IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR SOCIETY'S CAVITY: UPDATE YOUR DAMN STORY.
Oh, and I love you and want to bear your children.
)
I have discovered something amazingly awesome.
Pip is the name of the main character of the book Great Expectations.
And I thought to myself "DUH!" because there was the whole South Park episode about him and...duh.
But damn, Great Expectations is an enjoyable read just because South Park Pip is based off of Great Expectations Pip.
Heehee.
Ima dork.
Disclaimer: Homedogs, I like totally muthafucking own this fine piece of ass called South Park, just like I fucking own G-Unit, South Pole, and those funny looking gang bandanas. Don't be hatin' on my muthafucking ownage!
Chapter 10 - Stowaway
What a chilly day it was, Pip mused to himself as he pulled his slighty tattered shirt around him. He needed some money so that he could buy a jacket, but Pip had no job to speak of so it would be a bit difficult for him to actually be able to do that. And of course, Pip had much too much pride (and utter timidness) to ever ask Damien to buy him one. "It's not too cold, I'm used to much worse," Pip decided.
School had not been enjoyable for him. Damien had stayed home that day, leaving Pip to his lonely lonesome. And Pip, no matter how much he didn't want to admit it, could not deal with being alone at school. Sure, he knew he'd see Damien later, and it wasn't as though he missed him or anything (at least, not too utterly terribly...).
Pip just couldn't deal with the kids that had realized that since his "guard-dog" had mysteriously disappeared, Pip was completely open.
And Pip had had to deal with many a kid. Firstly, arriving to school (after having to walk), Joe Gargery and his pals decided to put, not a snake in his boot, but an iguana. And what an iguana it was. Then, Cartman and Kyle and Kenny and Stan, at lunch, had all ganged up on him. And poured orange juice down his shirt. There was one bully (who Pip could not remember the name of for this life of him) who walked by Pip between every single one of his classes and found it insanely amusing to trip the poor British boy, who then would get trampled underneath the feet of the students rushing to their next class.
And so, Pip realized with paticularly low spirits, he now sported a black eye and approximately thirty bruises, big and small, hidden by clothing.
So, with a dark shroud of gloom laying thickly over his head, he set out to walk back "home", where hopefully he wouldn't get inquired too dreadfully much about his numerous wounds. At least my bad day can't get too much awfully worse...
And then Mr. Withers decided it would be a good idea to suspend him from school for two weeks.
"PIP!" an angry sounding voice bellowed. Pip knew that voice from his plentiful (and painful) encounters with it. Pip sighed and turned around, wishing Mr. Withers gone. No such luck, however, when the burly vice principal lumbered up to him and grabbed him by the back of the neck. "My office. NOW," said Mr. Withers in such a way that Pip feared for his life, and for once, he actually had something to live for.
Mr. Withers dragged Pip to that hard blue chair by his ear, and then threw him down roughly into the seat. Pip didn't even bother to apologize; it didn't ever work with Mr. Withers. Besides, he didn't even know what he had done.
"Pip...I have had it up to HERE with you!" Mr. Withers yelled, and raised his hand to a point above his head emphasizing the "here". "I always knew you were a troublemaker, but this is TOO FAR!"
Pip couldn't decide whether it was getting beaten up or getting beaten up that had gotten him in trouble, because getting beaten up was all he had really done all day.
Mr. Withers seemed to get even more infuriated with Pip when he didn't respond. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Erm...it was an accident?"
"Oh, so you accidentally threatened to bring a GUN onto school premises and shoot our dear Eric Cartman in the head?? IS THAT IT?"
Pip's eyes quite literally expanded. "I did no such thing!" he protested. "I would never threaten that! I don't even own a gun!"
"Har har har! You're not getting away with your tomfoolery this time! You are suspended for TWO WEEKS!"
Pip didn't think that he'd heard right for a second. "Uhm...sorry, what was that?"
"I said, you're suspended for two weeks!"
