Warnings: Discussion of past murder and torture under duress.

Summary: Severus reveals the worst of his sins, Draco tries to prove to him he's not to blame, but it's Harry's forgiveness that convinces Severus his soul might still be worth saving. Plans are made for a new life and to cement Harry's freedom.

CHAPTER 11

The Definition of Innocence

Severus held Harry in his arms, slowly stroking his back and soothing him until the last of his grief left his eyes.

"Uncle Severus," said Draco after a long moment, "I think you're wrong about your soul being tainted. If you weren't, like Harry pointed out, he wouldn't have survived the battle. As he carries half of your soul, the slightest taint would have resulted in his death. Permanent death."

Severus shook his head. "I have killed, Draco, and not to save anyone."

Draco fixed him with a steely look. "Is that true, Uncle? Is it really?"

Severus cringed. "Charity Bur—"

"You didn't kill her."

"I didn't save her either."

"No, because to do so would have condemned us all to death."

Severus' shoulders slumped. "Does it matter, Draco?"

The blonde gave him a sad smile. "To our hearts and consciences, no. To our souls, absolutely. Your soul is clear, Severus."

Severus scowled. "She is not the only one who died by my inaction or actions. Harry's parents—"

"Again, you didn't kill them."

"Albus—"

"Made you agree to kill him beforehand as a form of euthanasia, not murder. Really, I can do this all day, Severus."

Severus clutched Harry tighter and whispered, "R-Regulus Black."

Harry tensed. "W-what?"

Draco sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Severus, come on. Are you just going to blame yourself for everyone? He died at the hands of Inferi."

Severus' voice was low and broken. "Yes. And my potion."

Harry cringed. "You made that?"

Severus' shoulders slumped. "I … yes."

"But … why?"

Severus looked away, heart shattering at the hurt in Harry's voice. "I could say that I did not know what the Dark Lord intended it to be used for, but I made it nonetheless. I could even say that I would have died had I refused, but even so, it does not clear my soul."

Harry sighed. "I see." He pressed a tender kiss to Severus' jaw, and it felt like absolution. Severus barely covered a whimper.

"Harry? I … I do not understand."

"I forgive you, Severus. You didn't kill him."

Severus' heart ripped down the middle. Harry didn't understand. Couldn't possibly understand, or he would never forgive him.

"But I still made the potion! I knew it was poison—I knew!—and I made it regardless."

Draco reached across the table and patted Severus' arm. "Uncle Severus, you had little choice but to make it. I wish you'd never had such a terrible thing forced upon you, but the fact remains that you are not to blame for Uncle Regulus' death either. You didn't place the poison in that basin."

Severus looked away. "Does it matter?"

"Again, to the soul, it does."

Severus closed his eyes, trying to shut the boy's voice out. Draco didn't understand either. He couldn't. He had never seen the life flicker out of someone's eyes and known his hand had—

Draco's voice was uncharacteristically gentle. "Severus, please. Ever since I joined Harry's team and he told me how Riddle made himself immortal, it's been my mission in life to stop that shite from ever happening again. I've studied soul magic relentlessly for three years. How do you think I recognised Dimidium Animae in the two of you when no one else did? Listen to me. Please."

Against his will, but for the sake of his godson and partner, Severus opened his eyes and forced himself to turn around. He couldn't meet Draco's gaze, but he was listening. He owed the boy that much at least.

"Thank you, Severus."

Severus could only nod.

"Now, the soul is very particular as to what registers as murder. For example, a family man who killed a burglar whilst trying to protect his loved ones would not be seen as guilty, but a single man who killed a burglar in a fit of rage might." Draco laid his hands on the table and leaned forward, his posture tense and assertive at once. "Let me ask you this, Severus. Have you ever actually held the wand and cast the spell—other than Dumbledore—or poured poison down someone's throat, or run someone through?"

Severus cringed. And now, the truth would come out. They would know, in the end, that he was unforgiveable.

At the first sting of tears, he closed his eyes. He did not deserve the release of tears.

"There … there was a Muggleborn woman."

Harry froze. "S-Severus?"

The horror in his voice tore Severus in pieces, but he would not deny him the truth. Both his lover and godson deserved to know, whatever it might cost him.

