Jack has trouble coping with 'retirement' ...

Filling Time – January 4737, Cardiff

The novelty had worn off very quickly. Five months after 'retiring' Jack was bored out of his mind and worse.

August and September had not been too bad. He had stayed at Ogmore, out of sight of the reporters still digging for a story, and begun a number of projects he and Ianto had had in mind for a while. He had upgraded the perimeter security, put new guidance systems in the flivvers and begun clearing some overgrown woodland. Ianto and the children had been around to keep him company, at weekends and during the week, and the grandchildren had stayed with them as well. But when the older grandchildren were back in education and Ianto was in the office from Tuesday to Thursday, Jack had been left to his own devices. In the months to Christmas he mostly remained at Ogmore but felt increasingly isolated, pouncing on Ianto when he returned for the companionship and mental stimulus. His few forays into the city had not gone well; his retirement was still news and while there was not such a frenzy of interest as there had been there was enough to make it difficult for Jack to get round without being spotted and being harassed.

As the days shortened, Jack experienced a return of the depression that had plagued him off and on during his long lifetime. Some days, he found himself sitting in his office or the library at Ogmore for hours staring at nothing and falling into a stupor from which he could not rouse himself. Nothing seemed important enough to make the effort of getting out of his chair worthwhile. He managed to hide these lapses from Ianto until the Christmas break when he opened up a little, not explaining the full extent of his depression, just saying enough to make Ianto concerned and for him to insist Jack accompany him to Cardiff every week. At least that way Jack would not be totally on his own and there was stimulus to be had in the city. But an in-depth vidcast programme about Torchwood in the first week of January had scuppered any hopes of getting out and about unnoticed, and had been so misleading that it had made Jack feel guilty and worthless. The programme may have presented his actions positively but all Jack remembered were poor decisions that had resulted in dead colleagues.

For the first time in a long time, he had lost his self-confidence.

On this Wednesday in late January Jack was sitting in the office of the Cardiff apartment playing computer games. With a wave a disgust, he shut off the screen and sat back in the chair, staring at the walls. He heard Piolette's footsteps as she walked past the door, doing whatever she did, and he was tempted to go and drag her into the room just to have someone to talk to but resisted. The woman had a job to do and he had to let her get on with it. Ianto had told him that after she had ratted him out after one particularly long chat about the state of the world had kept her from her duties. He sighed and looked around for something to do. There was nothing, or rather nothing he wanted to do. The familiar darkness was gathering at the edges of his mind again.

The front door buzzer sounded and Jack was out of his chair like a shot, in the corridor and yelling, "I'll get it," before the sound had died away. Anything would be better than letting the depression fall over him, even a reporter seeking a story would be better than that. When the door whooshed open Jack was delighted to see Konni standing there. "Hi, come on in," he said, giving her a hug and a peck on the cheek.

"I've only called on the off-chance," she said, removing her coat and handing it to him. "You can tell me to go away if you're busy."

"Not with anything that can't wait," he said airily, following her into the living area. "Like a coffee?" He felt better already.

"Please."

"I'll make it, Piolette's busy somewhere." He led the way to the kitchen where she settled herself comfortably at the table while he went to the coffee machine. "Any preference?" he asked.

"A latte, please." She was stroking the table top and looking round her. "This room brings back so many memories." It had not changed over the years. The basic furniture was the same, a bit scuffed and knocked about but these were welcome reminders of the family that had grown up here. Only the rocking chair that Ianto had sat in when nursing the babies had been moved, it was now in the den at Ogmore.

"Of screaming kids and tantrums, no doubt," he joked, getting the necessities from the cupboard and fridge. "There were plenty of those."

"No more than in any family," she laughed. "And there was a lot of laughter too."

"Yeah, you're right. Remember that time Owain poured water all over Luke to make him grow faster?"

"Of course I do, poor little Luke. He was only a baby."

"Have you seen Tyrone lately? I think he looks just like Luke." Jack took the coffees to the table and put them on the table before going back for a cake container. "And talking of Luke, he left this cake last week."

The two old friends settled down for a chat about old times and their growing families. They did not meet regularly but it was easy for them to fall into a companionable discussion. Konni was coming up her sixtieth birthday which was a milestone even in this long-lived time and was a grandmother of two small boys who delighted her. She was caring for them three days a week while their parents were at work and enjoying brushing off her childcare skills. Her youngest child, Ian, was getting married in the summer and she related the latest stage of preparation to Jack, making him laugh at the bride's demands.

