Part 11

"The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained"-Bilal Nasir Khan

The rain pattered against the church as dark clouds blanketed the sky, immersing the world in darkness. People wandered about and spoke to another in soft whispers, but it was the rain Roe focused on. It was soft, yet it echoed through the old building like a bass drum. He liked the rain; it kept the hushed voices, the sympathies of well-wishers, and his thoughts at bay. The memories, the numb feeling that threatened to overcome him, was the only thing present in his mind, as an ache ate away at his soul.

"Papa?" Roe blinked and found his children standing in front of him, surrounded by his family- Easy Company. He didn't even know which one of them had spoken.

Adam was slouching with the first button of his suit undone. The suit itself was wrinkled as mud clung to the bottoms of his pants and his dress shoes. Adam clutched the cuffs tightly as he stood between his Uncle Buck and Uncle Liebgott. His head was held high, but his eyes were red and his face was tired. His steel gaze was as sharp as Roe had ever seen, but they were flat. Roe never understood why boys pushed their emotions away and feigned apathy.

Adrienne, on the other hand, looked beautiful in her black dress. Her long hair was tied back with a thick ribbon as her hair curled over her shoulders. Her face was hauntingly lovely as tears ran down her cheeks, shining in the light like diamonds. She clutched her Uncle Guarnere's hand while Uncle Malarkey rested a strong hand on her shoulder. She looked small and fragile.

"Doc," Winters crouched down in front of Roe, wearing the same confident, soothing eyes Roe had seen all throughout the war. He, and all the others, wore suits, but he still looked strong and capable, like a warrior. Even without his uniform, he was their leader. He was a Screaming Eagle. "You should go see her. They're about to close the church."

Already? Roe thought. It felt like he had only been there for a few minutes, or for so long he had become part of the architecture. He wasn't exactly sure which one.

"Okay, Doc?" Winters' voice was warm and soft.

Roe nodded and licked his lips, glancing at his children. "Okay, sounds good."

He followed Easy through the church. The other people- neighbours, people Griest met at the grocery store, the parents of Adam's and Adrienne's friends, people who heard the story and wanted to see- stopped and stared at the Roes. They whispered and pointed. Their looks felt like fire. Adam puffed out his chest and glared as Adrienne shrunk into Uncle Guarnere's side. Easy noticed and surrounded the family, blocking them from everyone's prying eyes. Uncle Guarnere tightened his grip on Adri as Uncle Buck followed Adam's lead and stood tall. They became an impenetrable wall of Eagles.

"Excuse me," a middle-aged woman with bright red hair and blue eyes muttered. She glanced at Buck, Speirs, and the rest of the company as she swallowed hard and shrunk under their fiery gazes. Roe dropped his gaze to the golden ring that gleamed on her finger.

"Whaddya want?" Liebgott growled, stepping forward from the wall. The woman flinched.

"Lieb," Winters hissed sternly as he stepped beside the cab driver. Liebgott held his gaze before he stepped back beside Adam. Winters turned to the woman. "How can I help you, ma'am?"

The woman glanced past Winters at the Roes. "I- uh... I knew your wife, Mr. Roe."

"Yeah? You and everyone else here," Lieb huffed, earning a hard glare from the others, and a sharp jab from Luz.

The woman glared at him before continuing. Her voice started out shakily but grew stronger as she kept her gaze on the trio, "I was at the bank when they started shooting."

Everyone grew quiet as Lieb bit his lip, fighting back his own tears with shaking hands. He never forgot who helped him at Landsberg. He owed her, and now he never had a chance to fulfill that debt. He glanced back at the woman, losing his malice as he gave her a small nod. His free hand found Adri. She squeezed his hand tightly.

Man, she is so much like her mother. And her father, Liebgott thought with a small shake of his head,

"We were standing right beside her in the line-up. Then those men came and started shooting at the sky. She-she was really calm and she told us to be quiet, and that we'd be okay."

"We?" Webster poked his head out between Winters and Nixon.

"My children." She pulled her three children forward, two young girls and a younger boy. The girls were both red-headed while the boy had his mother's expressive, blue eyes. He clung to his mother as he sucked on his thumb. Some chocolate was smeared across his big, puffy cheeks; they were so round, it looked like he had a tennis ball tucked into each one.