"Go on," Draco said in a soft voice.

Severus struggled to speak past the tightness in his throat. "Riddle had captured her. He … he wanted to …." Despite his fight for control, his voice broke. "To t-test her. Try to see where … where her magic came from." He buried his head in his hand, fighting off tears with all of his strength. "He … I had to … there are potions that trace the core's source. I tried those first, but he wasn't satisfied. She had defied him, and so … he ordered me to keep going until … until I had drained her blood and … and cut … I can't."

He buried his face in his hands to hide a crushing wave of remorse. Tears dripped like her blood through his fingers, his resolve not to shed them shattered at the mention of his greatest sin.

"Gods, I just wanted to get her away from that nightmare. I … I tried to spare her. I tried to convince him that she wasn't a strong enough test subject, but he … he made it clear we both would die if I … if I failed. So I … the war … I made it quick to end her s-suffering. He … he punished me for it, but it was not enough. I deserved to—gods forgive me. She was a mother and a grandmother, and I …."

"Dear Merlin," Draco breathed. "You were forced to kill an innocent woman?"

Severus winced and choked out, "Y-yes."

Draco flopped back into his chair, breath leaving him in a rush. Severus trembled, face clenched in shaking hands, tears choking him, and awaited the axe to fall. Any moment, they would unleash their condemnation, and the two people he loved most in the world would turn their backs on him. It was no less than he deserved.

Severus jumped as a pair of strong arms came up about his neck and a soft kiss fell upon his hair. "Oh, Severus, ssh. Don't be so terrified. Anyone with eyes can see you regret it."

Severus looked up, his face contorted with grief. "H-how can you touch me, knowing what I truly am?"

Harry kissed him lightly, and Severus gasped, heart shattering and healing at once.

"Why?" He hardly recognised that pained, strangled plea as his own voice.

"Sev, you just said he forced you to kill her. That's not the same as murdering her as an experiment. The price of her blood lies on Riddle's mangled mess of a soul, not yours."

"But I …."

Harry cupped his face. "Tell me, Severus. Did this happen after you became a spy?"

Severus couldn't see what difference it made, but he nodded. "It was in your seventh year."

"Then you aren't guilty. You didn't want to kill her, you did everything you could to try to save her, and you only carried through with it to save the rest of our lives."

Severus looked to Draco, utterly confused at this turn of events. Why had Harry not cast him aside.

"I …."

Draco gave him a sad smile. "Harry's right, Severus. Listen to him."

Severus turned bewildered eyes on his soul mate. "I don't understand."

Harry held Severus' face and looked into his eyes. "I'm trying to say that your soul isn't ruined. You didn't want to kill her and tried to spare her, so the guilt of her blood isn't on your soul." He whispered in Severus' ear, "But I'm so sorry that you had to go through it regardless. I know it hurts, baby."

"You … know?" Severus blinked tears back. "How could you possibly …?"

Harry cuddled him tight. "Ssh. I do, love. I have my own guilt to bear. Riddle was the most horrible being to walk this earth, and I still feel guilty for killing him. And for the bitch who cursed me. And Crabbe. And every lowlife I have to kill in the line of duty. I understand, Sev. And I still want you in my life."

Severus' breath hitched and he struggled to hold back a sob. "You accept me, even knowing the worst of me?"

Harry kissed his hair and held him even tighter. "Of course I do. I'm not innocent either. I mean, I know it's not the same, I know there's a big difference between putting down a criminal and … and what Riddle forced you to do, but I do understand a little, if you need to talk about it."

Severus buried his face in Harry's neck and tugged the man against him. "Just want to hold you, if you'll still have me."

"Always. I still think you're the bravest man I've ever known. And … and I'll try to heal you, Severus. From the guilt. We'll try to let it go, your guilt and mine, okay?"

"Y-yes." Severus could not fight a sob and smothered it in Harry's shoulder. The young man simply held him and stroked his back and hair in soothing motions.

"Harry's right," said Draco after a long moment. "You wouldn't read as guilty for that, Severus. The soul magic would know you had no choice, and that you were reluctant and trying to save what lives you could. It wouldn't ruin your soul, though I know it sure as hell feels like it."

