Chapter 11
The trip to France had been almost a complete waste, Mick thought as he buckled his seat belt for the return flight home. The only lead he'd had, a vamp that Coraline had referred to as her 'tata' and the woman that had cared for her when she was a human child, was nowhere to be found. Coraline had said that Madame Marie de Ségur had lived at the Chateau Lafite-Rothschild vineyard in Bordeaux for centuries, steadfastly refusing to leave, in spite of multiple sales of the estate and even the German occupation, but Mick had received no help there. Two young employees had heard the name, but only from reading the history of the vineyard as published in the tourist brochure, and without an actual physical description or other alias for the woman he wasn't likely to get any further than that. Fire had claimed one of the oldest buildings merely two days before Mick's arrival, and the around the clock media presence made further investigation very difficult, even for a vampire. The acrid smell of the smoke that permeated the place seemed to mask all but the strongest scents, and while occasionally Mick picked up the characteristic smell of decay, none of it was recent enough to track.
Paris had been no more useful, especially since Mick spoke only a few words of French and had no way of endearing himself to the local vamp population. Even Josef had not been able to help him, since apparently most of the vamps he knew from Paris had long since moved on, as was prudent for their kind. The one business contact that Josef had directed him to was surprisingly quick to dismiss Mick's inquiry, almost as if he'd been warned not to give out any information. To top it off, after that meeting Mick had the constant sense that he was being followed, but whoever was doing the following was damn good and Mick was unable to shake them, or stake them for that matter.
So here he was, back to L.A. empty handed. No Coraline, no cure, and no Beth. Not since waking up to find out he'd been turned into a monster had Mick felt this bad, this… alone. He absent-mindedly played with the thick ring on his index finger and wondered what his life as a vampire might have been if he'd known ahead of time, understood the limitations, the hunger. If Coraline had told him, shown him, what being a vamp meant while he was still human, would he have seen it differently, or even desired it? Would he have shared Coraline's conviction that it was a gift to be free of mortality, but also a way to spend eternity with a woman he thought he was in love with then?
Beth's words kept echoing his mind from the night she sat crying in her apartment after Josh died, looking so vulnerable and… broken. Why did he tell her that letting her die was preferable to making her his child? He never should have handled it that way, he'd known that even as he said those things to her, repeating to her the lies that he'd told himself for years. He must have missed the "Miss Manners" lessons in vamp school that would have taught him what to say when the human you are in love with asks you to turn her mortal boyfriend. Mick shook his head. Those lessons must have been given on the same day as the ones that taught male vamps how to be as alluring and debonair as the ones in the romance novels and movies. No wonder Coraline had kept him home that day.
The twelve-hour flight found Mick's mind wandering back again and again to what Beth had said to him. "It can't be all that bad to live forever." Eternity alone was almost unbearable he'd told her, but she had simply suggested in her logical way that he stop being alone. He loved her ability to mix the practical and romantic, to reconcile the reality while still holding on to hope.
She had seen him kill humans and vamps, sure, but they had all been bad. Never had Beth seen him kill an innocent woman by ripping out her throat and draining her dry of blood because the hunger had overtaken him. Maybe if I hadn't let myself go so long without blood in those days I would never have lost control like that. She had never seen him drink from a human, well, except for herself, and that was only because his life was in danger. Yet Beth had not been disgusted or repulsed by it… she sought me out very persistently afterwards and… kissed me. After I had fed on her blood in a way I had never wanted to. She knows what sunlight does to vamps, how stakes can make us helpless, how silver is our poison. And she still wanted me, not just me as a human, but vampire too. What have I done?
Even after the endless replays of their last few encounters, Mick asked himself again and again if Beth knew enough to really consider the implications of what she had said, though it didn't seem like she was far from it. She knew much of the worst of being a vamp and she'd accepted it better than Mick had after fifty-five years of living it. Beth had often told him that she'd covered too many stories of murder and torture to think that the vamps Mick had put down were any worse than some of the humans roaming the same streets, and that there were some vamps who were good and decent people. He'd been forced to agree with her more than once on that lately, but maybe he hadn't been trying hard enough to make her understand that being a vampire was more about unnecessary death and less about living forever than she thought. I don't want her to really understand because then she will hate me, and that I couldn't bear. Idiot. She sounded like she was hating me just fine when she told me to get out of her apartment last week.
By the time the plane landed, Mick was angry, tired, and hungry; not a good combination for a vamp. Guillermo sensed his dark mood and for once didn't try to make a single joke or snide comment, just sold Mick the blood and waited for him to leave with it. As Mick finished his second serving for the night and washed the glass so Beth wouldn't have to see it and be reminded of his unnatural appetite, he remembered that at this point Beth wasn't going to be seeing the inside of his apartment, or him for that matter, anytime soon if he didn't find her.
