Chapter Eleven
I was so confused.
"I don't know why she called you." I mumbled when I could. I had yet to look at them again. Instead, I focused on the trees across the yard.
I was trying so hard to be careful, and I knew they could tell. I was trying to treat them like I'd treat anyone else I didn't trust. It was harder, though, because they'd earned my trust so long ago and decided to throw it away.
"It must be pretty important." Esme replied gently. "Maybe it might help if you tell us what she was concerned about."
"I didn't know she was coming today." I ignored the tears that scattered free when I blinked. I ignored the tremble in my voice.
"Neither did we." Carlisle added from where he stood. Esme seemed to be the only one brave enough to sit on the porch step with me.
"Leandra," Esme started, her voice quiet and hesitant. "I know it seems-"
"But you don't." I mumbled. "You don't know. None of you do. I don't even know." I couldn't help the way my own quiet voice hardened. "I don't know why you would even come back."
Beside me, Esme attempted to smooth my back like she used to when I was upset. I wasn't fast enough to cover the flinch, slight arch and whimper I gave, and by the time I remembered I should probably hide it, my reaction was out and she'd pulled her hand back in surprise.
Despite the instant flush of embarrassment in my face and brief increase in my tears, I kept my eyes forward.
"I'm fine." I sobbed bitterly before she could ask.
Carlisle's sigh told me he wasn't about to believe that.
"Who was it?" He asked quietly.
"What do you care?" I mumbled, standing up. This wasn't working. Not today. Not with how crappy today had been already. I wanted a do-over.
In the time it took me to make it off the last step, I suddenly realized something. I finally figured out this feeling. I knew it'd been familiar.
This was exactly how I used to feel toward my mom and dad. I hated my dad for leaving, and that was the anger I felt toward Esme and Carlisle. It broke my heart even more to realize that it was because they'd done the exact same thing my dad had done.
They left me behind, hoping my mom would be good enough to take care of me.
That feeling was why I told myself it would never work living with my dad. I couldn't handle being abandoned a third time. That feeling was why I couldn't breathe when I thought about forgiving them.
I'd spent all this time trying to find a way to forgive them, but I could never let it go. Now that I was faced with it, I couldn't even look at them.
"We care." Carlisle replied, and I scoffed. He attempted to take my hand, but I threw my hand away from his and rounded on him. The one person I never would have thought I would turn on. I glared up at him as heatedly I could manage through the ripping pain in my heart.
"Don't you get it?" I shouted. "Dads don't leave their daughters! T-They're supposed to protect them, not leave them!" I sobbed. "I know it wasn't like that for you, but.. I-It was for me, a-and you just.. You threw it away! I still needed you!"
I hated this so much. I hated yelling at him, and I hated myself for needing to. I hated that both of them had hurt me so badly, and I hated that they were able to.
Carlisle reached for my hand yet again, like he would have done when I was angry. Again, I yanked my hand away and took a step back.
"You never should have saved me that day." I growled. "I never should have believed you. I never should have trusted you. You don't know what it feels like, do you? Lucky you. I was the stupid one, though. I told myself-"
Esme stood up, her voice gentle. "Leandra."
She was just trying to make me shut up before I said something I regretted, but it felt like I'd been stabbed again, right in the pit of my stomach. They needed to know it.
"I told myself I was being stupid, but you both told me I had it wrong." I gasped through sobs and clenched teeth. I turned my glare back up to Carlisle. "I wish I never met you. I'd rather get beaten every day than feel that for one second. At least then, I knew I was just something to throw away."
Part of me was hurting so bad the more I said these things, but the other part of me knew that this was true. All of it was true, but it was killing me to say them to them.
He finally spoke. "Leandra, please. Just-"
"God, just stop." I was so angry. "Go back to forgetting about me already. You've done enough." I needed to walk away. Right now. "Pretend I died. I'm probably going there anyway."
With that, I turned and started walking toward the drive. I didn't get that far, though. Carlisle was suddenly in my way, so I stopped.
"What do you mean by that?" He asked, but I kept my eyes away.
"Move." I muttered bitterly.
"Leandra, I understand you're upset, and you have every right to be, but I can't let you leave here without knowing exactly what you mean by what you just said."
"Am I a hostage now?" I asked. "What does it even matter to you?"
"I saved you last year because you needed someone to show you that you are not disposable." His voice was urgent, but gentle. The way he always spoke to me when he needed me to understand what he was saying. I clenched my teeth, setting my jaw in emotion. Fighting back the impending break down as long as I could.
"You may regret meeting me," He went on, "But I can't seem to make myself regret meeting you. You have taught me so much, and you're right. I.. We never should have left the way we did, but at the time, I foolishly believed that with your biological mother was the best place for you. You expressed your concerns, and I only saw your fear.
"I pushed you too hard, thinking that was in your best interest to get passed that fear only far enough to begin adjusting." He went on. "I made a terrible mistake when I believed your mother was adjusted enough herself before doing this, and I'm sorry for that."
I sobbed through my teeth, keeping my eyes away from his. Instead I focused on the porch. The same porch I'd spent so many nights on. I reminded myself of those nights. I needed to remember why I was mad.
"My terrible mistakes do not change the fact that you, Leandra, are not disposable." His voice stayed steady despite how quickly I was crumbling. "Leandra." Through my tears, I looked at him. "I know you're upset. No one is asking you not to be, but please just.. Just tell me what that meant."
I stood in silence for a moment, studying his expression through my tears. Just for a second, I saw the fact that he was actually pleading with me.
I eventually looked down and squeezing my eyes shut. I couldn't stand it, and I broke. I held my breath as long as I could behind intense sobs that shook me. I trembled with the amount of effort it took.
I didn't back away this time as he kneeled down and pulled me into a hug. I returned it as fast as I could, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry." I cried with a choking gasp. He immediately shook his head.
"Don't be." He murmured under the sound of my sobs. "Don't be sorry. You're absolutely right, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I truly thought I was doing the right thing. By stepping back, and by leaving.
"I couldn't bear the thought of you turning your back on your human life before even giving it a real chance. The longer we were in your life, the more real that risk became, and I must admit, I was a little scared. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if you had gotten hurt because I wasn't strong enough to let go. I'm so sorry."
"I still needed you." I bawled, no anger left in the sound. "So much."
"I see that now." He replied. "I know."
I flinched, but only hugged Carlisle tighter as Esme gently raised the back of my shirt. Immediately, she sighed. I knew what she was looking at. The one bruise I was no doubt getting, laying across the old scars there. It acted as an emphasis on what I said. I still needed them. I'd needed them this whole time, and the status of my safety didn't change that fact.
I jumped, leaning back with a sniffle as his phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket with a sigh. Before I could look closer, Esme took my hand and turned me to face her.
"Honey," She murmured. "Who did that?"
"It doesn't matter." I whimpered, trying to look down.
"Yes." She corrected, catching my chin. "It does matter." And I could hear it. To her, it did matter.
"My mom's boyfriend." I mumbled. "He's why Alice couldn't leave me there." I noticed Carlisle look at me from the side.
