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Sorry for weirdly-sized chapters. It's what works.
It was November. Jack, Martha and The Doctor all knew how oddly time could go by, but it seemed to pass rather quickly in Hogwarts. "I swear, it's like the TARDIS on a really bad day!" grumbled Martha as she went down a stairwell. "Remember the not-there step," called The Doctor, nimbly leaping over said step. "How do you keep all this straight in your head?!" exclaimed Jack. The Doctor glanced at him amusedly. "Do you really want me to answer that?" "Not really." "Good, you'll stay sane longer-now c'mon, we're gonna be late to Transfigurations! I don't want Professor Kitty mad at us!" Jack and Martha burst into giggles at the mention of 'Professor Kitty'. "Really, Doctor," chided Martha, "You've got to stop doing that! You don't know if Snape will read your mind and tell her that's what you call her!" The Doctor grinned good-naturedly. "No one can read my mind if I don't want them to, Jack. Besides, he'd probably just laugh over it!" Martha stopped suddenly. "…Okay, I just had a thought. If McGonagall's Professor Kitty, what's Snape?" Jack smirked. "Professor Bat, definitely. But what about Flitwick?" "Ooh! I know!" squealed Martha. "What?" "Professor Mushroom!" "What?!" yelped the boys. The Doctor thought it over. "We-ell, as long as we're not limiting ourselves to fauna, it is rather accurate." "That leaves Professor Sprout," said Jack thoughtfully. "…A loon?" suggested Martha. "Nah, how 'bout a hedgehog?" said The Doctor. "Nah…" They all thought. Then: "PROFESSOR PUPPY!" they yelled together. "Brilliant!" cried The Doctor. "It fits perfectly." said Jack.
When they finally got to Transfigurations, Professor McGonagall took off ten points for tardiness each, they were so late. She then continued her explanation. "Now, class, today we will be reviewing our snail-to-teapot spell, since an unreasonable number of you seem to have trouble with it. Make sure you get the wand movement right." Martha ended up with The Doctor this time, who cooed to the snail a little, and spoke with it. She sighed and watched, amused. "You going to ever, I don't know, TRANSFIGURE that thing?" The Doctor frowned at her and tapped the snail once. It turned into a teapot in the style of one Martha vaguely remembered seeing once on Raxacoricofallapatorius. She only vaguely remembered it because at the time, it was being thrown at The Doctor's head by a very angry Slitheen. Jack looked over. "Isn't that a…" "Yep!" Jack looked at Martha in disbelief, then snorted with laughter.
Professor Snape seemed to be in a particularly bad mood that day. It was replaced with curiosity somewhat when The Doctor made a perfect Forgetfulness Potion (an advanced potion for first years). Then The Doctor added a banana and lion fish spines to his cauldron. Snape closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked over.
"Weasley," he said, perfectly calmly. "Why? Why did you feel the need to add the wrong ingredients to an acceptable potion?" The Doctor looked brightly up at him. "We-ell, sir, I was curious as to what would happen if I added lion fish spines, which are used for healing potions, to a forgetfulness potion. Would it heal wounds they forgot the cause of? Or maybe it would 'heal' the persons' memory?" Professor Snape sighed. "….Commendable… enthusiasm, but not appropriate for a classroom. But why on Earth would you add a banana?" "I like bananas. Bananas are good. Do you want a banana, sir?" Snape covered his face with his hand, breathing through his nose. "…Ten points from Gryffindor for utter idiocy. You and your little friends, who I'm sure had a part in this, will meet me after class for a detention." He seemed slightly surprised when none of them objected. "…Does that mean I can keep my potion?" asked The Doctor. Professor Snape just looked at him for a second, then waved his wand. A vial appeared in his hand, and he took a sample from the cauldron. He waved his wand again and the potion in the cauldron disappeared. "Start over. No messing about, or you will be sorry." He then turned to Jack. "Mister Potter, who I am sure is the cause of this, come up to the front of the class." With no small amount of trepidation, Jack followed Snape. Meanwhile, Martha was whispering to The Doctor. "Really?" "Naw. I based it off an elixir I had on Poosh once. Makes you forget all your pain for a little bit. The bananas really were for flavor, though."
At the front of the room, Snape spoke. "Class, pay attention. This is what happens when you add the wrong ingredients to a Forgetfulness Potion." He then handed the vial to Jack. "Drink." Jack drank the potion. "Tastes like bananas." he said thoughtfully. Snape asked, "What is your name?" "Harry Potter." "What did you just drink?" "A Forgetfulness Potion with stuff added." Snape sneered. "As you can see, class, adding extra ingredients can make a potion's original purpose moot." Jack then 'accidentally' tripped and fell onto the table, breaking glass and getting scraped on said glass. "Stupid boy!" roared Snape, who smacked him. Hard. "…Professor?" asked Jack with genuine wonder. "None of that hurt at all." Snape looked at him blankly. Then: "Remember. Detention. The fact that you didn't die is no excuse for experimenting with your potion ingredients."
Snape had no idea why Jack couldn't seem to stop laughing after that statement.
Yeah, The Doctor is way better at potions than Snape.