i have been trying to update more often. i hope you like it.

The words were still ringing in her ears. "You're afraid". She wasn't afraid of anything. Why would she be? She went home to freshen up before heading off to the Palace. She had to see Chuck, face her 'fears' whatever that was. She put on a dress that was short but not short enough to be considered un-classy. She put on a pair of high heeled shoes she had just gotten from her mother. She wasn't sure what she was trying to do, impress Chuck? The thought sent shivers down her spine. She quickly got into the Waldorf town car and ordered the driver to the Palace. On the way there she watched as New York's streets passed her by. Usually, she sat back in her car and thought of herself as a lot higher than them, but this time she watched. Mothers with their babies, fathers with their sons, it all seemed like everybody had a perfect life but her. She watched as kids ran into their parents' arms after school, holding them tightly, fathers playing with their sons, and boy and girls holding hands. She wished she could have had that when she was a kid. It suddenly hit her. She was afraid of abandonment. As a child she never really had a parent. Her mother was too preoccupied with her clothing line and her father was either working or with Harold. She didn't feel loved or wanted at any point in her life. This had built a shield around her whole world. Before she could get all her thoughts together the driver stopped the car. "We are here, Miss Waldorf" Blair looked up at the giant hotel. "Let's take this one step at a time" she thought.

She got out of the car and quickly straightened out her dress. She walked to the elevator and there was a man standing there as if waiting for her to get in. She hesitated before taking another step.

Blair stood frozen. It was not too long ago that she was here. What was stopping her? She took a few deep breaths, collected herself and stepped into the elevator. "Which floor Miss?"

She looked up at the man. "Penthouse" her voice was barely above a whisper. Her heart started beating even harder. Was she ready to face Chuck about her feelings? She rode the elevator up into the Bass penthouse. She examined the whole area before walking into Chuck's room. She hoped someone else wasn't in there with him. She wasn't prepared for that.
She knocked once, twice, finally on the third knock she heard Chuck yell out "I told you, Bart I will not try to 'woo' your colleague's daughter."

Blair's heart warmed. But what was he talking about? Bart is dead, right? RIGHT…? That thought seemed ridiculous to her as soon as it entered her mind. She opened the door and stood there. Chuck's eyes peeled away from his magazine and seemed glued on her. She felt her cheeks turn red as his stare went up and down her body. "Chuck, we need to talk"

He murmured "In that dress?" but it was more to himself than her and she decided to ignore it. "Chuck, what's wrong with you? Why did you act that way at Victrola?"

"Act like what?" he was very agitated.

"You just blew me off. You were rude. You're sending me mixed signals and…"

"I'm sending you mixed signals? I don't know what you want from me Blair. I basically saved your life"

"Why did you?"

This question caught him off guard.

"Because you're my friend, because I care about you…"

"Ok I see" She was hurt.

"Look Blair you're the one that has been ignoring me since you left. I don't understand what I did, but you're acting like…like…."

"You didn't do anything, Chuck"

"Then what is it?" his eyes looked at her searchingly. He was looking for the truth and she had to give it to him. The tables were turned and she didn't like it.

"I'm scared"

Chuck frowned and wrinkled his forehead. He got up from his bed and walked closer to Blair. He took her hands in his hands and looked her straight in the eye. "Scared of what?" He whispered. Was he using a seductive tone on purpose or was she just crazy?

"I haven't let anybody in, ever." Her voice came out uneven "I didn't know how to thank you. I hate being indebted to you." She was breaking down into sobs.

"You don't owe me anything, Blair. I need you to understand that."

He was such a nice person, to her, and she treated him badly. She knew that.

She laced her hands in his. Her hand was only half the size of his, it looked like it belonged to a child. She looked up one last time and was hypnotized by his stare. She started leaning in slowly, closer and closer. She could feel his uneven breath on her face. She closed her eyes and let her lips brush against his. He kissed her long and hard, as if he would never see her again. She wanted him closer she wanted him to embrace her. She curled into him until she was in his lap. He backed up and sat down on the bed. She readjusted herself so that she sat in his lap with her legs wrapped around him. She started kissing his neck, his face, everywhere. He started panting hard. She could feel his heart beating faster against his chest. That made her feel better, he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

"Blair, Blair..!"

"yes..?" She kept kissing him

"We can't do this."

She pulled away more confused than she ever had been.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're not ready. First you need to get over what happened to you.

"I'm over that. Jack hasn't contacted me at all."

He placed his forehead against hers "You're not ready" he whispered.

She disentangled herself from him and felt more ashamed than she ever had been. "Ok, Chuck. She got up and stormed away."

…

"Chuck is an ass!" Blair yelled at Serena.

"I already knew that, but what happened?"

Every time Blair saw Serena she was wrapped around somebody. Lately it had been Nate and she was getting more and more annoyed. True, she lived with Serena, but she couldn't get one good night of sleep without hearing them, she couldn't see her best friend without seeing Nate. She couldn't even talk to her alone without talking to Nate too.

"Can we talk alone, please?"

Serena looked confused, like always. "We are alone, B" Anything you want to say to me you can say to Nate, too."

"No I can't! You're forgetting Chuck and Nate used to be best friends! He could tell Chuck!"

Serena looked pissed off. "Nate, go home until I get there" She talked to him like he was her pet.

"Now, B, what is it that you couldn't say in front of Nate?"

"I was over at Chuck's yesterday."

"And…?"

"Well, I don't know what got into me and I started kissing him and he turned me down" Blair looked down ashamed.

"Blair, that's probably a normal reaction. He was the first to see you in your messed up state. He probably just doesn't want to send you back there. He's being a gentleman."

"I guess, so…"

Her phone started vibrating. She read her text. She looked up at Serena. "It's Eleanor, I have to go"

…

"Blair?" Eleanor's voice was high and shrill.

"Yes, mother?"

"Do you know how embarrassing it is for me that you are living with Serena and not me? Do you know what everybody thinks? Blair you're supposed to be a classy girl and how am I supposed to know what you're doing if you're constantly at Serena's? I forgave you for staying at Chuck's alone for the first 2 weeks or so because you were traumatized and didn't know any better. But this…"

"Mother, I am not coming back here for exactly this reason. I hate being yelled at and these days it seems that's what you do best." She turned around and stormed out again. Her mother was pissing her off even more than before.