Chapter 11 - Intense and Confused

And that's how I added one more item to my routine without Wanda: keep myself alive, protect the tank, wait and ... Take care of my Little Sun. So I called her, since I didn't know her name and she was no longer Pet neither was she Wanda yet. Would her eyes open to bring back the consciousness of an innocent child in the body of a teenager? Talk about complications!

"Tracy? You look a Tracy." Mel said, again trying to wake her.

We both devoted ourselves entirely to this task. Also, all Wanda's friends were helping to keep the body healthy and hydrated. We even had a scale. And all the care that had been taken with Jodi's body was being repeated with Sun.

"Pamela, then? Pam? Are you there?" Mel insisted, repeating the efforts Wanda made with Candy. "Do you remember Pet? Miss her? She's fine, but now you are free and you can wake up. Open your eyes if you're there..."

"It's useless, Mel. All this is useless. We're just putting Sun's body at risk."

"Sun?"

"Yes, that's how I call her" I answered a little embarrassed.

"Why?"

"Because she is... luminous."

Mel looked at me with an expression at once tender and curious:

"You already like her, don't you? You can already see Wanda in her."

"From the beginning."

"But she is so different! I mean, from me. You fell in love with Wanda when she had my appearance" Mel said, with an expression on her face that could only be...

"Jealousy, Miss. Stryder? Are you jealous? Of me?"

"Oh, don't be silly, Ian! You know I love Jared. Indeed, if he were here, he would be furious with you for saying that."

"No, Mel. He would be furious with you! Because you are j-e-a-l-o-u-s of me!" I teased her, spelling the word that irritated her so much.

"You are particularly irrational today!"

"And you're particularly human today, so we're even!"

Mel ended up laughing at the silly argument we were having and that disarmed her.

"Be aware of one thing: if you talk about this to Jared or Wanda or whoever, I'll flay you alive, you know? But I think I was a bit jealous, yes. You turned out to be very important to me, actually."

I wanted to say "you would not have the courage to flay my beautiful leather", but her sincerity dismantled my joke. Suddenly, the conversation became too intense to be diverted with banter. One of the things that has always helped me with women was to know when that time came.

"Yeah, I know. You are important to me too. Weird, hah?"

"Yes, very weird. When I woke up after Wanda had left us, I missed you. And I was too afraid that you hated me."

"I never hated you. Not for a second. But I didn't know how to feel about you. Actually, I still don't. I just like it when you're near me."

"I feel that way too", she admitted.

Mel was completely vulnerable at this point. And so was I. But we really needed to organize our feelings for each other. She hesitated a bit, but after a few seconds asked:

"Are you jealous of Jared?"

I didn't answer right away because I didn't know what to say. I wondered how I felt when I saw Jared touching her body. I had been so busy with all sorts of confusing feelings lately, that I hadn't taken the time to focus on something so simple.

"No. On second thought, I think I'm not."

"That's good." Mel replied, half disappointed, but quite relieved. "I don't think I would be jealous of you with Wanda. I mean, I felt a little jealous when you said you find Sun beautiful, but I guess that's because she is not Wanda yet.

"That's good." I said too, also mirroring the mixed expression on her face. "So I guess we're friends, right? Sometimes we feel jealous of friends. I suppose."

"Right. I think so. We will never understand exactly what happened between us, for what it looks like. It is all too intense and confusing.

"You bet! 'Intense and confused' is my middle name lately."

"Ian Intense and Confused O'Shea? No... It is not pretty, no. Maybe if you hyphenate?" Mel joked, relaxing a little bit.

We laughed, but there was still a loose end in this conversation.

"You know Wanda's feelings for Jared are also intense and confusing, don't you? I'm afraid of what might happen when she wakes up." I said, admitting it out loud for the first time.

"Well, I'm not afraid. I know Wanda better than anyone and I know she loves you. But the feelings she has for him bother me enough. Maybe in another body they disappear?"

"At least you know Jared only loves you. He never felt anything for Wanda.

"Yes, I know that he loves me. But if you were there in her last minute perhaps you'd reconsider never."

"What do you mean?" I asked already feeling my face redden with anger. Will there ever be a single day I won't feel enraged by Jared?

"He was very ... touched by what she was doing to set me free. Their farewell was ... intense ... and ... confusing. You don't need to know how much."

"Oh, don't you dare do this to me. Finish what you started!"

"They kissed. Ready. I said it."

-"I'll break your boyfriend's neck! How could they? She is lucky to be in this tank!" I extolled, leaving the tank aside for a moment.

"See? Best friends, I think. Glad you're here to share that anger with me."

"Aaahhh!" I yelled, kicking an empty tank that landed on the other side of the hospital. "And it feels great that you don't cower when I'm angry!"

Mel laughed at my fury that had no where to be addressed:

"You can always count on me to be angry with others!" She said, still laughing and kicking an empty tank herself.

We laughed some more, but not like we were really thinking something funny. In fact, we were mad. When we calmed down and we sat side by side on the cot next to Sun's, Melanie continued:

"But seriously now, Jared doesn't know I was present at that time, but I was. I just didn't interfere nor said anything to him after I woke up, because he did the right thing. As bad as it has been for me, Wanda really needed it. She was so frightened, Ian. You have no idea!"

"I could have comforted her!"

"No you could not, Ian. You know damn well it's your jealousy talking. You would never have allowed her to do what she did. So you wouldn't be able to comfort her or to be her accomplice in that moment."

"Yeah, you're right. But you know what? Despite all the pain that her actions caused me, right now I'm glad she did not hear me. Because of that, now I have you. I just wish I could bring her back soon."

Mel grabbed my hand, the strange gesture, and yet so familiar, wasn't unconfortable this time:

"Me too. All this waiting is killing me!"

"You too?"

"Yes."

"And what if she wakes up and is still in love with Jared?"

"It won't happen. Believe me. She loves you, I know. It's one of the reasons why I like you so much."

"Right. I'll believe you. You know, Melanie? I never confessed to anyone when I felt insecure about something. It's cool that I'm not ashamed to do this with you."

"It is. I'm not the type who likes to talk about feelings either. It's been so many years since I had friends. I don't even remember what it was like anymore.

"Neither do I. Anyway, I never had a friend to talk about this kind of thing."

"Well, now you have" she said, stroking my hand still clinging to hers.

"Then I'll confess one more thing."

"What? Don't overstep!" Mel joked.

"No, no. Easy, girl, sensitivity time is about to end. It's just that, even if Wanda chooses Jared, I still would want to bring her back. I don't want Sun to wake. It's a horrible thing to say, but I hope she's been suppressed."

"Me too, Ian. I'd want her back anyway. And I am ashamed of not wanting Sun to wake. But we have to keep trying."

"I know. So let's try a little more."

Then we both got up and went terribly unwilling to take care of our mission.