Whirligig

by hardly loquacious

Mac knows she'll never be able to fix it. Maybe it isn't fixable. She still wants to make things better for him though. Because she's lonely, and he is too. And that's partly her fault. So she's going to be his friend, and she's going to try and help him be less lonely. She even has a plan! She just isn't going to tell him about it.

11. Chapter 11

A/N: And here we go, part two of the conversation. As always, feedback would be appreciated.

Chapter 11

xxx

"I was a good reporter and an awful everything else!"

Her breath caught in her throat.

Well, fuck.

She clapped her hands over her mouth. Fuck. Because there it was. The reminder of the horrible thing she'd done. And now they'd have to have the conversation, and it would end with accusations and shouting and possibly even Will storming out. And everything that had been good wouldn't be anymore.

God, with all the confusion in her brain with the Will situation, she did not need this added complication right now. And just about any second, she was going to lose it. She seriously needed an hour to get her head on straight. Or maybe a week. She'd just wanted to be cautious. Was that so wrong?

She couldn't lose what they were building between them now, or what she thought they were building. She couldn't lose him. She could admit it to herself at least, even if not to him.

Maybe she did need to learn to open up to him a little better, but did they have to start with this?

"What?" Will asked. His voice was deathly quiet now.

Mac could practically hear the anger settling into his veins, ice-cold.

She took a breath. "Look, we both know that those three years weren't exactly a cakewalk, for either of us."

"Is that what this is about?" Will asked, his voice still frighteningly level.

Mac swallowed, but kept going; she needed to get through this. "Remember a few weeks ago, we had that conversation about how things were going well?" she asked.

"Yes," he said evenly.

"I just, I didn't want to lose what we..." she pushed a hand against her forehead.

"Mackenzie..." It was all he said, but Mac swore she could hear the warning in it.

"God, Will! I'm sorry," she cried, suddenly breaking. "I'm sorry. I know it's my fault. I know I fucked it up. I just, I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't know how. I wanted to try to figure out. I thought if I could just have a day, just to sort things through. There had to be a way to..."

She took a deep breath, and laughed mirthlessly. "Instead I did this. I didn't mean to make you think that I didn't want... that I couldn't... I just didn't know how to have the conversation, Will. If I'm honest, I still don't. But I should have tried. I will now, if... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I fucked it up in the end. Again."

He ignored her apology. "Jesus Christ, Mackenzie!" he shouted. (Mac couldn't help taking the sudden heat of his anger as a good sign.) "Sometimes you... You must be the absolute craziest... How many conversations have we not had because you didn't want to... I mean, because you thought I'd... Because you were frightened..."

That snapped her out of herself. "I wasn't frightened."

"Whatever," he muttered, turning away.

She grabbed his elbow again and forced him to face her this time. "I wasn't frightened," she repeated forcefully. "I was never frightened. Not of you. I was worried I'd wreck things again. I just wanted things to be okay still."

"Oh, well done," Will said scathingly.

Mac bit her lip. "I'm sorry."

"Stop!" Will ordered. "Just, stop doing that. And seriously, how many conversations are we not having because you don't think it'll be good for one of us? How many times are you deciding that? And how many things are you planning out, working yourself to the fucking bone to make sure no one gets upset, and everybody's happy, while you quietly self-combust from the worry and stress in your own brain, which you then hide from everybody?"

"I didn't want to remind you of when you hated me," she whispered. She knew he'd never really forget, but that didn't mean she had to bring it up.

"I don't..." he groaned. "Do you really think I'm that... unreasonable?"

"No," Mac assured him honestly. "I think you have good cause."

He stepped towards her then. "Mac..."

"Sometimes I don't know where your brain is," she admitted softly.

"Good," Will said decisively, reaching up and grabbing onto her sleeve at the elbow. "Because I almost never know where yours is."

She laughed.

He didn't. "How many things are you keeping from me?" he asked again, running the fabric of her blouse between two fingers (Mac couldn't help taking that as a good sign as well).

"Just this," she assured him. Well, this and her plan to try and win him back. But she figured she was well within her rights to keep that one a secret. She figured he meant she couldn't keep secrets about things that were upsetting her, particularly if they were work related.

"Mac," Will said in warning.

"I swear," she assured him.

"I won't hate you if you mention those three years," he murmured, stroking her arm.

