Chapter 11: Sacrificial Soul
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Tokiya comes down from upstairs with his luggage. Fuuko is standing across him. She just stared at him but her eyes look like they're telling him to stay. Fuuko twiddles her fingers, showing him how nervous she is. Tokiya looks away and passes through her.
Tokiya opens the door and finds Riiya standing on the doorstep; he just came home from school.
Riiya looks down as he noticed a packed luggage in Tokiya's hand. Tokiya passes by.
"Dad?" he called, confused.
Tokiya paused as he heard his call.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
Silence. Tokiya continued what he's supposed to do. More confused, Riiya looks at his mother. Fuuko holds her mouth.
"Dad, wait. Where are you going?" Riiya called as he senses that something is going wrong. He chases on him
Tokiya just kept ignoring him. Then...he actually left...and Riiya kept chasing him until he got out of sight.
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Riiya stares at the television. Fuuko slowly crept to his side. Riiya didn't even budge. He just kept staring at nowhere. Fuuko looks down as she felt like crying again.
"So how's school?" Fuuko asked as if she's talking to an elderly.
"Where is Dad going to?" Riiya asked back.
"I don't know," she answered.
"When will he come home?"
"I don't know,"
Silence.
Riiya approaches his mother and hugs her.
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Recca is watching Fuuko as she plays her hands around the coffee cup.
"You're getting too fond of coffee, Fuuko," he said.
"I drink this when I feel nervous," she said.
Recca snickers. Fuuko looks up at him.
"Silly. Coffee will make you feel more nervous," he said.
"Good..."
Recca looks at her, still wearing a smile.
"...'cause I was just waiting for a stroke..."
Recca's smile turned to frown.
"...then I won't feel any pain anymore because I'm unconscious and-"
"Shut up," he ordered.
Fuuko falls a tear.
"What the hell are you crying for now?" Recca whined.
"This is wrong, Recca..." she said.
"What?"
"...we're defying the rules too much. We're hurting so many people-"
"If you don't have anything nice to say, just shut up!" Recca said.
"-we shouldn't continue this. We might-"
Recca slams a hand on the table, making the glasses on top fall.
"I said 'shut up'!" Recca yelled.
Fuuko trembled but kept her calm. Another tear falls from her eye. She bit her lip.
Silence. Recca stares at her.
"Two reasons..." he said. Fuuko listens to him but kept her head low.
"What people say about us...doesn't really matter. They don't know what's really going on between us. No one knows, understand? So if you give up...then it's like you're telling them that they're right," he said. "I won't let that happen. I want everyone to know what's true,"
Fuuko looks at him.
"That's one. And two...well...I just don't want to have any regrets later," he said.
She just stares at him. He's looking straightly in her eyes.
"That's why I keep on loving you,"
Fuuko was touched by Recca's words.
"And I want Riiya to know everything," he added.
Fuuko astonishes. She shakes her head.
"No. Don't do that!" she said in a raising voice.
Recca just stared at Fuuko.
She slams her fists on the table.
"He doesn't need to know! His Dad is Tokiya!" she shrieked out of anxiety.
"What did you just say?" Recca asked out of astonishment.
Fuuko's tears flow freely down on her face like an endless rain.
"You can't just come and break into our lives. Can't you understand that I'm married, Recca? The bloodline may be yours, but who Riiya is now is all because of Tokiya. He sacrificed a lot of things to raise him. Even though he knew Riiya is not his," she said faintly.
"I don't care," Recca said.
"What?"
"Why do you always blame me for everything that happened to you and Tokiya?"
"I'm not blaming you-"
"Look here. I'm not interfering with anyone's life," said Recca. "I'm just taking back what's supposed to be mine,"
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After being left alone on the coffee shop, Fuuko went her own way home.
Recca's words kept rewinding on Fuuko's head. As she thinks about that, her eyes kept staring at nowhere.
"How can he say that? He was not there on those years," she thought. Flashback memories came to her about Tokiya.
"You don't have to take these burdens alone, Fuuko...You have me...and if you'll accept me...I'll marry you..." Tokiya once told her.
Fuuko hides her face with her hand to hide the heavy tears falling from her eyes.
"Oh, Tokiya...you gave up your youth just because you want me to be happy..."
She wipes her face.
"How can you ignore his sacrifices, Recca? Don't you know what it feels like to watch someone sacrifice himself for your own good?"
The bus stopped. Fuuko gets out. She finds Koganei right on the bus stop.
"Hey, Man-Lady!" he greeted.
Fuuko ignored what he said and just replied with a wave of her hand. Koganei raises a brow at her. The bus leaves.
"Hey, Fuuko. What's the matter?" he asked, keeping up pace with her.
"Wha-" Fuuko looks at him. "Koganei...why are you still here?"
"What?"
"Weren't you..." Fuuko sighs. "Oh, nothing,"
She continues her walk. Slowly, this time. Koganei follows her.
