But you can hear it, hear it, Where ever it may go, Even if i let you down, This lullaby plays on... - - - -Full Summary- Sakura Haruno a total neat freak, perfectionist and total play girl of Konaha, is on a mission to try and prove that love doesn't exist. She believes love is a myth. Seeing her mother's relationships fall apart for as long as she can remember, she just doesn't believe there is a thing called love. She dates many guys just for fun. To have something to do, and to make sure her heart never gets broken. So far she has proven that she will no be broken. Relationships are just a game to her. A game she plans to win. Now Sasuke Uchiha is a total play boy. Although he doesn't think love is a myth, he is beginning to think that there is no such thing as love. He dates tons of girls in hopes of finding what love really means. But so far he has had no luck. He is searching for the "his perfect" girl, which really isn't all that perfect, but would be at least someone who likes him for him. Both of these young teenagers soon meet and both worlds soon collide... -End of full Summary- Konaha's Lullaby
Recap: Karin seemed deep in thought for a moment before asking: "What do I need to do, Sakura?"
Sakura's POV:
Everything was going to plan. I got Shikamaru in on it and Karin; and means that with them everything will work to my advantage.
Karin is the most jealous girl in all of the country. If you even looked at her boyfriend wrong, you where going to get hell. So you can just imagine what she would do if a girl kisses her man. Shikamaru is smart and I don't think he likes to be crossed by one of his closest friends. No matter what gender you are, when you call dibs on a guy/girl that girl/guy is suppose to date you, and your friends can not, ever, take the girl/guy away, which is what Ino and Sasuke did to me and Shikamaru.
Now, I am not saying girls or guys are property. I strongly disagree with that. Everyone is their own property; just like everyone's actions are their own and no one can make them do something. But, when a girl likes a guy, or vice versa, the rule of I saw him/her first matters; a lot.
But, when someone, a friend in especially, steals the guy you like; that is low. It's shallow and it's wrong. True friends are not ones who are loyal to your face, but are loyal behind your back, and Ino was diffidently not loyal to me. She double crossed me. I would understand it if it was just a little secret she spread around. Not that I would even tell her a secret, because, well lets' face it. Ino has a big mouth. If I wanted something spread…I would tell Ino before anyone else.
Karin, she was annoying as hell, but she sure new how to fight. She was at least worth that much. She might be a bitch, but she knows when to get things done. Yeah, we have our little arguments but when desperate times call for desperate measures, rivals often become allies; just like in war.
You can never judge a person, without actually getting into their shoes and dissecting them from their physical features, not their beauty but their body language, and their mental capability, how strong they are mentally, only then you can actually say something about the person. Everyone is different. Girls often talk about others. It's called gossip. Everyone does it. I swear it is a genetic gene in all females. We know its wrong, but does that prevent us from gossiping. No.
We all gossip, even when we know it's wrong. Hell even guys do it. We, all humans, say we don't gossip because it's wrong… we still do it. We are all pacifist in between wars, just like we are all vegetarians in between meals. We all gossip in between people. We say we don't, or won't, do something…but that still does not prevent us from doing it anyway. People who love animals say that oh I would never eat poor defenseless creatures, but what do they do? They still eat animals. It is protein, which is how we survive. We all dislike war, but during a war no one ever says: "I don't support our war!" They simply say, "I want all of our troops to come back home." Those are two totally different statements.
We all assume things. It is only natural. It is who we are. It's how we were raised. We were born and raised to judge people. It is how we learn. Our past mistakes are called experience. We have them for a reason; and that reason is to learn. Therefore, we can never actually say a true statement about someone if we do not actually know from what point of view they come from. No one sees the world the same way. So that means, of course, we can not judge.
Judge me; I will prove you wrong. Tell me what to do; I will tell you off. Call me a bitch; I will show you one. Say I am not worth it, and watch where I'll end up. Call me crazy if you want. But at least I know I'm right.
That saying is true. You can tell someone that they are not worth your time, but they will laugh at you when their time to shine is at its acme point. They proved you wrong. They proved their worth. You judged them and they gained the respect of millions while you were in the same town doing the same job as your parents did. Face it; if you judge someone chances are they will succeed at everything you dream of doing.
I knew that better than anyone.
-Flash back-
"She will never amount to anything." I heard one of my teachers say to another.