"I'll let her know." Carlisle spoke into the phone. "Thank you." I turned to look at him, frowning a little as he ended the call. My tears forgotten for right then, despite how they were taking their time stopping.
"What's wrong?" I asked immediately.
"That was Charlie." He said. "He knows you're here. It's your mother. She's been admitted into the hospital." Though part of me wanted to be surprised, I knew better.
"Oh." Was all I said. At least she was safe for now. I blinked slowly at the ground. He really didn't know. He had no idea.
"This isn't a surprise." Carlisle had caught that too.
"Yeah." I said. "I mean, no. It's not. He hits her all the time. Today was the first time in awhile he's turned on me, but that was my fault, I guess."
"How could it possibly be your fault?" Esme asked quietly.
"He heard me telling my mom to leave him." I replied, turning away. I headed slowly back toward the steps. "I was trying to help her, because I knew she couldn't do it on her own."
"This has been an issue before?" Esme asked, following. Carlisle followed to my right.
"Things.." I hesitated, my voice hardly making a sound. "Things haven't been good since you.. Um.. But I just.. I don't really wanna talk about it." I really didn't. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her nod.
"Aspirin should do fairly well in easing any discomfort in the bruise, but if it doesn't, just let me know." He murmured. I didn't mind. The bruise was pretty numb by then.
"I'll be fine. I've had way worse." I mumbled, and again in my peripheral vision to my other side, I saw him glance over at me. I knew he was noticing every little thing about me. For some reason, those little things interested him. I was still torn, almost painfully numb, and I knew that came forward in my voice like a neon sign.
I sensed another very painful conversation coming up soon. I was doing my best to avoid it. I wasn't sure why. I didn't want them to know. I'd spent the last week learning how to accept it.
Now, they were back. Sitting with me on the top step of the porch of the house I'd held onto as long as I could. Esme to my right, Carlisle to my left. These two people were the reason why this house meant what it did. I was having trouble with that. That's where I was getting stuck.
I had to have known all along that I was angry at them, yet I held onto the place I had the most memories of them.
I was quiet, keeping my eyes down as I found a seat back on the top step. I had yet to look at him again.
I'd had an extremely long and painful day so far. I'd woken up that morning to my mom fighting with Keith. All the way up until that painful afternoon, and the emotional evening. I was tired now, and very confused. I needed to rest, but I doubted I'd let myself do that until I had more footing.
I jumped a little at feeling his hand smooth my hair, but relaxed immediately. I closed my eyes, tolerating the gesture.
"What does that mean for me?" I asked quietly. "If she's in the hospital."
"It means you're going to need someone to watch you." Carlisle explained. "For as long as she's there." I scoffed again. He looked over.
"I don't stay anywhere I don't wanna be." I had to explain at least a little bit.
"Unless you're with someone who can hear your every move." Esme corrected lightly. I shrugged a little.
"Hasn't happened yet." I pointed out. "My dad didn't even see it coming."
"You won't be going back. At least not tonight." Carlisle murmured. "Not until I can be sure it's safe for you."
"It's not safe anywhere." I sighed. Which was very much the truth.
Probably wanting to change the subject, Esme looked over. "You visited your father?"
"Long story." I sighed. "It wasn't really a visit. He was trying to help me, but he picked the wrong time of year to do it." If I was being honest, I wasn't sure I'd be any warmer to the idea at any other time of year either.
"What happened?" Carlisle asked.
"He took me to his house." I replied. "For Christmas." They knew from my reaction on my birthday that that was a hard topic for me. "He said the wrong thing, so as soon as we got back to Port Angeles, I ran away. I haven't really heard anything from him since I was found."
That reminded me. My voice seemed weaker now as I looked over at Carlisle.
"Were you there?"
"I tried not to be." He admitted. "I wanted so badly to believe that you were doing well. I wanted you to have the chance to heal, and grow up to live the life you were meant to." I was quiet, and I knew he knew what I was asking him. "I heard you that day, Leandra. I did hear you, and it killed me. To find you like that, in those conditions, it killed me. I had to try one more time, though. I led you that way, knowing you'd follow. You followed me, and you saw Bella."
"I cried so hard when you were gone." I whispered, my voice breaking. "I needed you so much." I closed my eyes softly, brand new tears trailing down my cheeks. I leaned forward, my arms on my knees.
"You needed your life more, Leandra." He murmured. "Or so I told myself. From what you've told me about Keith, I know why you were out there. What I want to know, though, is why you never told anyone."
"Nobody would believe me." I whispered, shaking my head. "Especially not my mom. Especially not after I bit her. Not until it was too late."
He studied my expression for a moment before I looked back down.
"I see." He told me gently. "I see you. All we worked for, all I tried to do for you has been undone, and for that, I can only apologize."
I turned away. I recalled easily all my nights waiting for them to come back. He was here now for me to blame, and it wasn't good enough that he could only apologize. I'd spent the last several months on autopilot and in survival mode, and all he had to say was 'sorry'?
Before I was there for for very long, I was suddenly stolen from my seat. I gave a yelp, whimpering as I was squeezed, and spun around.
"Ow!" I snapped, my tears renewing once more and suddenly, the squeezing stopped. I looked up, meeting Emmett's eyes. His eyes narrowed a little bit, and he suddenly but gently flipped me over, tucking me under his arm, like a backward facing football for a moment and lifting the back of my shirt a bit.
"Okay." Emmett growled. "Who am I killing? What son-of-a-bitch is dying tonight?" I kicked a little, not used to being held.
"Nobody." I mumbled, letting Emmett set me on my feet.
"Are you kidding me, shorty-"
"Don't." I said, shaking my head. "Just.. Don't." I looked down, sitting slowly back down.
"Carlisle," Emmett muttered, his eyes on me. "I take it it's not going well? What happened?" He'd noticed how much I'd changed as well. Immediately. A rather painful memory slashed again at my resolve. It seemed I had my own set of emotions for everyone. They were all similar, but it was different.
"You would know.." I whispered, glancing up at him. "If you'd been there." I'd said those exact words the last time I saw him. At Bella's birthday party months before, and I knew he remembered it too. His concerned expression turned sad, and though I felt bad for making him feel bad, I needed to make a point.
I saw the difference in me just as much as they did. I knew. I heard the changes in those words.
"I'm sorry-" He tried.
"Don't." I said again, shaking my head.
I honestly didn't know how to act. I didn't know what the situation was, and I still didn't want to get close to them again. I was trying my best to protect myself, even if all I really wanted to do was just give up. I couldn't deal with the heartbreak again.
I had a feeling that I was losing that struggle, though. Even as I stood there, successfully biting back the tears for the time being, I knew that it'd be harder to do so if either one of them showed me any more kindness.
"Leandra. Please look at me." I closed my eyes at Carlisle's request. I couldn't last. The resonating pain in my broken heart refused to let me stay that strong. It was too painful to beat back. If this kept happening, I wasn't sure how they were supposed to watch me.
I stood up instead.
"You don't do that." I whimpered. "You don't promise someone you'll always be there, and then just leave them. I had no one. I was alone."