As he threw his clothes over the chair and stepped into the ice-cold shower, he replayed in his mind the last time he'd seen Beth. He should have gone to her, held her, hell, taken her to bed and pretended that there was no tomorrow. Even if she had hated him for it later, they would have had that one night in each others arms. She likely wouldn't have hated him any more than she did right now.
Josef would have said that all Mick needed was to keep a few freshies around to feed on just before he "hopped in the sack with Blondie" and he'd be fine. Easy for him to say. Just because Josef could drink from two or three of his women and amuse himself by going to bed with another "snack", Mick was just not capable of the same. He would never be able to look Beth in the eye and suggest they make love as he licked fresh blood that wasn't hers off his lips. Or even if the blood had been hers, Mick didn't think he could do it. Not that he hadn't seen Josef do just that on the few occasions he'd stayed around that far into Josef's fun, but the difference was that Josef had never been in love with any of the involved humans. Sara had happened before Mick had met him, so he truly had no idea if Josef had slept with her before her ill-fated turning, but he doubted it. Being of the same generation as Sara, Mick clearly remembered that in the 50's women from good families like Sara's waited until they were married to be so intimate.
Thinking of Sara reminded Mick of the look on Beth's face when she handed Josef the diary. Beth had read it, been fascinated by it, Mick remembered. He hadn't understood then, but in hindsight Beth had looked as if she shared a sort of kinship with Sara and her desire to be turned so she could be with the man she loved. There was not an ounce of disapproval in Beth when she had read the diary or given it to Josef, but Mick now realized there may have been more empathy for Sara that he'd realized. Was he denying Beth the same chance that Josef had given Sara, even if it had not turned out well for them? He couldn't help but think that he making such a decision for Beth, without her consent, just like Coraline had made the decision for him so many years ago. Without the cure to make him human enough to be with Beth for a mortal lifetime, his options were few, and were going to be none if he didn't find her soon.
After drying off from the shower, he called Logan. Surely he would have something on Beth by now. After twenty-six rings, the phone finally picked up and a very annoyed Logan answered. "What!?"
"Logan, it's Mick."
"Jesus, Mick. Do you have any idea what time it is?"
Mick looked at the clock. It was just before noon. Obviously Logan had been catching up on some freezer time. "Sorry. Jet lag. What do you have for me?"
"Nothing, Mick. I've got nothing, ok. She covered her tracks really well, and she obviously doesn't want you to find her. Maybe you should take the hint, Romeo." click
I am definitely losing my touch. That boy used to be afraid of me. Why, I'm not sure, but he would never have said that a week ago. What changed? But before he could investigate further, he needed to catch up on some deep freeze himself. Stepping into the icy mist that always hovered in his freezer, he let the cold wrap around him like a blanket while all the while wishing that it was the warmth of Beth's body that surrounded him instead of the unnatural cold of this death. His last thought before he drifted off to sleep was how much he missed Beth's smile, the playfulness of her eyes when she used to look at him… before Josh's death. Mick hoped that his Beth, and he had come to think of her as his more and more lately, was someone that was still possible to find, and not just someone whose spirit he had broken in his arrogance.
Sunset found Mick was standing outside of Logan's door. "Mick," Logan was looking surprised to see him. "How long have you been back in town?" Logan was nervous and Mick needed to know why.
"Yesterday morning. Where's Beth, Logan? You said you can't find anything on her, but even I can find out that her car was found abandoned in Idaho of all places two days ago." Mick was trying to control the anger, because Logan didn't look guilty, just anxious.
"Yeah, um, you're going to have to talk to Mr. Kostan about that. I can't be involved in this little game anymore… Please, Mick. I'm barely three years old and I break easily," Logan said as Mick advanced on him, grabbing him by the throat and sliding him up the wall until his feet dangled. As a vampire, it wasn't a position that was likely to cause him any damage, but Logan was new enough that he hadn't lost his sense of human frailty and Mick took full advantage of it.
The vampire in Mick came out to play as his fangs elongated and his eyes faded to pale blue. Logan was holding out on him and he was not going to stand for it any longer. "Where. Is. Beth. Do not make me ask again." If he had stopped to think about it, Mick would have been appalled at his behavior, but now he was even more worried about Beth than he had been. Assuming that Beth had been simply running from him, Logan would have no reason to withhold information. Something was going on and Mick wanted the truth.
"I swear, Mick, I have no idea. Please don't kill me. I'm just following orders, ok? I'm the only vampire computer nerd in town since Ryder left… I can help you with anything else, but not that, please?"
