Chapter 11

The bridge crew had decided that during this shore leave, they would at least have one nice dinner together, and that evening was the agreed upon night for the event. They decided to go to a famed and slightly fancy restaurant on this planet, naturally being famous for the interesting seafood dishes it had to offer.

Perhaps Spock wouldn't be looking at that portion of the menu, but Kirk thought that he might, always willing to give new and exotic foods a try. But he shook his head. His entre choice was not of much importance, given that during this dinner, he would probably be taking the biggest chance of his life.

None of his bridge crew, or Spock, knew that he planned to finally take the plunge. He was going to propose to the other in the sappiest way imaginable, and though this would basically finish his "lady killer" reputation, he figured that it could be damned since, for the first time in his life, he was willing to devote himself to another being in the universe.

But, since no one really knew of his intentions, would Spock react favorably? Earlier in the day, the other seemed overjoyed with him, but he wondered at Spock's reaction if he made their love fairly public through this slightly spontaneous proposal. Then there was the whole notifying Starfleet of their commitment that he wasn't looking forward to either, but he supposed he shouldn't get too ahead of himself. Spock had to accept his proposal before they worried about any of that.

He was sure that Bones would get mad at him later, since he didn't even tell him of his plans for this evening. He wasn't sure why he wanted to keep it so secret, but he figured that his nerves would be even worse if more people had known about this in advance. There also would have been the slight chance that Spock would have gotten wind of the plan if others had known as well. This was the best way to go about this, he supposed, but it didn't make him feel any more confident.

Kirk never did relationships before, unless he counted the time in fifth grade he dated a girl for a week. But this, what he had with Spock, was in a completely different ball park. This was a forever kind of thing, and in the past he'd run from it faster than someone could blink, but now he planned to just jump forward.

As he got dressed for the evening, he fingered the rings that were in his coat pocket and thought about what he was going to say. He tried to assure himself that whatever came from his heart would be good enough, but he'd hurt Spock so deeply that he wouldn't blame the other for wanting more time to forgive him.

No matter how many times Spock told him that he had done nothing wrong, he still felt that guilt in the pit of his stomach to have mistreated the other so. Now, he would show the other that he was ready to spend the rest of his life making it up to the other. He just hoped that Spock would accept him.

* * *

At about seven that evening, everyone met in front of the restaurant with he and Spock being the last to arrive. Everyone was chatting about the interesting experiences they had on the planet so far, but Kirk was mostly quiet, not really listening to anyone, much too nervous, anxious, and excited about what he was going to say later in the evening.

Finally all of them were led to a fairly private table near to the back of Kirk's choosing, since it wouldn't help his nerves more to propose in front of an entire restaurant. He was so distracted that he didn't even realize that Spock had started talking to him until he heard the other's voice soft in his ear, "Is something troubling you, Jim?"

Barely resisting the urge to give a start at the other's voice interrupting his thoughts, Kirk smiled slightly sheepishly and said, "No I'm just fine. Just enjoying the nice atmosphere of this restaurant and time with my friends."

Kirk wasn't sure he other bought that at the eyebrow Spock gave him, but he was thankful that the other dropped the subject. He didn't want his surprise to be ruined, since he was sure he would accidentally blurt something out if Spock persisted.

Dinner moved along at a torturously slow pace, and Kirk's tension slowly built up until he was starting to fidget slightly in anticipation of his plan. This attracted the attention of McCoy as well, since he then leaned over from his other side and whispered curiously, "What's wrong with you, Jim? It's like you've got ants in your pants."

Jim chuckled, glad for the interruption to his thoughts this time, busy collecting his nerves since the moment he would speak was coming fast, and he replied very quietly, "No ants in my pants, thankfully. Just a couple of rings in my coat pocket."

McCoy silently processed Kirk's statement and then his eyes widened in surprise and a little disbelief and he whispered back, "…Rings? So, Jim…you're going to…?"

He grinned and said, "Let's see how this goes, huh?"

And as crabby and sarcastic as his best friend was, Kirk knew that he was really happy for him, and it showed in the actual smile that he received from the doctor on revealing his intentions. He said nothing else to McCoy or anyone else at the table on the subject, not wanting the cat to come out of the bag too quickly, and finally when it was time for dessert, Kirk decided to jump on the chance to speak as they were waiting.