I looked at each of them. I didn't want to feel like this. I needed it to stop, but I didn't know how to change it.
My voice got even quieter, more emotional, and breaking softly.
"Why would you just.. Leave me like that? What did I do?"
Emmett looked down, and I heard his sigh from where I stood.
"Remind me to hit Edward next time I see him. He's definitely got it coming."
He was quiet for a moment, letting me calm down enough to breathe before speaking again.
"I know how much it seems like we just left and forgot all about you, shorty, but believe me." He said. "There was no chance. The entire time we were gone, all we thought about was you and Bella. Wondering what you were up to. We couldn't let ourselves come back, though, and risk making our goodbye be for nothing."
"I didn't get one." I pointed out through quiet tears, and under his breath, he cursed. He knew what I meant. He fell quiet for a second.
"Hold that thought, shorty." He sighed again, and a second later, I heard what had taken his focus. The sound of a car. I darted up the steps out of pure instinct.
"It's just Charlie." Emmett told me, for once not amused.
"That doesn't help." I admitted, shaking my head. I didn't want to see him. Besides. I'd trained myself to be afraid of anyone that approached the house the whole time I stayed here. "He'll just take me home, and leave. I'm not going back there until Keith calms down."
"Who's Keith?" Emmett asked, looking at me.
"Not with your mother in the hospital." Carlisle stood up. "Leandra, it's time to tell him the truth."
"No." I scoffed. "I don't need two people hating me for making them go to jail." That was a reason I'd never spoken out loud. "And I'm not getting sent to some other family. I'm not gonna start all over again."
"Is Keith the piece of shit I'm gonna kill?" Emmett asked pointedly.
"You're not going to do anything." Esme stood up as well, looking over at him. I turned and ran to the wall, choosing to sit there instead right as Charlie's car pulled up in the driveway below.
I heard him get out.
"She is, by far, the hardest person I've ever tried to keep track of." Charlie sighed heavily. "She's still here, isn't she?" As he was asking that, he scanned the front of the house, eventually spotting me in the shadow there.
"I don't wanna go back yet." I mumbled, hoping he could hear me with the distance between him and I.
"There has been an ongoing issue with Keith." Carlisle explained for me, but Charlie looked at me again.
"Leandra, is he the reason your mother is in the hospital?" He asked, and I nodded.
"They fight all the time." I explained. "He hits her all the time. So it probably was him. But really, it's my fault."
"Whatever happened wasn't your fault." Charlie stressed quietly. "But he's there too, I'm told. Hold on."
I watched as he turned away, pulling out his phone. He returned to his car, but the way he left the door open told me he wasn't going anywhere yet.
In the silence, I watched Emmett. After about a minute of listening, he grinned.
"What?" I asked, and he looked at me.
"Keith isn't going anywhere for awhile." He replied. "Two broken wrists and three fractured ribs will make sure of that." I frowned. My mom wasn't nearly strong enough to do all that.
Alice.
I looked up again, but his smile was gone. I couldn't read his expression, though. I suddenly worried about what else he might have just heard.
"What?" I asked again. He seemed to hesitate for a second.
"Your mom's not doing that well." He admitted. As worried as that made me, I was grateful he decided to be honest.
I didn't have a chance to reply before Charlie ended his call. He stood back up and came back toward the porch.
"How long have you been here, Leandra?" He asked.
"Awhile." I shrugged. "Alice picked me up before dinner. At like.. Five-ish." He checked his watch.
"So you didn't see anything happen?"
I shook my head. I hesitated before I spoke again. "Is my mom going to be okay?"
"I don't know. I really don't." He sighed. "I haven't been to see her yet. I was only told she was there- Why didn't you tell me? Has this been going on since you went home from the hospital?"
"Hospital?" Emmett asked, surprised again.
"I was afraid you'd put me in another home." I ignored Emmett, replying to Charlie, and that wasn't a lie. "I didn't want to go anywhere else, because I knew Carlisle was coming back." That part was a lie.
He spluttered for a moment, before shaking his head.
"Regardless." He looked back at Carlisle. "It wasn't up to you to take her. You should know this. If you knew about something like this, you're supposed to let me know first."
"He didn't know." I said. "And he didn't take me. Alice did."
"Alice was the one to call 9-1-1." Charlie pointed out.
"She must've went back then." I countered. "Because when I left to come here, everything was fine."
"Then I have a few questions for Alice." He responded. "Where is she?"
"I don't know." I answered. "She never said where she was going. Just that she had something else she needed to take care of."
He seemed to want to find any excuse to be upset with Carlisle. Well, I wasn't about to be his excuse. I looked over as Esme approached my side.
"Please don't be mad at Carlisle. Or Alice." I added. "It's not their fault that I didn't tell."
"In a way," Charlie scoffed, "I'm sure it is."
Charlie sighed, but I could understand what he meant by that. I looked to Carlisle, offering a very small smile. Hoping I was helping a little. I curled up, and I hung my head a little in exhaustion.
"Well," Charlie finally spoke again. "Since you weren't there, I guess I don't have to question you, but I do need to find you a place to go in the meantime."
I shook my head. "I'm not-"
"We'll keep her." Esme offered, and I looked over. I wasn't expecting them to actually stick to that.
"Hell yeah." Emmett agreed instantly, but he wasn't joking. He wasn't even smiling. He was tense.
"I don't think that would be a good idea." Charlie replied. "Given how easily you all seem to skip town, I'd like her to stick around." Suddenly, I understood. That was his grudge. He was mad at them for hurting Bella. I didn't really make his job very easy because of it, either.
"Kidnapping isn't our thing." Emmett countered.
"You don't even have any furniture." Charlie tried another direction.
"Rose is taking care of that." Emmett smiled. "She should be here any minute with the first of the furniture."
Was she really?
"Emmett?" Esme asked, looking over at him.
"Like we were going to just come back here and then leave again." Emmett rolled his eyes. "Come on."
"But.." I mumbled. "I-I don't know if-"
"I still don't think it's a good idea." Charlie grumbled. He gestured for me to get up. "Come on, sweetheart."
Hesitantly, I stood up. Looking over at Esme. I'd been so sure just moments before that I wasn't going to trust them again, but again, I had to think about all my nights here. I held on for a reason. I would have given absolutely anything to have them back. I was getting that chance, but I was so close to blowing it.
"I don't want to." I finally said.
"We're just going to see your mom." Charlie sighed. His tone suggested he realized he was fighting a losing battle. He and I both knew I wouldn't stay where I didn't want to be. He knew me by now. He looked to Carlisle as I carefully descended the steps.
"I'll need to see some furniture in this house before I bring her back here, or I'm finding her another place to stay. We can sort the rest out in the morning."
I started forward, but I stopped myself. I hesitated and I looked back at Esme, Emmett now beside her. From there, I looked over at Carlisle. In the weirdest way, he knew why I was hesitating.
"Go ahead." Carlisle told me gently. "We'll still be here when you're finished."
"We're not going anywhere, shorty." Emmett added.