Severus' pain eased. Both of these men had killed before despite not wanting to. Both of them knew the costs and understood his remorse. The knowledge that those he cared for most would not abandon him, would not judge him for the dark parts of his past, healed something long-since broken inside Severus. With a sniffle, he sat and cupped Harry's face.

"Thank you, for seeing the best in me even when there is nothing good to see."

Harry kissed him softly. "To me, there's nothing but good. Even on your snarky days."

Severus blinked back another wave of tears—for Merlin's sake, he had embarrassed himself enough—and caught Harry into a gentle embrace. Gods, he loved this man. One day soon, he hoped Harry would feel the same.

Harry squeezed Severus and kissed his neck, then sat tall and draped an arm around the older man's shoulders. "So, are you feeling better now, sweetheart?"

Severus and Draco both snorted at the pet name. Severus' came out as more of a snuffle.

Harry scowled. "Oh, shut it, Ferret. Severus won't let me call him 'love' even though I'd rather. I can't think of any other names that aren't entirely ridiculous since he's claimed 'pet' for me."

Draco grinned wickedly. "Oh, I'm sure I could help in that capacity."

Severus glared at him, though he suspected the remnants of tears on his cheeks and wet lashes detracted from its efficacy. "Do not give him suggestions."

"Actually," said a grinning Harry, "I think suggestions would be grand right about now. After such a dark discussion, we could use a bit of cheer."

"Good, because I've one already," Draco said with a smirk. "Why not 'angel?'"

Severus choked. "Angel?"

Harry gaped. "That's even more ridiculous than sweetheart!"

Draco laughed. "No, it's perfect. Don't you see? He started out as a dark angel, and then he saved you and became your guardian angel. Over and over and over. And he can even fly."

"Well I'll be damned. The man is right." Harry gave Severus a devious smirk. "It is perfect."

Severus harrumphed. "If you must."

Harry whispered in Severus' ear, making sure his breath brushed the man's sensitive skin. "Oh, I think you secretly like it, my beautiful guardian angel."

Severus turned into the touch and shivered hard. "Merlin. Continue doing that, pet, and I shall certainly feel less than angelic soon enough."

Harry chuckled. "All right, Sev." He held Severus' face and searched his eyes. "Are you okay now?"

Severus hugged Harry tight. "I am far from it, but I think, with your acceptance and help, I will heal one day."

"Good." Harry kissed Severus, easing his lingering tension and fears. "Better?"

Severus gave Harry a tentative smile. "Yes."

Harry slipped a hand into Severus' hair, continuing to soothe him as he turned to the other occupant of the room. "All right, Draco, now that Sev is doing a bit better, what kind of cure were you thinking would save me?"

Draco smirked and stood. "Oh, I don't think you need me to tell you that."

Harry leapt to his feet, eyes wide, face ashen. "What? Bloody hell, man! You can't just leave me—don't you know how terrifying this is? Please! This is not the thing to tease me about!"

Draco winced. "Merlin, Harry. Easy. I wouldn't leave you like this without hope."

Harry hugged his waist and trembled. "Then w-why won't you tell me what to do?"

"Because it's something Severus needs to tell you." Draco moved to Harry's side and laid a hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

Severus shot the man a glare.

Draco blushed. "I was only teasing, Severus! Merlin. Of course I wouldn't leave Harry in the lurch like this."

Harry blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh. Gods, Draco. I'm sorry. I'm just really scared."

Draco patted Harry's arm. "I know. It's all right. It's just that you won't want to hear this from me." He fixed his godfather with a piercing look. "Uncle Severus, you do know what needs to be done to help him now, right?"

Severus sighed and nodded, though his eyes were sad. "I believe I am familiar enough with the half-souled condition to understand how to rectify it."

"Just one way, really," said Draco, his teasing smirk returning. "Good luck."

Severus snorted bitterly. "I have never had that kind of luck."

Harry ran his hand through Severus' hair. "I don't know about that. You always said I survived the war by a combination of sheer dumb luck and Gryffindor bravado. So if you've half of me in there, it stands to reason you've inherited some of my luck, doesn't it?"

Severus gave him a wry smile. "Either that, or I've inherited all your intellect and am thus the reason why you had nothing but dumb luck to start with." The way he leaned into Harry's touch softened the sting behind his words.

