A/N: Because Puck hasn't been enough of an asshole. I tried to make the situation humorous, anyway.
And by the way: Oh my gosh! What is with you gentle readers? The last Slushie Shot got the most amount of reviews per chapter yet! Thanks so much, guys.
(Who watches the IT Crowd? No one? Okay, then. Never mind. I just stole the name of the name of a diner from there. I contemplated Luke's from Gilmore Girls, but that could've resulted in a super freaky crossover. And unrealistic. And cookies to the Psych reference. And the How I Met Your Mother one.)
Rachel showed up on Friday out of the blue right about an hour after school and because Puck was actually home, watching Dani himself, he just stood there, staring at the petite girl, confused.
"Hello, Noah," she greeted merrily.
"Berry, don't take this the wrong way, but what the hell are you doing here?"
Rachel never came over on Fridays because if he wasn't home, then his mother actually was. She also usually came home early from work so Puck could go out with his friends.
Deciding not to comment on his innate rudeness, Rachel replied, "I promised Dani that if she got an A on her math test, I'd treat her to some celebratory ice cream. She called me approximately ten minutes ago, alerting me of the good news."
Puck stared at her, momentarily panicking. The last time he'd stupidly given his little sister ice cream (because she wouldn't stop crying and this was all before he realized that it was just a trick), she'd somehow morphed into a monster due to all the sugar. If Rachel went and took her for ice cream and then dropped her back off at home, it meant that he'd have to deal with Dani's insanity while Rachel got home scot-free. He snorted and said, "Hell no. You are not taking my sister anywhere."
Rachel blinked. "Why not? It's not like I'm kidnapping your little sister. I'm just taking her out for a bit of ice cream. It's perfectly harmless."
Puck raised an eyebrow at her naïve innocence. "Dude, Berry, you've never seen Dani after she's eaten ice cream. You don't even know the horror that little body can hold. It's like you and your crazy; there's so much of it bottled up in a tiny body. Dani's full of extreme horror."
She looked amused. "Noah Puckerman, are you implying that you're actually scared of your little sister?"
"Fuck no!" Puck scoffed, "I ain't scared of anything, let alone a three foot midget!"
She rolled her eyes but smiled. "I find her precocious and adorable."
"Rachel! Are you here?" Dani bellowed, running down the stairs.
"Yes!" Rachel called back cheerfully.
Dani flew down the rest of the stairs and skidded to a stop in front of Rachel. "Hi!" she chirped.
Rachel laughed."Hi, Dani," she greeted warmly, leaning down to give her a hug. "Are you ready to go?" The little girl nodded enthusiastically. Rachel turned to Puck and hesitated for a moment.
"What, Berry?" Puck drawled lazily.
"Would you like to accompany us?" Rachel asked shyly.
"No," Puck said honestly, without even pausing to think about it.
Rachel hesitated again. "If she's truly a horror like you said, then I could use your help controlling her after she consumes copious amounts of ice cream. Plus, you would know when to cut her off. This is for cautionary measures. I do not want her eating too much and then crashing. It would also be unfortunate and disastrous if she accidentally threw up."
Dani paled considerably. "I'm gonna throw up?"
"What? No, midget. She's saying that if you eat too much ice cream then you might throw up." Puck sighed and ran his hand through his Mohawk. He really hated it when Rachel brought up all those good points. "Berry, it's your idea, so you need to deal with whatever Dani puts you through."
"My treat."
Damn. Who was he to go and pass up free ice cream? "Throw in some burgers and fries and it's a deal."
"Fair enough," Rachel said, shrugging. "I had something nice and healthy to eat before I came, so I'm not very hungry."
Puck wrinkled his nose. "What, is that code for 'I had carrots because I eat like a chick'?"
"Carrots are gross," Dani interjected. Puck held out a hand in front of her and Dani slapped it in a triumphant high five.
"What the midget said."
"It was a salad," Rachel said, her voice coming out defensive and funny-sounding.
Rachel had let Dani pick the place, and she'd picked Messy Joe's. Rachel was just pulling into a parking spot as Puck came to a sudden realization.
"No!" Puck hissed, "We can't eat here!"
"But why? It's your favorite place, Noah. And I like their banana splits," Dani said, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Puck darted a glance at Berry and then at Dani. He couldn't take a chance eating at his, and the entire football team's, favorite diner with Crazy Rachel Berry. It would've been embarrassing enough if he was seen with his little sister, but at least they would've understood why she was there (and the teasing would've eventually stopped). Rachel, on the other hand? How could he explain that? And if they were to find out that she'd been baby-sitting his sister for the past few weeks? No way. He figured that with Finn, Matt, and Mike, they'd just hound him about Rachel for the next few weeks. And really, he got enough of that from his mother and sister.
Puck growled. "No. Freakin'. Way."
"That's not a reason!" Dani pouted.
Rachel sat in the driver's seat as they were parked outside Messy Joe's. She bit her bottom lip and looked at her hands resting on her lap. "You're embarrassed," she said simply.