I stood there for a moment longer before I looked back over at Emmett. "Do me a huge favor, and never tell me that again." He looked down, and I started forward again.
"And please.." Charlie spoke again, looking at Carlisle as well. "Keep.. Just keep Edward away from Bella as long as you can. At least until I can focus on everything again. I'm really not sure how I feel about her seeing him again after everything she's been through."
He didn't wait for a response. Gently taking my shoulder in his hand, Charlie turned with me toward the car. I wasn't sure how I felt either, so I totally understood where he was coming from.
I willingly climbed into the passenger seat. Letting him close the door behind me. I fidgeted in my seat as he climbed in as well, but that was the most I moved. I looked out the window at the house again, unable to help it. It was everything I wanted before, seeing at least a few of them standing there.
I looked down at my hands as Charlie drove away.
"See, now you're manageable." Charlie pointed out as we left the house behind. "I get why you were manageable in Port Angeles, but this is different. I don't understand you, Leandra."
"Nobody does." I mumbled. "Sometimes I don't even understand me."
"How long has this been going on?" He asked me. "With Keith? Since October?"
"For me.." I sighed. "Since I've known him. He didn't hit me at first, though. I don't know how long he's been hitting my mom, but tonight was so much worse than it usually is. She kept fighting back this time."
"You say he didn't hit you at first?" He asked and I shook my head.
"It was only threats at first." I replied.
"Has he hit you?" He asked pointedly. I kept my eyes out the window.
"No." I replied. "I-"
"Is that why you kept running away? And going there?"
"No." I said. "I just knew I was safe there. Until the police kept hunting me down." I paused. "I just.. Missed them a little less when I was there."
"Tell me something." He murmured. "Even if, by some miracle, they do get their furniture back into that house by the time I check in, is staying with them again really something you want?"
I took a breath.
"That's hard to answer." I admitted.
"Can you really forgive them?" He added quietly.
"I guess I'm still trying to figure that out. Sometimes things aren't as easy as that. I'm pretty good at hating people, but I.. Can't hate them, because I know why they did it, but.. Nobody else speaks my language."
He smirked, amused. "Your language?"
"That's what I call it." I shrugged. "They get me in a way nobody has ever gotten me."
"I wonder if Bella feels that way." He mused.
"Maybe." I replied. "I know it was different for her than it was for me." I paused. "And.. Um.. Thanks. For asking her to come see me that day. I don't think I ever thanked you for that."
He looked over. "I never asked her to do that."
She must have done that on her own. I couldn't really blame her.
"It didn't do much good, though." He shook his head.
"I'm sorry."
"Leandra," He sighed. "Can I give you just a little bit of advice?" I sat quietly, waiting. So he continued. "You can't keep living your life expecting every good thing to turn bad. You can't keep living your life, putting real effort into sabotaging yourself. It's a scary thing, imagining what your life will be like when you're older if you keep it up."
"It's not like I can just change." I pointed out. "The Cullens.. They changed me when they took me in last year. It meant something to me. I went from being this kid that nobody wanted, to being important to somebody. When they left, though, they must have taken that with them because I think I've just been spending this whole time trying to find it. Nobody else had that. Now that.. I guess they're back.. I want that feeling again."
"You do understand what this means, don't you?" I looked to him. "It means no more running."
"I know."
"You could have gotten seriously hurt today had Alice not taken you out of that house when she did." He went on, firmer. "Because I know that, I cannot comfortably let you go back to her when she's recovered enough. Now that there is physical proof of the violence she's subjected you to-"
"I get it." I sighed. "But I won't go live with another family. I can't risk it. I've risked too much already. If you put me anywhere else, I'll just keep running."
We were quiet the rest of the ride.
I watched as he pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Choosing a spot near the front. Together we walked inside, and he found the ICU pretty easily. There was another lounge, sitting outside of it with the light off. He gestured into the room with a sigh.
"Go in there, and stay put until I come back." He instructed. "I might be awhile. I'm going to talk to the nurses first, so just sit tight." I nodded, sighing and heading into the room. I chose a seat nearest the door, because there was another person in there. The man was oblivious to my presence, but I didn't want to change that.
The whole time I sat in there, it was silent. I thought about every single detail of the situation. I had a chance now to reflect, which I desperately needed.
I thought about the way the day had started. I started the morning before with no idea how drastically everything would change just hours later.
I was wrong before. Keith wasn't like Jack. He was crazy in a whole different way. It wasn't me he wanted, unlike Jack. Keith wanted my mom like he wanted a prized pony. I was just in the way of that, so he wanted to get rid of me any way he knew how.
I just couldn't understand it, though. It didn't make any sense to me. If he liked her so much, why would he hurt her? Why would he hit her, insult her? He hurt her in so many more ways than physically.
"Leandra?" I looked over at Charlie's quiet voice in the doorway. He nodded and I stood up. I followed him from the room and toward the closest hallway. A few steps were taken in silence, but he did eventually speak.
"I'm told it's bad." He murmured. "But she's been asking for you." I knew that, so I didn't respond. He was only letting me know, not stopping me.
We hesitated outside a room on the left side of the hallway, the door propped open. The steady beeping sound coming from inside made me nervous. I could see her laying in the bed from where we stood, but she seemed to be sleeping.
"Do you want me to come in with you?" Charlie asked, and I glanced up at him. I had to admit, I liked that he offered. I nodded a little, taking a deep breath. He nodded as well, gently urging me forward.
I walked in slowly, unsure as I approached the bed. I couldn't believe at first that we had the right room. The woman on the bed had so much bruising, it was hard to believe it was her. It hurt me so much to see her like this, despite how much I hated her just a few months before. Somehow knowing she was like this because of me made it that much harder to see.
I saw how badly he'd hurt her in such a short amount of time. It suddenly made so much sense why Alice couldn't leave me there. I thought it was only because Keith was mad at me, but I saw now that she just didn't want me to see this.
I thought before that black bruising was the worst it could get, but I was wrong.
The left of her face had bruising from her brow, to the bottom of her jaw. Spreading across her cheek, and over the bridge of her nose. Darkening her swelling eye, and her split lip. Purple, swollen, and even red just under the skin. Her left arm was in a sling, which I recognized from my own time spent in one, but there was a cast there that wasn't there before.
It was hard for me to look at her, but the fact that there was more than that bothered me even more. Around her neck, where he'd gripped her multiple times. To me, it easily looked like she'd survived a fall, or being hit by a car.
"Mom?" I asked quietly, and she opened her eyes. Well, one eye. The other was dark purple and swollen shut. I couldn't help the slow tears that escaped. I stepped closer as she reached for me, and leaned gently on the bed beside her.
"Leandra." She sounded so relieved to see me, and thankfully, she still sounded like herself. Despite the thick bruising around her neck. As soon as I was close enough, she reached up and cupped my face. Her thumb gently smoothing away a tear.
"I'm okay." I whimpered, but the tear that escaped her eye made me cry even more as well. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't apologize, baby." She told me, reaching down and taking my hand instead. "You were right. This whole time, all this time, baby, you were right. About everything."
