AN: I own nothing of Supernatural. It owns me!

Chapter 11 – Not Strong Enough

And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right.

Even if I try to win the fight, my heart would overrule my mind.

And I'm not strong enough to stay away.

- Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica –

Singer Salvage yard, two weeks later…

Bobby Singer stared out of his kitchen window, the mug of coffee in his hands forgotten. The brothers were away on a potential demon case, but he was not worried about them, they were more than capable to handle themselves. It was Raven that he was concerned about. Something was bothering the poor kid and no matter how hard he tried to get her to talk it only made her more distant. She refused flat out to join the boys on their new case. First he thought maybe something happened between her and Dean to upset her this much. He wasn't blind and could see that Dean had feelings for Raven. He cornered the boy and was about to give him a piece of his mind for breaking her heart, but the poor boy was just as confused and anxious. All they knew was that Zachariah had something to do with it and Raven was not saying a word.

Raven was outside practicing with her bow and arrow. She had put up targets all over the salvage yard and was making her way around the rusted bodies of old cars stacked on each other, hitting each target dead center. This was her way of coping, her way of driving the guilt and sorrow away. Her thoughts travelled back to two nights ago.

The brothers and Bobby were in the kitchen, drinking some beers, the conversation light. Dean switched over to whiskey and after about three stiff shots the crap hit the fan.

Raven walked into the kitchen and switched on the kettle, ignoring everyone in the room like she had been doing the past week. She spent her days up in her room behind a closed door or target practicing outside. Dean was already in a bad mood since they learned that they had a brother and the fact that he was unable to save him from being killed by ghouls. He was a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any second. Raven's attitude and silence was just the last straw.

"You know what? I'm sick and tired of your constant silence and being ignored like the plague all the time. We are going to have a little talk, right now!" Dean hissed and with that he grabbed Raven by the arm and dragged her out through the back door, slamming the door hard behind them. Bobby and Sam shared a surprised look. Hell was about to break loose and neither of them were willing to stick their heads in that bee hive.

"Dean Winchester! Let go of me or I swear I will … I will…" Raven protested as she tried to free herself from his iron grip on her arm.

"Or you'll what?" Dean spat back as he swung her around to face him. His eyes were two pools of flaming green, frustration edged on his stoic face.

"You'll what, Ray?" He repeated. Raven tried again to pull herself away from him, but that only aggravated him even more and with one swift movement she found herself pressed hard against his chest. His face was mere inches away from her and she could feel his warm breath on her skin, the mixed smell off his aftershave and whiskey floating to her.

"Just… just let me go, please." She begged and started to relax in his grip. She was so tired. Tired of feeling guilty for her parents' death. Tired of fighting back the tears. Tired of feeling confused. Tired of everything.

Dean noticed as the anger drained from her eyes and pain settled in them. Damn it! What the fuck did Zachariah do to her or say to her to upset her this much? Why wouldn't she let him help her? Why the hell did it bother him so much? He pulled her into a tight hug and let out a long sigh. He stroked her hair softly with his one hand, his chin resting on top of her head. No matter how hard he tried to deny it, he knew why he cared so much. He closed his eyes and the sweet smell of her shampoo lingered in the air around him. He loved her. He loved her with every breath he took. Seeing her like this was killing him slowly. He had to know what happened; because he couldn't take it anymore. How was he supposed to keep her save if he didn't even know what was going on. He pushed her away slightly and stared back at her eyes swimming in unshed tears.

"Please tell me what's going on?" He whispered as he traced his thumb over her soft cheek.

"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore." She breathed out as a tear slipped down her cheek.

He hated to see her so broken. His eyes slipped to her quivering lips. He just wanted to take away all the pain. Wanted to let her know that she was not alone in this, that he loved her and will never let anything happen to her. That he will protect her, fight for her to the end.

"Damn it, Ray, stop pushing me away!" He said and without another thought he captured her lips with his. He could taste the salt of her tears on her lips trembling underneath his.

Raven pushed him away from her with all the strength she could master, her chest heaving up and down as she tried to catch her breath. How could he do this? This was exactly why she was keeping her distance. She didn't want him to care about her. She couldn't let anyone care about her again.

"Ray, I …" Dean started, but she didn't give him the chance to finish. She didn't wanna hear it.

"No!" She exclaimed and stormed off towards the house, leaving behind a confused and rejected Dean Winchester, alone in the dark night.

Raven pushed the memories out of her mind as she rounded another corner and without hesitation shot the next arrow at its target. She froze in her steps as her arrow was caught in mid air by a hand. She lowered her bow slowly with a surprised expression on her face.

"Hello, love. Long time no see."

"Crowley!" Raven hissed between clenched teeth as she reached for another arrow.

"Oh, come on, love! No need to get all antagonistic." Crowley said with his hands held in the air. "Just here for a little chit-chat."