"I wish they'd elope," concluded Konni, "be a lot simpler for everyone."

"Suggest it, see what they say."

"Olly already has! No luck I'm afraid." She drank the last of the coffee. "How's Breellan?"

Jack grinned. "She's fine, thanks, due in March. It's not been the easiest pregnancy but then she is forty one."

"It's not fair. You men have the easy pregnancies while we women still suffer," she complained.

Jack thought for a moment as he gathered together the empty mugs and dirty plates. "Minda and Bree have both had problems but Holly was okay with her three. Maybe it's better if you start younger, she was barely into her twenties." He walked over to the dishwasher with the crockery.

"Before I forget, there was a reason why I dropped in. I was going through my photographs the other day and I couldn't find my copy of those I took when Luke was a baby. Do you remember them? They were of the three children in various poses."

"Of course I do. Had one of them on the office wall at the Castle until I retired." Jack managed to say 'retired' in a matter of fact way but it seemed strange and he felt a wisp of the blackness again. He made himself concentrate and continued, "It's at Ogmore now. What do you want those for?"

"To show Mum and Dad. We were talking about when Holly was young and I promised to let them see the photos and now," she held her hands out, palms up, and shrugged, "they've vanished."

"I'm sure we've still got them, Ianto would never delete those. Let's go and look."

Jack led the way to the living area and the pair of them settled onto a couch with a portable screen and pulled up the photographs. They found them quite quickly and sent copies to Konni's home before looking through all the others that reminded them of events almost forgotten. Konni left just before midday and Jack stayed looking through the photographs. They had been busy years when he had been juggling Torchwood and family life, fitting in five pregnancies around the demanding work schedule, such a contrast to now. No wonder he was feeling down.

With lunch over - eaten with Piolette in the kitchen – the housekeeper departed for the day and Jack was left on his own. He wandered round, looking into the children's rooms and recalling happy times. The door buzzer sounded and he went to answer it.

"Bree! What a nice surprise," he said stepping back to let his daughter-in-law into the apartment. "Let me take your coat."

"No, no time for that. I need your advice on an apartment we've seen. Mel and I just can't decide so a third opinion is called for." She reached over and took his greatcoat off the hook. "Please say you'll help."

"Of course I will," he replied, donning the greatcoat, "as long as you don't blame me if it doesn't work out." A spell outside would do him good, he decided, determined not to be overcome by his negative feelings.

The two of them made the teleport jump down to the main entrance and walked to the closest Teleport Station. Jack kept a wary eye out but did not spot any lurking reporters, maybe he was finally old news. They made a couple of teleport jumps to an established residential sector. First impressions were favourable: the apartment blocks were well spaced out and there were well kept open spaces and a children's play area between them. Breellan led the way to a ten story block and jumped to the fourth floor which, like the other floors, contained two apartments. Using the access code, she let them into the empty apartment.

"Here it is. It's bigger than our current place, three bedrooms, and the general area's nice as you've seen". She took his greatcoat and hung it up beside hers on pegs by the front door. "There's a small cloakroom here," she pointed to a door on the right, "and this room we thought could be an office and playroom." She led him into the room on the left which was a good size and looked out onto the play area.

The rest of the tour took in a large kitchen/dining room and a living space that had a dual aspect so was light all day. They discussed where Minda and Breellan's furniture could go before moving to look at the three en-suite bedrooms: one large master bedroom and two smaller ones ideal for Caronne and the new baby when it arrived. The lack of an extra bedroom was Minda's concern as she would like to be able to have guests to stay but Breellan was not so worried about this, arguing that the children could share to make room as necessary and that the couple had not had many overnight guests anyway. Overall, Jack liked the place and said so. It was only one jump from an Academy with associated Playschool that would be ideal for Caronne and equidistant from both Minda and Breellan's workplaces.

"You really think so?" pressed Breellan, standing in the living room. "You're not just saying that?"

"Of course I mean it. Have your parents seen it yet?"

"No, they're away, and to be honest I wouldn't trust their judgement anyway. I think this would be ideal, just need to persuade Mel now." She sighed. "I really want it agreed so we can move in before this one arrives." She put her hand on her swollen stomach.

"Then tell Minda that, she'll agree." Jack put an arm round her. Breellan was not the easiest of people to get to know and her prickly temper made most people not even try. But Jack liked her and knew she made Minda happy which was what he cared about most. "It's not like you to be unsure."