Mac swallowed the lump in her throat. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said shortly. "I'm still pissed at you."

This time she smiled. "I know."

He sighed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She tipped her head to the side. "The fact that you're pissed at me?"

She swore he almost laughed. Almost. Instead he shook his head. "The three years. What you saw. What... happened."

A thought struck her. "Do you?"

He shrugged.

"Will?" she whispered. Was this half the problem? Did Will actually want to tackle the massive black hole in their relationship? That hadn't even occurred to her before now, but if he did...

Oh holy mother.

"Maybe?" he said tentatively.

Mackenzie was stunned. "Really?"

"I think so," he said.

She considered that. They obviously had to talk, but she couldn't help feeling that they were both too keyed up for the conversation right now. "Can we do it another night? Today's been..."

She saw him relax, and knew she'd been right. It was too soon for both of them, but maybe they were getting there. Maybe soon. "Sure," he said easily.

"Thanks," she said, tentatively sending him another smile.

Will watched her for a moment. "I want to be able to talk to you about things."

Mac felt like her head was swimming. He'd said that before, but hearing it again, and after everything. She almost felt dizzy and the tingling in her fingertips was getting almost unbearable. She needed to touch him. She wanted to touch him and talk to him and just... More.

Mac leaned into him slightly, until she could hear his breathing. "Yeah."

"I don't hate you, you idiot,' he whispered. "Not even a little."

Mac tried to contain her sob.

She felt him slide an arm around her waist loosely, holding her nearish.

"You need to take care of yourself too," he muttered against her ear.

She pulled back again in surprise. "What?"

"You can't just take care of the newsroom," he explained, stepping back and looking off to the side and not meeting her eyes.

"Hm," she hummed, pleased in spite of the increased physical distance he'd put between them.

Will obviously didn't think she was taking him seriously. He took another step backwards. "I mean it."

"I know." She sighed, realizing that she still needed to explain. They didn't need to have the entire conversation tonight (she imagined the whole thing would actually take several conversations), but there were still things they needed to talk about. Things weren't quite fixed, but for the first time in a while, she thought that maybe they could be. At least for tonight. "I didn't mean to... I just thought if I could figure it out in my head first..."

The relief crashed over her when he took a step back towards her.

"I get it, Kenz," he assured her.

She looked up, and to her relief didn't see the shadows of hurt on his face, so at least she'd somehow managed to fix that. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"I still don't like it," he added softly. "It's bad enough when it's the viewers, but I don't know if I can... When you shut me off..."

That was when Mackenzie decided screw it. She wrapped herself around him. She'd take the risk of him pushing her away. She couldn't help herself anymore. "That wasn't what I meant to do," she whispered.

Will didn't push her away. He wrapped his arms around her. "Next time could you, I don't know, tell me there's something on your mind that you're not ready to talk about yet? Or something? Anything other than avoiding me like I've suddenly caught the plague?" he grumbled.

Mac mentally kicked herself. That was really a much more practical suggestion. Why hadn't she thought of that? Too busy panicking, overanalyzing the consequences to picturing worst case scenarios to see a solution. "I could try that."

She felt him relax against her. "Okay."

She bit her lip. "Will?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

Mackenzie took a breath and jumped. "I might still be a little screwed up about those three years."

She felt him sigh softly. "Me too."

She fought down the wave of sadness rising up and threatening to choke her. "I'm so sorry. I know I wrecked it."

"You were also the one to put some of it back together," he murmured.

That knocked her right off-kilter for about the eighteenth time that evening (and made her realize just how much they'd needed to talk, just how much she'd been assuming and misrepresenting).

"What?" She gasped, wondering for the thousandth time how he always somehow managed to say the one thing that hadn't occurred to her, and cut through the crap in her brain.

"The show," he whispered. "NewsNight. You put it back together. It was all you. And don't tell me you were just producing. We both know I never would have gotten my head out of my ass otherwise."

"Oh," she choked. The craziest thing was, she knew he meant it. She buried her head against his shoulder and tightened her grip. She'd been a moron and an idiot and he hadn't even been angry. Not about the things she'd been worried about at least. "God, I should have talked to you hours ago, Billy."

"Hmm," he hummed. "I don't like it when you won't even tell me what's wrong."

"It was never anything you did," she assured him. Not now, not ever. How could it have been?

"You say that, but..." He trailed off.

"But?" Mac prompted.

