Chapter 16
Danny and Mary sat in an uncomfortable silence all the way back to his condo. Mary had picked him up at the Montecito earlier and they had gone to Kyle's funeral. Danny had been very withdrawn throughout the whole event. The only emotion he had shown was when he noticed tears running down Mary's face during the prayer. He had put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. After that, he'd held her hand throughout the funeral but had been extremely quiet.
Danny felt physically and emotionally drained. He just wanted to get this morning over with and try and get some sleep. Jack was on his way over with some life insurance forms Danny needed to sign for Kyle's family but had to stop at the office to get them. Thankfully, Mary had offered to take him straight home.
As they entered the condo Danny threw his keys on the table and began loosening his tie. "I'm just too wired to go back to work right now," Mary explained as the reason she wanted to come upstairs.
Danny knew it was an excuse and that she had something on her mind. In all the time they had spent together in the past two weeks they had never brought up the subject of Larry's death or their 'kinda engagement.'
"Yeah, well you can help me stay awake until Jack gets here."
Mary was standing by the living room window looking in the direction of the Strip. She could barely make out the waterfall of the Montecito. "It felt right today," Mary said out of the blue.
"What did?" Danny questioned from his seat on the couch. He toed off his shoes and shrugged out of his jacket.
Mary turned her attention toward Danny. "It felt right being there with you today, being there for each other. Like at Greg's funeral." Like we should have been at Luis' and your dad's, Mary wanted to add. Danny didn't respond, just nodded his head.
Danny couldn't help but think of his dad's funeral. Mary seemed to be reading his thoughts when she quietly asked. "What was it like?"
Mary felt the tension in the room. Danny examined his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. He had done that since he was a kid--a nervous habit that would present itself when he was upset.
Danny kept his gaze downcast as he finally spoke, "It was….nice. I guess. Father Joe gave the homily. I remember there were a lot of people there. Everything else is kind of a blur."
"I know you didn't want to ruin my vacation, Danny, but I should have been there for you," Mary said tearfully.
Danny continued to stare at his hands. "It wasn't your fault."
"I could have chartered a plane," Mary said as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'll never forgive myself for not being here." Mary's voice broke on the last word.
When Danny spoke it was so soft she could barely hear him. "I didn't want you there."
"What?" She must have heard him wrong.
He rubbed his hand down his face and said a little louder, "I didn't want you there."
Mary felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. Danny looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "I didn't want you there with Jake. I couldn't handle seeing you with him. Not then." Danny looked away, ashamed. "It was so selfish. I took away your chance to say goodbye. I am so sorry," he said as a tear slipped down his cheek.
"Why didn't you tell me, Danny?"
"I just couldn't." Danny was consumed with the need to tell Mary everything but wasn't sure how to articulate his feelings. "After he died I felt like I had fallen into a blackhole."
"Is that why you wouldn't return my phone calls…or even Mike's?" Mary sat down next to him and put her hand in his, encouraging him to continue.
Danny nodded. "I don't think I started to come out of it until Ed asked me to come back to the Montecito. He came to the construction site and told me I still had a family- at the Montecito."
"And you came to ask me to come back but I said I was happy with Jake."
Tears that Danny had been holding in for too long slipped down his cheeks. "It took awhile, but I'm in a really good place now."
It's time, Mary thought. To really put the past behind us. Mary sat on the floor directly in front of him and placed her hands on his knees. She looked at him, willing his eyes to meet hers.
"Danny, do you know why I gave you the ring back?"
"Yes," he said as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I was a mess. I wouldn't have wanted to be with me either. I did everything wrong, didn't try and make you a part of my life like I should have. I had waited so long to not be afraid of us I just expected you to be ready."
Trying to lighten the mood he forced a laugh. "I should have asked you out on a date before I proposed."
Mary could not stop the tears that kept falling from her eyes. He thinks that I didn't want to be with him because of his PTSD. Doesn't he know how much I love him no matter what? Mary struggled with the lump in her throat but finally found her voice.