"So...something bugging you?" Koganei asked.
"Nothing," she replied.
Silence. Koganei just stares at her. He looks away and puts his hands at the back of his head.
"You know what I've been thinking..." he says.
"What?"
"I think I could agree at what the others say that you look more and more beautiful these days, Fuuko,"
"What was that?" she looks at Koganei out of surprise. "To whom are you referring to? Huh?"
"Well...one is Domon...and Kagerou-san...then there's Ganko...and Yanagi-neesan...of course, Tokiya...and then, the most annoying person who keeps saying that over and over..."
Fuuko stares at him, thrilled of knowing the last person.
"...Recca," he said, looking at her.
"Oh..." she said, as if disappointed.
"When he first said that, I already felt that something's going on with him," he said. "Then...it actually happened,"
"What do you mean by that?" she said.
Koganei puts his hands down to his pockets.
"Everything...temptations, disappointments, hesitations...that sorts of things, right?" he said.
"Hmp, you talk like you know everything," she said.
"You can be right about that. I really don't like saying these kinds of stuff. It's pretty boring," he said. "I just wanna let you know something,"
"What, wise boy?" she said.
"I kinda miss the Fuuko who has a tough personality," he said.
Fuuko ceased hearing him say that. Koganei turns to look at her.
Silence.
Fuuko rolls her eyes, concealing her emotions, and continues her walk. He, feeling annoyed, follows her with a gaze.
"You should stop doing that, Fuuko," he said.
"Okay. What's wrong with walking?"
"Nothing. It's just that you keep avoiding having this conversation," he said.
Fuuko was surprised.
"And what made you say that?" she said, as if there's nothing wrong.
"You keep pretending you're still your old self when, in fact, your old self is fading away in your personality,"
"Okay...now you're really pretending to be the wise guy here,"
"We already knew what's been going on between you and Recca so stop pretending!" he yelled.
Fuuko's eyes widened.
"You're the one who makes things worse, don't you know that?" he said.
"What did you just say?"
"Fuuko...if you really wanted to stay with Tokiya for the rest of your life, why'd you let Recca get in your lives?" he said.
"Now it's me who's wrong?" she said in a high tone of voice. "You're all annoying!"
Koganei gets annoyed. He chases her and went in front of her.
"Can you hear yourself now? Look at you; you're blaming things to others. You're not like this. You used to take responsibility to what mistake you have caused. You're useless, irresponsible, selfish, weak-"
"That's it. Now I'm mad!"
"Good. You agree with me,"
"WHAT? AGREE WITH WHAT, YOU DELINQUENT!"
Koganei just watched her. Fuuko is glaring at him.
"The moment you left is the moment that he loved you, didn't you know that? And that's what made things change,"
Fuuko astonishes.
"You didn't know that? That's pity. Then you didn't realize that you gave him many opportunities on you? Which also proves that you...are actually deceiving Tokiya?"
Fuuko gasps hearing his words. Her eyes felt like crying again. But this time, she falls apart. She fell on her knees.
"Do you know what made Tokiya get so mad? Koganei said.
Fuuko froze.
"If you're thinking that discovering Riiya's real father is the cause, well you're wrong. Tokiya knew that Riiya is your son to Recca He told Domon, only Domon, about that. He knew no one would know if he tells him, but I was there, listening. He said he had watched the video on Recca's 17th birthday and proved that he was Riiya's father...but he ignored that fact and continued loving you because he trusts you. He believes that you would always be faithful to him,"
Fuuko starts to cry profoundly.
"The reason he got angry was because-"
"That's it. You've really gone too far, Koganei!" Recca yelled.
Fuuko and Koganei turn to him. Fuuko has a surprised and depressed look on her face. Koganei stared at him.
"The reason he got angry was because he saw you on the night of Riiya's birthday. Recca hugged you and you were both all passionate and loving to each other," Koganei said, still staring at Recca.
Koganei turned to Fuuko.
"And that's why he challenged Recca to a duel," Koganei stated. Fuuko, realizing that, pictured in her mind all the things that he was talking about.
"Shut up now!" Recca yelled, casting out flames in his arm. Koganei prepares himself for defense.
"Stop it!" Fuuko screamed desperately.
Recca and Koganei watch her fall apart in her own emotions.
Silence
"I'm sorry...Fuuko...I just wanted to-"
"What's your apology for, Koganei? You've already hurt her!" Recca yelled.
Koganei looks at him and looks down.
Silence.
"I'm sorry, Fuuko." Koganei said and left.
Recca followed him with glare. Then gazes at Fuuko. Fuuko was still crying; she has her hands on her face then a hand come in front of her.
"Let's get you home now," Recca said looking serious.
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Because Fuuko was too shocked to walk straightly, Recca carried her on his back. Recca is quiet.
"Recca..." Fuuko called.
Recca didn't respond.
"Recca..." she called again.
No answer.
"Re...cca..." she called shakily.
"If you cry, even a single tear, you will never see me ever again," he said.
