AN: Okay, you have to keep reading my future chapters that I will soon be uploading. Leave a review, it makes me write a little faster, cause it's encouraging me! :) Enoy!

"Let me see your wrist" Abby laid her hand on Clarke's thigh, waiting for her to put her wrists there. And she did.

Abby sighed. "oh, baby. You know it's permanent…?"

Clarke pulled her wrists away from her mom and pulled her sweater over the scar. Nervously playing with her fingers.

"Honey, you can talk to me…" Abby hugged her daughter. She wanted her to feel that she could talk to her, open up to her without thinking she would lose her. Clarke knew well that her mother would always stand by her side no matter what. No matter how hard thing would be, her mother would always be there for her.

"I know mom" Clarke hugged her mother back and didn't let go for a while. "It was that time that I felt so…" Clarke looked at her mother, tears in her eyes. "depressed… like…" Clarke voice almost broke as she tried to explain how mother how she felt at that time. "Like I had nothing to live for… it felt like no one cared about me…" She met her mother's concerned eyes.

"I know now that my friends care about me, that you care about me. It's just that I felt so depressed mom, I had a breakdown so powerful that I wanted to …" Tears were falling from Clarke's eyes. "take my own life" Abby cried, it was like her breath were taken away. By hearing her daughter tell her that she wanted to give up on her life was so heartbreaking. No one wanted to hear that, especially their own daughter.

Clarke got this flashback. That day she had enough. She bursted into tears, pushed furniture's and items around the house, feeling psychotic, senseless, hurt and angry. She ran upstairs, into the bathroom and found a razor blade that was locked in a shelf under the sink. Without thinking of the consequences, she slit her wrist, it wasn't too deep but it was deep enough for the blood to flow out. She used her other hand to lay pressure on it, tried to stop the blood from flowing. Regretting what she just did, but was relived because most of her mental pain was taken away by hurting herself psychically.

At that time, the doorbell rang. It was Raven, she got in and asked for Clarke. "Clarke? Are you upstairs?" Raven nervously asked, since she saw Clarke was all upset when she was down in the lobby a few minutes ago. "Clarke?" she asked a little louder as she was upstairs.

Clarke cried. "Go away!" She screamed, while crying out loud. The door was locked so there was no way Raven could enter to the bathroom.

"Clarke, open this door!" Raven hit the door.

"GO AWAY!" Clarke screamed as she sobbed.

"Clarke! What's going on? Open this damn door!" Raven used her shoulder and tried to run down the door. After a few attempts, she knocked the door down. She breathed fast and heavily as she saw Clarke, sitting on the floor, crying while she held over her bloody wrist. It was heartbreaking. Raven ran to Clarke and pulled up her phone, called the ambulance and told them where they were and what happened. She was holding Clarke tight to herself and helped her hold over her wrist.

"It's okay, baby" Raven whispered to her best friend as tears ran down from her eyes. Clarke was still sobbing. Raven was holding her friend so tight to herself, tried to rock her and telling her to stay strong.

A few minutes later, some people from the ambulance entered the door.

"We are upstairs, please hurry!" Raven cried, checking on Clarke to see if she was still alive. She had lost so much blood out of one little cut. She was a little pale and cold. The men entered the door and twisted something around her left wrist to stop the bleeding. They helped her up.

"We are taking her to the ambulance, you can come with" one of the men said. Raven nodded and followed the two men. She locked the door to Clarke's pent house and got in the elevator with them. The one man carried Clarke in his arms so they didn't have to drag her.

"Is she going to be okay?" Raven tried to ask without crying.

"She has lost a lot of blood" the man said to Raven. Raven had to walk fast to catch up with the men as they were almost running to the ambulance. They put her on an ambulance bed and covered her with a blanket.

"Why is she closing her eyes?!" Raven asked worried.

"Ma'am, calm down she is just feeling sleepy. Remember, she has lost a lot of blood" The man tried to calm Raven down.

As they were at the hospital. Raven had to wait outside, she had called Abby and Kane, then her friends and told them to come to the hospital right away. She didn't tell them what happened to Clarke because she didn't want to tell it over the phone.

After ten minutes had passed, her friends and Clarke's parents were here. They were all worried about Clarke. Hugged Raven to calm her down.

"You better sit" She told her friends, specially looking at Abby.

"I was sitting in the lobby reading, then I saw Clarke running to the elevator. She was crying and looked very upset. The elevator closed right in front of me and it was heartbreaking to look in to her eyes"

Everyone was quiet and scared for what Raven was going to tell next.

