TITLE: The Upper School
AUTHOR: Danielle
SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel.
DISCLAIMER: All the charchters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy.
RATING: PG… There is some, will, this chapter, a lot of cursing. Also, if I have offended anyone with comments in this chapter, I want to clear it up now, that it is for the story and not what I really feel.
DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel.
FEEDBACK: Would love some!
AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16.
9th Grade- Trimester Two- January, 2000
It's weird, sitting here at a hair salon getting my hair done all nice and fancy. It's nice and cool and stuff but weird. And exciting all the same. I never had my hair done, in a pretty way with lots of nice wavy curls and everything. And my nails, which I had also gotten done, all pale pink matching my dress. Yup, Homecoming is tonight and I'm so excited, but not. I am going with Angel, which is amazing in its own way; cause Angel, but then again not. Ever since that day in the woods, everything has been so different.
He seemed so happy about what happened and when we had arrived at his house after the bike ride, he kissed me again, and it seemed so wow and great. And then school happened. I don't understand what happened but he seemed so uncanny about the whole thing. Like he wanted to pretend it didn't happen. He told me not to tell anyone and I pretend to be all cool and telling him, "Why would I?"
What he didn't know was that I had went home that day and cried for so long on my bed, not understanding what happened. I remember Willow coming over and having to hold me as I cried for so long. I felt like everything that happened with Ford was happening all over again, heartbreak, hurt and anger. The difference this time was the fact that Ford wanted my attention, he wanted to be seen with me in public, he didn't shy away from what happened, he didn't hang out with other girls.
That was one of the worst days I had ever experienced. I had called Angel asking if he wanted to go see a movie. He said he couldn't, his parents needed him for something. So I went with Fred. The movie wasn't bad it was what I had seen after the movie that made myself lock myself in my room for the rest of the weekend. Angel there, with Darla and Gwen, talking and laughing. I remember making this sort of choking sound and running off, Fred going after me.
The lady that is doing my hair turns me around and I see myself in the mirror and I look so, pretty. I never felt pretty, beautiful. And looking at myself right now, with my hair curled in smooth waves all I can help but think about is that Angel might find me pretty when he looks at me. When Mom sees me she has this huge smile on her face, and even though I have been so mad with her and Dad lately, I can't help but smile back at her.
Once we finally get back to the house and I look at myself in the mirror I feel a tear slip down, because this is supposed to be my first High School Dance and I'm not happy or excited about it! I remember when Angel asked me, it was so surreal. Our parents were having his parents for dinner and he was in my room when I came home from Willow's. I remember looking at him before putting my bag down.
FLASHBACK
"Buffy," Angel says.
"Angel, hi," I say as I slump my bag on the floor and look at anything but him. I had barely seen him at all in the last two weeks. And he was the one that was avoiding me. I finally got the message around a month ago that he wanted nothing to do with me.
He puts his hands in his pockets, and I know when he does that he either gets a. nervous or b. doesn't know what to say. "You can go on the computer if you want."
He looks over at my computer and frowns. "Oh uh that's okay."
"Fine," I say as I roll my eyes and walk over to my computer log in to my AIM.
I start talking to Willow when Angel starts speaking. "So, what have you been up to?"
I turn around at him, a little surprised. "What?"
"You do anything interesting lately?"
"You would know, but you are the one avoiding me," I say.
I can see he is hurt by this, but I don't care anymore. He hurt me and now I am done with being his pet monkey who will whine all over him. If he wants to be anything with me then he will be the one to initiate it.
"Are you going to homecoming with anyone?"
I look over at him, and quickly write into my IM to Willow 'brb, Angel is trying to be nicesuddenly' and put my away message on before turning to fully face him. He is sitting on the edge of my bed and he is looking down and from time to time looking over at me.
"Why do you care?" This is getting really annoying, him trying to be all friendly. We aren't friends anymore so he can cut all the friendly bull.
"I'm just curious, I guess."
"No, happy now?" as I swirl around and face my computer again.
He is quite for a moment before asking, "Did nobody ask you?"
"No."
"No as you were asked or No as in nobody asked you?" I see he is amused with his stupid joke and I glare at him. He shuts up.
"I was asked."
"If you were asked why didn't you go with any of them?" he says and his face is so serious, and I still don't understand what he wants from me.