And that's how Pip's bad day could, quite awfully, get worse.
So, Pip arrived at the house in the darkest of spirits, wishing he could just sleep his pain away. He sighed and opened the door, tossing his backpack unceremoniously in the corner of the entryway, next to the coat rack. "What a miserable day this has been!" he remarked to the coat rack. Damien was surely going to wish Pip to do something quite exceedingly difficult and active, like Twister, or perhaps cleaning his room for him. Pip often wondered if Damien only kept him around for the amusing entertainment he seemed to provide.
Pip heard voices coming from down the hall. They're talking about it again, thought Pip irritably. It seemed every other second that they were talking about something quite secret, and they would stop whenever Pip entered the room. Pip wished he had the courage to ask Damien what they were conferring about, but he was sure it was nothing that he really needed to butt into, so there was no point to ask.
Pip walked in the direction of the voices, wondering if he could get away with eavesdropping. Of course, he'd never been able to before, because Jesus was always able to sense when he was near.
"We have to leave soon!" said Jesus. His tone of voice revealed that he was scared, but so determined at the same time, to leave to wherever they were going.
Wait, leave?
"Jesus, I think we have a little more time..." Damien's voice said hesitantly. He actually sounded...uncertain. Pip had only heard Damien uncertain once ever before.
"No, Jesus is right. We have to hurry before"-
"Before the ice cream parlor is closed!" Jesus cut in. Pip sighed. He'd been sensed. Damien walked out of the room, sighed with a bit of irritation, and asked whether Pip wanted to go get some ice cream.
"Sure..."
And so, Pip and Damien walked out of the house and down to the nearest ice cream parlor. Pip fidgeted, and finally said, "Damien, we don't have to get any ice cream, it's obvious you don't want any..."
"No, I want some."
As such, they entered the CoolRock Icery, and Damien ordered Pip a Triple Decker Peanut Butter Extravaganza Galore with Extra Chocolate, after Pip had said, "only just a small plain vanilla cone please!"
They sat down at one of the small tables, Damien with his Employee Charlie's Special: Candy Mountain, Pip with his Triple Decker Peanut Butter Extravaganza Galore with Extra Chocolate.
"So...how was staying home?" ventured Pip, for their awkward silence had reigned for about five minutes while they stuffed their faces with CoolRock perfection.
"It was fine."
"Oh."
More silence.
"How was school?" Damien inquired with a mouth full of a large Candy Corn.
"Erm...ok." Miserable.
Damien nodded, not demanding any further answers.
Pip licked a Peanut Butter Cup from the top of the pile of cream.
Damien chewed his Candy Corn.
Pip slurped up some chocolate.
More silence.
"Oh, I got suspended for two weeks," Pip said as casually as he possibly could.
-Cough, Spit, Gag- "What??"
Pip nodded.
"What the fuck did you do?"
"Well, according to Cartman (I'm supposing), I threatened to bring a gun to school and shoot him."
Damien gave him a very deadpan look.
"Which, I didn't, of course!" Pip hastily added, not wishing for Damien to get mad at him on top of all the other crap that had happened during this dreadful day.
"Why not?"
Pip was about to explain how if he had he'd have gotten in trouble when he realized that Damien had been making a joke. "Er...well, still. I didn't do it, but Mr. Withers didn't believe me, so now I am in a heap of trouble..."
"That is completely sucky."
"But, your father doesn't need to worry, for I will stay out of the house as much as I can so I'm not a bother!"
"You don't need to do that," Damien said, laughing somewhat hesitantly. "Because...we won't be in the house..."
Pip inqured as to what that meant.
"It means that we're going on a trip," Damien replied.
"A trip? What kind of trip?"
Damien looked like he was having a horrible inner conflict with himself. "Erm, it's just a family reunion type thing," he finally responded.
"What kind of family reunion?"
"The kind where your family reunites!" Damien snapped. "Anyways, I don't know how long we'll be gone. A month, maybe?"