He looked to McCoy for a bit of support and he felt a little more confident at the nod he got from him.

He cleared his throat to get everyone's attention and said, "Umm…I'd like to say something."

Kirk then looked straight into Spock's eyes and he melted from the unconditional love and warmth he found there, and this let him know that what he was about to do was the right choice, without a doubt.

He smiled warmly at Spock and then he addressed everyone at the table, "You know, in this time we've been together on the Enterprise, we've been through a lot, and I now know that there probably isn't a better crew that I could have ever asked for. Not only are all of you great officers, I can safely count every one of you as my friends."

With this, he gave Uhura a playful wink that caused her, and the rest of the table, to chuckle, and when he continued, he fixed an unwavering and openly affectionate gaze at Spock, "But…the thing I've learned most keenly is just how lucky I was to have as devoted a First Officer as Spock, who, even after thinking I'm illogical, irrational, cocky, and over confident, still supports me in everything I do."

Kirk saw the tips of Spock's ears getting a little more green at all of this attention and praise, and he could see the edges of the other's mouth just barely curving into a smile, and this, in turn, caused a little color to come his cheeks as he grinned back. If he didn't feel so taken with the other, he would have been annoyed at how sappy he was getting with all of this, but none of that mattered as long as Spock was happy.

He then turned his body so that he was only looking at Spock as he continued to speak, "I know I don't deserve any of that…I know I don't deserve someone like you."

Kirk knew that Spock didn't do public displays of affection usually, but Kirk was sure that this occasion called for it, and so he gently took one of the other's hands in both of his to hold on and give it a squeeze, and he softly said, "I had to learn the hard way to appreciate everything that you've given me, and now I want to make up for every stupid thing I've ever said or done to you…because I love you. I really do love you."

His face reddened even more at his admissions, and he saw that Spock's face was now green as well as his ears, and the look of hope and affection he found in those deep, dark eyes threatened to swallow him whole. Only Spock had the power to make him feel as though he'd completely lost himself, and this was one of those times.

Kirk then stuffed one of his hands in his coat pocket to dig out one of the rings that was there, and he saw that his hand was trembling when he finally pulled that simple gold ring out. He was surprised that something so simple could feel so incredibly heavy in his fingers, and then his voice shook with nervousness and emotion when he spoke again, never having put himself out on such a limb in his life. He never dreamed that this day would come, when he would so easily sacrifice his 'freedom' to another person, but he couldn't think of a single thing he wanted more than to give himself to Spock in full this way.

"Spock…" he gulped and continued speaking as he fiddled with the ring he was holding in his hand, vaguely aware of the looks and noises of surprise the rest of his bridge crew were giving as soon as he produced the ring from his pocket, "I…know that I'm not so good at this love stuff, but I want to get better so that I can give you kind of love that you deserve."

He held tighter to Spock's hand and pushed himself to continue, not going to lose his nerve now that he'd started, "I want what you want…I just was too stupid to realize that for the longest time…I want forever, so uhh…"

Kirk felt his face flushing as he opened one of Spock's hands and put the ring he was holding in it, and he said the final words, "Please let me try to be everything you deserve."

Spock hardly thought for a moment and he replied in a soft and meaningful tone, "Yes, Jim…yes."

Kirk then gave Spock a face splitting grin and pulled the other close for a spontaneous and passionate kiss, not wanting to hold back how much he loved the other in front of their closest friends. Though Spock wasn't usually much for such public displays of affection, he seemed to understand Kirk's need in this instance and did not pull away. When Spock pulled back from the kiss, he slipped the ring that Kirk gave him on the appropriate finger, and Kirk reached into his pocket for his ring to do the same.

After everyone at the table expressed their congratulations to both of them, they continued with their conversations until after they had their desserts, and finally Kirk whispered in Spock's ear, "You want to cut out early to spend some time alone?"

"That does sound agreeable." Spock whispered back, his lips curved up again.

As they got up from the table, Kirk noticed that there was a dance floor in this restaurant and that Scotty had convinced Uhura to dance with him. He made sure to shoot them both a smile as he and Spock made their way out of the restaurant.

* * *