"She kept us calm, but then one of the tellers started screaming. The robbers started shouting and shooting their guns. My son, he started crying- he's only three years old. One of the robbers shoved a gun at him and told him to shut it. Your wife, she-she saved my son. She saved him. If it weren't for her..."

Roe stared at the boy as he imagined the scene. Griest would never stand for that, a grown man sticking a gun into a child's face. She would have argued, tried to reason with them, but you couldn't reason with people like that. Did one of the robbers shoot her to shut her up, or make an example of her? Or did she reach for the gun, opting to point the weapon at herself instead of the bumbling toddler? Did she try and use her knife? Roe blinked the images away, but heard the gunshot and saw the blood anyways. He shuddered and felt bile jump to the back of his throat.

"I am sorry." The woman was now sobbing as her daughter tugged at her arm, confused as to why her mother was crying. The woman wiped away her tears and stared at the two motherless children. "I am so, so, so sorry!"

Roe couldn't speak; he opened his mouth but there was no sound. Babe nodded and spoke for him, squeezing his arm as he stepped beside him, "That's what Chucky would have wanted; and what Chucky wants, she gets. Most of the time."

The woman nodded as she hesitantly stepped forward. The Easy men stepped aside and let her by as they lowered their heads, and watched the scene carefully. She looked up at Roe and embraced him.

To Roe, it was all wrong; that hug was cold and awkward, like embracing a piece of cement. There was no comfort, no warmth in it. The perfect embrace would be one where she rested her head against his chest, and the top of her head would reach his collar bone. Her arms would be tight, as if she were clinging to him, yet securing him protectively. She would smell of the oaky wood they worked with, the flowers that neighboured their house, and that fresh smell that made him think of the Canadian winters. Her calloused, scarred hands would reach up and would run through his hair as her sweet, cool breath would tickle his chin. It was supposed to make him feel strong and sturdy, supported and comforted. But this hug, it was all wrong.

The woman pulled away and smiled at Adri and Adam with teary eyes. "Thank you, and I am so, so sorry. If there's anything I can do..."

She flashed Roe another smile before she herded her children away. Roe swallowed hard as he wiped at his teary eyes, refusing to let them fall as he had seen Griest do so many times before. He had to be strong for his kids. Toye gave him a look before he gently kicked Roe's foot with his prosthetic one.

"Come on, Doc, let's go see our girl."

"No," Luz corrected with a small look, "let's go see his girl."

The men understood; Chucky was their friend, fellow paratrooper, and sister; but, she was Adam and Adri's mother, and his wife.

This time, the company let Roe lead the way as they followed behind him. Once they reached the coffin, the company fanned out and turned their backs, giving the Roes a private moment to say goodbye.

Roe froze as he stared at the dark stained coffin. His fingers turned to ice as his thumping heart grew louder in his ears, drowning out the rain. He didn't know if he could do this.

"Papa?"

"Yes, ma cherie?" Roe looked down as Adrienne twisted her hair in her pale fingers.

She opened her mouth but closed it quickly as she looked to the coffin. Her eyes grew wide and dark. "I don't know if I can do this. Je ne sais pa, Papa."

Roe exhaled deeply and met her brother's green gaze. Roe grabbed Adrienne's hand and stepped forward, nodding at his son. His heart settled as he led the way forward. Then, taking a deep breath, he looked inside.

He didn't know what he was expecting. Maybe a skeleton, a woman in a white, wedding dress like all the horror movies showed; or maybe Griest in her army fatigues, exactly as he remembered. Well, there were no skeletons, no wedding dress, and no fatigues; but, that woman was not his wife.

Her skin was pale and shiny like plastic while her withered, candlestick fingers held a bouquet of red flowers at her chest, making her face even paler. She was wearing the green dress she had bought for Marie's wedding. She hated that dress and threatened to burn it on several occasions. Her feet were shoved into a pair of black heels; she hated those shoes even more than the dress. Roe scanned her body, but there were no bullet holes that he could see. Adam grunted and wrinkled his nose.

"What is it, Adam?"

"It doesn't look like Mama. They made her look like Barbie."

Adrienne nodded. "Too much makeup."

They were right. Griest had worn makeup before, but it was always soft and highlighted her features, not covering them up. Her cheeks were bright as if two roses were placed on her cheeks. Her eyelids were painted gold, and her nails had been polished and painted a muted colour. Adrienne reached over and wiped the bright lipstick off. It took a few harsh swipes, but it was better. Now, Roe could see some feature of his wife he recognized.