Harry laughed and returned to Severus' lap. "Whatever it is, we'll work it out together, okay? I'm not leaving you. It's going to be all right."

Severus sighed and kissed Harry gently. "Together."

"Right," said Draco with a salute. "Good luck, gentlemen. We'll talk more about this after work—I'll bring Hermione and the twins by and maybe between the six of us, we can figure out how this spell ticks. But I really must be off now. Robards is going to have my arse as is."

Harry waved. "Draco, thanks. Really."

"No problem. Consider it repayment for that pesky little life debt I owe you."

"We'll call it pax," Harry agreed.

"You seem to have fallen rather easily into your repayment of that debt, Draco," Severus said with a raised eyebrow, "considering Harry flew through Fiendfyre to save you and I will be doing all of the work to save him."

Draco smirked. "Once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin." With that, he turned and flooed away.

"Bloody git," said Harry with a laugh.

"Hmm. He is a sneaky little hellion, wouldn't you say?"

"He learned from the best, angel."

Severus groaned. "You're actually going to use that name for me, aren't you?"

Harry chuckled. "No, not if you let me call you what I want to."

Severus cupped Harry's cheek and held his face close. "Do you mean it? The name you wish to use. Do you feel it, for me?"

"Yeah. I do." Harry's eyes shone and his lips curved into a shy smile. "I don't think I can help but mean it, Severus—and I've felt it for a long time. You're part of me. You're my home."

Severus held Harry's face and kissed him deeply, already addicted to the heady-sharp zing of kissing his Harry. Gods, it was like fire, lightning, water, and that soft, slow warmth of love all at once. Severus could spend his life doing nothing more than kissing Harry and feel he had accomplished something at the end of it.

He rubbed his nose against Harry's and smiled. "Then call me what you wish, pet."

Harry panted, "When I can breathe, love."

Severus laughed, though his eyes were wet as he gathered Harry close. "Do you … truly feel it?"

"Yes, Severus. I love you. I think I have for a long, long time, and I just didn't know it until about six months back."

"I have waited to hear that for forty-three years." Tears slipped down Severus' cheeks—damn. He was crying like a maudlin fool again, but perhaps he had some excuse this time. He had waited so long to hear those words and never dreamed Harry would be the first to offer them. Perhaps tears weren't so embarrassing when they came from a place of joy.

Harry gasped. "Severus—never? Not even your mum?"

"Well, no. My mother did tell me, but no one else."

Harry held him tight. "Then I swear to you, you'll hear it from me every single day of your life from here on out. I love you." He kissed Severus' nose. "Gods, you've no idea. I love you so much it's consuming me." He finished with a soft kiss on Severus' parted lips. "I love you with everything I am. Could you … do you think you can ever …?"

Severus cupped Harry's cheek and gazed into his eyes. "I have loved you since that day in the shack, when you held me while I believed I was dying and saved my life."

Harry gasped and reeled back, his eyes wide with shock. "Severus … gods, really? A-all this time?"

Severus gave him a hesitant nod. "You looked past our differences, past the fact that I had killed a man you loved, past even the horrid mark on my arm and treated me with the first real kindness I had known in over twenty years. The most I had known since Lily. Do you know no one has held me like that since I was very young? No one has protected me since Mother died either. I was always the protector, but you protected me. You cared for me. How could I not love you?"

Harry's awed smile relieved Severus' fears. "Oh, Sev. I've loved you for a long time too. Maybe as far back as that day and I just didn't know it, but I do now." He pressed a tender kiss to Severus' forehead, filling the older man with warmth and hope. "Just as much as you protect and love me, I'll protect and love you from now on."

Severus gave him a shy smile. "Always, pet?"

"Always."

Severus closed his eyes and savoured Harry's promise and the thrill of emotions his words had inspired within his heart. Always. Perhaps it wasn't hopeless after all.

"Sev, how do we fix this?"

Severus opened his eyes to find Harry watching him, eyes anxious and pleading, one white canine digging into his lower lip. Severus eased the abused lip free with a gentle swipe of his thumb.

"Peace. I shall not leave you hurting either."

Harry nodded and leaned into Severus' hand, the fear in his eyes melting into trust and hope. It was a beautiful sight.