I finally turn around from my chair and stand up and look down at him. This is starting to be really annoying. What is his right to ask me twenty questions? "Because I didn't want to go with any of them."
"Oh… who asked you?"
"Ford, Parker, and Riley," I reply briskly.
"Three people asked you," he seemed to choke, good.
"Five, but Xander and Spike don't count."
"Oh."
He is such an idiot. "Are you going?"
"I don't know. I think I might ask Nina, or Darla."
I can't even talk; his assholeness is staring to get to me. I start to breathe deeply and I think I feel the tears welling in my eyes. I turn around and grab my night pack and start shoving clothes in them. I shake my head and I already feel the tears wanting to fall down my cheeks.
"Where are you going?" he asks quickly as he stands.
I look up at him for a second and then continue packing my bag and reply, "Willow, or Xander's or whoever. I don't want to be here right now."
I don't here anything so I assume he has given up when I feel him take a step towards me. I throw my bag on my shoulder but he is blocking my way out. "Why are you crying?"
I look up at him angrily and glare. "Why the fuck do you think, you aren't that big of a moron Angel."
He seems in shock for a second and doesn't move so I push him out of my way and I guess he is surprised because he falls over and hits his head against my closet and falls to the ground. I drop my bag immediately and lean over him touching the bump on his head that is now forming.
I look down at him and suddenly I notice our too close bodies. I feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest and this isn't good, this isn't good at all. I start to move away but Angel holds onto my arms and holds me where I am.
"Buffy…" he whispers and he seems so broken some how.
"Angel, I really should-"
"I was scared," he cuts my off. "I was so scared, and you were… every time I saw you my heart jumped and I was scared, and guys were making fun of me that I was whipped and Buffy, I'm so sorry. I was killing myself and I remember I was going to come one day and say how sorry I was but you were crying on your bed and I knew it was because of me, and, God I am so sorry…
"Go to Homecoming with me?"
I was a little shocked, just a little. "You're – me, Angel, omigod!"
I stand up and turn around and I feel him do the same to. I look at my wall and I feel him take hold of my shoulder and squeeze it. I turn around fast and my heart is beating out of my chest and the way he is looking down at me is so scary and yet, it's like he lives for me.
"Angel…"
"Please, don't," he whispers and pulls me into his embrace and I hit him and pull away.
"Who do you think you are? First you avoid me like the plague and now you expect me to come and welcome you back with open arms?"
He seems quite and defeated and broken and I'm happy he is. Because that is how I felt when he didn't hold my hand at school, and didn't want to tell anyone about us. He hurt me more than I was ever hurt by anyone else. I turn around and sit on my bed and he follows me and sits next to me, and takes hold of my hand.
"Buffy, I am sorry. And I can't change anything, but if you let me…"
"Why should I? You were my friend, Angel! You were my best friend! And I trusted you and you killed it yourself."
He takes my other hand and I look down at them. My hands are so small and his are so big. His is are so rough, and mine are soft. They are so different from each other, but they match each other anyways. My hands sitting perfectly in his.
"Angel… us together or any way, doesn't work, we are just diff-"
"Buffy, I promise you, if you let me try I will make it up to you, I need you. You're my best friend
I look up at him, and he is so serious. "Angel, please don't make me regret this."
His face turns into this huge full blown smile and my heart breaks a little more. "I promise you won't."
But I already am.
So he wasn't forced or anything, but still. It wasn't like he was suddenly all over at school or anything. Yeah he was a little nicer, saying hi at least and even stopping by my locker. But it didn't change all that much.
Someone opens my door to my room and Faith walks in with her dress in hand. I smile at her.
"What's wrong?" she immediately says.
I roll my eyes. "Nothing."
"Yeah right. Now tell me what is going on."
"Faith nothing, just leave it at that, okay?" I say, thinking about Angel and everything that will have to happen tonight. Just thinking about it has made me in a bad mood.
"Well, don't say I never asked."
I give her an amused smile. "Thanks."
----
Looking at myself in the mirror with my dress, flowing around me, I can't help but feel… different. My dress, which is pale pink, shows a lot of back but when it comes up there are two thick fastenings making an X which tie around each other and then they both come to the front which makes it turn into a V line. And after that the dress sort of flows around me. It's really beautiful. And I feel really beautiful, but I still feel like I want the night to end already. I open the door and see Faith waiting for me; she is wearing a black dress that shows just a bit of cleavage.
