NOTE: Stuff happens in this chapter! OOOH, DRAMA AND CLIFFHANGERS. You guys have been so lovely about this story so far... I seriously cannot thank you enough for inspiring me to write this. ANYWAY. Now that I'm done being gushy... I can't wait to hear what you guys think! Enjoy! :)
CHAPTER 11
September 4, 1976
Harry and Hermione stopped in the Leaky Cauldron for lunch before Flooing directly back to Dumbledore's office. Hermione had argued that they could Apparate now that they had wands, but Harry would hear nothing of it- "It feels like you're suffocating, Hermione, why would we Apparate when we can just take the Floo?" She'd sighed and moaned but eventually resigned herself to the fact that she'd get her new jumper covered in soot and paid the single-knut fee to leave through the Leaky's fireplace- it was nearly noon by the time they returned to the castle.
Dumbledore wasn't actually in his office when they stepped out of the fireplace and onto the hearth, which was a bit strange. In an effort to avoid the uncomfortable feeling brought on by invading the Headmaster's "private space," the pair quickly exited the room and descended the narrow staircase down to the corridor below. They were both fully intending to return to Gryffindor tower- they had made it barely halfway, however, before none other than Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus intercepted them. The latter looked decidedly uneasy, but he had a soft smile plastered on his face all the same- Hermione could sense his discomfort, though, and the disconnect between his appearance and his emotions made her shift nervously. Why does he hate me? Is it the bond? Why is he pretending he doesn't?
"Hello Granger, other Granger!" James greeted each of them, giving a dramatic bow in Hermione's direction as he turned towards her. "I see you've returned from Diagon Alley- care to join us in the Great Hall?"
"Well, we've already had lunch, but-" Harry started, glancing questioningly at Hermione. She quickly interrupted him.
"Of course we'll join you!" She smiled brightly, ignoring Harry's bewildered expression. "We've eaten, but we'd love the company." Remus may make her nervous, but that didn't mean she wanted to actually avoid him. In fact, the magic pleasantly humming in her chest wanted the exact opposite.
James beamed at her. "Excellent! Shall we, then?"
The six students grouped together and began to make their way down to the first floor. They made it almost all the way to the Great Hall in somewhat awkward silence, but Hermione was utterly distracted by the way her already sensitive senses flared with Remus's proximity. She could hear his heart pounding in his chest and wondered what was making him so nervous.
At last, Harry made some comment to Sirius- the other boy answered easily, and the sound of their banter provided a bit of background noise that only marginally helped to ease her nerves. As they passed through the massive double doors into the Great Hall, the four boys moved slightly ahead of the two werewolves (unbeknownst to them), leaving them to trail behind the group on the rest of the walk to the Gryffindor table. Hermione found herself peering through her fringe at Remus as he walked beside her- he appeared far more relaxed than he had before, in the corridor, but she could sense his unease thanks to their bond and her sharpened senses.
Sandy hair waved gently over his forehead and into his eyes- her heart sped up a bit at the sight; the boy was unbearably attractive and he clearly didn't know it. Hermione found herself studying him, mentally comparing his features to the treasured memory of the older Remus- of her Remus. This younger version of him lacked many of the scars his older counterpart had borne; his hair was solid, sandy brown without the multitude of grey strands brought on by years of stress and hardship. She nearly jumped out of her skin when he tilted his head towards her and caught her staring. A hint of pink stained her cheeks and she made to quickly avert her gaze- but the sight of his normally soft green eyes flashing unmistakable amber froze her in place. A thrill shot through her and her breath caught in her throat; her own teeth scraped across her lower lip and suddenly she was wishing it was his teeth on her lips and that thought only made her flush deeper red.
Hermione was shaken out of her reverie by the group's arrival at the Gryffindor table. She took a place on the bench in between Harry and Remus, blinking rapidly and praying her own eyes weren't gleaming conspicuously golden. Harry placed a subtle, questioning hand on her elbow and tilted his head in her direction- she smiled reassuringly in response and poured herself a goblet of pumpkin juice.
"So, how was your first trip to Diagon Alley?" Sirius asked without looking at her or Harry- his focus was already on the food laid out on the table.
"Wicked," Harry said smoothly. "The past few days without a wand felt like I was missing an arm."
Hermione nodded emphatically. "Ollivander is a bit creepy," she said with a conspiratorial grin. "I'm never letting this wand out of my sight." James and Sirius laughed, and even Peter snorted amusedly into his goblet. She noted that beside her, Remus had shifted his body so that it was angled in her direction- it was a vast improvement from the previous night, and the gesture sent the bond aflutter yet again. His forehead creased, an invisible conflict flitting across his face- but at last, he appeared to come to some internal decision, and he sat up a little straighter to address her. She didn't notice the other three marauders eyeing him warily when he started to talk.