"No, Danny. I was just scared."
Before Danny could protest Mary continued, "I was afraid that when everything was back to normal you wouldn't want me anymore."
Danny was confused. "But I loved you. I wanted to be with you. Remember I explained in Ed's office the night after I came home? I meant what I said, I just didn't know how to show you. Having post traumatic stress didn't help, but it was more than that. I hadn't shared my life with anyone like that before and I didn't know how."
Mary sighed as she stood up and began pacing around the room. Danny watched her as she tried to collect her thoughts.
"The truth is you could have done everything perfect and I still would have been insecure with us. It was my issue, not yours."
"I don't understand."
"I didn't understand it either until I moved in with Jake." Mary saw Danny's body tense at the mention of Jake's name but needed to explain everything.
"I was on my way to having everything I wanted, but was still unhappy. So, I went to a therapist to try and gain some perspective on my life. We talked a lot about what happened with my father and how it was affecting my relationships. She really helped me deal with a lot of insecurity I had because of my childhood. I realized that was part of the problem with us."
"I just made your insecurity worse by pushing you away for so long." Danny was beginning to understand how both their fears had kept them apart. "If you went to a therapist and figured all this out then why aren't you with Jake?"
"I just wasn't in love with him." She smiled as she walked over and sat next to him.
Danny stared into her eyes and searched for the right words to tell her how he felt. "I can't…" he began. "I can't lose you again."
Mary cupped his cheek in her hand and softly stroked his brow with her thumb. "You won't," she said sweetly and confidently.
Danny pressed his lips softly on hers when they heard a knock on the door.
"That's Jack. I'll get rid of him."
"No, Danny, wait." Mary grabbed his arm to keep him from answering the door. "You need to settle your business with Jack and get some sleep. We can talk more later." She squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"But I—"
Mary placed a kiss on his lips then said, "I'm not walking away from this, I promise.
You are exhausted and I need to get to work."
Mary led him to the door and gave him another quick kiss before leaving. "Get some sleep."
---
Danny felt the hot water run over his body and he could feel his muscles begin to relax. He knew Mary was right. He needed to get some sleep. As he shut the water off he heard his doorbell. He threw on a pair of sweats and grabbed a t-shirt.
He was surprised to see Ed when he opened the door.
"Hey, kid. Is Mary here?" Ed asked as he walked in.
"No, she went to work." Danny pulled the t-shirt over his head. "Is something wrong?"
"Everything's fine. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Things got a little tense last night," Ed said as he walked into Danny's kitchen. He looked inside Danny's fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Ed, what are you doing?" Danny watched as Ed reached into his cupboard and pulled out a bowl.
"Get me a fork, will ya?" Ed said as he began cracking eggs into the bowl.
Danny handed him a fork and watched him make scrambled eggs. Danny threw a couple of slices of bread into the toaster. "How did you know where I keep my bowls?"
Ed shrugged. "It's where I would keep them."
"Don't use that." Danny stopped Ed when he tried to add milk to the eggs. "It's old," Danny said, slightly embarrassed.
As they finished up their breakfast and small talk Danny cut to the chase.
"You didn't come all the way over here just to make me breakfast, did you?"
"No, I told you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. And Jillian doesn't let me have eggs anymore. She even has Wolfgang refusing to make them for me."
Danny laughed. He could picture Jillian conspiring with the famous chef. "Well, they were actually pretty good."
"Of course they were." Ed suddenly became serious. "I did want to talk to you about something. I didn't mention it before because I didn't want you to take it the wrong way."
"What is it, Ed?"
"I'm glad you broke up with Delinda."
Danny couldn't hide the rejection he felt. "Why?"
"You didn't belong together. She wouldn't have made you happy. I want you and Delinda to be happy more than anything but you didn't love each other like that."
"Why didn't you say something before?"
"I try to stay out of my kids' personal lives, even if they make a mess of them."
Danny tried to look insulted. Ed continued before he could interrupt.
"You are one of the toughest guys I know. I've never seen you back down from anything, except in your personal life. You always let things just happen to you."