She gets up and her mouth drops. "Buffy you are such a babe!"
I blush and roll my eyes. "Come on, we better go, it's already eight fifteen."
"B you look amazing, don't doubt yourself."
I look over at her and manage the best smile I can. "I'm not."
I take hold of the bag that mom got for me and wait for Faith to come. We are going to get dropped off by our parents and meet our dates there. Faith is going with Xander, believe it or not. Poor Willow is going to go alone.
Mom starts to take pictures and I roll my eyes and smile anyways. Once we finally get to the school and get out of the car its eight forty. Faith gets out quickly and runs past me and into the gym before I could do anything, and leave me here in the cold by myself. Gee thanks.
I'm about to enter the school when what I see stops my heart. Angel, standing there with flowers. Angel, waiting for me, moving back and forth waiting for me in the cold. I feel tears well up in my eyes and I don't know why. I come closer to him and we finally make eye contact and now there really are tears pouring down my face and standing right in front of him he hands me the white flowers he got me.
"Thank you," I murmur.
He cups my cheek and I touch my hand to his. He wipes the tears from my face "You're welcome… You look beautiful, Buffy."
"Thanks," I whisper. He pulls me into his arms and he leans his forehead against mine.
"I'm sorry, Buffy," he whispers. I nod my head and look up at him. His eyes are full of passion that I never have ever seen before and it is sort of freaking me out, but it's amazing. "Can I kiss you?"
I nod my head and he lightly touches his lips to mine, and I wrap my hands around his neck and he pulls me closer into him, and I feel like I am flying on a cloud and Angel is my anchor. I pull away when I feel like I need air and look into his eyes and they are full of so much happiness it sort of flutters my heart. I bite my lip and he smiles this huge smile down at me. He takes me into his arms and we walk inside (him still holding me very close to) the school the teachers' sort of smiling slyly at us and blush because they must have seen what happened, even though it was like twenty meters away from them.
"Names?" A teacher I don't know says.
"I know these kids," Mr. Storiesty says, my History teacher.
I smile at him through my tucked up place in Angel's shoulder. "Hi, Mr. Storiesty."
He highlights are names on the list to show we paid (Angel paid in advance) that we arrived and nobody can pretend to be us and we start walking down the hall. As we enter the theater (that is were we need to put our coats) Angel slowly takes my coat off, and lays it gently on a chair. I turn around to face him and he has this weird look in his eyes. I touch my hair and then look up at him. He steps closer to me and then pulls me all the way into his arms.
"Angel…" I whisper, but it sort of fades away because I know I am drowning in his eyes.
"You – you look amazing," as he cups my cheek and right now I am really glad I was late because no one is in the room. "I'm going to kiss you again, okay?"
I nod my head and before I know it his lips are on mine and I feel myself drowning in his arms and it feels so good and yet I'm still scared out of mind that he might leave me again. He lets go gently but stills holds me close to him. I look up at him and he holds me so tightly and yet… God this is only supposed to happen in the movies!
"I promise, Buffy. I'm so sorry," he says.
I nod my head and move away as he takes off his own jacket. We walk out and he grabs hold of my hand and we walk towards the cafeteria were the dance is being taken place. We walk in and immediately we are assaulted by Angel's friends.
"Dude, I thought you got here like twenty minutes ago," Larry says as he slaps Angel's back.
Angel smiles at him and pulls me closer to him. He looks down at me, and I feel my heart flip and my insides melt (not literally, of course). I hear Angel talking to his friends but I feel so content in my happy bubble I don't care that I am out of the conversation. But eventually I have to talk.
I pull on Angel's jacket and he cuts his sentence off and looks down at me. "What?" he smiles happily down at me.
"I'm going to see Will and Xand, kay?" I whisper so no one else can hear.
"I'll come with."
He says his goodbyes to his friends and we walk off, Angel still holding me tight, to find Willow and Xander. I see Xander is dancing with Faith like an interesting person and Willow dancing around with Fred, and Amy. I tape Willow on the shoulder and she spins around and her face sort of looks shocked and then she hugs me.
