They walked in comfortable silence as the shuffled threw the streets. Rae held her arms tightly across her chest because just a second ago her hand accidentally brushed Finn's and it left all her senses tingling, which she tried not to think about… which she really tried not to think about. They hadn't really been concentrating where they were; Rae just let her feet wonder and Finn followed by her side. The only thing that registered was, it was dark, the streets were empty, the air was filled with the misty fog, like what happens before it was about to rain, and Finn was by her side.
Rae and Finn haven't said one word to each other since they started walking, and she was thankful he was giving her space, and yet thankful he was still here by her side. Every now and then they would catch each other's eyes under the street lights, and Rae would give him a smile reassuring she was still fine. It was nice. It was what she needed. She was happy he didn't set off running after he witnessed her panic attack, because being around him somehow brought her all her mad thoughts float effortlessly outside of her head, without having to say a word. She wanted to be the first to break the silence and say thank you, but wasn't sure what to say Should I explain more about my mum situation? Should I tell him everything? so she didn't say anything and they walked.
"So" Finn eventually broke the silence, and the simple sound of his voice caused her to jump
"So" Rae's voice cracked, and she looked ahead, anywhere, so he wouldn't notice the effect he had on her.
"You ready to go home?" He asked cautiously
No. I want to stay here in silence and walk next to you and forget my problems, forget that I'm acting like idiot, and you're my boyfriend's best mate and I might like ya, BUT I DON'T LIKE YA. CAUSE I CAN'T LIKE YA. Forget that my best friend does like ya. And forget that my mom is a manipulative bitch who lied about my deadbeat dad.
"Why are you bored already?" she laughed nervously, which he seemed to picked up on.
"You know it will all blow over eventually with your mom, if you go home I'm sure you'll work it out" Finn encouraged.
"Doubt it." Rae said pitying herself. Finn didn't say anything and she glanced up and over at him, watching him as he was looking forward seeming like he was thinking.
"You can come stay at my house if you need, we've got a spare"
Don't say yes. Don't say yes.
"No, that's alright" she swallowed proud of her little personal victory.
"You know it's just me and my dad" Finn kicked his feet as they walked "My mum moved about five years ago after her and my dad got divorced. She's seeing the world" he scoffed to himself "I only see her maybe once a year, whenever she decides to roll back in town, and I don't hear from her much. I might get a call on holidays, and my birthday" he looked back at her almost shy and embarrassed "I know it's not the same as what you are going through with your dad, but some parents are just really shit at the whole parenting thing, aren't they" He finished confiding in her, or consoling her, Rae wasn't too sure.
"What bothers me" she spoke up continuing on his little speech. In this short time they've been getting to know each other, this was the most she's ever really heard him say about his own personal life. "Everything has this evolutionary incentive and predisposition to protect our tribe, our friends, our offspring. Keep them safe" she hesitated and stopped walking, Finn stopped with her and turning to face each other "everyone but my dad" she lowered her head.
"But at least you got your mum" Finn locked eyes with her.
"Finn I'm sorry I didn't mean-"
"No. No, what I meant to say that your whole thing about this predisposition to protect our loved ones. It just seems that's what your mum was trying to do"
"I know that in my head. I do. So, why does it still feel so shitty?" She stammered.
"Just a part of life I guess" he shrugged.
"Well isn't that just swell" she sighed "I guess this means I'm ready to go home then" she half heartily rejoiced.
They weren't very far from Rae's home and walked again in silence for the rest of the way, she felt her stomach drop with nerves when she got on her street, and began to approach her house.
"Thanks for today" Rae nudged him "I know I said I was fine, but I don't think I've been fine for years" she confessed.
"Nobody has" Finn looked over at her and gave her a comforting smile, focusing on her, and her stomach dropped again, but with different kind of nerves.
"You know what? Out of this whole mess I'm really going to miss the postcards, it was the only mail I would ever get." She laughed trying to lighten the mood.
"I'll send you postcards" he smirked at her.
"Great. What would that be? Dear Rae, I got shit taste in music and I'm sorry that I ever said I like reggae" She looked over at him with an open mouth smile as Finn pretended to look offended.
"Yah but you'd write back. Dear Finn, You are so great. I'm sorry you were right reggae is awesome, and have much better taste in music than me, Love Rae" he played along and they were now standing in front of her house on her doorstep, with a cheeky grin on his face.
"Ha. Ha" she mocked "Firstly No. Secondly definitely not better. And third as if,"
"Okay. So, Dear Finn you're alright." Finn chuckled and Rae nodded in agreement
"We could be pen pals and I'll write you, and you write me. This could be a thing" she joked, and they both broke out in laughter.
"Listen-" he spoke as there laughter trickled down "-are you okay? I want to get home before it starts to pour, but I don't want to leave ya if you're not alright"
"Go on, I'm alright" she actually believed it herself, urging him to go.
Finn held his arms out for a hug Rae unlinked her arm and reciprocated. She studied Finn's face as he hesitated for a moment, before he skipped the hug and leaned in and gave her quick peck on the cheek. When he pulled away from her he had a slightly closed smile, and looked all smug with himself. She felt her sides of her mouth tug into a smile, and she was hoping it was still dark enough under her porch light so he couldn't see her blushing. It was fast and innocent, but she felt her legs turn to jelly.
"I'll see yah tomorrow maybe, yah?" he smiled before he turned on his heel and set off running trying to beat the rain.
"Yah sounds good" She yelled out to him. When she noticed he was a safe distance away Rae placed her hand on her cheek, finding herself savoring the feeling of his lips on her skin. What is this hold that this stupid, kind, smug, boy has on me, and how can I make it stop! She quietly went inside and up to her room without trying her best not to indicating to her mum she was home.
When she started dating Archie she felt normal for the first time in years, he pulled her out of her dull life and introduced her to the gang. She was normal, and her kiss with Finn, just a "drunken mistake" is ruining couldn't quite believe that her kiss with Finn was 24 hours ago. As much as she tried now she couldn't get it out of her mind, even now after her meltdown after her fight with her mom. Her mind seemed to return to last night in the landing cupboard. She remembered all her kisses with Archie. Her six kisses with Archie. My boyfriend. The guys I should probably have been walking with just now. For the past 24 hours she did as much as she could to shake what happened, but that one kiss with Finn was undeniably the best kiss of her life. She was drunk, but kissing Finn wasn't like kissing Archie. When she kissed Archie by the end she would eventually feel no different from a pillow, like she used to practice kissing on when she was nine. But with Finn she felt adored, needed, he had lusted for her in a way Archie doesn't. She was confused, and her feelings scared her.
That night she didn't remember falling asleep, but the last thing on her mind was Finn, and it just so happened to be the first thing to in her head when she woke up the next morning. In that instant Rae realized regardless what happens with Finn, what she's feeling is not fair to Archie, and she was going to have to end things with Archie. Now.