"But surely I must have done something? Like you said, things were going well." Will said desperately pulling back slightly to look into her eyes.

And all of a sudden, Mac wasn't sure either of them were just talking about this afternoon. "No," she whispered. "This was all me." At least most of it was. She'd been a bit uneasy in her relationship with Will when they started, not good with commitment, not ready to admit that she was in love. And maybe they should have tried to talk more about their issues instead of just ignoring them. When she'd told him he wasn't exactly Mr. Communication, she hadn't been understating things. It wasn't so much that he refused to talk, it was more that she honestly thought it didn't occur to him sometimes, or maybe he thought that they didn't need to (apparently he'd changed his stance on the whole talking thing). Anyway, sometimes she'd felt a little lost, wondering what he was thinking. Not quite trusting him, or herself.

So maybe they were both to blame in a way, for the failure of their relationship. But the majority of the blame fell on her shoulders. Will had never done anything specific to make her feel the way she had. Although, his certainty had been frightening in comparison to her ever-whirling brain. And it made her feel like there was something wrong with her.

And now he was standing in front of her, asking to talk.

"You always say that," Will muttered, stepping back.

"I don't know, I think I also do a fairly good job of telling you when you're being an idiot," Mackenzie joked, reaching for his hand. "And you're usually more understanding than I give you credit for."

Will took her hand and looked at it in his. "Not always so understanding."

The pain in her chest on his behalf was back. "Will..."

But he cut her off. "We both know it, and don't say you deserved it because I'm so god damned sick of hearing that."

Mac felt the tears welling up. He couldn't mean that. He couldn't mean that he didn't want her to blame herself, that he didn't want her to feel badly forever. Because if he did... "Will..." she tried again, squeezing his hand to get his attention.

He still didn't let her speak. "No! You think you're the only one who worries about these things? You don't think I understand what it's like to worry about people's reactions to the things I do? Our conversations about my imaginary friends should disabuse you of that notion more than anything. You think I don't think about your feelings? That I've never..."

Mac didn't even try to interrupt this time. She was too busy hanging onto his every word. He was gripping her hand as tightly as she was holding his.

He sighed and dropped her hand. He turned and began pacing again. "When we were together, I never really understood why you wanted me. You were Mackenzie McHale, producer extraordinaire. And you were quick and fiery and beautiful and everybody wanted you, or at least they should have. And for some reason you wanted me. And then you didn't."

"Yes I did!" Mac insisted immediately. She couldn't believe he'd ever felt that way.

She'd thought that was her issue.

God if she'd needed any more proof that the two of them needed to learn how to communicate better.

She'd always wanted him. She just hadn't realized how very much until it was too late. Because she'd been afraid of it. She hadn't wanted to admit it to herself. He was right. He was right; she had been Mackenzie McHale, producer extraordinaire.

The only problem was she hadn't figured out how to do anything else yet.

Truth be told, she was still figuring it out. And if today was any indicator, it was a slow process. She hoped to god he could be patient. She would wait for him to figure out his shit if he'd be patient with her occasional crazy. "I was just fucked up. You were amazing, and I couldn't see it."

Will stopped pacing dropped his head. "Not so amazing if I couldn't see how screwed up you were about things."

Mac winced. He hadn't seen it, but then, she'd been hiding. She'd gotten good at pretending to be fabulous a lot of the time. After all, she certainly could have spoken up. "I should have talked to you about it, instead of doing what I did."

Will looked up, his eyes accusing for the first time since back in her office. "Oh, really?"

"I'm talking to you now," she muttered, deciding to turn the conversation more decisively back to today's issue, instead of six years worth of mess. "And yes, I know that today it was only after cornering. But I'm trying."

"Okay." He whispered, apparently accepting that

Mac bit her lip. "Will?"

"Mmhm?"

She smiled up at him sadly. "You really were the man of any woman's dreams. Someone would have to be stupid not to want you."

He watched her for a moment. "I'm not as perfect as you seem to think."

She ducked her head. "Pretty close." Then she took a deep breath. "Sometimes I didn't know why you wanted me either."

He continued to stare at her. Mac was just about to fidget when he spoke again. "You know, you're one of the few people in the world who consistently makes me feel less lonely, just by being in the same room.

And with that she gave up trying to ignore the hope still lurking in her brain. She knew she could be in for a disaster, but she couldn't help it. Not anymore.