"How can you say that?" a female voice rang. It must have been his companion he was talking to.
"She is so dependent on Yamanka-chan. She will never amount to anything if she continues to be so dependent on others."
"But she is just a child. She is still learning."
"No, she is old enough to know not to follow others. But, she still does it anyway. She just will not amount to anything. She will always be Yamanaka-Chan's shadow. She will always be in the background."
"But she is still just a--" the female teacher was interrupted by the bell.
"I have to go back to class. You should too." The teacher that told another I wouldn't ever amount to anything.
Tears fell to the ground one by one, before I ran home.
-End of Flashback-
'Well, look who is the shadow now, Iruka!' I thought viciously. I am no longer Ino's shadow. She is mine. She wishes she was me. She wants to be me. I am everything she is not. I proved my worth, but has she? No. I am stronger. I have allowed myself to blossom into an aesthetic flower; I did not let myself wilt away to nothingness. I amounted to something.
I have all the guys after me. I have the highest GPA in the school. I am certified for cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). I take care of my family. I clean my house and even cook at least three times a week. With out me, my family would crumble. I do everything. Ino is still spoiled rotten. She gets her daddy to do everything for her. She always told me, if I had a dad I would know what it was like.
Why the hell would I want to know what it was like? My father told me and the whole world before he died, that he and every other male would let me go. What would change now? Nothing would. I would still be the same girl I am now, whether I had a father or not. It never did, and never will, make a difference. That reminds me, I should go check on Koi, I have avoided him for a while, so I should give him some hell. But, before that…I want to say hi to an old teacher.
-At an Elementary School-
I knocked on a door. "Iruka," I called as I walked in without knocking.
"Oh," Iruka turned to me. "Hello Sakura-San!" he bowed.
I smirked. "Iruka," I said.
"What is it Sakura?" he asked me.
"I might have been the background girl back when I was here, but at least I was mentally stable when the rest of the world crumbled." I said. I smirked when I saw his face crumble.
"What, what do you mean, Sakura?" He asked me.
"I heard what you said to Kurenai-Sensi. Saying how I would never amount to anything, and how I was Yamanaka's shadow. Well guess what." I said rudely.
"What?" he questioned in shock.
"Ino is my shadow now. And I proved you wrong. I am worth something, and I did amount to much more than you or Yamanaka ever would." I said before turning to walk out.
Iruka stood there shocked. I just burned him in front of his class. I chuckled as I walked down the hall.
-At the Leaf Frenzy-
"Oh, Sakura-sama, what are you doing here?" one of the workers asked.
"I am here to see Koi." I said as I walked into the back and in his office.
"Koi," I said in no mood.
"Yes, what is it?" Koi asked; his voice sounded surprised.
"I want to make sure we have everything we need." I replied bitter sweetly.
"We do Sakura."
"Okay. When do you and my mother plan to have your guys' wedding and where?"
"We plan to have it on March, 28, in Florence Italy." I froze when he said that.
"Why on that date?" I asked skeptically.
"There is nothing planned on that day. It is the perfect day." He replied as he raised an eye brow.
"Alright, well I am going to leave now." I left before I even gave him a chance to respond.
-With Sakura-
I can not believe my mother would have her wedding on my birthday! How is nothing important going on? It is my 18th birthday! My 18th! That is like, the most important birthday of your life. You are finally an adult. Why would she have it on my birthday? A mother would never forget her own daughter's birthday, would she?
I drove up to my drive way house and stormed through the room my mother was currently in, when I reached the front door of my house.
"MOTHER," I roared.
"Yes, Sakura, dear what is it?" She asked me.
"When are you having your wedding?" I asked, trying to hold in the animosity rising in my voice.
"We are having it on March 28, why?" She asked.
"Do you know what day that is?" I growled.
"Yeah, it's my wedding day." She replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"NO! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" I screamed in her face. "HOW COULD YOU EVER FORGET YOUR OWN DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY?"
My mother's face paled. "I-it's your birthday that day?" She asked, her tone was horror struck.
"YES IT IS MY DAMN BIRTHDAY! BUT YOU DON'T EVEN CARE! YOU CAN GO TO YOUR FUCKING WEDDING WITHOUT ME! I AM DONE!" I screamed as I stomped towards my stair case.