"What?" he frowned, snapping all of his attention to her. He shushed his sister as she tried to say something.
She looked at him. "I understand and it's okay. But you're embarrassed because you might run into your friends here. The ones on the football team. And you don't want them to see me there, with you."
He paused. "…Maybe," he said lamely after a bit.
She shrugged. "It doesn't bother me. I understand the social hierarchy at McKinley High. But, I think everything will be fine if you were to come inside with me in tow," she said slowly.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah? Why do you think that?" he asked gruffly.
"Because if your friends were here, wouldn't they have invited you?" she asked, arching an eyebrow at him.
Puck hadn't thought of that. "Yeah, okay. Fine. Let's get some grub," he grunted, getting out of Rachel's car.
Rachel rolled her eyes but followed after him once Dani was by her side.
Once they were settled at Puck's favorite booth, one in the back corner, and the waiter came by to take their orders, Dani turned to Rachel, calling her name. When the older girl hummed in response, she continued, "What'd you mean by 'social hiearchy'? And why would Noah be embarrassed by you?"
Both older teens froze, before looking at each other quickly. Puck had never really told his little sister that he and Rachel just didn't run in the same social circles. And judging from Rachel's slightly embarrassed face, neither had she.
Choosing her words carefully, Rachel replied slowly, "Your brother and I aren't really…friends."
"Yeah, you are," Dani said simply. "You guys get along fine at home." Her tone was very much a duh one.
Faltering, she said, "Um. Well. Noah and I don't really have the same friends when we're at school. So we don't really talk to each other. At all."
"You guys are both in Glee," Dani pointed out, raising an eyebrow.
"We don't really talk in Glee, either, so just drop it," Puck said in a tone that meant serious business and even Dani knew that she should stop pushing it.
"Okay," she mumbled quietly, looking down at the table.
Rachel gave Puck a Look at what you did now face, who just shrugged and looked out the window.
"Dani, you've got to understand that Puck and I are just different. We've got Glee in common, but that's really about it," Rachel explained, "And you."
Before Dani could even think of a response, Puck started cursing frantically under his breath.
"Noah?" Rachel asked, eyes widening. "What? What is it?"
"It's the guys!" Puck hissed back at her. He was now looking left and right for an escape.
Rachel looked out toward the big windows, connecting with the doors, and saw Finn, Mike, and Matt. "What do we do?" Rachel hissed. "We can't make it out of here without them noticing!"
Puck chose not to answer but to dive under the table instead. "Just don't let them see me!" he whispered.
"Noah, you idiot! They all know your sister!" Rachel cried.
"Shit!" And from under the table, he reached up and attempted to drag Dani down with him.
"Oh, no you don't!" She slapped her big brother's hands away. "The waitress is gonna come back with my ice cream soon!"
"They'll recognize you. And they'll know something's up if they see you with Berry!" Puck hissed.
Dani rolled her eyes and pulled the hood of her jacket up over her head and yanked hard on the strings so the hood scrunched up and over her eyes, revealing a tiny bit of her nose and just a bit of her mouth. "There!" she said, slightly muffled.
Rachel sat there, momentarily shocked by Dani's fast thinking and rather insane plan. The only thing she could say was, "Sweetie, how are you going to eat if you can't see?" She pulled up a menu and tried to hide behind it.
Dani shrugged. "I'll deal."
And deal she'd have to, because from a few booths over, Finn's voice sounded. "Hey! Hey, guys! Isn't that—isn't that Rachel?"
"We've been spotted!" Rachel hissed, reluctantly putting down the menu. "Dani, you've got to—"
"I know what to do," the little girl said sagely as Finn, Mike, and Matt finally made their way over.
"Hey, Rachel! What are you doin' here?" Finn asked. They all looked confused, but genuinely happy to see her there, and this made Rachel's heart swell. In a good way.
"Oh, hello, Finn! Matt, Mike," Rachel greeted, trying to sound as casual as possible. "I was feeling rather…hungry, so I decided to stop by."
And that was when the waitress walked by and dropped off Dani's banana split and Puck's (now Rachel's) gigantic double cheeseburger with extra fries. And a milkshake that was practically the size of Dani.
Finn, Matt, and Mike all raised their eyebrows at the amount of food that Rachel was about to 'consume'.
"That's a good-lookin' meal," Matt finally managed.
Mike's eyes widened. "Dude, that burger's, like, the size of a baby head." He paused, squinting at the burger and sizing it up with his hands. "It's actually bigger," he said matter-of-factly.
She gave them a painful smile and nibbled on a fry. "It's very good, indeed."
Mike turned to look at the little girl sitting across from Rachel, happily digging into her ice cream. "Uh. Who's this?"
Rachel began to panic internally. What should I say? Should I say anything? Will Dani know what to do?
"I'm Rachel's cousin, Robin Sparkles," Dani said, with such conviction that Rachel almost believed her. She stuck a spoonful of vanilla into her mouth.
"Why is your hoodie all weird?" Mike asked, frowning, and motioning to his own head. "It's all…Eskimo-like…"
Without skipping a beat, Dani replied, "I'm from Alaska. It's cold and that's how everybody wears a hoodie."