"I'm in the same room right now," she said breathlessly.

For a second Will's eyes lit up. Unfortunately, they dimmed a moment later. "I know that. But you weren't earlier today."

Mackenzie winced, her heart sinking. She really had fucked this up royally. And she wasn't the only one who couldn't let things go. "D'you want me to apologize again?"

He shook his head. "No. That wasn't why..." he trailed off, obviously trying to figure out what he was trying to say.

Mackenzie considered him. "Will," she said after a few seconds. "I'm not one of your viewers."

That threw him. She watched him raise his eyebrows in surprise. "What?"

"I'm not one of your viewers," she repeated. "I'm not saying You better, you better, you bet. I'm saying, I'm sorting stuff out. I need a minute, or an hour, or a day. But I'm here. There are no conditions, Will."

He stared at her for so long, Mac wondered if she'd gone too far. Then he nodded once and when he opened his mouth, his voice was almost hoarse. "That's good Mac. That's really good."

She smiled, suddenly stupidly happy. Because everything was still in a mess, but at least it no longer felt broken. "I'm still going to give you hell when you pull punches you shouldn't."

He smiled back. "I know you worry about me, Mackenzie."

"Sometimes," she admitted. Sometimes always. But there was nothing either of them could do about that. She had no intention of stopping. Not altogether, even if she knew it wasn't exactly her place anymore. "Sometimes I try not to."

Will shifted towards her. "How does that usually go for you?"

"Far from well," Mackenzie admitted. At this point, she'd mostly given up trying. Unless she was having a day where it hurt too much.

He reached tentatively for her hand. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I guess I've been less lonely lately."

And with that, the hope flared up again and something akin to joy swamped her, almost overloading her brain. "Really?"

"Mmhm."

"Will?"

"Yeah?"

"Me too," she admitted. It was one of the reasons she'd been terrified of losing him. She didn't know what she'd do if she lost the person she always wanted to spend time with now that he seemed to like spending time with her again.

She saw him relax. Suddenly he frowned. "What are you going to tell Charlie?"

It took Mac a minute to figure out what he was talking about. Then she remembered what had started the whole thing. She walked back to the couch and picked up what remained of her wine. "I haven't decided. Charlie doesn't need an answer until Friday. If you want, we can talk about it tomorrow," she offered tentatively. "I'm too turned around in my head still."

"Maybe we should tackle it during one of our 3am phone calls," Will joked, following her and taking his place beside her again.

She smiled. Those phone calls were another thing she probably shouldn't like as much as she did. Apparently there this wonderful commodity called sleep that some people got to experience. (She'd rather spend her time with Will, even if he was just in her ear). "Maybe we should," she agreed.

"Have you talked to Jim about any of this?" he asked.

She shook her head and decided to just tell him the truth. "Mostly I've been trying not to think about it."

She heard his breath catch. "Jesus Mac."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow," she promised

"You'll get it sorted out," Will assured her.

"Thanks," she whispered. And she hoped he knew that she wasn't just talking about the reassurance.

He paused.

Mac looked up at him.

"I can talk to Charlie if you want me to," he offered tentatively.

She frowned. "Will, you can't talk to Charlie."

"Why not?" he asked stubbornly, though Mac was sure he already knew the answer.

She decided to go with the short explanation. "Because I'm a big girl. I'm the EP. I'm not some intern with an issue. And I don't need you storming in there, frothing at the mouth like a lunatic."

"What?" he asked, looking bewildered, and slightly insulted. "What the hell, Mac? Of course that's not... I know you can take care of... That's not what I meant. I just wanted..."

She winced. She was certainly batting a thousand today. "Oh."

"And I do not froth at the mouth," he grumbled.

"Anyway," she said loudly, deciding to just gloss over this latest little difference of opinion. "Charlie said it was my choice. He wasn't trying to pressure me or anything. It was just a suggestion. The last thing we need is you thundering into Charlie's office, trying to, I don't know, defend me or something. Just let me handle it my own way, okay?"

"Fine, I won't talk to Charlie," Will conceded with bad grace.

His petulant tone made her smile. "Thank you."

Her amusement shifted when she saw genuine frustration on his face. "I just wanted you to know that, if you wanted me to y'know... That I would..."