"Omigod, Buffy! You look amazing!" she squeals as she makes me turn around.
I look over at her. "You too!"
She looks over at Angel nervously and he is talking to Faith who stopped dancing with Xander. "You guys?"
I shrug slightly but I can't help the full blown smile that takes over my face. "I think so. I mean, I hope so."
She pulls close to me and whispers so no one else can hear. "Buffy, you have nothing to worry about. He is so in to you," and she moves her head so I know to look at him and he is staring at me with such, I don't know but it makes me shiver. The fast song that is playing now fades away and a new song starts up. A slow song.
Angel moves closer to me, and stands so close that almost every inch of his body is touching mine. "Dance with me."
I nod my head and he brings me closer to the center of the dance floor and holds me tight in his arms. I lean my head against his chest, and put my other hand that is not in his arm on his shoulder. Or I try to anyways. He looks down at me and sort of gives me this broody look but this happy broody look.
He tilts his head and goes down a little and our lips are almost touching. "Is it okay?"
I nod my head and Angel's lips touches mine and we are kissing in front of the whole High School to see. This has to be a dream.
----
Angel's Mom drops me off at home and I climb the stairs one step at a time. And I don't even care that Mom or Dad aren't downstairs to ask me how the dance was. Before I had entered the house Angel had kissed me goodbye. It was incredible but for some reason, I was still scared. Scared he would leave, scared he would find someone better, scared that he wouldn't come back.
When I get inside my room, I showered quickly to get rid of my make up and the stuff in my hair. I pull on my boy shorts and a big T- Shirt. I open my door quickly and walk inside Dawn's room to see her sleeping peacefully on her bed. I walk inside and sit on the side of her bed and touch her hair gently. Her eyes flutter open and she looks confused before she has a big smile on her face.
"Buffy!" she says in an excited whisper.
"Hey Dawnie." God I love her so much.
"I tried to stay up and wait for you to come home, but Mommy won't let me," she says.
"Wouldn't."
She looks confused and sort of scrunches her noise. "Mommy wouldn't let me."
I smile down at her and hug her close to me. "How was your dance thing?"
"It was great," I whisper.
I can already see she was falling back asleep and I smooth her hair. "Mommy wouldn't let me, I wanted to stay up."
She falls asleep quickly after that and I slowly walk out of her room and slip into mine. I go inside the cover of my bed and I am about to fall asleep when I hear a tapping at my window. At first I think it is nothing but then it keeps recurring and finally I climb out and open my window and frustration when a rock passes right by me.
"What the hell-" And I see Angel standing down at with at the bottom. "What are you doing here!" I yell at him in a hush whisper.
"I needed to see you."
What! Omigod this is so not happing. "Are you crazy?"
"Over you, yes."
Omigod, tears form in my eyes and omigod. I start breathing really deeply and my chest is heaving like I just ran a mile and without another word Angel starts climbing my tree. I step up and let him in and once he is standing in my room and he is looking down at me and holding my hands in his, I know I am about to faint.
"Wh- What are you doing here?" I ask desperately.
"I needed to see you. I uh I wanted you to know, that all I could think about was you and… I don't want you to, you know, doubt anything."
I don't know how this happened but next thing I know is that I am in his arms and we are making out like a couple of crazy kids. I feel him smile as he kisses me, and I his hand twines it self through my hair, and it just feels… amazing.
We let go and stare at each other and he cups my cheek. "I can't promise I won't hurt you, but I'll try not to."
I look up at him and bring my hand to his hand that is cupping my cheek. "Why do you act so big, Angel? You're only fourteen."
He smiles down at me. "'Cause your fifteen, I don't want to look young."
I yawn real big and he chuckles at me. "Tired?"
"A little."
"I'll let you sleep," he says. He starts to move to my window but I grab his arm.
"Wait," I say as I pull him close to me. "Stay, for the night. Just to hold me."
"And your parents?"
"I'll just say your door was locked or something," I say as he wraps both his arms around me.
"Really?" I nod my head.
He smiles at me before he goes down to kiss me and as I wrap my hands around his neck and hold him, for the first time this night, I'm truly blissfully happy, and complete.
TBC
AN: Updates won't be as congruent as they used to because of things going on in my RL. But I won't stop posting just not as frequently as I used to. Thanks, Danielle.