Danny was about to protest when Ed held up his hand. "I know a lot has happened in the past 2 years that were beyond your control but when it comes to women…."
"What are you talking about?" Danny questioned.
"You let Mary walk away, you let Jenny and Delinda use you. I could go on, but things seem different now. I'm glad you are finally taking charge of that area in your life."
Danny nodded his head in understanding. Ed was right. He was finally dealing with his personal relationships in a mature way. Things were finally turning out the way he wanted them to because he was taking charge of his personal life.
"I need to get home, Jillian wants the gang to come over for a short visit tonight around seven. Nessa's got a pretty bad case of jet lag but she's anxious to see everyone."
"Alright, I'll see you later. Thanks for breakfast… and the talk."
"Sure kid. Get some sleep." Ed ordered as he left.
---
Danny was just starting to drift off to sleep when he heard the doorbell again. Good God, what now? He climbed out of bed when he realized whoever was at the door wasn't going away.
"Delinda, I'm really tired and I need to get some sleep. Can we talk later?" Danny asked hopefully as he opened the door.
"It will only take a minute, I promise." She made her way into the condo and took a seat by the window.
Danny sighed and made himself comfortable on the couch. He noticed Delinda's sincere expression as she began to talk.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, for everything."
"You don't have anything to be sorry for with me, we've been through this."
"Yes, I do. I made a scene yesterday and upset both you and Mary. I've already apologized to her, to my father, to everyone involved."
"You spoke with Mary today? What did you say to her?" Danny felt protective of Mary. He was sure Mary had never told Delinda about her past with her father and didn't want Delinda to unknowingly be insensitive again.
"Just that I was sorry for yesterday and for going after you."
"What did she say?"
"She forgave me. We had a really nice talk."
"Did she bring up her father?"
"No, why? What's wrong with her father?"
"Never mind, I'm glad you guys were able to work through everything."
Delinda felt a nagging in the pit of her stomach. "Danny, what's up with Mary's father?"
"Nothing, Delinda." It came out harsher than Danny meant it to. He added more gently, "All I am going to say is that Mary's father wasn't like yours. He wasn't a decent, kind human being. I hope you realize how lucky you are."
Delinda felt tears in her eyes and quietly replied, "I do."
Danny had never seen Delinda look like this. She seemed almost humble. "Don't be too hard on yourself, Delinda. We've all said or done things we regret and it's not like you knew how Mary felt about me."
Delinda's guilty expression gave her away. "You didn't, did you?"
"Not at first." Delinda said tearfully.
"What do you mean, Delinda?"
"Mary told me that when Jake proposed the only face she saw was yours."
Danny was shocked. "When did she tell you this?"
"The day before the wedding."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Danny said angrily.
"I thought it wouldn't matter to you. I thought you wanted me."
"You knew how I felt about her. She was your friend and you kept sleeping with me knowing that? No wonder she was so upset when she found out about us!" Danny jumped up from the couch and tried to calm himself down while pacing the room.
"I didn't know how you felt about her then. Both of you had been saying you were 'just friends' for so long I believed it. Looking back I can see it wasn't true but I saw what I wanted to see, I guess."
"You need to leave. I have to go talk to her," Danny said as he started looking for his shoes.
"She's with the Haeberle Group, they'll be in meetings all day. Besides, Danny, you look like you're about to fall down. You go talk to her now you're just going to upset her. She's already forgiven me. I need you to forgive me, too. If you don't then none of us can move on."
Danny sat down and placed his head in his hands. He didn't want to admit Delinda was right. He wanted to stay angry but knew for Mary's sake he would have to try and forgive Delinda. Exhaustion and stress were taking its toll on him.
"Okay, Delinda. I'll try," Danny said, resigned.
Delinda smiled. "Thank you. I promise I will be a better friend to both of you." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and headed for the door. "Get some sleep," she called out as she left.
I am going to seriously hurt the next person who says that to me, Danny thought grumpily as he headed for his bed.