"Must be the hormones," she complained but with an impish grin. "Come home with me and have a word with Mel, please? You can play with Caro too."

Jack did not need to be persuaded, he needed to be with people and welcomed any chance to see his grandchildren. They travelled to the Diplomatic Sector and were soon being greeted by three year old Caronne who was as delighted to see her gramps as Jack was to see her. The two of them began playing with the dolls strewn across the floor while Breellan made drinks for them all. When Ena, the nanny, was getting ready to leave, Minda arrived. Her hours were shorter than they had been at Torchwood and she made a point of getting back as early as she could when Breellan had her day off.

The adults talked about the new apartment and Jack's endorsement swayed Minda towards it, subject to one more viewing. Breellan, striking while the iron was hot, suggested they go straightaway and leave Caronne with Jack. The two women went off and Jack returned to the game with the little girl.

"No, Gramps, she don't go there," explained Caronne seriously. "She go over here." The girl moved the doll from one chair to another. "Foo-Foo go there." The old bear that had been passed down to another generation was placed carefully on the 'proper' chair.

"Sorry, titch. Where does this one go?"

"Over here." They continued in this vein for a while until Jack suggested he read a story.

"Oh, yes please!" Caronne clapped her hands and ran to the shelf. "That one," she pointed.

With Baster in Istanbul in hand, Jack settled in a chair – removing Foo-Foo first – and took Caronne onto his knee. She held the bear close and leant against her gramps, watching the pages turn and looking at the pictures. They were still there an hour later when Minda and Breellan returned having decided to take the apartment.

After a bit of discussion about moving dates and arrangements, Jack got up to leave. As he made the teleport jumps home, he realised that he felt better than he had for a long time. He had enjoyed his day and even the sight of the Castle as he walked past failed to dampen his good mood though he did keep his head down to avoid being recognised. When the depression had come on him before he had had the stimulus of work to get him out of it now, he realised, he had to find something else to occupy his time. He was still trying to think of something when he got back to the apartment.

"There you are. Good, I was wondering whether to hold back supper," said Ianto as Jack joined him in the kitchen.

Jack stood just inside the door and cocked his head to one side, looking at his partner. Something was off here: Ianto had been concerned for Jack this part month and this casualness was out of character. "Aren't you going to ask me where I've been?" he asked.

"Oh, er, yes. Out for walk were you?" stammered Ianto.

"You know, don't you? I suppose Minda called to tell you I was on my way."

Ianto left the sauce he was preparing and looked at Jack. "Yes, she did. She's excited about the apartment. Tell me, what's it really like?"

Jack was not prepared to be sidetracked, he narrowed his eyes and fixed Ianto with a stare. "You arranged it, didn't you? You got Bree to come round. Did you arrange for Konni to 'drop in' too?" He was exasperated, hating to be thought to need such tricks but at the back of his mind he was also very grateful.

"Yes." The word came out a sigh. "I know you're bored and down, cariad, I just wanted to fill up your day. Konni really wanted the photos, I just asked her come round rather than me send them to her." Ianto wiped his hands and came forward to stand in front of Jack. "Forgive me?"

"I suppose." Jack was enveloped in Ianto's arms and kissed thoroughly. "If I get one of those, you can arrange all my days." Jack started kissing back and his hands began to wander over his partner's body. His depression had not affected his sex life yet.

"Stop it," laughed Ianto pulling back. "We don't have time before supper and besides, I'm hungry." He went back to the counter and the abandoned sauce, Jack followed him and sat on a stool nearby, the darkness banished from his thoughts. "Now, what's the apartment like?"

Jack told him and then went on to tell him about Caronne's games and reading her a story. By the time Ianto had related the highlights of his day, the supper was ready and they sat at the table and ate while watching the newscast, something of a habit now. There was another report of a Torchwood success and Felix Yakov was shown at a media conference accepting the credit: Jack for one knew it was not his to take. It seemed that Yakov was on the newscasts most nights lauding the achievements of the organisation. In five months he had held more conferences and given more interviews that Jack had in the past two millennia. It was hard to watch and Jack was voluble in his disgust and, like every night, Ianto gently reminded him that Yakov was doing exactly what Jack had planned and soothed him into acceptance.