"What do you mean you're done, Sakura?" My mother asked. Her voice seemed to be worried.
"I am done. I am done helping you and everyone else. I am done!" I said as a scrambled up the stairs in a hurry. I did not catch what my mother had said to me.
I reached my room in a record time. Before I knew it, I was on my bed crying.
Why? Why me? Why does this always happen to me? I am always the first to break. I am always the one who gets hurt. My strength, or anyone's strength, is nothing more than how well I, or they, hide the pain. Unfortunately the more you hide the pain, the more it builds up. I want them to feel my pain. I want them to hear my screams. But most importantly I want them to watch me fade and know it was their entire fault.
I know numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it, but I would rather put it off as long as I can than to live with it every day. Not all scars show. Not all wounds heal. And sometimes you just can't see the pain someone is hiding. I always hide my pain. Pain is inevitable; suffering, on the other hand, is optional. I try to make my suffering non-existent. Well look how well it is looking out for me.
I crawled off my bed and into my big closet corner. I hid in my little hiding spot as I reached over and grabbed my CD player. I played the only song I knew by heart. I played the song I could relate to most.
But you can hear it, hear it,
Where ever it may go,
Even if I let you down,
This lullaby plays on...
I listened to that over and over again. It was used for some weddings, background elevator music, and even in the back ground of some commercials. It always pissed me off when people sang it. That song was for me. I did not want it. I did not want to have to hear that song and know I was suppose to be let down by every guy I knew. I did not want to feel unwanted, and that song made me feel weak and unwanted at the same time.
I cried until I could not shed a single tear. I longed for company…but I refused to let myself get any.
I avoided all my calls for the rest of the day. I just wanted to let my guard down. I wanted my defenses to hit the ground. I wanted them to shatter; I wanted to be exposed.
I need comfort, but I felt like I didn't deserve any. I felt the exact opposite of the word brazen. I was cowardly. I was pitiful. I did not deserve to be comforted by others, when I could not even comfort myself.
I stayed in the corner of my closet, in a feeble position, as I listened to the lullaby; my lullaby.
I cried my heart and soul out again until I couldn't shed a single tear…not even a drop.
My heart ached quiet a bit. My mind raced with thoughts. I did not understand how it was working. Why was it changing thoughts so quickly? Am I that upset? I do not know, nor do I even care
The only thing I know was I was let down, but this lullaby, my lullaby, will play on for ever and ever; even if I don't want it to.
I slowly drifted into unconsciousness. I must have cried myself to sleep. But the last thing I remember was thinking:
'Why does everyone let me down, father?'
-Next day, Shikamaru's POV, at Sakura's House-
"So what are we doing?" Karin, Sasuke's girlfriend asked. I do not have a single clue to why girls like Sakura, who hates girls, like Karin would ever involve Sasuke's girlfriend. Sakura must be either pissed or furious. I am going with the second one.
"We are going to trash both of them." Sakura replied. I looked at her.
"You plan to trash Sasuke? Uchiha Sasuke?" I asked skeptically.
Sakura nodded. I laughed. "You, a girl, can not trash him, nor ever will."
"I would never get my hands dirty. That is wear Karin comes in." She replied with a smirk on her face.
"What?" I asked. God, I never thought I would ever meet someone this confusing.
Karin laughed. "What do you want me to do, that you can not do yourself?"
"I can't go near him, because I am going to do my own battle with Ino." She replied. But wait, if she is going to fight Ino than why am I here?
"If you are going to fight Ino, why am I here and apart of your scheme?" I asked bewildered.
"You are the comfort guy after your double date with Karin and Sasuke and Ino. Once I get into my argument with Ino, after your date and drag her off when no on is around and leave to go hypothetically kill Sasuke, you will be the one who comforts her. So when Ino sees how sensitive you are and how easy you are to talk to, she will fall for you. Thus, she is out of the picture for Karin and me." Sakura replied.
"Karin, you like Sasuke?" Karin's eyes narrowed into slits.
"No. I just want to play with his emotions." Sakura replied. "But you should go now Karin. You need to schedule your date with Sasuke and don't forget to make him crash and burn. Give him hell for kissing another girl."
"Oh, believe me Sakura. I will." Karin replied as she got up. "See you later and yes I will tell you what happens on the date. Do not worry." With that said, Karin left.