And it hit her like a lightning bolt, what he was really offering (and what he couldn't quite say). He'd stand by her if she needed it. Even if it was against Charlie, a man Will respected completely. And Mac was suddenly certain that whatever was between them wasn't just on her side. Not entirely. Even if they weren't in the same place right now, or even hoping to end up there. "Oh."

Will picked up his glass of wine. "Yeah, so calm down, crazy lady."

"Hey, you should be nicer to me," Mac joked. "I've had a stressful day."

"So have I," Will assured her. "I could barely get two words across to my EP all day."

Mac winced. "Well, she's very sorry about that." She'd screwed up. Her intentions had been good though, even if her execution had been absolutely terrible.

"S'okay," Will said with a shrug as he downed the rest of his wine and set the glass down, trying to be casual. "I guess I'll forgive her."

Mac froze. Actually, she was pretty sure everything did.

Will was certainly frozen, though he thawed out first. She felt him shift slightly closer as he plucked her empty glass of wine from her hands and set it down beside his own. "I guess I'll forgive her," he whispered again, this time against her ear.

Mac could feel her hands shaking. "Billy..." she all but choked.

"Shhh..."he murmured, rubbing a hands up and down her arm.

But Mac would not shh. And she didn't know what delusions he was suffering under if he thought she would. "She appreciates that," she said hoarsely, before turning her head into his shoulder. Appreciates was a bit of an understatement in that she actually felt like she'd been hit in the head by a two by four and any second might begin incoherently pouring out a declaration of undying love. Unfortunately, she didn't think it was exactly the right moment. So right now she'd have to stick with expressing appreciation.

It was apparently enough for Will. "Does she?" he asked.

"Oh yes," Mac was quick to assure him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He couldn't really mean what she thought he might, could he? That he forgave her for a lot more than a single little freakout. That he forgave her for... That he was even open to forgiveness. Mac took a shaky breath and tried to get herself under control

Will didn't seem to mind that she was half cuddled against him, half-shaking. In fact, she felt one of his arms wrap around her waist. "Good," he whispered, squeezing lightly. "Could she possibly try not to be a lunatic in the future?"

"She'll do her best," Mac murmured against his shoulder. "She makes no promises."

She could hear his smile in his voice. "That's all I ask."

Mac didn't reply right away. She didn't keep track of how long the silence lasted, just sat there holding him and being held. Right now, she thought it might help more than anything she could ever say.

Eventually, Mac lifted her head to look at him, uncaring if he saw the tears shining in her eyes. He had to know they'd be there. "Sit with me for a little while?"

He looked surprised by the question.

And Mac took a leap of faith. She needed to learn to talk to him so she told him the truth (or part of it, the part that was a little less scary to admit to). "I think I'd like it if you stayed in the room." She just didn't want him to leave right away. She wasn't expecting anything to happen; she wasn't expecting him to say anything more. But she did desperately want him near. And if forgiveness was potentially on the table, well, then maybe she had the right to ask...

He watched her for a moment before nodding. "Well, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't mind a second glass of wine."

Mac smiled in relief. "Me too."

She thought she caught a hint of a smile then. "Okay then."

Mac extricated herself slowly before heading back to the kitchen to grab the bottle. "Will?" she called from the other room.

"Mmhm?"

"There's another bottle in the fridge as well," Mac told him. She walked back into the living room to see him still settled on the couch. "So you can stay for a while."

"Good," Will replied. "Because I want to hear about those three years."

Mac's breath stilled in her throat on her way across the room. He couldn't really mean that, could he? Even if forgiveness really was on the table... "Will?"

He sighed. "Just tell me a story, Mac." He looked nervous but determined, sitting on her couch, playing with an empty glass of wine. And damn if the intensity in his eyes wasn't doing crazy things to her.

She smiled slightly, inspiration suddenly striking. "Only if you tell me one afterwards."

Will pursed his lips, obviously considering the request. He watched her carefully as she deliberately leaned over him to refill his glass. She was pleased to notice his eyes definitely weren't on her face. "We'll switch," he said eventually.

For some reason, she felt triumphant. "Okay."

She knew it wouldn't fix everything. She knew it was only the start. Still, a start was more than she'd felt like she had yesterday.

She didn't even expect anything to happen. But for the first time in a long time, Mac realized she wasn't worried about the wrong word making him hate her all over again. And that was more than she'd ever expected. She dropped into the couch next to him and stretched out her legs, smirking when his eyes followed the movement.