Puck's laughter from under the table turned into a quiet cough as Rachel kicked him in the ribs.
"Whoa!" Finn gasped. "No way! Rachel, you never told me that you had family in Alaska!" he turned to her, eyes bright with excitement.
She gave a forceful smile as she tried not to shake her head at Finn's naiveté. "She's, uh, visiting for a bit."
"I'm actually flying back home tonight, so you'll never see me again," Dani said seriously, waving her spoon at them.
Puck's abs were starting to hurt from holding in his laughter at his sister's ridiculous story that was somehow working. Thank god his friends were stupid.
The three football players stared at this strange little girl for a long while before Rachel decided that it would be best if the attention was on her. "So!" she said, clearing her throat loudly. "What are you three doing here?"
Mike shrugged. "Just wanted to hang out. We invited Puck, but he wasn't answering his cell phone."
What the—? Puck irritably pulled out his cell phone and flipped it open. His eyebrows furrowed at the black screen. Growing more agitated; he quickly turned it on and waited until it came back to life. His left eye twitched in annoyance at the one voicemail, three missed calls, and half a dozen text messages. All from Mighty Changster. He quickly read through the six messages.
Puck, are you free today?
Go to Messy Joe's!
Dude, text back already.
This isn't cool, man.
Dude. Did you die or something?
Be alive, dammit! Be ALIVE.
Puck rolled his eyes and sent 'Can't. Baby sitting lil' sis.' for a reply.
A couple seconds later, Mike shouted out, "Text message!" and proceeded to make some silly beeping noises, before stopping abruptly to pull out his cell phone.
Rachel looked confused at what had just transpired.
"It's his I just got a text message! jingle," Matt explained flatly.
"It's awesome," Mike snorted as Rachel giggled, before reading the message and frowning. "Aw. Puck can't make it. He's baby-sitting Dani."
Dani, to her credit, continued eating her ice cream and didn't even look up when she was mentioned. Or maybe the ice cream was just too delicious to focus on anything else.
Finn shrugged and sighed. "Maybe Mrs. P couldn't get that new, ugly babysitter."
Rachel froze from smuggling Puck some of his own fries. "What?" she hissed.
Oh shit. There goes my fries.
Finn looked at her sheepishly. "Puck told me about how his mom got a new babysitter that even he wouldn't touch."
Puck had to refrain from shouting out that no, he had said no such thing and that Finn had better shut the fuck up before Berry went apeshit on him later. He got another swift kick to his ribs and bit back a grunt.
"Ugly baby sitter, huh?" Rachel asked conversationally.
Matt shrugged. "He didn't tell us who it was, though." He eyed Rachel's plate, with the burger still intact and just half the fries gone. "Uh, Rachel? You gonna eat that?"
"What?" Rachel frowned, before looking down at her plate in front of her. "Oh, oh yes! Of course. It's just— I just…" and then she looked away shyly, "I find it embarrassingly when guys watch me eat; especially something as messy as this monstrous burger." And then she looked up at them, still shyly, and watched as they then became shy.
"Aw, Rach, it's no big deal!" Finn said, waving a hand back and forth.
"Yeah! It's totally cool when a girl can, like, eat her own weight."
"Thank you, Mike," Rachel said flatly.
He gave her a cheesy grin and thumbs up. Matt rolled his eyes and elbowed Mike, who then doubled over, clutching his ribs. "What is wrong with you? Your elbow is like a chocolate harpoon!"
"We'll stop bothering you so you can eat, Rach," Finn said apologetically, as he herded his friends away.
"I think Matt broke a rib!" came Mike's wailing. "I have to check this out!" And he ran to the guys' bathroom. Finn and Matt hurried after him, yelling at him to take his shirt off once he got inside the bathroom.
Rachel slapped down a twenty dollar bill and shot up out of the booth, screaming, "Go! Go! Go!"
Dani finished off the cherry and pushed the hood off her head, standing up quickly.
Puck scrambled out from under the table and snatched his burger off the plate, taking a huge bite. "C'mon!" he said around the mouthful, sprinting toward the door.
They ran into Rachel's car and that was when she slowed down. "Is everybody buckled—"
"Drive, Berry!" Puck shouted, as he saw his friends exit the bathroom. He ducked below the dashboard and took another bite.
"Noah! Are you eating in my car?" Rachel screamed as she backed out of her parking spot.
"…Nhh!"
"Noah Puckerman, if you so much as drop a single smidgen of ketchup or mustard, I will—"
"Oh, relax, Berry," Puck scoffed after swallowing another bite. "We made it out of there alive," he said, smirking wickedly.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "I wasn't aware that we were in a life-or-death situation," she said dryly.
"Noah, your friends are so stupid if they believed anything I said," Dani giggled.
Wincing, he turned to face Dani in the backseat. "I know, midget, I know." He settled back into his seat, grinning to himself for making it out of Messy Joe's and took another bite, before Rachel said something that nearly made him choke.
"So, ugly babysitter, huh?"