Logan's pleading helped Mick regain his control. The sound of people begging for their lives at his hands was something he only wanted to hear from those he had killed because they were evil, and Logan was not evil. Mick pushed the vampire back down inside and let Logan go. Too embarrassed to apologize, Mick stormed out into the night and drove to Josef's as fast as his vintage car would allow.
Using the key Josef had given him years ago, Mick bypassed the beautiful women Josef had trained to offer their wrists to him for Josef's amusement and ran up the stairs to the third floor. A large but young vampire stood outside of the door to Josef's suite. Mick remembered the man, an assassin by trade before he was turned, and now one of Josef's bodyguards. Conveniently, the vamp was used to Mick being the poor little friend who always refused to drink fresh blood and didn't like hurting people, but that was not the vamp Mick was right now. Mick threw the bodyguard aside before he could comprehend the change of personality, swung the door open to find Josef getting a massage from a petite human woman with blonde hair.
"Out!" Mick hissed to the woman and she wasted no time in getting out of the way, leaving by the other door.
Josef sat up and looked at Mick. "Oh, hell, Mick. Calm down and tell me what it is you think you know before Revan and Angelo fill you full of more silver shot than I'd have time to dig out of you." Josef had had a lot of practice looking calm when faced with personal violence, and the air of superiority and confidence worked as well as a broadsword most times in stopping an attacker. He motioned towards the doorway where Mick had just entered.
Mick turned to see the man he had just thrown aside and another one of Josef's bodyguards with large caliber handguns trained on his chest. Discretion is the better part of valor, Mick decided at that moment and he put his hands up and forced his human face back to the forefront before sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. He kept his hands out in a non-threatening manner because he'd never find Beth if was dead in Josef's bedroom.
"Where's Beth, Josef?" Mick tried to ask calmly.
"How should I know? You're the one who sent her packing, not me," Josef said as he grabbed his shirt from the bed and started to dress.
"You told Logan not to look for her anymore, didn't you? Why would you do that?"
Josef was relieved to discover that this was all Mick knew, or he likely would not have given up the threat of violence so easily. Josef pitied Mick more than he did Beth when she had told him she was dying, and pity was not an emotion he was used to feeling. He hoped the sensation would pass soon, because he was eager to get back to the greed and lust that were waiting for him. For now, though, he tried to play the father figure. "You need to let her go, Mick. She made it clear to you that she didn't want you following her this time, didn't she? When she calms down she'll probably be waiting on your doorstep again. Maybe she just needs a little time to figure out what she wants, or more importantly, maybe you just need a little time to figure out what you want."
He looked up at Josef for the first time since coming in with fangs bared. "Since when do you know so much about what Beth needs? And why do you care if I find her or not? She's nothing to you, Josef."
There was no way Josef was going to rise take the bait; he had more experience with these little verbal sparring matches that Mick ever would. "I'm sure going to start to care if you keep coming in here all fangy and threatening, throwing my employees around, and more importantly disturbing a very relaxing massage. Do you know that she used to be a gymnast before I hired her?" Josef was motioning now towards the abandoned massage table and then the door where the petite blonde ran out in a hurry. "You have no idea the things she can do…would you like to? I could arrange it and help take your mind off your little girlfriend, since I'm guessing your vacation didn't turn up anything useful or you wouldn't be in such a foul mood." Josef waived off the bodyguards and they shut the door, but Mick and Josef both knew they'd be standing just outside waiting in case there was trouble.
Mick couldn't help but smile at his friend, who's mind always seemed to be on power, money, or women, and usually in that order. "France was mostly a waste of time. I appreciate the offer, really, but I only have eyes for Beth, even if she was never a gymnast."
"Your loss," Josef quipped. "Things can't go on between you and Beth as they were, Mick, you've both seen to that, so there will be no more procrastination. Do you really want her back, or are you going to take my advice and let her go?"
Mick took a deep breath that he clearly didn't need now that the cure had worn off. "I've tried, Josef. I know it's better for her, but I can't let her go."
Offering Mick a hand up off the floor, Josef looked him in the eyes for a moment longer than necessary. "Then you have only once choice left, my friend. Turn her. Turn her and bind her to you as your child. Problem solved."
"But I…" Mick tried to protest.
Josef interrupted. "No, Mick. This is what you have made it. You can have someone else turn her if you can't do it yourself, but decide if you would still want her once it's done. Decide if you are man enough, vampire enough, to claim her. If you are, I'll help you find her and teach her. If not, get out of my house and don't come back." Josef said as he walked out and shut the door behind him.