"The cure to Dimidium Animae," Severus said in a soft voice, "and most likely to your curse, it is to reunite our souls—to bond them down the seam, as it were, so they become one dual, linked soul instead of four halves."

Harry frowned, his confusion evident. "And how do we do that, exactly?"

Severus cupped Harry's face and searched his eyes. "Before I answer you, can you truly accept me, Harry? All of me? Can you love me, knowing what terrible crimes I have committed in the name of the war? Knowing I am still bleeding from the guilt?"

"Riddle carries the guilt of your crimes, love, not you." Harry kissed him softly and slipped his hands into Severus'. "I accept you. I love you. I forgive you, Severus. Really."

Severus swallowed against a surge of intense emotion. "Even for …?"

"Yes, love. Even for the woman you had to kill. I forgive you. I know, if there had been any possible way, you would have saved her and brought her home, even if it meant dying in her stead."

Severus closed his eyes and clenched his fists tight. He would not cry again, Merlin help him. "I would have given my life gladly, if it spared hers. But Riddle would have killed us both, and for me to die, I would have only condemned us all. I … even so, even knowing this, I cannot forgive myself."

Harry stroked his cheek. "I know, love. I understand. I'll help you, if you'll help me."

Severus stayed still and quiet until he regained mastery over his emotions. Even so, his voice was rough when he spoke once more. "I will help you, if that is truly what you wish."

Harry kissed him lightly. "It's a promise then. Now, tell me how we fix this, Severus."

Severus took a deep breath and nodded. "A soul-mate bond. It is … permanent. Eternal. Even in the afterlife, we will be bound."

Harry froze. "Severus, this would bind our lives together as well as our souls?"

"Yes. They are already bound, I believe."

Harry winced. "But I'm an auror. The job is—any moment, I could …." He took a deep breath and composed himself. "Sev, w-what happens to you if I die?"

"I would not die with you, if that is what you fear."

Harry nodded and shivered. "Yeah."

"No, it would not kill me as well." Though the mere thought cracked Severus' heart down the middle. "Instead, I would become the guardian of both of our souls until it is time for my death. It is … not as terrible as it could be."

"Not as terrible? What do you mean?" Harry snuggled close and kissed Severus' cheek. "It's okay, love. I'm still here. I'm only asking so I know what this means for us."

Severus nodded tersely, searching for equilibrium among the chaos of his emotions. "I mean I would not be left alone entirely. If you were to die on a mission—" Despite his fight to control himself, his voice cracked and tears formed on his lashes. "—I would probably shatter into a million pieces, but it would not be the end. Physically, you would be gone, but I would have your spirit with me always. It is more than what we typically experience when loved ones die. You would still be able to speak to me and touch me from within, though it would only be a whisper. Perhaps like your voices."

Harry shuddered. "I do not want to subject you to madness, love."

Severus hugged Harry close, needing the warmth of his body to remind himself this was only a hypothetical discussion. "Though I would be devastated without you beside me, I do not think I would go mad with your voice in my head, my love. It would be a comfort, if I were to lose you, that I would still have at least a part of you to sustain me until my time came. You did not find Regulus' voice maddening, did you?"

Severus laid his hand against Harry's neck, tracing the man's pulse with his thumb. 'Still alive, still breathing, still mine.' The touch grounded him. He would not lose Harry. He would never let him be hurt again.

Even if that meant he tracked Dolohov down himself so that Harry might retire from the force, knowing the last of Voldemort's cohorts was safely behind bars. Or dead. Severus would have no problems putting down that beast of a man, should it come to that.

Harry's soft voice brought Severus out of his dark thoughts.

Harry shook his head and wiped his eyes. "Regulus was a friend, and when Tonks and Remus could hold it together, they were all right too. I'd have fallen to madness a lot sooner if not for them, but, Sev, the idea of you having nothing left of me but whispers, gods! No, I can't. I love you far too much to leave you alone like that."

Severus pressed their foreheads together. "Then stay. Stay by my side, pet."

'And away from monsters like Dolohov and Bellatrix.'

Harry cradled Severus' face in gentle hands. "Are you asking me to bond?"

