Chapter 11

"Hmm...?" Arthur awoke late the next morning to find Alfred standing there and changing. Changing out of the blue T-shirt he wore when he played soccer. He was practicing almost every day now that the teams had started playing so much. Baseball too. Alfred loved baseball.

"Oh, sorry," Arthur said quietly as he awoke, "I didn't mean to miss your game. You could have woken me up," he smiled at him tiredly.

Alfred laughed a little as he pulled on a black T-shirt with what looked like neon-purple paint spatters, "Nah, don't worry about it," he said, going and sitting down on the bed so he could look at Arthur. He leaned close to him and kissed his forehead, "You were tired after your bad dream." He said softly, "I wouldn't wake you."

Arthur blushed dark as Alfred kissed him, but he didn't reach up and kiss him back.

You can't get attached, He thought, even though he knew it was in vain, Not with an American. You'll go back to England when this is over, and he'll stay. It's hopeless...

Despite him, the thoughts flew away as Alfred wrapped his arms around him, and Arthur's blush only grew darker. He didn't resist him now and hugged him back, as tightly as his weak muscles could.

Alfred laid down next to him again, his arms around Arthur's waist. He looked Arthur in the eye, his smile again absent, but a gentle, thoughtful look gracing his face, "Arthur," he said softly, laying his forehead against the other boy's, "I think I..."

He trailed off and was quiet for a moment, hoping maybe Arthur would understand what he meant.

Arthur understood, and all he did was look down at the sheets, staring at them. They were blue - some awful shade of blue. Who on earth would order sheets this color...? Why not a nice red or something?

Despite his attempts to avoid it he felt Alfred's gaze on him, and he sighed softly, "Alfred, please understand. I can't do it because-"

Because he couldn't! He lived in another country, they barely knew one another (though if Arthur were honest with himself he didn't care, he knew what he needed to know), they met while in therapy together and while Arthur didn't really know he was pretty sure that wasn't a good way to start an intimate relationship. He wasn't good enough for Alfred. He wasn't healthy like Alfred - though, of course, Arthur still didn't know why Alfred was there. Alfred had a strong will while Arthur was weak. Alfred would grow to hate him...

But he was pulled from his thoughts and the small tears forming in his eyes as Alfred cut him off from speaking by kissing his lips gently.

Well...that shut him up. Arthur just stared at him for a moment, "Alfred..."

"Its been a very long time," Alfred said, smiling softly, "And during a horrible, sad time like this. This weekend and the next, for something like this to be happening to me..."

Little tears started to form in Alfred's eyes too as the new words flowed like water from his breath, "after a year of nothing, and after two years of the same pain, all this was happening. And at this time of the summer too...I can't decide if it was fitting or ironic. Or both."

Arthur stared, confused. "What do you mean? What's the matter?" He asked softly, inching a little closer to him in an attempt to comfort him, alarmed by the tears. Alfred just smiled and laid his forehead back against Arthur's.

"It's just been so long, but the chemicals are never wrong," Alfred said smiling, "You know that."

Seeing Arthur's confusion he chuckled a little, nuzzling closer to him, "Please don't get me wrong. Not any vulgar chemical, just one of love, I guess. You see I don't mind falling in love again. My heart on the line again..." He didn't know if what he was saying made any sense. He barely felt himself speak. It was like his heart was talking for him. Like love was talking.

"Alfred..."

"I like you," Alfred admitted quietly, smiling at him before he kissed him again, "And I think I'm starting to love you too. Whether in the end that's good, or bad. I don't mind."

After that they were very quiet, just holding one another. Arthur felt the blush as it sat there, his heart pounding loud in his chest, his hands shaking. He buried his face into Alfred's chest and closed his eyes, hearing the other's calm, yet oddly fast heart beating. Calmer than his own.

"But if you mind it, than I don't want to force you," Alfred said softly, petting Arthur's hair back gently. "Do you think that maybe you might be loving me too?" He looked down at him questioningly, not able to see his face.

After a long hesitation Arthur shook his head slowly, "N-no. Not yet..." He whispered, not even able to really hear it himself. But maybe that was due to all the pounding in his brain.

He was quiet, and then Alfred sighed. "Okay," he said softly, before he kissed his forehead again.

Arthur looked up at him, surprised, but Alfred just smiled, "I'll wait." He said.

So Alfred just held him there in his arms, feeling his heart beating against Arthur's - only their thin T-shirts between them, petting back his hair, kissing his forehead every now and then. He looked at Arthur and smiled at him; his eyes were closed sleepily and he was enjoying Alfred's embrace despite himself. Alfred could tell.

He was being honest and he didn't mind waiting. For Alfred, his heart breaking didn't matter anymore. For him living was easy, but life was hard. Loving was difficult, and painful. The most beautiful pain in the world. In love there was no why. In love there was no when, no how, no where.

Just there.

Just them.

What was the purpose? To make love and joy from a spark. From thunder and lightening. With smiles, with kisses, with the beautiful flames. That's all that love meant to Alfred. Love was life, and his life wouldn't be complete without it.

So for him, no matter how hard he had to work or how hard he fell, he would never stop.

Not until he felt whole again. Until that empty place in the pit of his heart was full.

They were still quiet for what felt like forever. A nice forever. "Arthur?" Alfred asked finally, "What does your heart want?"

"Hmm?"

"does your heart care for me?" Alfred asked softly, smiling, "Just follow your heart and your instinct. Even in the end if it doesn't work, you'll know you did the right thing." He wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that, but he knew that he meant it.

"My heart and my instinct?" Arthur asked, looking at him a bit skeptically despite the blush.

"Yeah!" Alfred said happily, "What is it that will make you happy?"

"Will make me happy...?"

To see you happy, Alfred. That will make me happy...

At that thought Arthur stood up. A part of him didn't want to ask this at all, but he would be happy in the end, because Alfred would be happy. And it was for the best...

Arthur put a hand out to him to help him up, "Come on Alfred," he said, smiling at him, "Let's go to the cafeteria and get something to eat."

And as Alfred happily got up, walking with him to the cafeteria, Arthur was half elated and half miserable.

Just keep going, Arthur, Arthur thought to himself, Soon doing this will make both of you happy. And life will be good again...

He pushed away all the doubt and all the fear from the back of his mind. He had to get better. For Alfred, for Castillo, for his family...

For himself.

And as that thought came to him he looped Alfred's hand into his own as they walked.

End of Chapter 11