"A month at most?" Pip asked.
"No, more like at the least. If worst comes to worst, it could be a year!"
Pip's eyes widened considerably. "A year?? But...what will I do? I mean...uhm...where is this reunion at?" Pip knew better than to be so selfish as to only care about how he'd live while Damien was gone. If they wanted him to move back into his box, then so be it.
"What do you mean what will you do? You'll live in our house while we're gone and make sure nothing robs, spindles, or mutilates our house while we're away."
"I'll live there?" Pip immediately thought that was a bad idea. His 'friends' from school would most certainly follow him from school and rob, spindle, or mutilate the suburban home.
"Yeah...we aren't gonna send you back to the street! No matter how much Sarah would appreciate that..."
Pip nodded thoughtfully, already planning his route home from school as soon as he was allowed back so that no one might follow him.
"When are you leaving?" Pip wondered.
"Erm...tomorrow?"
"WHAT?"
The whole rest of the day was spent packing. It was almost like when Jesus and co. had moved in, only it seemed more like they were moving out. Which, since they were going to be gone for a year (at most), it kind of was like they were moving out. Sarah, of course, employed Pip to be her packer, and he folded all her clothes neatly into her various suitcases. He was rewarded with a few smacks on his poor blonde head, to which he cursed ("Bloody hell!") and ran out of the room.
Pip could not get Damien to open up about this trip he was taking at all. "Where is it at?" Pip had asked.
"Er...Hungaria," Damien replied.
Pip frowned. "Isn't that in Europe?"
"Sure..."
-5 minutes later...Pip has a realization-
"HEY! Hungaria isn't even a country!"
To which Damien had replied with a mysterious, "Oh, I think otherwise."
Pip tried many more inquiries as well, but Damien didn't want to give him any straight answers.
"How are you traveling there?"
"Oh, in a vehicle of some sort, I'm assuming."
"Who are you staying with?"
"Somebody."
"How long are you going to be gone?"
"I've already gone over that."
"How do you not know how long you're going to be gone?!?"
"Oh, just a good guess."
Pip was getting fed up (and slighty freaked out) with Damien. What if Damien never came back? What if they were going down to hell and Damien just didn't want to have to explain it to him?
That night, everything was packed and put in the living room, close to the entryway, so that it might be taken out to their cars the next morning. Pip stared at the mass of suitcases and felt a pang in his heart.
Damien was leaving.
Of course, it's not as though I really care or anything... Pip thought. I mean, he's coming back...I hope...I need to toughen up, I can't be such a baby about everything all the time! I don't care that Damien is leaving, and that's that!
"What??"
Pip realized he'd said that last sentence quite out loud. "Er...nothing!"
Damien glared in a somewhat perturbed way.
Pip sighed in a somewhat humiliated way.
Pip could not fall asleep that night.
"Hurry up!" Sarah's shrill voice rang through the house. "You're moving way too slow!"
She was, of course, talking to Pip, whom she had forced into transporting her bags into the car she would be riding in. Pip carried as many as he could without breaking his back, but of course, he was moving way too slow.. "Carry faster!" Sarah said, with a decently painful kick to his backside.
Damien glared in Sarah's direction and lightened some of Pip's load. "Here buddy, lemme help you with Sarah's bags," he said, looking directly at Sarah as he said this. "Because Sarah's bags need to be in the car RIGHT NOW, or else the world will explode, right Sarah?"
"Right!" The contempt had clearly bounced right off of her.
Getting everybody's bags into the car was a difficult task indeed, for quite a few (coughcoughSarahcoughcough) felt like they needed to be first. It was a riot of messy shoving and pushing, and Pip swore that he was bleeding after he pushed his way back through the pit of people.
"FUCK!"
"My arm!"
"Watch where you're going!"
"FUCK!"
Such was the family.