"We didn't really properly meet last night," he said. "It's Hermione, right? I'm Remus Lupin."
Hermione smiled brilliantly at that. "Yeah- Hermione. It's nice to meet you again, Remus. We'll have Advanced Charms together, I think." She extended her hand to him and he only hesitated for a second before reaching out to shake it. When their hands met, his eyes flickered again and dark brows shot up his forehead. His fingers tightened on hers for a split second, and he suddenly looked vaguely panicked; he released her hand quickly and gave an apologetic- if thoroughly bewildered- smile. Hermione watched as he swallowed hard, and then as the sudden terror disappeared from his eyes as he worked to mask his emotions. She assumed it was shock- the magic connecting them had flared more than ever as they touched.
"Yes," he murmured in a low voice, never taking his eyes off her face. "Advanced Charms." If she'd been standing, she surely would have stumbled. Instead, she gave another friendly smile and thanked Merlin that her friends across the table couldn't hear her racing heart. The atmosphere grew noticeably less tense as she and Remus smiled tentatively at each other- for all her wolf senses, Hermione couldn't hear the rush of thoughts racing through his mind at a million miles per hour.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
September 7, 1976
"No! It's not… I'm not sure, not completely-"
"Shut up, Moony. You're sure or you wouldn't have even brought it up, not after fretting over it for the last three days."
Remus sank onto his bed, shoulders sagging. James, Peter, and Sirius all sat in a row on Sirius's bed, looking back at him with serious expressions.
"Okay," he conceded, "I'm sure about the… the mate thing. Just not the other thing."
"Er… could you explain how all of this came about, one more time?" Peter asked sheepishly. "This is all so sudden- these random transfer students show up and suddenly one of them is your werewolf mate? I mean, it's, ah, great for you, Moony, but…" He trailed off.
Remus let himself fall backwards onto his blankets and covered his eyes with both hands. "I don't know," he groaned, "it just happened. I felt… the first night, I told you, I felt like I wanted to bite her. It was- I've never felt that strongly before, not when I'm… well, human. But then the other day, when you guys convinced me to talk to her-" James opened his mouth as if to protest and Remus silenced him with a look as he continued over him. "-when you guys convinced me to talk to her, it was- I don't know how to explain it, Merlin, I sound like a girl. I just- we touched and I just know, okay? There's some sort of bond between us. I can feel the magic. It feels like… like the pack bond I have with the three of you, but more."
"Well," Sirius said, a thoughtful expression on his face, "it certainly explains why she acted so oddly that first night. I thought- well, I don't know what I thought. But if she feels this bond thing too, she was probably freaked out. Probably had no idea what was going on." He stood up from his place on the bed and made his way to the window seat, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his robe pocket. "What about the werewolf thing, though?"
"Well… at first I thought she was a- a werewolf, too, you know? I thought- I don't know, that that was why things felt so weird around her. Why Moony comes out more. But now… well, it might just be that I felt that way because of the bond." He shook his head slowly. "It's just… a bit mental. I didn't even- I mean, the chances of… of someone like me ever finding a true mate is… it doesn't happen often. I've never met someone who… it just doesn't happen."
"This is so great, Moony!" James bounced a little where he sat on the bed, hands slapping down onto his knees in his excitement. The noise made Remus flinch.
"What- how is this great?"
"I mean, aren't you happy to have found her? For all you talk about- about never being able to have someone, and- and she's your someone, isn't she! Magic and fate are making this happen for you! It's amazing."
Sirius snorted. "Now who sounds like a girl?"
"Stuff it, Padfoot. This is Remus's moment."
Remus frowned. "It isn't, though. Her being my… my mate doesn't change anything." He flinched when James raised his voice to argue indignantly.
"Like hell it doesn't! What did Sirius just say? It's fate and magic! You can't fight it-"
"It doesn't change the fact I'm a bloody werewolf!" Remus stood quickly, fists clenched and heart racing. His eyes darted to the window where the moon hung round and bright in the nearly black sky. "It doesn't- nothing changes that. Mate or not, I couldn't… I couldn't do that to her. She doesn't deserve… I'm ruined, and we barely know each other, she probably wouldn't want me even if I wasn't-"
"Okay, first off, don't be a bloody idiot," James said scathingly. "You're not ruined. You'd think after years of hanging round with us you'd have caught on that not everyone are arseholes about the wolf thing."
"You lot are different-" Remus started to protest, but James cut him off again.
"We're your friends, Remus. Besides, what if she really is a werewolf too? Then she knows. Hell, if she's a werewolf she might already know about the mate thing. What if she and her brother are having this same conversation right now!"