Definitely not completely one-sided.

xxx

Mac actually felt lighthearted (and maybe even a little lightheaded) as she strolled into her office the next morning.

She should have felt exhausted. She'd been up until three in the morning talking to Will again. Except this time he hadn't been on the phone, he'd been three feet from her, in her living room, drinking her wine and listening to her tell stories. Stories of fellow reporters embedded with her, of security requirements, and precautions, and calls that were a little too close, and even the one that had crossed the line.

She hadn't actually shown him the scar (her courage had failed her, or maybe she hadn't had quite enough wine by that point), but she'd put his hand over it through her blouse. He hadn't even flinched, just looked sad in her direction, before launching into yet another story about one of the incompetent EPs he'd had to endure in her absence (he hadn't actually phrased it like that, she was paraphrasing, but she wasn't wrong).

And then, just when she'd been wondering if she did dare to start unbuttoning her blouse (for, let's face it, multiple reasons at that point), Will had decided to be a fucking gentleman and call a cab.

Mac knew it was probably for the best, given that she was feeling a little emotional. And anyway, she could hardly feel upset, because for the first time in a while it felt like they were finally moving forward.

And she felt like maybe they were actually going to deal with their issues. In fits and spurts, and maybe not all at once, but eventually.

She almost felt like laughing.

Instead she used the energy to tackle the pile of things waiting for her on her desk.

xxx

A few hours later, she was distracted by a knock on her door. Mac looked up, slightly surprised to see Charlie on the other side.

"You have a minute?" he asked.

"Of course," Mac agreed immediately, shifting her attention from the early breakdown for the show. She sent him a wide smile. "What can I do for you?"

Charlie didn't return the beam as he shut the door. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly.

Mac frowned. "Tell you what?" Charlie looked unimpressed. A half a second later, Mackenzie swore. That jerk! Her day had been going so well. And after he'd said that he wouldn't... "He promised he wouldn't say anything."

For some reason, that remark did make Charlie smile. "He didn't."

Mac raised an eyebrow. She wasn't buying it. After all, there was only one person she'd told, so there was only one way Charlie could have figured this out.

Her boss conceded with a shrug. "Okay, he did. But just barely."

She glared at the smiling man on the other side of her desk. This was exactly what she hadn't wanted. She'd thought she'd made that clear.

Charlie just continued to grin affably. "Cut him some slack. He's worried about you."

Mac rolled her eyes. "Of course he is." And for some reason, while it wasn't so bad when Will knew about her doubts, it was a little mortifying when Charlie did.

Charlie seemed to realize that. He frowned again. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked again.

Mac waved a hand in the air, trying to explain. "I wanted to think about it. I still do." After all, as yesterday's fiasco would attest, sometimes her gut reactions to things weren't the best ones. She thought this might be one of those times, so she'd put off making a decision.

Charlie didn't seem to believe her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Mac said a little too loudly. She sighed. "I'll admit I had an immediate reaction that... wasn't the best, but now that I'm taking the time to think about it rationally..." She decided not to mention that it had taken Will knocking some sense into her to make that happen. It would hardly help her argument.

Especially since Charlie seemed to believe her now. "Just promise me you won't do it if it's a problem."

Mac felt her shoulders relax. "Okay."

"Okay." He paused. "I was just worried..."

Mac smiled softly, cutting him off. She knew that the pan across from her would never force her to do anything she was uncomfortable with. "I know."

He nodded once. "Good."

"I'm still going to kill him," Mac said conversationally. She didn't need to specify who she was talking about.

Charlie looked at her considering. He seemed to be taking her remark more seriously than she'd meant it. "You shouldn't," he said eventually.

The order surprised Mac. She drew herself up to her full height and tried to look imposing. "Give me one good reason."

Charlie paused, obviously considering how to phrase his argument. Mac waited patiently; she knew there was no rushing him when he was like this. Eventually, he spoke. "You remember what he was like when Maggie came back?"

Of course Mackenzie remembered. Maggie had looked so fragile that Mac had worried that a strong gust of wind might shatter her. They'd all tiptoed around her for weeks, if not months. Mac frowned. "This is hardly the same thing."

Charlie didn't even blink. "It's exactly the same thing. Something happened to a woman Will cares about overseas that hurt her, and he couldn't fix it. So he had to watch her in pain and do next to nothing."

