Title: Your Smile Brightens the Dark
Author: Paï
Word Count: 1,230
Pairings: Ichigo/Ishida
Rating: PG-13
Status: Incomplete (11/16)
Warnings: A lot!! First, it's my first fic, English is not my native language, no swearing this time I think! but! some kissing!
Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, it would have been a yaoi manga! XDDD

PART ELEVEN: Why did you do that?

"You're not helping, Kurosaki. You make it harder. Will I ever be able to forget?"

Four days… It's been four days now since you left. Four days trying to forget everything, four days only managing to think about you more than I should. Four days thinking about that dream, four days dreaming it again and again. Four days barely going out of my room, four days wondering if you'll ever come back.

After all, I'm sure you returned to our world, to your world, so you met your real friends once again; you're happy with them, it's easy to forget me. Now I'm dead, you shouldn't bother about me anymore. Maybe you understood that with them, that's why you're not going to ever come back.

But why can't I forget? All will be easier, Hitsugi-san warned me. I have to start a new life now. I have no choice. Even if my new life will be a little bit empty without you shouting around, brightening the surroundings with your hair… and your smile…

Shaking my head roughly, I get up from my bed, heading down for the dinning-room. I think it will be better to have some comp…

"-ou help me?"

…a…ny?

Entering the room, my eyes widen as I see him sitting at the table with Hitsugi-san and Kosumo-san.

Was I so absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn't even sensed him?

Hitsugi-san is looking at the table, lost in thoughts, and then he looks at Kosumo-san, and they smile together sadly.

"Okay… We'll help you the best we can, Kurosaki-san." Hitsugi-san says, looking at Kurosaki.

That's when my 'dad' finally sees me, as I'm standing at the doorway, behind Kurosaki. He suddenly gets up and everyone turns to look at me. I can't say anything; I just stare into Kurosaki's warm brown eyes as he also turns. He slowly gets up too, walking towards me.

"Are you okay, Ishida?"

"Kurosaki? Why did you come back? I told you! I don't need you, okay? Forget me." I retort.

"Want to take a walk?" he answers calmly, as if I hadn't said anything.

"I don't want to go out, thanks."

"Then let's go to your room. I need to talk to you."

I look expectantly at Hitsugi-san and Kosumo-san, but they only smile back.

I sigh. "Okay." I finally answer, turning around and leading him up to my room.

The atmosphere is tensed as I close the door behind us.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?" I turn to look at him, and as no answer comes, I continue. "If you came back only because you wanted to talk then you're wasting y–"

"We found a solution" he cuts in, sitting on my bed and looking intensely at me.

"You… what?" I ask, not really wanting to interpret it as something I know is impossible.

"Yes, Ishida. Urahara found the solution to bring you back to our world."

I back up against the door, eyes wide.

"No! No, you can't! Kurosaki, don't! It's… It's forbidden! Leave me alone!"

Is he dumb? He'll be in trouble! All that for bringing me back? I don't deserve it!

"No it's not!" he shouts, getting up suddenly and walking towards me. "He found a solution that wouldn't put us in trouble! Don't think you'll get rid of me that easily, Ishida!"

As he walks closer, I want to back away, but the door is blocking my way.

"Kurosaki! I'm dead! Don't you understand? It's over now, and we'll have to deal with it!"

"I don't want to deal with it, it can't be like that!" he says, now close to me. "Don't you understand?"

I can't do anything as he moves closer, putting a hand on my cheek. I can't tear my eyes away from his.

"I need you, Ishida." He whispers. "Our world is empty without you. I can't let you forget me."

My heart is beating fast, but I can't let him do this. I manage to move away from his hand but he catches me around the waist to stop me from going any further.

"Kurosaki! What are you –?!"

He leans closer, and I'm too weak to move.

"No… Kurosaki! Don't… please…" I manage to whisper, before he closes the distance between our lips, breaking every ounce of resistance that I have left.

He pulls away only after a second or two, which seemed like hours. His breathing is a little bit faster, and so is mine.

He looks at me intensely again, and, seeing as I don't slap him or something, he smiles. Which, by the way, only serves to weaken me even more.

Four days… It's been four days now since I dreamt of that kiss. Four days trying to forget it, four days secretly hoping it was real. Four days trying to ignore the pain in my chest, four days only managing to make it deeper than it has been for months now. Four days trying to forget you, four days thinking about you more than I should.

He tightens his hold and drops his head onto my shoulder.

"Thank you!" I hear him whispering.

"Kurosaki? Wha –"

"Hey! Call me Ichigo, would you?" he says, looking at me again.

"I…chigo" I whisper after a moment, shuddering at the memory of that dream.

And he kisses me again, more passionately than the previous hesitant one, and all my thoughts are evaporating as he pulls me away from the door, deepening the kiss. Our tongs meet as he pushes me towards the bed. I can't hold the moan escaping my throat as we fall heavily onto it, him on top. He pulls away once more, still smiling.

However, I can't help but notice the sadness in his eyes. And… is that… fear?

I take his head in my hands, returning to reality.

"Kurosaki. We shouldn't be doing this. Stop now, please. Leave, before…" I say, unable to finish the sentence.

"Before what?"

"Before it's too late! Leave me alone, now! We can't live like this!"

"Of course we won't live like this." He only answers in an even tone.

He backs away, and I think he is really going to obey but he only takes his Zanpakutou off, setting it against the desk.

"Kurosaki! No!" I cry as he crawls on top of me again.

All resistance is once again reduced to nothing as he pins my hands above my head and kisses me hard.

"I won't leave you here, I promise." he whispers as he moves his kisses down to my neck.

I shut my eyes tightly, trying to stop those opposites thoughts from making my brain explode.

Stop him! But it feels so good…

It shouldn't! You must forget him! But how long have you been waiting for this?
Bullshit! He's a shinigami! I don't care!

I warned you! He'll betray you! No! He will never do that!

FORGET HIM! PUSH HIM AWAY!

And then, I can't think anymore as I feel an unbearable pain in my heart. Literally this time.

I open my eyes to see Zangetsu has been driven into my chest, Ichigo holding tightly onto the handle, head lowered and eyes closed firmly, muttering incomprehensible things.

"Kuro…saki…?"

I felt loved for the first time in years, now I feel betrayed; I feel empty for the second time in days.

----------------- Following on episode 12 -----------------