"Okay, but what if she's not? It's not like I can just walk up to her and bloody ask her."
"Why not?" Peter asked. The three other boys looked at him incredulously and he flushed. "Shut up, you lot, I didn't mean it like that! I just meant you could- well, find a way to bring up hints, you know. Try to get her to tell you."
"I'm not asking her," Remus said firmly. "I wouldn't want- it's awful when I feel like people are suspicious of me, I couldn't do that to her. And if she's not… well, then I might just be outing myself, right?"
"But if she is…" James trailed off, his eyebrows wagging up and down.
"You're all idiots," Sirius chimed in from the window seat. "No one has to ask her. If she is a werewolf, we can find out ourselves."
"How-"
Suddenly, Remus understood. "The full moon's tomorrow," he said dully.
There were a few moments of silence.
"Don't tell me you'd forgotten?" Sirius scoffed. His expression quickly faded when he caught sight of Remus's face.
"If you think for a moment I ever forget where the goddamn moon is, you're a fucking idiot," Remus snapped.
"I didn't mean it like that, Moony. I'm sorry…"
Remus closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to coax the wolf back down inside him before he leapt at Sirius.
"I only meant that… well, if she's a werewolf, Dumbledore must know, right? She's got to transform somewhere. And we'll be with you tomorrow, Remus- we'll know if there's another wolf on the grounds. We can find out."
The four Marauders all exchanged glances, and after a few long moments, Remus nodded.
"Alright."
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
September 8, 1976
"You should become an Animagus, Harry. Then I'd never have to do this without you." He laughed. She gripped his hand tightly in hers and leaned forward to press her face against the cool glass of the window overlooking the Hogwarts grounds.
"I'll get right on that, Mini-Moony. Want to do it with me?"
At that, Hermione turned towards him with a frown. "I don't think I can. I've never…" She trailed off. "I'll have to research that. Even if… my form would probably be a wolf anyway, right?"
Harry shrugged. "Only one way to find out. Maybe it'd give you something to focus on."
"I guess. I still wish you could come with me."
That morning, Hermione had received a note from the Headmaster at breakfast, informing her that the Groundskeeper's cabin had been cleared out and warded for her to spend the night in. She'd spent the day as if in a trance, attending all her classes without paying any actual attention to the lectures. That would have been unheard of for the old Hermione- but now it was different. The moon wreaked all kinds of havoc on her body and routine.
"I know," Harry said with a sad smile. "But hey, it'll be alright." She looked unconvinced. "You could always ask Sirius to stay with you. Of course, you'd have to tell him."
Hermione snorted. "Tell him what, that I'm a werewolf? Or tell him everything? As if. He doesn't like me, here."
"He doesn't dislike you."
"Yes, well."
The two fell into a few minutes of silence. They both gazed out onto the steadily darkening grounds and Harry checked his watch.
"We should go," he finally said. Hermione clenched his hand so tightly he winced.
They both turned and started down the long corridor towards the entrance hall stairway. "I'm scared to do this again without the potion," Hermione said in a small voice. "To do it without Remus."
"We'll figure out how to brew it for next month," Harry said confidently. "I'll help you. And… and I'll be there in the morning, first thing, to take you to the hospital wing. I'm sorry I don't know all the healing spells Sirius did," he told her apologetically. "Otherwise I'd just help you down at Hagrid's."
"I know."
The two of them proceeded in silence all the way down the stairs and through the huge castle doors, across the grounds and to Hagrid's now-empty hut. All the furniture had been removed- stored Merlin-knows-where, leaving the small structure bare but for a small sofa and a few fluffy rugs. Hermione snorted at them.
"I'm going to tear those to shreds," she told Harry. He shrugged and watched as she walked to the center of the room and sat down on the floor atop one of the rugs, hugging her knees to her chest. She looked so very small.
"You'll be alright, Hermione," he told her, ignoring the pang in his chest at the thought of leaving her there alone. "I love you."
"Love you too..."
They exchanged one last long, sad glance before Harry looked up at the now-dark sky and stepped backwards out of the hut. He locked the door behind him and felt the wards Dumbledore had set flare to life, enclosing the small building with a soft buzz of magic. He couldn't help taking a long, strangely nostalgic glance at the Whomping Willow as it waved its branches against the inky sky… far under it, his father and Godfather would be there, accompanying Remus as he went through his own transformation. Harry stared at it for a few long moments, then turned around and slowly made his way back up to the castle. He didn't expect to sleep very well.
Lost in his thoughts, he never noticed the cool grey eyes hidden in the shadow- narrowed and following his every step across the grounds and back to the school.