"You're my what?"
"I'm your kidnapper." He turned to look at her and saw her expression was one of confusion.
"My kidnapper." She repeated in a flat voice that offered absolutely no indication as to what she might be thinking.
"Yup." He told her. "Your kidnapper."
"Then, um, who was that guy back there at the airport?"
"No idea." He replied honestly. Through actually he did have his suspicions. "I thought maybe you might have known him."
"Nope." She said. "No idea. I can't think of anyone who would want to have me kidnapped. Oh wait a minute yes, I can." She immediately corrected herself. "My father. My own flesh and blood. But the he'd hire some pathetic, brown nosing little lackey to kidnap me wouldn't he?"
"Hey, I resent that. I'm not little." John retorted.
"I cannot believe my father hired you to kidnap me. But I guess I should be grateful. You foiled that other attempt. So now I don't have to worry about being kidnapped for real."
"Um, actually yes you do have to worry about that."
"Why?"
"Because your father hired me to kidnap you. I'm sorry I thought you got that part."
"Are you telling me this is a kidnapping?" She said slowly.
"I'm afraid so." He nodded.
"I thought it was a rescue."
"No, what I did back there was a rescue. Really. This is now most definitely a kidnapping."
"But"
"I don't know what to tell you Milly. What can I say? You're my prisoner."
"I'm your what?"
Despite the even timbre of her voice, John could tell that she was starting to get pretty mad. Boy and after all he'd done for her too. He'd saved her from a kidnapping. A real kidnapping and now she was ticked off just because he was perpetrating a little faux kidnapping instead.
Women. Who could understand them? "Look, your father has been worried about you."
"Well I guess so. What with the impending kidnapping he arranged for me and all."
"He thinks you've forgotten how to enjoy life. He thinks there's no joy in you. No passion, no life and you know what Milly? He's right."
Well, that, John noted, finally shut her up. When he braved a glance in her direction this time, he saw her gazing back at him with her mouth hanging open, her eyes wide. Turning his attention back to the highway, he reached over and gently pushed her chin back up, until her mouth was closed.
"I don't know all the stuff that happened to you when you were married." He continued, his voice softening, his attention still fixed on the highway ahead of them. "But your father told me it was unhappy. That you were unhappy and now that it's over, he wants you happy again. That's what this kidnapping is all about."
"He thinks it will make me happy to be kidnapped?" She asked dubiously. "By you?"
"Beats a sharp stick in the eye."
Milly said nothing in response to that and he decided it might be prudent not to ask her to. "Look, he just wants me to show you a good time." Even as he put voice to them, John knew the words weren't quite appropriate. But he had no idea how else to describe what JR had asked him to do. "He wants me to make sure you have fun between now and the weekend on the way back to Cincinnati."
He waited a moment to see if that announcement would register with Milly the way it was suppose to. Finally he heard a groan, long, lusty and low. And he knew that she'd figured it out.
"Are you telling me that we're going to drive the way back to Cincinnati?" She asked.
"Yup."
"Do you know how far it is from Santa Barbara to Cincinnati?"
"Yup."
"Do you realize how long it will take us to get there?"
"Yup."
"And you're going to do it anyways?"
"Yup."
"Oh no."
"Yup. He threw her the most dazzling smile in his arsenal. "It's not a pretty job, Milly. But somebody's gotta do it."
"And since Daddy hired you."
"Yup. That somebody is me."
"Oh god."
"Don't worry. I have a plan and I have a map. In fact, I have a whole bunch of maps. It'll be fun Milly. An adventure and how long has it been since you've had an adventure?"
"Oh, god."
He looked over at her and she had her head in hands. He reached for the radio dial. He figured the music would help for a little bit. He stopped when he heard the announce say they were having an all eighties weekend.
"All right." John replied excitedly. "Did you hear that Milly? All eighties. We loved that music."
"Oh god."
"Next up." The announcer said. "Dexy's Midnight Runners with 'Come on Eileen."
John smiled. "Oh I love this song. This will cheer you up. This is a great song."
"Yeah you would think that." Milly grumbled. "It's a song about a guy who's trying to get a girl to have sex with him."
"And the reason that would prelude this from being a good song would be?" He asked.
But all she said in response was, "Only you John. Only you."
He decided not to ask her to elaborate on that, because they were words he'd always wanted to hear Milly Ross utter in his presence. Okay, so maybe he'd imagined the situation just a tad differently. Like maybe for instance, he'd pictured the two of them enjoying some kind of postcoital euphoria, lying with their arms and legs and maybe a few other body parts entangled and not with him having just kidnapped her and her being totally pissed off at him.
Details, details, sheesh.
"This song." He said. "Contains some of the best lyrics ever written."
He spun the other dial, the volume dial, until music filled the cab of the SUV. He had his work cut out for him, he realized. Jim Ross had definitely been right about one thing. Milly surely did need kidnapping.
And John Cena was just the guy to do it.
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