"I opened the door and found her pent house trashed, she had broken stuff and furniture's were moved. I heard her cry loud upstairs, so I ran up. She had locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't open the door for me, so I ran it down. Finding her sob and holding over her wrists. Her eyes were red … it was just tragic…"

Someone gaped and a few tears ran down their cheeks. A few girls started crying, especially Abby and Octavia.

"She slit her wrists?" Abby cried, looking Raven in her eyes, sending her the pain.

"Just the left one" Raven swallowed hard. Abby hugged Raven to comfort her and thanking her for following Clarke up to the pent house, just in time. Her friends were worried. They didn't know what made her do such a horrible thing to herself.

When she could have visitors, it was family first. "Baby…" Abby ran her hands through Clarke's hair. Clarke faced her mother.

"Get out"

Abby frowned. "what?"

"I said, get out mother" she said once again.

"What, why?" Abby asked clueless.

"Niylah" Clarke said with tears in her eyes, turning her back on her mother and waited for her to get the hell out of the room. Abby left the room.

And since that day, she lost touch with her mother. She suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts for a few months, she was on medication that would help her through the day. She had been better after a few months and quit her medicine. She is perfectly happy now.

"Honey, are you okay?" Abby asked at Clarke went silence for a while.

"Yes, mom. I'm okay" she hugged her mom. Kane came in and saw the two girls hugging. It was easy for Kane to see that they had been crying.

"Everything okay…?" he asked concerned. Standing behind the couch holding around his girls.

"Everything is fine" Clarke smiled at her mother, then at Kane. "I think I have to go now, I'm going to swing by Octavia's house and then go shopping for presents and Christmas gifts"

"Talking about Christmas" Abby followed Clarke to the hall. "Are we still on for Christmas?"

Clarke hesitated and took on her coat, throwing her hair back. "I'm actually going to spend the night at Octavia's and celebrate it with them" She lowered her head and apologized with her eyes.

"oh" Abby let out sadness.

"I'm sorry mom" she grabbed her mother's hands. "I can ask them if you two can come, it would be nice with the two families gathered again"

"Really? I'd love that" She hugged her daughter.

Clarke drove over to Octavia's house, told her that she had a new neighbor. She also asked her if it was okay that her mother and Kane could join them on Christmas. That turned out okay.

They were talking about Bellamy's birthday that was in two days. Clarke told her that she was going to the DC mall to buy presents and Christmas gifts. Octavia wanted to tag along with her, so the two of them went to the mall together.

"Do you have any idea what he wants?" Clarke asked her friend when she had parked her car in the parking lot outside the mall. "Do you have to give him anything? You spent a lot of money fixing his apartment" Octavia reminded Clarke.

She had spent a few thousand dollars on fixing the apartment and buying new furniture's, but money didn't bothered Clarke. She had lots of it. And she wanted to give him something special. Bellamy was her best friend after all.

"He's into guns and stuff like that, but it's not like that I'm gonna buy him a gun or something" Clarke chuckled. "All he's been talking about is guns, guns and guns"

"Clarke, I don't think you need to get him a present, really"

"of course, I do"

Octavia gave Clarke this loving look. Clarke was such a good friend.

"I'm just going to give him an old picture of me and him from when we were little. I was riding om his back, and we both looked at the camera, smiling. The picture had been taken by our biological mom" Octavia excitedly smiled at Clarke. "But I have to buy a frame tho"

"That's the cutest thing ever! He's going to be so touched by the picture" Clarke smiled one of her adorable smiles at Octavia.

They looked and looked after a gift that Clarke could give to Bellamy, but they ended up with shopping more clothes than Christmas gifts.

"I don't know what to get him!" Clarke sat down on a bench and carefully put her shopping bags under the bench.

"C, you don't have to get him anything!" Octavia sat beside her and put her own bags under the bench.

"It just feels like I have to get him something, I have bought everyone a gift or two, why can't I buy him any?" Clarke felted frustrated.

"This is just a suggestion. He actually mentioned that he wanted a new blender machine"

Clarke gaped. "Come on, let's go!" she grabbed her bags and ran towards the 'kitchen' store. Octavia laughed behind her and asked her to wait up.

Clarke took a good moment to decide which blender to buy, she always used a long time in the stores, even when she is just planning on buying a drink, she always spent a lot of time deciding what to buy. After a moment, she finally bought a blender.

"Finally!" Octavia groaned. "Let's get some food, I'm so fucking hungry I could eat a whole cow"

They went to burger king that was right around the corner in the mall. They were exhausted as they sat down on each their seat. They ordered right away. As they got what they had ordered, Clarke noticed a familiar brunette. She only saw her back but Luna, Costia and Anya was there, so it had to be Lexa. They were sitting a few seats from where Clarke and Octavia sat.