"No I wasn't." I shook my head a little. "I'm so sorry for all the stuff I said to you. I'm sorry I got you into trouble."
"This isn't your fault." She replied firmly, but her voice shook a little. "Baby, I never want you to feel responsible. I made my choices, and again, those choices got you hurt. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me, but I know it'll never be enough."
She took a breath, trying to calm down.
"What.." She started. "Baby, do you have somewhere safe to stay tonight?"
She was worried about me.
"Yeah." I answered. "I'm okay."
"The Cullens are back." Charlie quietly informed her. "As far as I know, she'll be staying with them tonight, and.. Well.. Maybe a little longer than that."
I still wasn't sure how I felt about that.
"What do you mean?" My mom asked, obviously confused. "I mean, I understand she'll need a safe place to stay tonight, but I won't be in here longer than a day or so."
"Leandra." Charlie took my attention. "Would you mind waiting out in the hall for a minute? I have a few things I need to talk to your mom about." I knew what he needed to tell her, and I couldn't blame him for not wanting me around while he did it. She was going to be upset.
I looked at my mom again.
"I'll be okay." I told her, and she attempted a smile. "If you don't kick Keith out now, you're pretty stupid."
She forced a breathless laugh.
"He's not going to be a problem for a little while." Charlie muttered from the side. I nodded again with a sigh.
I took the hint. I carefully stood upright, wincing a little as I did so. The bruise across my back was quite sore, but it was still just a shadow of a familiar pain. One I was used to.
"Don't go far." Charlie insisted. I nodded, immediately turning toward the door. Once again, I got the impression that I was in the way.
I wandered out of the room, keeping my eyes down. I felt better, but also worse. I knew she was going to be okay, but I hated seeing her like that. It was also hard, knowing there was a lot nobody was telling me.
I made my way back to the waiting area. It was still dark in the room, but it was empty now. Outside, thunder rumbled in the distance. It brought my attention out the window and I just then noticed how thick the clouds had gotten. A few fat raindrops had just started falling, pelting the window as a breeze carried them my direction.
A storm was coming.
Charlie was in there for quite awhile, giving me nearly enough time to fall asleep before he came back out to get me. I followed him silently out of the hospital, and out into the now pouring rain.
He sat there in the car with me for a minute, sighing as he checked his cell phone. He seemed disappointed.
"What's wrong?" I asked, looking over.
He shook his head. "I've been trying to get a hold of Bella all evening."
"Maybe she's with Alice." I mumbled, reaching back for my seat belt. He didn't reply, setting his phone to the side.
"I'm just going to assume they went ahead and pulled off a miracle, so we're going to stop at your mother's house for some clothes before I take you over there." He sounded pretty frustrated by that.
"Okay." I mumbled quietly.
It was a short trip, which I was grateful for. I just wanted to get this part over with. I would have been happy never going back there, but I did want some clothes. That would be helpful.
He pulled up to the curb, the entire house dark.
"Do you need me to come in with you?" He offered again, but this time, I shook my head.
"I'll be right back." I said, and he nodded.
I couldn't believe how quiet it was in the house. I took my time inside, looking around the house as I went through it. It was true, I didn't have hardly any positive memories in this house, but there was something to it now.
I stepped around the blood stain in the hallway, kept my eyes away from the half-open master bedroom door as I walked into my room. I gathered some pajamas and a few pairs of jeans. T-shirts, socks, pajamas, and other stuff I might need. I still had no idea how long I would be there, but I wanted a choice while I was there.
When I got back out, closing the front door behind me, I returned to the car to find Charlie on the phone.
"I understand it's a pretty big occasion," He was saying, "But that's no excuse to ignore my calls. Call me as soon as you get this message, or so help me, you're grounded forever." I winced as he ended the call. He was leaving a message. I wondered if Alice really was trying her hardest to get Bella in trouble.
He sighed, looking over at me as I threw my bag into the back seat. I knew he was really worried, given how tense he was the entire drive back to the Cullens house. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't me he was irritated at, but I did know he wasn't happy with the choices I'd made.
In the driveway of the Cullen's house, there was a giant moving truck filled with furniture. Almost like proof they were actually doing what they said.
"Would you look at that." Charlie muttered unenthusiastically. "A miracle."
Just like my thought earlier, it came forward again. Why was I agreeing to be here? Even if they were here now, it really didn't mean they would stay. It didn't mean I could trust them now, or that they would want me back. Did I want to fool myself for just one minute, if it meant having to deal with the pain later?
I knew he needed to get home, so I did all I could to make sure any hint of doubt was gone as I climbed back out in the driveway. Getting instantly drenched in the pouring rain.
I had a feeling that the relief I got when I saw the inside of the house lit up in the night would be hard to hide, though. After all my nights spent here in the pitch darkness, it was a very welcome sight.
Carlisle stepped outside, Emmett following and heading toward the truck. He smiled at me, but I couldn't return it.
Charlie sighed as he climbed out as well. Just enough to stand.
"I'll be back first thing in the morning to figure this out." Charlie said firmly as I slowly made my way toward the porch. I tossed my bag up onto the dry part of the porch, and it rolled out of the way. "She's got a bed, right? And food?"
"Yes." Carlisle replied.
"Good." Charlie sighed. "Don't let her run, and I'll be happy. I need to get home." I pursed my lips, watching as Charlie turned and sat back down.
"I'm so tired of packing my stuff." I mumbled as Charlie drove away. I was already soaking wet, though, so I didn't bother diving for an overhang. I was still getting used to the idea that someone was here again.
"Hopefully you won't need to anymore." Carlisle responded, but I ignored that. Continuing to stand there, only glancing over as Emmett easily pried a full-sized sofa out of the truck and sprinted toward the house with it over his head.
Instead of heading toward the house, I sat down on the bottom step, letting the rain continue hitting me. My clothes were soaked, as was my hair, and I felt like a drowned rat, but it was still better than rushing right into anything.
"My mom's not doing that good." I admitted. "She's there because of me."
"What happened isn't your fault." Carlisle drifted closer, and sat beside me with a sigh. He was just as drenched, but he didn't seem to care in the least.
"That's what she told me." I countered. "I should have shut up. I should have made sure he couldn't hear me."
"You are not responsible for the choices other people make."
"I tried to help her the only way I could." I went on quietly. "I just.. I couldn't stay there, though. I couldn't tell anyone, but I couldn't stay there."
"I've spoken to your father." He told me, and I looked over. "I thought he deserved to know that you were safe again." I ignored that part, too.
"How much does he hate me?"
"He doesn't hate you, Leandra." He replied. "He's relieved that you're safe. He's not angry that you ran away. He told me exactly what happened."
"Like I said." I mumbled defensively. "He said the wrong thing."
"He doesn't understand why what he said would upset you so much."
"Good."
"Good?" He asked gently.
"Good." I said again. "I don't want him to know. I hate that time of year anyway. I don't need people finding out why."
"Why?" He asked. "Are you worried about people thinking differently of you?"
"Kinda." I admitted, my guilt quieting my voice. "I don't wanna talk about it, but maybe now he'll leave for good."