"Better, but she would've been happier with her boots and her rifle." Roe nodded, agreeing with his son's assessment.

"Okay, guys, we," Roe's voice broke, "we gotta say goodbye."

Adrienne moved first. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed her mother's cheeks. New tears ran down her face as they dripped onto Griest's waxy forehead. Her voice was light and feathery, like a ghost, "Goodbye, Mama. I love you."

Adam grabbed Griest's hand and ran a thumb over her bony knuckles. Then, he kissed her forehead, squeezing her hand so tightly Roe worried he would break the bones in her hand. Adam cleared his throat and pushed his hair back. "See ya, Mama. Thanks for everything. We miss you. Love you."

"Come on, Adam," Luz cooed as Adam gripped her dress with a trembling lower lip. He shook his head as tears spilled over, running down his cheeks uncontrollably.

"It's alright there. It's alright. Let her go." Guarnere gently gripped his shoulder as Adri grabbed Adam's other hand, resting her hand on his arm. Adam slowly nodded and released his mother as Guarnere, Luz, and Babe coaxed the kids away. They knew Roe needed to say goodbye, and he needed to do it alone. Griest and Roe had endured and seen too much together, things you could only experience to understand.

Roe looked back to the body. He had seen plenty of bodies but they were always covered in blood and mud. Somehow, he knew Griest would have preferred that over the wax doll they had turned her into. Roe collapsed to his knees and placed a hand on the coffin. It was cold. He slowly reached in and, after some hesitation, grabbed her hand. It felt like plastic and like ice. Regardless, he tightened his grip on her. His other hand went to her hair, which had been brushed and spread over her shoulders. Her hair went down to her ribs.

Even during the war, he never felt a huge attachment to the bodies of his friends. There was never a desire to grab onto their bodies and refuse to let go. The loved one was gone; the body was just a vessel, an empty shell. But, he realized, they were holding onto their memories.

"Je t'aime, mon coeur. Au revoir." He stood up and kissed each of her cheeks. Then he took a step back, but he couldn't walk away. Yes, it was an empty vessel, but that shell was still his wife.

"You alright, Eugene?" Roe blinked and found himself staring at Winters for the second time that night. The soul shattering ache in his chest cracked like glass. He couldn't let go. He needed to be strong, but he was stuck as if he really had become part of the building. "Gene?"

Roe didn't notice the tears that blurred his vision. He licked his lips before pressing them together. He spoke in a shaking voice, "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to raise my kids or go to work without her. We had plans, and she'll never see them. I- I don't know how to move on without her."

Adri was sitting beside Guarnere and Bull. Her eyes were black, swimming in a pool of salty tears. Adam was standing by the window, watching as the rain ran down the stained glass, reflecting colours onto the ground, like the scales of a leaping trout. His shoulders were tight at his neck while his hands clenched and unclenched. Even in war, Roe never imagined Griest's death, even after all the close calls. She seemed invincible, scarred and frazzled, but eternal. He turned back to Winters.

"I don't know what to do, sir," Roe confessed, wiping away the stray tears.

Winters chuckled as tears filled his own eyes. Speirs had called him and told him the news. It was a call he never expected, and never wanted to receive again. He had talked to Griest only a month ago. Guarnere and Babe were planning an Easy reunion and had recruited Chucky to spread the word. They had kept in close contact throughout the years; Winters had visited the Roes when Adrienne was born- he had been invited after Adam's birth, but he had been busy with work and couldn't get away. The four Roes had been to his house often and had met all of his children. Griest sent him, and all of Easy, letters that detailed her life and questioned all about theirs; she kept them all in contact with another. What he would do for one more letter, a phone call, a visit.

"She once asked me the same thing." The retired major blinked.

"She did?"

Winters nodded, smiling at the memory. "When we returned after the war. She had just said goodbye to you."

"What did you tell her?" Roe remembered Bastogne and how Winters had looked after him then. A true leader, the father figure Griest had always seen in him.

"I told her to do whatever made her happy, to keep moving forward, and to have Chucky babies." The two men grinned grimly at the second generation of Roes. Then Winters settled his all-knowing gaze on the young, lost man. "But, I told her that first, she needed to go home."