Severus' breath hitched and his face blazed. "Sweet Merlin. I … I had only meant that perhaps you might wish to take a less dangerous job soon, but if you wish to bond, then …." He swallowed hard. "Then y-yes, I would bond with you. There is no pressure, however. If you would prefer to wait, my Harry, I will court you and keep you safe from the curse until you are ready. If you would not like to bond with me at all, then I will keep you as safe as I can, though I … no." He shivered and looked away. "Forgive me. It must be your decision."

Harry tipped Severus' chin up and kissed him lightly. "Tell me what you want, love."

Severus closed his eyes. "I … I do not want to influence your choice."

"But it's your choice too, Severus. Your life is involved here as much as mine is. What do you want?"

Severus forced his voice steady in spite of the mountain-sized lump in his throat. "I … I want … if you would be happy at my side, I want you to … to bond with me."

Harry's face lit up with transparent joy, and Severus' heart skipped at the sight of it.

"Oh, Sev! Really? You want me?"

Relief and wonder tingling in his veins, Severus kissed his partner and held him tight. "My beloved, I have already waited five years for you, and every day I spent alone, I longed for you more. I have no wish to wait if you would rather bond now."

Tears spilled down Harry's cheeks, but his eyes shone with joy. "Yes, Severus. I'll bond with you, love. Happily. And not just to get rid of the curse. This time we've spent together has been the happiest of my life, even in spite of all the chaos and residual pain."

Severus caught Harry up. "Truly? You'll have me?"

"With all of my heart."

"Oh, Harry." Severus took him into a passionate kiss. "Merlin, how I love you."

"I love you too." Harry smiled shyly. "Um, how do we … what do we do, love? I've never seen a soul-bonding. Is there a ceremony?"

"There can be, if you would like one."

Harry nodded. "Molly would never forgive me if I didn't give her a wedding. Still, maybe we can keep it low-key. Just a simple ceremony for the people we love most. My team and our friends. Maybe your shop assistant, since I know you like her."

Severus' heart filled with joy. "That is to the best. We must take time to know each other as partners first regardless, so on the day of our bonding, we are truly of one accord, but I … oh, love." Tears blurred his vision, and for once, he paid them no heed. "I cannot believe—I had long since believed it impossible, I thought you would never see me as a viable partner after all I have done to hurt you."

Harry slid his hands into Severus' hair and held him close. "Severus, I haven't held those things against you since the day you almost died in my arms. I love every part of you. And from now on, until the end of time, you can have every part of me to love too."

"I will hold you to that." Severus' happiness and relief showed on his face. His cheeks ached a bit from the intensity of his smile.

"Oh, Severus …." Harry traced a hand down the man's face. "I've never seen you so … so lovely. Your eyes … this smile … gods, you're beautiful."

Severus blinked back a wet sting, overcome, and buried his face in Harry's shoulder. "Oh, Harry. How did I ever become so fortunate as to find you?"

Trembling fingers stroked Severus' hair. "I was just wondering the same thing."

Severus gave a choked laugh and wiped tears of happiness from his cheeks. "Merlin. I am a mess." He sat back and wiped his eyes. "Come." He set Harry gently off his lap and stood, offering his hand to the younger man.

"Where are we going?"

"To eat breakfast and announce our plans to bond to your house elf, of course. I imagine he will wish to have a ridiculously grandiose dinner in our honour and will need time to prepare."

"Oh! I help Kreacher cook dinner. He complains, but he's really getting too old to handle it on his own. We should still tell him though. It'll do his cranky old heart a world of good."

Severus smiled. "Then let us inform him, and as for the meal, we shall spend the day in preparation for a party ourselves and celebrate after the meeting tonight."

"Wait a tick, you, Severus Snape, dweller of dungeons and potions labs and all places inhospitable to human kind, want to throw an engagement party?"

Severus chuckled. "Well, I suppose it is true that I have never been one to indulge in such garish displays of wanton drunkenness that most parties tend to be, but a dinner party between our friends to celebrate the happiest day of my life?" He kissed Harry soundly. "Is it so difficult to believe I would want to mark the occasion of the day you asked me to be your husband? Or …." He frowned. "Who asked whom, actually?"

"No idea." Harry laughed through tears of joy. "But an engagement party sounds lovely. Let's do it."

"After you, my love."

Harry's answering grin was the brightest Severus had ever seen.