about a boy who grew up in the Middle Ages and who had gone through whatever Alec had?

Still, my Cullen values make me want to help. Frozen or not, I'm not giving up on him yet. You never know, converting a nomad vampire and returning to the coven feeling like something good came out of all this might be just what I need to redeem myself. Saving lives in the future could be my good deed to make up for my part in what happened in the mall.

Well, I'll give it a try. Alec obviously has a lot of issues and a corner of my mind is already telling me that he's a lost cause. Still—If Jasper can do it, why not Alec? First, I've got to get him to talk.

Once we're in town, we slink through the streets until we finally come across a camping supplies store. I walk up to the front entrance without thinking.

"What are you doing?" Alec spits. "Hold a sign up for the cameras saying, 'Hi, mum!' next time!"

I feel stupid. "Sorry, I've never done this before. I'm not thinking."

"Wait over there. Lesson one—when you're stealing something in the middle of the night, don't walk in through the front door." With a frustrated sigh, he disappears.

"Okay. I get it. Jeez," I say to myself. Great. What a start to my plan to convert Alec—I'm not exactly vindicating my diet as brain food.

I wander away across the street and wait until Alec comes back a few minutes later fully laden.

"Lesson number two—disable the alarm and make sure you're not seen by any cameras. Here. Don't think I'm carrying them for you."

I look at what he's gotten. There's a tent, a large pack, a sleeping bag, a flashlight, various items of warm clothing, and a thick coat. Once I've put them away, Alec hands something else to me that he's been messing with while I've been occupied.

It's a belt, and slotted in it are a number of knives.

"It's a knife belt."

"Congratulations—there is a brain in there somewhere." Alec rolls his eyes at me.

"Yeah, but why do I need knives?"

Alec seems to think about this for a moment.

"Seeing as you're such a pathetic excuse for a vampire, I thought you might need a few things that humans would take into the wild. There are a million fun and useful things you can do with a knife."

"But three of them? Seriously?" I look at them a little closer—they look very different to the kitchen knives I used when I was helping Mom and Grandma Esme.

Alec looks annoyed. "Look, are you going to take them or not? If not, then why don't you go see whether the shop gives refunds." The side of his mouth lifts slightly.

I take them off him, and then he drops something else on the ground in front of me. There are a number of cereal bars and some other snacks.

Looking up at Alec, I say, "Thank you." He shrugs, and then walks away.

We head to a convenience store, and he takes me around the back.

"This time, I'm going to go in the main store and create a distraction. You can go in the back and get whatever else you think you need."

I nod my head, though I'm scared and worried about whether I can actually do this.

With a deep breath, I wait a few moments for Alec to begin whatever he's planning on doing, and tentatively open the door and step into a dark corridor. I sneak along, first finding a toilet, and then discovering that the next door is locked; I force it and find myself in a room with shelving and boxes. It takes me a while to gather what I need, but I put them inside of my pack, and then I head out.

All the time, my heart pounds faster than normal.

When I finally complete my mission and stumble out of the metal door, I find Alec waiting for me.

"Wait, weren't you supposed to be creating a distraction in the store?"

Alec smirks. "Was I? Sorry, I forgot." I choke and Alec laughs. "I wanted to teach you a few life skills. Congratulations, you passed Theft 101."

"You're an ass—you do know that?"

Grinning ear to ear, Alec just turns and runs away. I follow him, feeling weighed down by my pack.

Once our "shopping" is done, we head out of town. We find ourselves in rolling hills covered in forest, and I thank God for national parks. As I put my pack down, Alec takes a seat with his back to a tree.

I get the message loud and clear—he doesn't intend on helping me, and he thinks that watching me put up my tent is going to be amusing.

Well, I'll show him. This I can do. Thanks to my family, I'm a seasoned camper.

After raising my eyebrows, I set to it, and it's erected in record time. Alec looks impassive, but as he's not smirking, I take it as he's mildly impressed.

"Well, seeing as you didn't lend a hand, I'll take it as you're not interested in sharing my tent." Smugly, I grab my pack. "Have a pleasant evening, Alec, and I'll see you when I wake up."

Once inside, I unpack what I need. I unroll my sleeping bag, change my clothes, and eat a cereal bar. As I chew, I wonder at how less guilty I feel about eating something I stole compared to…

I try not to think about it.

I begin to feel bad when I hear droplets of rain on the fabric above me, and so I climb out of my sleeping bag and open the zip.

"Alec?"

"Yes?" His voice is sullen.

"It's raining. Come inside the tent."

"I can handle a little rain."

"Alec, just get inside and stop being an ass."

I climb back inside my sleeping bag and Alec follows me. Pulling my pack out of the way, Alec sits in the space I make. A bottle rolls out of the top of my bag, and he picks it up and inspects it.

"Hair conditioner?" Though it's still dark, I can still see his expression. "You may be able to put up a tent, but if I hadn't found you, you really wouldn't have survived, would you?"

I snatch the bottle out of his hand.

"It's the brand my mom uses. It reminds me of home." I put it away, and then I dryly add, "Plus, you have no idea how hard it is to get a brush through my hair after washing it."

Alec chuckles, and this time, I feel as if he's laughing with me rather than at me.

Settling back in my sleeping bag, I feel a little awkward falling asleep with Alec so close. I look over to find him staring back, and he averts his eyes.

"What?"

Alec turns his attention back to me. "I was just wondering…why did you leave home in the first place?"

I turn so that I'm facing him and rest my head on my hand. "It's a long story, but to cut it short, I had an argument with…a friend, and I was just so tired of being wrapped up in cotton wool."

"So you ran away, completely unprepared?"

"Yeah. I didn't really put too much thought into it. If I hadn't found you I'd probably have gone home by now."

"Your life couldn't have been that bad. Let me guess—your coven had money, a nice house, sent you to high school…"

My mouth lifts into a smile at Alec's perceptiveness.

"Wow. You've really got me figured out. Am I really that transparent?"

"Lucky guess." He shifts and made himself comfortable. "Is being wrapped in cotton wool something you really need to run away from? Sounds pretty cushy to me."

"It was okay, but something was always going to give. So it wasn't life and death, but everything was controlled and decided for me since the moment I was born. I didn't mind so much when I thought I had something to look forward to, but then that one thing was taken away, and I just couldn't do it anymore."

Alec doesn't respond, and looks away. Satisfied that his attention is elsewhere, I finally manage to close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

~X~

Alec POV

Something was always going to give…I just couldn't do it anymore.

The feelings that had overwhelmed me after I'd given Ness my coat take over again.

The more Ness reminds me of my sister in the final day of our humanity, the worse I feel about my latest present for the Cullens. Using the fact she was caught on security camera at the camping store, and most likely at the convenience store, suddenly feels very wrong.

It isn't often I have a crisis of conscience. I decide that it's time to stop my corruption of Renesmee Cullen and concentrate purely on my mission from now on.

Maybe trying to be a little nicer might help ease my guilt?