Soon enough, everything was ready. Pip could barely fight the tears that had welled up in his eyes. He was going to be all alone again, only this time, it wasn't merely because nobody liked him, but because the only person who liked him had gone 58984029 miles away. (Pip didn't quite believe that anyone in the family but Damien liked him all that much.) The two cars that everyone had been stuffed into were quite literally stuffed, and Pip noted with discomfort that Sarah and Damien were squished together in the back seat of one of them. Oh pshaw! Pip said to himself, attempting to not look at them.
"Okay Pip, we'll be on our way now," said Satan, who was the only one who hadn't yet gotten into the car, as he'd be driving. "Darling, you be safe alright! No talking to strangers, no letting strangers into the house, no making strangers a 5-course meal, no making strangers an 8-course meal, no making strangers a 17.5 course meal, no"-
"Okay, I quite understand," Pip interrupted. "Erm...bye now," he said awkwardly.
Satan then did something Pip was absolutely not expecting. He gave Pip a big hug, right around the shoulders. "Dearie, you're just as much my son as Damien is, so please, do remember that I worry..."
Pip was shocked. He had never been hugged before, at least, not that he could remember clearly. And surely there was no way Satan actually thought of him as a son. He was no way near good enough to be someone's son... "Erm...okay...I'll be good! And I won't trash your house!"
Satan gave Pip a last pat on the back, and then let go. He got in the car, turned on the engine, as well as Jesus did in his car. Pip watched with agony as both cars drove away. Away. Gone. Leaving. The last sight Pip had of Damien was him waving at Pip through the back window. Pip barely had the heart to wave back, but he did so anyway. His soul felt somewhat detached from his body, like he wasn't even really there.
They were gone.
Pip walked back into the house, emotionless, feeling more numb than anything. I guess this is what it's like to be emo, Pip mused to himself. He was about to go plop down on the couch and just sit, mulling over his utter loneliness (even though they had just left), when he noticed something.
One of Sarah's bags had been left behind.
It was not a fancy bag, in any way shape or form. It was just large, probably the largest suitcase that any of the family had. It was brown, and brown. Just brown. And, Pip noted with an amused giggle, he could probably fit into it.
Now wouldn't that be a funny sight! Pip laughed to himself, amazed that something could make him laugh even though he was so miserable/numb. Yeah, I could probably just stuff myself in there...and no one would even notice...I could even be like a spy, and hide away...wouldn't that be nice...
And in that instant, Pip found himself rapidly unzipping the bag. He didn't know what he was doing, or why the hell he was doing it. All he knew was that Sarah was sure to realize that one of her bags had been left behind, and she would want to come back and retrieve it. Soon. Pip wondered why Sarah had chosen such a large suitcase for so few items, for there was not much inside of the bag. Pip shrugged, not really caring, jumped inside, and zipped it from the inside as far as he could..
It's hot in here.
And, not 15 seconds later, Pip heard the front door slam open, and Sarah's voice reverberated through the living room. "PIP! Come here! Help me get my bag!" -pause- "PIP!" -another pause- "Oh fuck him," she finally said, and started dragging the bag out to the car. "He's probably crying anyways...Damien! Help me! This bag is heavy! Goddamn...help me get it into the car! Hey, what the hell are you doing?? Put it in the car, not under it! Goddamit Damien!"
Pip was quite jostled around by this occurence, and tried as hard as he could not to scream. Or puke. Finally, he deduced that he had been laid quite comfortably into the car that Sarah was in, and that they hadn't realized he was there.
Pip heard the car turn on.
He felt it rev up.
He knew they were driving away from South Park.
He was going with Damien to his family reunion.
What have I done???
So...
Whatcha think of that?
PipsiePip is very brave now isn't he?
Hahahahaha.
This chapter was a bit sucky, I admit.
But don't worry, next chapter I think will be better.
I think.
I'm pretty sure I know what's going on next chapter.
If you have...
THIS STORY ON ALERT: please review it.
FAVORITED THIS STORY: please review it.
DONE BOTH: please review it.
DONE NEITHER: please review it.
have a nice day!