"Is that really what you want?"
Dammit. How did he still do that? I couldn't help thinking about all the talks I used to have with Carlisle. It made me so mad that it was still effortless.
It really didn't take me very long to start shivering. I was cold, and the rain didn't help that. I wasn't very fond of the reminder of my time in Port Angeles, so I shoved the observation away. Focusing instead on an answer.
"No." I grumbled. "I don't want that, but it would happen anyway. I'm nothing like those people. I can't just change. I've tried."
"I'm sure he wasn't asking you to be like them." He said in return. "I'm sure just being you would have been more than enough."
"Not for me." I snapped lightly. "You don't know what I would give just to forget half my life. I hate the way I am. I hate hurting people because of the way I am, and I feel like I don't even know myself anymore."
"We were making progress." He sighed sadly.
"Were." I mumbled. "Until you gave up."
"We never gave up on you." He replied instantly. "I believed-"
"I know that part." I snapped again, harder this time. "You thought I should get to have a normal life, but I'm not normal. I've never been normal. I have all the memories to prove it."
"It is normal for someone to struggle with accepting a past like yours."
"It's not my past." I argued firmly. "It's not my past if it makes up everything about me now. I don't know how to be anything else. I thought I wanted to be something more than what Jack made me into, but I was so stupid. It took me way too long after you left to figure it out."
I felt it, another snap, but I couldn't help it.
"I hate that you lied to me. I hate that you made all those promises, and told me I was worth something. I hate that you just.. You could just walk away and never look back. I hate that I couldn't do that. I hate that I couldn't be more. I hate that I couldn't be better, and I hate that I believed you, and trusted you."
Instead of replying, he reached over and hugged me into his side. I allowed it, until I couldn't anymore. Pulling away as my tears really started, and I stood up.
"Don't do that." I cried, rounding to look at him. "Why? Why could you just do that? Didn't I matter at all? Even just a little bit?"
Just like before, he hugged me, but this time, I accepted it. My silent sobs shook me again, and thunder rumbled overhead just as I returned the embrace.
"I just wanna come home." I cried, my voice trembling along with the rest of me. "Can I just come home? I don't wanna hate you anymore, but it still hurts so bad."
"Would you like some help with that?" Jasper's voice on the porch had me turn away from Carlisle just enough to look back.
I hadn't seen Jasper yet, so to say I was surprised would have been an understatement. I'd forgotten what it was like to be able to trust my emotions to someone else. All I wanted was just a moment without feeling everything I felt, so of course, I nodded.
I knew eventually I would have to face these emotions, but while Jasper controlled them, maybe I could have an actual conversation with them without blowing up or crying like a baby. There were so many questions that needed answers. On both sides.
I wasn't sure if it was actually how I felt, but I didn't blame Jasper for what happened all those months before. It really wasn't his fault.
It was nearly instant, but as I was able to start calming down, I lost a lot of my energy too. Left over tears clung to my cheeks, but I was able to breathe. Sniffling, I took a few seconds before I nodded again.
I noticed again how cold I was getting, so I glanced up at Carlisle. He seemed to understand, gesturing me toward the door. I shivered harder with each step, but I made it up the steps.
As soon as I walked inside, though, Esme gently pulled me to her into a hug I'd missed and could now finally return. Jasper helped so much by taking away the heart-break that was causing the doubt and hesitation.
She pulled back, clearing my wet hair from my face with a sad smile. I took a second to look around. While we were out there, Esme had been putting things back together in here. At least to a point.
"Your bed has been made." She told me quietly. "I think it'll be pretty comfortable."
It took all I had in me not to sprint for that bed right then.
"Thank you." I murmured again, looking down.
"Can I hug you now?" Emmett asked, and I looked over as he approached.
"Sure." I mumbled, more tired now than upset. Without waiting a second, he wrapped me up off my feet in a bear hug I wasn't used to, but also deeply appreciated.
He suddenly stopped, holding me up off my feet.
"Wait." He said. "Why are you lighter?"
"What do you mean?" I asked a little breathlessly.
"You've lost weight." He pointed out, squeezing me a little. "Maybe I've got it wrong, but aren't humans supposed to get heavier the older they get?"
Honestly, I hadn't even noticed that, but it was a big possibility.
"I haven't been eating a lot." I admitted, carefully falling to my feet as Emmett released me. "Even after I was found. There was food at my mom's, and I was allowed to have it, I just.. Wasn't really that hungry."
Emmett, instead, hugged me into his side. Like he didn't want me to wander free.
"How long had you been out there, Leandra?" Carlisle asked, and I finally looked over and meeting his eyes. "Why weren't you at very least with Charlie?"
"It's hard to answer that." I mumbled, shrugging a little.
"Out where?" Emmett asked.
"The night I came back," Carlisle explained with a sigh, "I found her in Port Angeles. Living on the street." I tensed as Emmett tensed, pulling me back a little to look at me.
"Why would you do that?" Emmett asked, shocked. "Don't you know how.. Extremely dangerous that is?"
"I know that more than you know." I mumbled. "I'd been there for like two months already." My voice had suddenly become pleading. "I had to."
"Why were you there?" Emmett asked. "You never answered that." I finally moved away from Emmett's side. He was just making me colder.
"Because." I answered. I sighed, sitting down tiredly on the edge of the couch. "Okay. I was there because it was the only move I had left." In a way, it was so nice to be able to talk about this stuff without emotion shutting me up, but at the same time, my mind was telling me to be careful.
"My dad had emergency custody of me after I came back the first time." I explained further. "He said I would get a chance to adjust, but he rushed getting me to Idaho because of stupid Christmas."
"I heard that didn't go well." Emmett pointed out.
"It really didn't." I replied. "I was stupid, and my mind wasn't listening to me."
"That explains what you meant by what you said." Carlisle murmured.
"I don't stay where I don't wanna be." I confirmed. "And nobody has been able to hold onto me. Better that way."
"How is that better?" Emmett asked.
"I'm safer that way." I admitted, looking down, but that reminded me. "Charlie's going to come for me." I murmured, "Tomorrow, he's gonna come back. He's pretty mad. I have to be gone by then." That seemed to surprise them.
"What are you talking about, shorty?"
"I know he's going to want to take me to some other home, and I'm.. I'm done with that. I can't."
"Do you really think he won't let you stay here?" Jasper asked quietly from the side. I glanced to him, before I looked down again.
"I.. I can't." I mumbled, shaking my head. "Maybe it'll be okay for tonight, but.. Not a long time. I know you're not here to stay, anyway."
"The least of your worries is going somewhere else." Emmett said determinedly. "Sit tight, shorty, because you're not going anywhere."
"Don't tell me that." I shook my head again, standing up.
"Why not?"
"Because I'll wanna believe it." I replied, looking up at him, "But I don't wanna be broken again." He and Jasper both looked down. "I'll be fine. I'll just go back to Port Angeles or something."
"Like hell you will." Emmett looked back up, surprised I'd say that. "Hell no, shorty. Sit your butt down."