"That's Lexa and her friends" Clarke whispered and pointed with her head at Lexa's direction. Octavia slowly turned around and got Luna's eyes at her. "Shit, Luna saw me"

Clarke saw that Luna smiled at her. Lexa wondered who Luna was smiling at so she looked over her shoulder. The brunette smiled at the blonde. Her friends were laughing, Lexa turned around and shook her head.

"Go talk to her" Octavia whispered. Clarke gave Octavia the 'no way' look. Clarke noticed that Costia got up and Lexa tried grabbed her arm and said something to her but Costia just laughed. Lexa leaned her elbow on the table and supported her forehead on her hand. Costia walked towards Clarke, smiling.

"Hey, Clarke, right?" the smiling girl asked. Clarke nodded her head. Costia noticed Octavia sitting across Clarke's table and smirked. "Hey, I'm Costia" Costia reached her hand for Octavia to shake. "Octavia" she smiled.

"Hey, do you guys wanna sit with us?" Costia asked, looking over her shoulder to see if Lexa was still hiding. Clarke and Octavia looked at each other. Octavia could see that Clarke wanted to but didn't know what to say.

"Yes" Octavia answered for them. Costia helped the girls with carrying some of the bags.

"Hey" Clarke and Octavia greeted the other girls. Octavia had met them before, since she works there with them, but she was mostly with her mom. Yeah, her mother was her boss. She was her assistant. At work, her mother treated her like she treated the others, but was a little softer.

"I didn't know you were coming, why didn't you let me know?" Clarke sat beside Lexa. "you knew I was going to be here"

Lexa looked over at Luna. "Luna wanted a hamburger so bad, and she dragged us with her" The girls laughed. Agreeing that it reminded them of themselves.

Anya asked what they had bought and Clarke told them that they had bought presents and Christmas gifts. Octavia explained the girls how Clarke would use fucking hours on deciding what to buy, and told them about when Clarke was going to buy a blender for Bellamy, she looked at every single blender like ten times and it was still difficult for her to choose.

An hour had passed and they had just ordered ice cream. They talked about how exciting they were for Christmas. Yes, the six adults were extremely excited for Christmas. Good food, spending time with family and friends, gifts, singing Christmas songs and the whole package. Clarke felt someone looked at her. She faced the boy that looked like he was a few years younger that Clarke. He seemed familiar.

"Hey, hottie" He walked over to Clarke and his friends followed him. "You didn't show up yesterday"

The girls looked questioningly at Clarke but also was on their way to break out a laugh. "I told you I had plans, can you please leave?" Clarke said with a calm voice.

His friends chuckled a little behind his back. The young boy licked his lips. He spread his fingers and combed his hair with his hand. "Don't throw it away" he put a piece of paper in front of Clarke and winked at her before 'high-fiving' his buddies and walked out of burger king.

The others chuckled. "What does it say on the paper?" Anya curiously asked for everyone. Clarke opened the little piece of paper and exhaled. "Oh my god" she let out a short laugh. Octavia snapped the piece of paper out of Clarke's hands and bursted out in laughter. "He gave you his number!" The other girls laughed at her too, including Lexa. She clapped her hands together, closed her eyes and laughed.

"Are you gonna call him?" Octavia asked a joke, still a little laugh in her voice.

"No" Clarke chuckled, her eyes slipped to look at Lexa. "I'm seeing someone" Clarke shared a sweet smile with Lexa.

Costia rolled her eyes. "It that an engagement ring?" she gaped and pulled Octavia's hand closer to her, admiring the beautiful ring.

Octavia chuckled. "Yes, it is" She admired the ring herself and never really thought about how beautiful it was. It went a few seconds before Costia asked Octavia how he proposed. Octavia and Clarke chuckled together, that was the cutest, funniest and most adorable proposal ever. The girls kept on eating their ice cream and were ready to hear the proposal Lincoln had prepared.

"okay, his name is Lincoln. He is very handsome, smart, generous, thoughtful, kind…"

"Okay, and?" Clarke interrupted. Octavia looked back at the ring and continued. "I came late home from work, thinking he would probably be in bed by this time. When I came home, I found the hall brightened up with candles. I called for him but didn't get any answer. I followed the candles to the living room, finding the whole room lit up by candles. I heard my favorite music in the background. I called for his name again but didn't get any answers this time either. I looked over to the dining tables, it was warm food there and a note on the empty plate. I walked over to the plate to read the note. It said" She pulled her phone up from her pocket and found the picture she had taken of the note.

AN: In next chapter, you will get to know what Lincoln wrote on the note! Be patient, I will publish as soon as possible!