"Do I look remotely interested in anything you have to say?" Raven offered as she raised her bow again, aiming straight for the King of the Crossroad's heart.

"Well, no. But I thought…" Crowley started but was cut off mid-sentence.

"I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?"

Crowley let out a chuckle as he lowered his hands to his sides. "Really, love? Sarcasm is so not you."

"Sarcasm is just one more service I offer." Raven replied with a smug expression. "What do you want, Crowley?"

"I was just curious to know if you figured out the reason for that little spell keeping your true powers at bay. Maybe even offer my assistance in getting rid of it?" Crowley said with a big grin on his face.

Raven stared at him for a few seconds before she burst into laughter. The smile on Crowley's face disappeared and he stared back at the laughing woman, flabbergasted.

"Like I said before, I'm not interested. Hell, I don't even give a damn about this so called powers or spell-barrier thing that everyone seems to be going on about." Raven said and a serious expression settled on her face before she continued. "I'm done playing other peoples sad sinister games. I'm tired of being pushed around like a chess piece to help save the world from the pending apocalypse. So, save your breathe and leave me alone!"

Crowley stared back at her, too stunned to say anything. This was not what he expected to find when he learned that Raven was not traveling with the Winchesters anymore. This was a totally different person standing in front of him from the last time he saw her. She looked tired, dark circles under her eyes lightly visible, her shoulders slightly slumped forward, her whole body tense. The look in her eyes one of someone that had lost her will to fight lost all hope, too broken to carry on. It was too late. The pieces were falling into place. The grant plan was set into motion and nothing that he offered or said now, would make any difference, it was only a matter of time before all hell would break loose. So it's back to the drawing board for him. He would have to find another way to win her over to his side. He couldn't afford to have her as an enemy. That would be disastrous.

"Well, I guess that's my queue to leave then. Till next time, love." With that Crowley disappeared into thin air.

Raven lowered the bow and leaned against a pile of stacked cars, closing her eyes and concentrating on her breathing in an attempt to calm her nerves. She was exhausted and the lack of sufficient sleep was beginning to take its toll.

The faint familiar rumble of a car's engine jolted her back to reality. The brothers were back. She was not ready to face Dean after what happened two nights ago. She didn't have the strength to deal with the hurt look in his eyes. He reached out to her, laid his heart bare, which was something Dean Winchester seldom did. And what did she do? She pushed him away, let him believe that she didn't care. That she didn't need him. She lied to him without blinking an eye. She lied to herself. She cared and she needed him more than she even could fathom. But she had to do it. Everyone she cared about, everyone that cared about her, died.

The flutter of wings brought her back from her depressing thoughts. She could feel his presence beside her, the air around her filled with his energy and power.

Castiel.

Her heart fluttered in her chest. The memory of his electrifying blue eyes, his soft lips and strong arms around her running through her mind like wild horses.

"Hello, Ravenna."

She turned to him slowly, her down casted eyes traveled from his hands in his coat's pockets to his slightly turned head. Her breath caught in her throat when she met his gaze. The mixed look of concern and yearning almost making her heart stop. Her body began trembling on its own accord.

"Cas." She managed to whisper, her mouth suddenly as dry as a desert.

Castiel didn't miss the flash of sadness in her eyes. His heart was racing in his chest. He wanted to see her so bad during these past two weeks, but his heavenly duties kept him far too busy. The seals were breaking fast and no matter how hard he and his brothers and sisters fought they couldn't do much. But in his darkest hours of despair and hopelessness he drew his strength from the sweet memory of her beautiful face. When he kneeled beside the bodies of his dead brothers and sisters that he lost during the battle, it was the thought of her lips against his that drove him to fight harder, to not give up. He waited in anticipation for the moment to see her again.

With one swift movement Castiel pulled her into his arms and crashed his lips against hers. Her fingers weaved through his dark hair as she pushed her warm body even closer to his. She just wanted to feel this moment, loose herself completely in the bliss of the closeness and safeness in his arms. A single tear slowly slid down her cheek. This might be the last time and the thought was breaking her heart into a million pieces. She knew time was running out. They were all fighting a losing battle and it would only take a miracle to save them all. But she would do everything in her power to keep them save, even if she had to lay down her life in the end. They were the people she loved, her family.

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AN: Angst! It's killing me! First – I apologize for only updating now. My damn laptop decided to go all crazy on me (I think it was possessed by a demon!) and I had to send it in to be fixed and only got it back this week. Second – Thanks a million to diimortalis, CristinaWinchester and XRoseMoriartyX for your wonderful reviews. XRoseMoriartyX you've got me thinking now about a ship name for Raven and Cas. Mmmmhhhh!? Dark and evil things to come….. That's all I'm gonna say.

For everyone else that read favorited and followed – you guys are all my angels send from above.

Cookies and hugs for you all!