"I was doing just fine, until I saw Bella." I reasoned, sitting back down. "I should have stayed."
"Leandra." I turned, looking up at Carlisle. "The condition in which I found you could hardly be described as 'fine'. Do you have any idea how many things could have gone wrong while you were there? Any at all? You could have died."
"I wouldn't have cared." I told him honestly. "Not one bit. Nothing could have hurt me more than losing you guys hurt me. I didn't care anymore. Not until I thought I saw you again, but.. Now I know everyone would have been better off if I'd have just stayed gone."
"You don't mean that." Esme murmured beside me. "You're just upset."
"Yeah, I'm upset, but I do mean it." I said, looking to her. "I know it." I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut for a second before I opened them again. "I have to leave."
I had to admit, I was starting to get a little nervous.
"You're not leaving." Carlisle said. "Not to go back to that."
"I can't stay. Not if I'm just going to be thrown away again." There it was. How I truly felt, and I immediately regretted saying it, squeezing my eyes shut again. "That hurts way more than anything else anyone can do."
"Is that how you feel?" Emmett asked sadly. I was quiet for a moment, trying to find the right words.
"How else am I supposed to feel?" I asked. I was honestly confused. "I never got to say goodbye to anyone. After everything, I never even got that."
It had been my emotion keeping me awake. Without it, I definitely felt how tired I was, but I really didn't want to go to sleep. I gratefully accepted the blanket Esme offered. She helped wrap it around me, and I bunched it in my hands in front of me.
"I didn't know how.." I went on in their silence, sniffling a little. "I didn't know how to feel that much. I didn't know how to let go, so no matter how bad it hurt, I never did. In the beginning, I wouldn't let myself believe it. I ran here that night. Waiting all night, hoping someone would come back."
"You stayed here that night?" Emmett asked. "Outside?"
"All night." I confirmed quietly. "That night, and almost every night until December. It took me that long to figure out that the door upstairs was open. I lived here as long as I could, but they found me again."
"And nobody noticed?" Emmett asked. That seemed to bother him.
"My mom was really busy." I shrugged a little, keeping my eyes down. I swallowed around the pain of emotion that tried to well up. "Keith noticed, but.."
"But?" Emmett prompted. "Who is that piece of shit?"
"Emmett." Esme sighed in correction.
"It's another long story." I mumbled, holding the blanket tighter around me.
"Shorty," He said. "We've got nothing but time, and probably won't be satisfied until you give up every detail of every second we were gone." Hesitantly, I looked over at him. He smiled, but it was a sad expression. "I just gotta know how bad I failed you."
Eventually, I sighed again and finally stood back up. I felt edgy, but there was no emotion behind it. It was the weirdest feeling.
"At first, I was here at the house all the time, but whenever I'd be at my mom's house, it was empty. My mom worked so much, and she felt bad for leaving me there by myself so much." I paused to gather my thoughts. "Um.. My mom.. I guess she thought she was doing something good. So she brought Keith home to meet me sometime in October."
"That was stupid." Emmett's blunt, matter-of-fact statement actually made me have to fight a smirk.
"I thought the same thing." I allowed. "I mean, I didn't like him from the start, but.. He was nice enough to my mom, but it only took me a few weeks to figure out what kinda person he was. I know should have said something then, but.. I just didn't."
It was silent and still as I just sat for a minute, gathering my thoughts. They were a bit sluggish.
"He told me I was just in the way of what he wanted. He told me that my mom wouldn't let anything between them go anywhere until she knew I was okay with him." I explained quietly. "He told me I had to tell her whatever he wanted me to say. I wouldn't. Pretty much all through November, he was around a lot more, most of the time he would be there before I even got home. While my mom was still working."
"Wait, wait, wait." Emmett spoke up. "Your mother.. Let this guy pretty much have free reign over her house while she was working?"
"Pretty much." I mumbled.
"Knowing that you lived there too?" He asked again. "Or did she just randomly forget?"
"I think she was afraid I'd burn the house down if I was there by myself long enough." I shrugged. "Since nobody was there to watch me. I fought with her a lot in the beginning. Like.. A lot, and I might have told her a few times that I would." I took a breath. "Anyway.. The first day I met him, he started staying nights, so-"
"Oh my God." Emmett growled under his breath.
"Emmett." Jasper murmured. "Please let her talk."
I ignored that. "I don't even know how he found out.. Maybe he heard me or something, but he knew I was leaving at night. He tried to use that against me when I still wouldn't do what he told me to do."
I looked down, pacing a little in nervous energy.
"He told me that because I was acting out, he would be able to make my mom send me away. To some nuthouse, he said, and even I could tell she would take his advice after all the fighting and stuff. If I didn't do what he said to do, he would tell her that I was leaving every night, and she'd send me away just to keep me safe."
"He tried to blackmail you?" Emmett asked, more for clarification.
"I guess." I replied, shrugging. "It didn't work, though. I still left. I still came here, but he didn't tell my mom until after I told him to fuck off one day." Emmett smirked. "He told her I was gone, so she called the cops and said I ran away. I kinda did, but she didn't know I'd be coming back. I always went back."
I paused for a breath.
"I was found by the cops the next morning." I explained. "On the way home after she picked me up, she cried. I could tell that she was pretty tired of how I'd been acting, and she didn't know what else to do. We fought. Me and her. That was the first and only time I bit her. I thought that by doing that, I made sure she would send me away."
I wasn't sure if I needed to keep going or not, but that was answered seconds later.
"Please." Carlisle murmured. "Continue."2q
He knew I still had a lot more to this story, and I really did. I nodded a little, hesitating only long enough to gather my thoughts.
"The day I had to leave.." I mumbled. "I think it was right before December started. It was because I fought with him."
"Tell me he hit you." Emmett was on his feet. I hesitated, glancing toward Carlisle. Everything about Emmett's new stance told me I needed to answer carefully. Unfortunately, that brief second of silence answered for me.
When I looked back at Emmett, he was biting his lip, and tensely nodding his head in a silent decision I worried about.
"Well, no." I answered anyway. "Maybe once, but-"
"He put his hands on you?" He asked, and again, I hesitated. I might not have been tough enough to hurt Keith, but Emmett sure was.
"It wasn't that bad." I said, but that didn't seem to help. "I fought with him. I started it, but.. That fight was pretty messy. He kicked in my bedroom door, because I punched him. He was going to tell my mom that he had to do that, because I was trying to kill myself. I wasn't. I was just trying to hide from him, but he was mad. Way madder than I'd ever seen him, but the story he had.. I just knew my mom would believe him."
"Did she?" Jasper asked, and I shook my head.
"I don't know." I replied. "I wasn't around when she got home. I took off."
"If they found you here before, how did they not know to check here again?" Emmett asked.
"I grabbed whatever money I had, and I ran here. Yeah, I'd been found here before, but I thought that if I could find a way up onto the balcony on the second floor, they'd never think to look there."
"That explains it." Jasper murmured, looking to Emmett.