Once Karin left I turned towards Sakura. "You were lying."
"No I wasn't!" She defended. What is she hiding?
"Then why are you going this far just to get back at two people? Unless, you do like Sasuke and you are angry at your friend for kissing him." I replied.
"I am angry at Ino for kissing Sasuke. But, I am not because she kissed Sasuke. Sasuke is just in this for convincing Ino to betray me. I would never betray my friend; no matter what." She seethed.
"Then why go this far; that is what I do not understand."
"She betrayed me. I will not allow someone, who knows so much about me, to betray me!" She said. Her voice sounded broken.
"I will not let someone hurt me anymore. I have had that enough in one life time I do not need it now. AND I ESPECIALLY DO NOT NEED IT FROM SOMEONE I THOUGHT I COULD CONFINE IN!" Tears brimmed on her eyes lashes. I then knew that she was about to cry. She was not angry at Sasuke for kissing Ino or vice versa, like every other girl Sasuke dated, she was angry at her friend for hurting her; Sasuke just happened to get into the cross fire.
"Why does this mean so much to you?" I asked; I was curious, even I had to admit to that.
"Why wouldn't I? Wouldn't you be angry if Sasuke convinced one of your closest friends to betray you? Would you honestly blame me for hating both of them?" She seemed like she was begging me to understand; to hear her side.
"But why are you made at Ino, Sakura? If it was Sasuke that convinced her, then why are you trying to hurt her as well?"
"She was stupid enough to believe him. A guy's saying is Bros before Hoes. Well, a girl's saying is Friends are forever and Guys are whatever. In the long run, you always put your friends first. Ino did not do that. She just let Sasuke roll her into his trap. I would never do that. If any guy and I do mean any guy, that Ino likes hits on me; I kick their ass and tell them to leave. I put her first, not the guy or myself; I put her first.
"I do not do anything to her. I encourage her to go after a guy, even if I like him. If she saw him first, she gets him. But I saw Sasuke first, so it was suppose to be me who makes Karin angry. Not Ino, but me. But, Ino betrayed me. She betrayed my trust for her." Sakura seemed almost forceful. She tried to abate her tears, but they wouldn't seem to stop flowing down her face.
I was so deep in thought; I hadn't even noticed she began to cry. There is a lot more to this girl then meets the eye. No wonder Sasuke is so intrigued by her. She is almost bi-polar. She has two sides. One side is a strong independent woman who fights non-stop for recognition. But the other side of her is a weak defenseless girl trying to survive. Her weak half is desperate for someone to understand her; almost begging for someone.
"Shikamaru," I heard Sakura whisper. I looked at her to give her my full attention.
"Why?" she asked. I was confused.
"Why what, Sakura? What do you mean?" I asked.
"Why am I always the one to get hurt?" She asked, rephrasing her question to me.
"…I don't know." I replied, which was the truth. I really didn't know. That one question stumped me even more than her riddle: "What's greater than god, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it." At least that riddle had an answer. Her question right now, did not.
Just then, Itachi and Hibiki, Sakura's older brother, walked in. Hibiki ran to Sakura's side. Apparently he saw her crying.
"Shikamaru, you should leave now. I don't know why you are here at Sakura's," Itachi, Sasuke's older brother, said. "But I think you should leave, now."
There was a sense of urgency in his tone. Did Sakura really mean that much to him…or was it something about her past that involved him?
"Alright, I will leave Itachi." I said as I turned to walk towards the door. I walked out side as I heard Sakura's sobs. She was really upset. I would have never thought, a girl like Sakura, would ever break down. I guess the saying is true: The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Sakura had a strong will. It was big. Well with the more drama she has…the more she has on her shoulders. She has to break eventually. But who would have thought she would have broken when Sasuke was here and that she came to me and Karin for comfort…well in a weird twisted way of comfort. But she did come to us non-the-less.
Why was she crying? Was there something else she didn't tell me? Come to think of it…she didn't tell me how Sasuke convinced Ino, and what did he convince her to do? Did she know what he convinced her to do? Or did she only hear a fraction of what they had said?
As I drove home, there was one question really stuck in mind, that Sakura had said, the most:
"Why am I always the one who gets hurt?"
But you can hear it, hear it,
Where ever it may go,
Even if i let you down,
This lullaby plays on...