A small smile covered Roe's face, one that was weighted with a terrible burden, one even Hercules would run away from. Winters flashed him his own grin before they rejoined the company. Roe took his children by the hand, and they went home.

"You are never coming home, never coming home. Never coming home, never coming home. And all the things that you never ever told me, And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me. Never coming home, never coming home. Could I? Should I? And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me. For all the ghosts that are never gonna..." Ghost of You- My Chemical Romance

The weather wasn't much better the next day. Rain drizzle from the sky and seemed to hang in the air like mist. It mirrored the mood inside the church.

The story of Griest's life, and her demise, travelled far, pulling on the heart-strings of almost everyone who heard. There were some who scoffed and wrote her off as a wanna-be hero, but they were few and far between. The pews were filled with family, friends, neighbours, coworkers, and, of course, the Easy Company veterans and their families. Even Colonel Sink, Maxwell Taylor, and Talbert attended. Everyone had lost contact with Tabs after the war, so he and Sink were welcomed with open arms. The men were polite to Taylor, but never anything more. Griest had shared Taylor's threats in New York back in 1949. Eagles remembered who threatened their own. They were even more surprised when Sobel made a brief appearance with a young boy they all assumed to be his son. Winters went looking for their former commanding officer after the service, but he and the boy were gone.

Speirs and his elderly mother represented Griest's family while Roe's parents, Marie, and Marie's family came, representing her in-laws. Adam and Adri sat among the Easy members while being looked after by their grandparents. Roe was grateful; it allowed him to focus on the funeral.

The funeral was short and sweet; just as Griest would have liked. She never had the patience to sit in one spot for very long, so she didn't expect it from others. Winters, Speirs, Luz, and Guarnere spoke of her character, her courage, and her strength during the trying times. They never once said she fought in the war, especially under the eyes of Taylor, but people could make the connection.

Roe never spoke through it all, unless it was accepting the sympathies of others, checking on his children, or short, one word answers to his Easy comrades. He made no speeches, or shared any stories of how they pushed another forward when there was no light in sight. Everyone- Guarnere, Toye, Bull, Buck, Nixon, even the lady from the market- they all had their own memories of Griest, sharing foxholes, telling stories of home. They all knew who Chucky the soldier was, or Mrs. Roe the neighbour or coworker, but they didn't know Henri the wife and mother. That part of Griest belonged to him and his children. He didn't want to share it. He knew it was selfish, but he didn't care. She was his wife. Thankfully, no one pushed the matter and left him alone.

Afterwards, they all gathered in one of the smaller halls the church used for coffee and cookies after the ceremonies. The Roes stood there and accepted the well-wishes and sympathies of people, enduring the far-fetched and unlikely stories of acquaintances, while sharing their own stories amongst each other and Easy. There was food, but few people ate. Those who did eat, however, ate a lot.

Then the church was empty, leaving Easy, who sent their families to their hotels for a moment alone with Roe, to the silence and the pattering of the rain. To Roe, the service had finished as quickly as it had begun. His limbs shook as his knees and wrists ached; he felt as if he had endured ten Currahee runs and the obstacle course. He turned to his children.

They were both sitting with Easy as the men recounted jokes and tales of Griest, but never of her trials, fears, or her ailments. They only told of the smiles and laughter, only the good things. It was the same way they talked about the war. The stories entertained the kids at the beginning; but as Roe watched them, their eyes were downcast as their eyelids drooped lower and lower.

Roe turned away from the coffee and forced his feet to move towards them. The tales and solemn laughter ceased as he joined them. He kept his gaze on the only remains of his wife: his children. They met his gaze. He cleared his throat and glanced at Winters before looking back to the kids, noting every one of Griest's features on their pale, lost faces.

"C'mon. Let's go home."

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal"- Richard Puz

Author's note: so I decided to upload today because I have to go to the city tomorrow and might be working that night, so better be safe than sorry. I relied on my own experiences for how Griest's body would have looked like- I remember my Oma just looked like one of the wax sculptures you see in a museum. Thank you so, so, so much to everyone who has read, and has followed my since the beginning. I know the last chapter was a hard one- it was one I was terrified to upload, but you guys have been awesome, so thank you. I am planning on a one-shot that will complete this series, so keep your eyes out for that. I'll let you know more once the concept is finished. Thanks a bunch guys and let me know what you think. Have a good one!