"I climbed up a log." I sighed. "I made it. Barely, and after falling a lot, but I did. I didn't find out the door was unlocked until the next morning. I stayed here as long as I could, until right before Christmas. Until the cops came here to find out why the water was being used. I didn't think about that, so I should have been more careful."
"Chased away again." Emmett sighed.
"I was gonna leave anyway." I shook my head. "I didn't want to, but I knew I'd starve if I didn't find another way. I wasn't ready to leave, though. I just did what I had to do. I ran from them, and hid. I was.. Right out there." I gestured to the trees. "Hiding from them. I wasn't out there that long, but it was so cold.."
"In the snow?" Emmett asked, shocked.
"Yeah." I said. "I really didn't want to be sent away." He shook his head, but was otherwise quiet. I continued, "From here, I.. Found a way back to town, and I was gonna leave again, but Andrew's dad was home when I didn't think he would be."
"I'm glad he was home." He said. "But how did the cops not find you first?"
"Laurent." I answered, and that shocked him even more.
"You're kidding." Emmett muttered flatly.
"No." I replied. "He saw the whole thing. He asked me why I ran from the cops. I told him, and he helped me get back into town so I could warm up a little. All he wanted was for me to tell him whatever I could tell him about Bella." I paused at the looks that passed between them. "I couldn't tell him much. I'd only talked to her once up til then."
"What'd you tell him?" Emmett asked quietly.
"Just that she lived in town somewhere." I said, "I asked him why he wanted to know, and he said he was only curious. He helped me anyway, even though I couldn't tell him very much. He carried me into town, where I went to Andrew's house before I even went home. I haven't seen him since."
"Okay." Emmett nodded. "And from there, your dad entered the picture. Took you to Idaho. Which was another stupid move, by the way. He.. Said something? And you didn't like it?"
"It was a little more than that." I muttered, defensive now. "I kinda freaked out, and when I turned that freak out at him, I could tell I would probably never fit in there. You should have seen the way he looked at me."
I felt enough shame to make me sit.
"Shorty, your temper scares anyone who isn't made of stone." Emmett pointed out. "He was probably caught off guard."
"Yeah, well.." I said. "I didn't think of it like that. I just.. I took off again. Anything would have been better than being tossed around like a volley ball between people that didn't want me. I just wanted to stop for awhile. I didn't even think about how hard it would be living on my own like that."
"And dangerous." Emmett pointed out.
"And dangerous." I agreed, shifting nervously. "I mean, I'm okay. I wasn't dumb enough to really trust anyone, but.. It was still really scary."
"But you still didn't turn yourself in?" Emmett asked, sitting heavily beside me. "No offense, shorty, but that was-"
"Really stupid." I finished for him. "I know it was dumb, but I did it anyway. I was so tired of people giving up on me. It was either that, or go back home, and let Keith smack me around or tell Charlie, and wind up in another foster home."
"For two months." Emmett prompted. "You were out there for two months."
"I learned a lot out there." I mumbled almost silently. Just remembering all I'd gone through tried to scare me. The fear was enough to release a few tears as I looked over at Emmett. "It was nothing like I thought it would be, but that night.. The night I thought I saw Carlisle, I thought.. Just for one second.. That I didn't have to be scared anymore, but when he was gone, it was so much worse than when you all first left."
I looked down. I knew Jasper was really putting his gift to work with me. I knew that was the only reason I was able to speak. To tell my story without having to sob uncontrollably. I glanced to him, seeing his eyes still on me, and I continued.
"After that, I went to Bella. I gave up, and let Charlie take me home. I figured I would deal with being hit if it meant I didn't have to fight to live anymore. Or.. If it meant I didn't have to fight to hold onto you guys, when I knew you weren't coming back." I paused. "The morning after I came back, I saw right away that Keith had been hitting my mom too. She tried to say he wasn't, but I saw it."
I paused, looking down at my hands, fighting even more emotion back.
"That's when she told me that she'd always fight to keep me, and protect me. The rest of the time, until tonight, she spent doing that. Keeping Keith's hands off of me, and on her. They fought.. All the time. I think she was just fighting back so he'd forget about me for awhile."
Esme shook her head.
"Earlier today.. I went into her room to try to talk her into leaving him, but he heard me, so he took me to my room. I knew he was mad, so I was scared anyway, but when he took off his belt, I just tried to run. He got one good hit in before I could open the door, but.. That's when Alice showed up." I paused for a deep, shaky breath. "She really saved me today. I know it would have been a lot worse if she didn't."
My voice quieted, and I looked up at Carlisle. "The rest you know."
"So by that story," Emmett muttered, "You're saying you haven't spent longer than a month or two in any given place." I shook my head. "No wonder you're tired."
It was silent in the room aside from my quiet sniffles. It wasn't until I yawned that Esme spoke beside me.
"Would you like to sleep?" She asked me, and I numbly nodded. My round of questioning could wait.
"Just for now." I mumbled, "But I have to be up before Charlie comes." I looked to her, watching her glance to Carlisle.
"Come on, sweetie." She murmured, standing and helping me stand as well. I looked up at Carlisle as well hesitantly.
"You'll still be here when I wake up?" I asked almost hesitantly. "I won't wake up alone?"
"No, Leandra." He answered gently. "You won't."
"Good." I replied quietly, "Because as bad as I wish this was a nightmare.." I paused, "It's one I don't wanna wake up from." I looked to Emmett and Jasper as well, before my eyes landed on Esme beside me.
I looked up, meeting her eyes pleadingly. "Please.. Don't leave me. At least.. Not yet. That's all I ask. Just.. Not yet." Her eyes softened in intense sadness, and she pulled me into her side. I hugged her tightly, closing my eyes. "Please."
I took a fast shower before anything else. I tried not to look around too much while I was in there. I didn't feel like remembering anymore. At least not for right then. After everything I just admitted to, I had no idea what my mind was going to put me through that night.
Esme was still in my room when I got back. I had chosen a too-big sleep shirt, and I figured that was good enough. I was too tired and too sore to worry about pants. Without much else, I climbed into bed. The bed I'd always found so much comfort in. I fought emotion at just the brief memory.
Esme sat beside me on the bed once I was settled, softly smoothing my hair back. Somehow, her doing that eased my nerves. It comforted me deeply, easing my worry over her leaving, as she silently promised to stay. At least for right then. That's what mattered to me.
Listening to the soft thunder outside, as well as the rain picking up against the glass of the window, I closed my eyes. Curled, safe and warming up in my bed, I had a feeling I knew what my dreams would hold. I knew they wouldn't be pleasant, but I needed sleep so badly. I couldn't hold off the sleep any longer. I fell asleep to Esme's gentle movement.
A/N: I'm aware there's a lot of talking in this chapter, but I wanted a recap. Those are nice to have every so often. Plus, it was pretty nice to get their reactions and responses to what she had to say.
THOSE REVIEWERS are awesome! I love you guys!
SO..
This means there will be a chapter twelve, because things aren't quite settled yet. They're not where they need to be, and I didn't want to skip right passed all this resolution, but twelve shouldn't take too long. I'll get on that ASAHP.
Until Twelve, my friends!