Mac gaped at her boss. How dare Charlie say that Will had done nothing for Maggie? She'd been there. She'd seen it. Will waiting in the hallway through depositions, coincidentally bringing extra donuts when he suspected she hadn't eaten, or sometimes just watching her a little more closely. Hell, he'd even refrained from shouting at her a few times when he'd been particularly persnickety about the ratings. "He's been nothing but supportive of Maggie!"

Charlie was smiling in his typical superior fashion again (which only irritated Mac further) "Not in his mind."

While Mac was sure that was true, she wasn't sure it was a good enough excuse. "So you're saying I should just let him coddle me?"

Charlie shook his head gently. "No. I'm saying that in this instance, he was a model of restraint."

That threw her. "What?"

So Charlie explained. "I went to talk to him, about something else entirely the way. He answered my questions civilly, though his glare the entire time I was in his office was a bit unexpected. So I asked him what was going on because he was even crankier than usual. So he explained. That's all."

Mac sighed. "I told him..."

Charlie interrupted again. Firmly. "You told him not to try and protect you. A person he cares about."

Something in his tone made Mac pause.

"Do you really think that was fair, Mackenzie?" Charlie asked. "Given how well you know him."

Mac couldn't find her voice, not that she knew what to say.

"He was almost as angry at me as I've ever seen him," Charlie continued softly. "Because I went after his partner."

Mac just stared. She guessed they were partners. Work partners obviously. What with the show, and being managing editor and EP, and...

Charlie was looking at her like he knew exactly what she was thinking. "And he did interfere a little bit, Mac. I know he did. But you can't ask him not to be upset when you are." Suddenly Charlie looked indignant. "And quite frankly, if I ask you to do something that upsets you that much, I'd like to know."

"I'm fine," Mac assured him again automatically.

He didn't seem to buy it. "Mac..."

She was insistent. She really did have a handle on this now, even if she hadn't figured out absolutely everything. "I am."

This time she seemed to convince Charlie. "Okay," he said after a minute.

"Okay," she repeated.

Charlie turned to go before spinning back around before he reached the door. "He really was as upset as I've seen him in a long time."

Mac resisted the urge to close her eyes or pinch the bridge of her nose, or both. This wasn't just about her and her resistance to talking about Islamabad. "Charlie..."

"What the hell are you waiting for?" he demanded.

Mac felt the panic welling up in her throat. She knew Charlie could see it on her face when his expression turned sympathetic.

"You know, I asked him the same question and got a very similar reaction," Charlie pointed out.

"Charlie, please..." Mac whispered. She couldn't bear the thought of anything pushing her non-relationship with Will a bit too hard right now. They were closer. They were. But she still felt like a push from the wrong direction might just knock them off-balance.

"You're right," he said softly. "I know I said I wouldn't push. It's just hard sometimes, seeing you both."

Mac tried to explain. "Charlie..."

He was more than happy to take up the explanation himself. "Did it ever occur to you that it's not that he doesn't want you? It's that he's just as terrified of losing as you are?"

Mac bit her lip, wondering how she could possibly answer that. "Look..."

But didn't seem to need an answer. After all, he was obviously convinced that he was right (which he was, at least on her side, but that was beside the point). "It's like I said, you might have to be the one that takes the leap, kiddo. He's been hurt before."

Mac swallowed. Yeah Will had been hurt before. She was the one who'd done it. Charlie knew it, and now he was telling her to... Take the leap, take the leap, take the leap... leap... leap...

"And that wasn't meant as a dig, just an observation," Charlie said.

Mac didn't drop her chin, though she wanted to. Because it should have been a dig, and in spite of everything, she still felt badly that it wasn't. She held his gaze, but she didn't say anything.

"You two'll figure it out," Charlie promised her..

Mac felt a sudden wave of tenderness wash over her. She did adore this man, even if he also drove her crazy. "Thank you."

"I'm not going to butt out of the other thing though," Charlie assured her.

Mac huffed in laughter. After all, she was hardly going to object if her boss got involved in her professional life. "I'm still weighing options, and when I decide it'll be my decision."

"Okay."

She watched him leave. That meeting hadn't exactly gone as she'd been expecting it to.

But it also hadn't been as bad as it could have been.

She certainly had a lot to think about.

And maybe he was right. Maybe instead of pushing Will, maybe it was her turn to reach out.

xxx