After clearing up, the two men went into the living area where Ianto put on some gentle background music while Jack slumped onto a couch. The Welshman was desperate to find something that would occupy Jack's time and give him an interest; if he carried on like this his depression would turn into a habit. But everything Ianto had suggested had been rejected. Unfortunately, centuries of involvement with Torchwood had left little or no time for other activities and Jack had nothing to build upon. There was one suggestion he wanted to make tonight that he hoped would be acceptable to his partner. Ianto had worked it out with the rest of the family but had to put it forward in just the right way. First, he had to get Jack mellow and he knew just how to do that.

"I've missed you," said Ianto sitting down on the couch and snuggling into Jack's side.

"I didn't have time to miss you, you kept me too busy."

"Right," chuckled Ianto ignoring the hint of accusation. "So you don't want to … dabble?"

"Oh, I think I might be persuaded." The accusation was gone from Jack's voice, replaced by playfulness. He kissed the top of Ianto's head as it rested on his shoulder. "What did you have in mind?"

Ianto told him in graphic detail suiting actions to words. Soon both men were too busy for talk and they lost themselves in one another and gave and received pleasure in equal measure. They ended up on the floor, naked and breathless but satisfied. Jack lay with his head on Ianto's chest and was lulled by the slowing thud of his partner's heart below his ear.

"I need a shower," said Ianto lazily, making no attempt to move. Since Jonty had moved out of the apartment and into what had been Konni's suite, he and Jack often made love wherever the fancy took them.

"Me too." Jack also stayed put. "I'm sorry for being a pain, I don't mean to be," he said softly after a few minutes.

"I know." This was the opening Ianto had hoped for and he took it. "If you like, I could leave Jones the Coffee and be with you more. Jonty's too young to take over yet, but I could probably organise a caretaker CEO." He waited for the reply, hoping he'd get the one he wanted.

"No, that's silly. Much better if you carry on as planned and then hand over properly." Jack was stroking Ianto's still flat stomach and loving the feel of the hair on his palm. "I'll just have to find something to do." He sounded wistful, thinking of the time when the days had not been long enough for all he had to cram into them.

"You manage at Ogmore." Ianto trod carefully, it was going well so far.

"It's a bit easier there, but I don't like us being apart and it's silly for you commute."

"There's one thing you could do every week, while I'm working."

"What?" Jack raised his head slightly to look at Ianto. He had a feeling he was being manipulated but if it helped he didn't mind. "What have you organised for me?"

"Can't get anything past you can I?" admitted Ianto ruefully. "There are times when I wish you didn't know me so well." He ran a hand through Jack's hair and smiled.

"Go on then, what it is?" Jack lay his head back on Ianto's chest.

"All the children would love to see you, and you could be useful to them. It was Holly who put the idea into my head, she was complaining about not being able to get a night out with Gilles. And Owain must feel the same, he needs to get time alone with Alys before he'll finally be pushed into making a commitment." Despite being together for almost a year, Owain and Alys were still living apart.

"So I'm the babysitter, is that it?" asked Jack. It hardly compared with his previous responsibilities but it would get him out and about.

"Kind of. Look, Jack, what I though was you could go and see them in turn. Leave here on a Wednesday, spend time with the grandchildren and then let their parents have a night out. Luke and Bruce might even be persuaded to leave the restaurant if you were around. Then you could come back on Thursday in time for us to go down to Ogmore. You get some time away doing something useful and the kids get some much needed adult time too."

"I'd like to see them," admitted Jack. He was turning the idea over in his mind and realised it would work. "No need to stay overnight for Bree and Minda."

"No, but they're the ones in most need of a break, what with moving and a new baby. How about it?"

"You've spoken to them?"

"Yes, they all think it's a great idea. And Holly says she wants to book you for next week. Sukie's dancing in a show and she'd love you to be there." Ianto smiled to himself, Jack was going to give it a try.

"Seems you've got it all planned out." He paused then added, "Of course I'll do it. I'd love to see the kids and the grandkids. But you'll miss out." Jack eased himself up and rested his forearms on Ianto's chest so he could see his face.

"I'll still see them at the weekends. Now, we just have to fill up your other days. Have you ever tried knitting?" Ianto's impassive face dissolved into laughter as Jack tickled him before initiating more passionate lovemaking.

Jack quickly settled into the routine of visiting his children, relishing the opportunity to get away from over-familiar haunts and to fly helped him banish his depression. When Ianto retired a few years later they continued the round of visits for many years, seeing the grandchildren grow up.

More coming soon.