Fuuko gasps and accidentally fell a tear down to his cheek. Recca froze. He was surprised. Out of anxiety, she began trembling unconsciously and caused her to slowly slide down from his back. After a while, he raises her back comfortably on his back and he continued his walk.
Fuuko slowly slides her hands to his cheek and wipes it.
Silence. They finally reached her house.
Recca drops her to the ground. She stares at him from behind.
"MOM! UNCLE RECCA!" Riiya called from behind.
They turn to face him. Riiya, with his cheerful face, runs towards them. As he finally got close, he immediately pulls his Mom to kiss her on the cheek and then hugs Recca on his waist.
"Hey, little brat," Recca said calmly with a smile.
"I missed you, Uncle Recca," he said.
"What? But it was only 3 days ago when we last saw each other," Recca said.
"Come on, let's play!" Riiya said pulling Recca towards the house.
"Hey, wait. You see...Uncle has to do something," Recca excused.
"No. Work later, play now!" he said cheerfully.
"But I-" Recca tried to excuse but he was pulled away to the house.
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Fuuko stands by the threshold of the Riiya's room, looking in the bed where Recca and Riiya are sleeping. Recca has his arm underneath Riiya's head and his other hand is holding a book. Riiya is also holding the book. He has his head leaning on Recca's chest.
A picture of a father and son that would make any wife sigh and smile. But for Fuuko, it's a mixture of hurt and happiness. She felt sad seeing the same scene wherein Tokiya was the one who's taking care of Riiya.
Recca budges to the edge of the bed, shrugging him to wake. He woke up and catches the door closing.
Fuuko walks away quietly as she decided to have a cup of coffee.
The door behind suddenly opened.
Fuuko paused.
Recca walks pass her.
"Recca," she called, grasping his arm.
Recca turns.
Fuuko freezes, staring at him. Recca stares.
"I have to go," he said.
"Okay," she said.
He approaches and makes their distance shorter. Fuuko is still at her pace. Her eyes are looking at the embossed bone on his neckline.
"Is there something you wanted to tell me?" he asked.
"It's nothing. It'll just annoy you again," she said.
"Tell me," he said, as if demanding.
Fuuko sighs.
"Back then...When Koganei confronted me about what's happening between us and Tokiya, I realized...that he was right...and I just want to say sorry to you because I've always put the blame on you when, in fact, I'm the one who caused all these things and became self-pitiful...and weak...you...you always stand up for me because you knew...that this is what I really wanted...to have you...with Riiya...for you to love me...I don't want to cry anymore but...I keep crying...because I know I'm guilty...I'm so sorry...for hurting you the same way that I hurt Tokiya...I...I caused you all pain...I made everyone cry...you all sacrificed...you, Tokiya, Yanagi, Domon...I'm so sorry..."
Fuuko sobs.
"I'm sorry for making you love me...If only I didn't do that, you wouldn't have been experiencing any of this...you might've not suffered...you might've not needed to fight alone...to remain in love with-"
A teardrop fell on her cheek. Fuuko gasps, shutting up all the words she'll say.
"Stop..." he whispered.
"Re...cca?" she called shakily, raising her chin slowly.
Recca ceases her to look at his face by holding her cheek.
"Everything that I do, is not your fault. Okay? So stop..." he whispered.
"You're crying...I never saw you cry..." she said. Another tear dropped to her face. Then another.
"And you won't see me cry...ever," he said.
Fuuko's hands raises, gripping his shirt.
"So be strong for me...I'll make everything alright again. I don't want to see you cry again, you got that?" Recca said.
Fuuko nods.
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Riiya comes home from school. Late as it is. He's getting worried that he might get scolded by his mother.
"Why am I worried about that? Mom doesn't speak to me these days. She's so quiet," he thought. "Especially when Dad went away,"
He runs to his home. When he got home, he found Recca looking in the house. He paused.
"Uncle Recca?" he called.
Recca turned and flashed a smile when he saw him.
"Hey kiddo," he greeted.
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Riiya invited him to watch TV. He joined him but Recca just stared at the little boy sitting on the floor in front of him. Fuuko caught them that way. Her heart begins to ache again for Recca, but she just promised him not to cry again.
"I kinda miss the Fuuko who has a tough personality...
...You keep pretending you're still your old self when, in fact, your old self is fading away..."
Koganei's words rewinds up in her mind.
"So...what would my old self do in a situation like this?" she thought. "Tough, huh?" she recalls the moments that Recca had a fight with Yanagi because he keeps secrets from her and, most of the time, Recca comes to her for advice and she always tell him. "Then tell him, you idiot. What makes you think she's too dumb to understand that? You were able to tell me, then why can't you tell her?"
"Right," she said to herself in her mind.
"Riiya," she called.
Recca and Riiya turn to her.
"Can you come here for a while?" she said and walks away.
Recca got surprised.
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NOTE: i love you, readers...(--,)...